112 thoughts on “please don’t drive like an asshole.”

1. The important lesson I learned from Mr. Jackson is to always be polite in traffic; you never know who’s got a laser-guided rocket launcher in a pop-up cupola, or linked minedroppers and an HDFOJ…
   Having driven in three major metroplexes on the West Coast, I’ve found that many of the drivers can be fit into a general local category. In the Seattle-Tacoma area, they don’t really know you’re there (and get apologetic when they cut you off).
   In San Diego, they know you’re there – they just don’t care.
   In the LA metroplex, they know you’re there – and they’re *not happy*.

2. Tried to post before & it wouldn’t work, so long story short: I’m glad you weren’t physically involved, Wil.
   Yesterday a jerk flew by me on the highway; I was doing 50mph (I know I was, I have cruise control) & he decides he’s more important than the rest of us, so he speeds by at about 70 or so on the shoulder!! What if I, or someone else, had been going to turn right (and of course not expected someone to speed by on the right)? What if there had been a bicyclist or pedestrian? I shudder to think… as my dad always says, be careful… the assholes are out tonight.
   -Alicia (@AliciaWag)

3. That’s a really scary close call. Good on ya for being an aware driver and reminding your son to be careful too.
   It’s weird, I’ve had more people almost switch lanes into me in the past few weeks than ever before. Luckily none of those have caused collisions.

4. In CA there really aren’t a high percentage of asshole drivers. Compared to pretty much any other city and sprawl as LA has.
   There is a lot of people so it seems to happen often.
   Try living in Oregon. Sheesh, these people have there heads up there asses. There is a complete lack of consistency. And Washington state? crap, these people seem to just go crazy at random times.
   Los Angles is generally consistent in their driving habits.
   Considering how many people seemed to stop and help, or call for help they don’t seem to be assholes.
   Oh, and good job Wil. If you don’t have any training to add and others are stopping, cautious getting out of the way is a big help.
   Oh, and your back issue might be a sign of a medical problem. See a doctor(M.D.), get an X-Ray. A nice message will help you feel better for a while, but it in no way treats the problem. Could just be a muscle issue, could be nerve issue.
   I saw a car serve to miss a sudden oncoming driver and watch a family go off a cliff once.
   35 feet, I’m standing looking down wondering if the people I can get to were dying. This was in ’86. No cell phones, the guy drove off no one on the road. closest stop, 12 miles away. I did it in 6 minutes. over 23 years later and my gut still tightens and tears come to my eyes. Shit.

5. Wil,
   PLEASE get Nolan into an advance driver training course, and not the kind the state teaches. I teach advance driver safety for the BMW Car Club here in Florida. I’m sure they have them in your area, too. A driver is only as good as the tools in his toolkit, and they cannot get that just sitting in a classroom or a few hours of regular driving.
   My “little brother” is 20 now and still driving the car he got at 15. Most of his male friends have wrapped their cars around something by now.
   I’ll be in LA for my honeymoon the week after July 4th (I emailed you about it.) If you would like I could give Nolan a lesson, I’m sure my wife would quite happy to allow it (especially if she gets to meet you.)

6. I’m very glad everyone is okay. Things don’t always turn out like that.
   This afternoon, I was at a funeral for a 3-year-old boy who was hit by a car and died instantly. Jack was with his big sister, big brother, and some cousins, walking from their grandparents’ house to go play in the park. On a busy road, traffic stopped to allow the kids to cross the street. One drive saw the 5 cars stopped in his direction and decided he didn’t want to wait; he pulled onto the shoulder to pass all the cars on the right. Jack, the youngest, was still on the shoulder and was hit. A few more inches to the right, and his six-year-old brother would’ve been hit as well (the two boys were inseparable until Jack was killed). A few more feet, and there would’ve been five or six children’s funerals.
   This is reminder to please slow down. If there are cars stopped, there’s a reason. Don’t go until you find out why. There is nothing so urgent that you can’t wait a few moments.
   Entirely too many people were in tears today, watching their little child be driven away in a hearse.
   The driver is being charged with vehicular homicide. That’s of little consolation to the grieving parents, family, and friends. Or to the men and women in the cars and the other children who witnessed it.

7. Since taking MSF Basic Riders Course, I’ve always thought people should be forced to ride a motorcycle for a year before getting a car license… It would make them all better drivers…
   Also, I find I’m much more relaxed on the Bike and WAY more focused… Of course, I stay off the interstate and take curvy highways all the time, so that helps…

8. DAMN! This is something for my boys to read. Especially the 13 year old trapped in a 16 year old’s body who thinks he knows what a 20 year old knows (and should be treated as such) whom the aliens have come and taken him away, magically overnight (about 3 weeks ago, I have the date circled on my calendar).
   Thankfully you are all right. Hopefully the van that got hit, those people are all right. Thankfully people actually stopped to try and help instead of just drive by and gawk, and I hope the idiot driver loses his license.

9. This is the kind of thing that regularly gets me when I’m driving on the road. Although I’ve only witnessed a couple of accidents take place in front of me, I’ve seen plenty after the fact, and the people that drive like they have the fires of Hell chasing them and cut back and forth are just begging for an accident or will cause one in their wake. This past week the daughter to a friend of mine lost her best friend in an auto accident and is all broken up about it. I witnessed an accident on a regular road one time and knew it was going to happen because of how the driver was driving. I kept my distance and when it happened, the young lady got out of the car all shook up and of course just completely surprised that it happened. I’m in a small town where everyone’s friendly (or was back then) so the people she crashed into were more concerned for her than their own car. I and a couple more people that saw the accident pulled over to check on everyone. Personally, I felt like telling her what an idiot she was, but since she hadn’t crashed into me, I kept my mouth shut. I haven’t witnessed an accident as it’s happening yet on the highway, just plenty after the fact, but I’m sure if I live long enough I will. Hopefully I won’t be involved in it if I’m careful enough. One of the things though that gives me worry when I go out is the way the law acts here in Georgia. I know everyone speeds every now and then, but the amount of people that speed here is outlandish. One day I was driving in the left lane, or the fast lane, and was going right at the speed limit when the Georgia State Patrol got behind me. To make sure I wasn’t going over the speed limit I slowed down just a bit and the officer pulled me over. The Speed Limit was 65 and he told me I was going 63 and that was too slow. I asked him if I needed to be going over the speed limit to not be pulled over and he responded that he wasn’t telling me to speed, just to be going the speed limit when I was in that lane. Then I asked him about the people that pass me in the right lane when I am going the speed limit in the left lane and he said that the problem wasn’t with people speeding too much, but with people going too slow. Too slow? I was going the Speed Limit! Then he asked me if he needed to write me a ticket. I asked him if he was seriously going to write someone a ticket for going under the speed limit two miles an hour. Then he actually gave me a written warning. I couldn’t believe it. Then a couple of months later when I saw another State Patrol officer talking with my banker outside the bank I decided to ask him about this and he confirmed that it was state law that you needed to be going at least the speed limit if you were in the left lane. Considering that an hour’s drive away North Carolina has a much tougher take on things, and in Florida I got pulled over for not slowing down fast enough when the speed limit changed, this just floored me. Now I just stay in the right lane unless I need to pass someone. Cruise control or not, I’m scared of the left lane with these crazy state laws here. It’s like damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. I suspect that the friend to the daughter of my friend would still be alive if the laws around here discouraged people from speeding rather than encouraged them.

10. Sorry I didn’t break that up into paragraphs. Once I posted it, it wouldn’t let me go back and edit.

11. Very good points.

12. Wil,
    I think the average human is too stupid to drive. I hate driving myself and to be honest I am not the best driver. I think a massive automation system is in order. Failing that lets dump our cars, take transit and hope that transit drivers aren’t as stupid as the general populous.

13. Last sentence. Please don’t say that.8(

14. I’m glad you are fine. I’m glad you were preoccupied for 15 seconds before you got on the road.
    I hope this makes you laugh: http://www.okcoorl.com/2009/04/21/dont-be-a-dick/
    Dee

15. Hey, guys!
    I live in Germany, the land of no speed limits and the birth place of the invention called automobile (and almost all inventions connected to it).
    More important, I’m an engineer within the automobile industry and my job involved a lot of accident research and collision avoidance technologies – so I’ve seen sh** and I know stuff.
    Reading your comments, I realized there is a lot of interesting stuff I could tell you about accident causation, driver education and vehicle technology.
    But I will stick to the most important thing – best ways to avoid accidents:
    1. Be there! Don’t dream! Be aware of the situation around you! Talking on the phone or operating the radio or GPS (or smoking, scratching your crotch… whatever) is fine as long as you remember that your primary task is DRIVING. Most people are not able to do that, even if they think so. So the best thing is NOT to phone or play with your infotainment systems – or crotch. Watch your surroundings and use your brain to analyse what happens around you. (A simple but good example is how Wil wrote that he slowed down because he was preparing for someone else to cut in. He watched his surroundings and reacted in advance.)
    2. Use your car! It is equipped with mirrors, signaling lights, horns, etc. These are tools to communicate with your surroundings. It’s a one-way-communication for sure, but that’s still better than no communication at all. Other drivers will be prepared and can react to your actions as well as the other way around. (Also, don’t be a dick. Wave a “thank you”, if someone is polite to you. Also, be polite yourself, no matter how stupid you think the other ones are. People are better drivers, if they are happy.)
    Using your seatbelt also fits in this category!!!
    3. Make sure you know what your car can do and what not. Go somewhere where you are alone and see what happens, if you apply full braking or extreme steering – here in Germany, you can take courses for that. There must be something similar in the US. But a deserted, big enough parking place should suffice. (Again Wil’s example: Wil said the guy lost control over his vehicle. If this guy had known how to operate a vehicle within its limits, this never would have happened. Cars can do a lot of stuff without destabilizing… if the driver acts appropriately.)
    Basic requirement for this is that your car is in good shape. Example: Your tires are your only connection to the ground and they are responsible for conveying every action and reaction between vehicle and road. Treat them well. Similar points can also be made for brakes, windows, engine, suspension, etc.
    These few points may sound simple. So simple in fact, that most people I talk to about that roll their eyes saying “Duh!”. But trust me: Most – if not almost all – lives could and can be saved, if everyone sticked to this, not tomorrow, but TODAY!
    There is tons of stuff I could talk about, simply because it is my job and I know a lot about it. But it would be boring to the most of people.
    Think about those points. Try to find good advice in them. You can even change them to fill your needs. But also ask yourself, if you follow this advice, and be honest to yourself. Tell others. Be aware, that it’s ok to make mistakes – traffic is a very fault tolerating system (also remember about the politeness I mentioned above) – but only if you learn from them. Try to learn from other people’s mistakes.
    In the end it comes to this (as always): Don’t be a dick!
    P.S.: Since we’re all geeks here, there IS one thing, I still wanna mention: Self-driving cars? Not in our lifetime, sorry. At least not on public roads that are accessible to everyone.

16. Oh, I forgot to mention one thing about a common misconception: It’s not the speeding itself that is dangerous. It’s less about “too much” but more about “unappropriate” (think about rain). By that I mean, there IS such a thing as driving “too slow” (think about driving 40 when everybody else goes 60 – the others have to brake, evade, etc.).
    In short: The appropriate speed to drive depends on your surroundings (this makes dizzyjam’s story even more infuriating). HEADWAY is way more important – remember my rule no. 1.
    (This applies not for traffic flow or fines – it is an argument made from a collision avoidance point of view. But one can find that it’s basically the same. The difference is in the internal processes within one’s mind: slowing down should be done because it is safer, not because of fines.)

17. My father and I watched a car flip on 95 south (A major road out here in New England) after my first semester of college. It was raining.. the Idiot decided to pass my father (who was driving a truck and going 60mph)

18. i agree and disagree. i also think we’d have a lot more kids get in trouble, because American kids + two wheeled, powered transportation = moronic, squid-like behavior.

19. I think you hit the nail right on the head. I was trying to sort my thoughts out on Wil’s comment that the asshole driver was in his late 40’s/early 50’s. I see a lot of irresponsible driving (New England, worst drivers in the USA) and while some of those drivers are teenagers, more often than not the ones I’m seeing are middle-aged. I think whether it’s a teenager or someone in their 50’s, it’s impatience that drives a lot of poor driving decisions.

20. Don’t let the what-if eat at you. The mental stress is not worth it. Yes, terrifying. Yes, an object lesson in not driving like an asshole. But… I was in a situation where my tire blew on a highway going 65 mph. I had my daughter in the car, back in the bad old days when we turned carseats around at 20 pounds OR 1 year, so my 6 month old was sitting facing forward in the passenger seat, and when the tire blew, I had no idea what had happened, but I lost control, the car spun, and I brought it to a stop perpendicular to traffic.
    The thing that left me shaking? After I got it to a stop, I was thinking that it was a slick spot on the road, and I looked out the window to see a semi truck bearing down on my little girl. I had one of those moments where I was trying to think if I could get her out and away fast enough… but the truck stopped about 6 feet from us… because it was my tire and not some slick spot on the road.
    It felt like I’d experienced her death, only I hadn’t, and that “what if” ate at me for months, I eventually had one of the rare times in my life when I seriously needed counseling to get through it.
    It wasn’t you. The drivers walked away. Take a deep breath, remember the object lesson, and let it go. I know it’s so so scary to think about… but it’s done and you’re okay.

21. I once saw a really shocking crash… I was driving a tiny little Geo Metro and thought, “You know, that light is hanging on green a long time…”
    And it was still green as I got into the point of no return, but I’d noticed some flash out of the corner of my eye and slowed a beat… the car in the left lane next to me went flying through the intersection, still on a green light (they weren’t speeding, but were going as fast as one ever goes in that area)…
    …When their SUV was slammed so hard by a pickup truck that had run the red light that the police looked at me in disbelief when I told them which car had come from which direction, because they’d flipped and spun so much that it looked like they’d been coming from the left and right and the car that got hit had been making a left turn rather than my way and to my right. But I know what I saw.
    I don’t even know what in me noticed that truck not slowing down, but my reflexes saved me.

22. I’ve had one true surprise when I was driving… a kid on a bike came flying through on the sidewalk in front of my house, instead of the bike lane (kid=12 or 13). The neighbors have high hedges right there, we have zip visibility until we pull forward enough… with pedestrians there’s plenty of time to react, but that kid ended up putting a hand on my bumper as I stopped hard and he swerved.
    It’s actually a violation in my town for people to ride bikes on sidewalks on streets where there’s a bike lane. I saw a girl break her leg getting hit by a car coming out of a driveway, because the driver pulled forward to see traffic, and didn’t see her come because a building blocked the view.

23. I was taught a two-second rule. Apparently my father was taught a 1 second rule and my grandfather was taught to get as close as he possibly could to save gas.

24. I was hit from behind at 35 weeks pregnant myself!

25. I’ve seen two accidents due to assholes, one a fatality. I’ve been rear-ended twice. I watch other drivers and expect them to do stupid things, because invariably, they do. Someone earlier mentioned advanced driver’s training, I’m even considering it to be as prepared as possible on the road. I used to enjoy driving and think it was a thrill, now for me it’s more of a worry.

26. The rule on residential streets is a little different. In the not-so-PC terms that I had it put to me: “Always drive like the neighborhood retarded kid is going to jump out from behind every car.”

27. Since we’re sharing idiot car crash stories, there was the time some lady was talking on her cellphone (surface streets, not highway) and realized she was about to miss her turn. So she cranked the steering wheel before she bothered to slow down.
    Here I am, just pulling out of work like any other day when I see the roof of a SUV coming right for me. I’m talking end-over-end fully-airborne this-looks-like-a-fake-movie-effect here. I swerved into the grass and the SUV landed on its roof pretty darn near where I would have been before it tumbled over one more time to end right side up.
    Thankfully she was wearing her seatbelt and wasn’t hurt at all. It’s still surreal to picture making that same turn I made every single day for years but seeing the roof a SUV flying through the air at me.

28. My 16-yr-old cousin was the passenger of another teen driving an SUV. The driver thought it’d be fun to jump some train tracks (train tracks I used to jump in a shitty Mercury Lynx when I was 16). When the SUV landed, he lost control, and it slammed into a tree, killing both of them instantly.
    Kids make stupid mistakes, ill-thought-out ones that seem harmless and benign but end up being fatal.
    But asshole drivers have a special place in hell reserved just for them. I shake my head in amazement at people every day.

29. Dude. Long time since I’ve been here…been an anime animating crazed lunatic for months…trailer is nearly complete. Anyway, didn’t want to change the subject but…..
    DID YOU SEE THE WINGS/DUCKS GAME 7 LAST NIGHT?????
    Dude…what a series!!! Makes me proud to be a Detroiter!
    🙂

30. and weaving in and out of traffic is what causes car accidents.
    I read somewhere once (tried to find source but couldn’t) that indicated a large percentage of accidents occur during a lane change. If people would keep to the one lane until the need to pass someone there would be less changing lanes and possibly less accidents. While stationed in Germany I drove the A5 between Darmstadt and Frankfurt regularly and never saw the sheer congestion and assholeish driving behavior I see driving from Raleigh, NC to Durham, NC (which is about the same distance).

31. Well, those kids would never make it to 4 wheels. Isn’t that the point?

32. ha, you have a point…’cept i’d rather see a kid on a bicycle, than on a motorcycle of any kind. let them earn the right to ride – don’t grant it just because they’re at X age.

33. Lately, I’ve noticed most of the asshole drivers are in their 40s-50s.

34. Can I just add that we need to spread the word about these magic lights that live on the back of your car? They are called signal lights, and they let other drivers know where the hell you are going.
    Get off my lawn!

35. Okay, see, this is part of the reason why I’m glad I don’t drive. It amazes me when I’m at work how many people call in to pay their cable bills while they’re driving. It’s frickin’ ridiculous how almost nobody pays attention to the actual driving part anymore.
    (and don’t feel bad about the back thing, Wil. I threw mine out once just by sneezing)

36. I had a very similar experience about two years ago. I live in Tallahassee, which is made up entirely of college students, state workers and politicians. So, arrogant drivers and distracted drivers. Oh, and terrible, narrow roads. Seriously, almost anywhere else in the country I’ll drive pretty relaxed, one hand on the wheel, willing to take my eyes off the road to adjust my stereo and whatnot. But not in my own town.

37. As a native Oregonian that has lived in Southern California, and frequently experiences the pure idiocy of Washington drivers, I have to agree with you. Oregonians frequently drive as though their heads were somewhere other than atop their necks. As I said in a previous post, I do not have a drivers license, I became a cyclist instead. I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to take a spill on my bike because it was either fall, or be smashed by an SUV. And of course, the drivers always acted like it was MY fault that their gigantic, gas guzzling, vehicle was being poorly piloted by an unobservant asshole.

38. Having been in a major car accident almost five years ago, and now having to live every day with pain and permanent nerve damage in both hands and wrists, I can’t even look at a car accident without getting shaken up. I still drive, but can’t for very long periods of time. Cars are deadly weapons when driven by assholes and offensively. I am not someone who drives like an old Jewish woman in Florida on her way to the early bird special. I drive defensively and at a normal speed with the flow of traffic. What I do, is pay attention to what everyone else around me does and am reactive to what is happening, just like you were when you saw everyone slow down. As for the 15 seconds, a day does not go by that I don’t wonder what would be different if I had left my workshop 5 seconds earlier or later and not been in that accident. You did very well, sir. Now, go hug your wife and children.

39. cyclist do stupid stuff to. I was rear ended by a guy a cyclist, and he
    flips me off. Also, About once a month I ahve to a quick stop while some
    cyclist blows through a stop sign.
    Cyclists are any exception to dumb vehicular operation.

40. One night after work I decided I pulled into a Stop-N-Rob to get a gallon of milk on the way home. Right after I pulled into the parking lot, I heard the crash. The car coming up behind me slammed into the car that had been in front of me (he was slowing to pull into the Stop-N-Rob, too, at the next entrance) spinning him around in the process. Literally not more than a second or two kept me from being the one sent spinning.
    Then there’s the relatively new T-intersection that still catches people off guard. Twice now I’ve made my left turn (with the green light, thank you) only to have some yutz barreling down the main street go thru the red and nearly land on my rear bumper.
    Drive defensively – buy a tank.

41. Thank you for the reminder. I don’t own a car and rarely drive but I’m renting this weekend and it’s good to be told not to drive like an asshole; sometimes assholish behaviour does rub off.
    I’ve only driven on LA expressways once (last year on vacation), but it was a pleasant experience compared to driving in Montreal most days.

42. So weird – I saw on Twitter that you’d posted this, but didn’t have a chance to read it as I was going to run an errand.
    As I was on the errand, I was nearly killed by an asshole driver. In this case, someone randomly stopped, right in front of me. The rest of the road is going 70mph (this is in the UK) and Moron McIdiot decides to come to a complete halt in my lane. I managed to swerve and stop, the cars behind me managed to stop, and I had one of those “oh my god I haven’t been appreciating life” realisations. And, most precious of all, my ten-month-old son in the back seat didn’t even wake up.
    Moments like this I really hope karma catches up to this twatface. I second and third your advice – always, ALWAYS wear your seatbelt. Most people consider themselves to be above-average drivers, but that’s not how statistics works!

43. And you don’t even have to deal with idiots with SNOW covering their entire cars!
    http://tinyurl.com/onxoy8

44. Yeah, I have to agree with you there. What the hell is so hard about learning how to use the acceleration lane and then merging into the lane you’re eventually going to use to take the off-ramp? I hate people that weave in and out of traffic like assholes.
    After driving for almost 20 hours on I-95 when I went to see my Pop a few weeks ago, I encountered many, many asshole drivers in North Carolina. These people were staying in the acceleration lane the whole time, just hogging it up like it belonged to them or something. But if you want my honest opinion? Washington D.C. is full of asshole drivers, all with Virginia and Maryland plates, since they most likely work in D.C. and commute every day. It’s the second least State that I’d rather not drive in, coming in at a close second from Virginia.

45. Oh, I so totally agree with you there! What’s the point of salting and plowing the roads if you don’t wipe the effing snow off of your car? I had a big chunk hit my windshield last winter from an asshole in an SUV. I drive a Toyota Corolla. I almost swerved off the road when that thing hit me. I guess the asshole couldn’t be bothered with clearing the snow off of the top of his gas hogging penis extension or something. Asshole!

46. I’m glad you’re okay, Wil.
    Wild thing is, I was in nearly the same situation today. I was on my bike on the way to work in SF this morning. I wasn’t dawdling — I generally do about 75 — but a car I never even saw behind me passed me, on the right, naturally, doing at least 95. Maybe as much as 105.
    I had time to think, “Good job, asshole, you’re saving three minutes and all you’re risking is 50 lives,” and the guy swerves across three lanes to try for an exit right in front of a minivan, realizes he isn’t going to make it, tries to swerve back onto the freeway, and loses control, moving everywhere. Just before I passed him, he was somehow actually moving *backward*, perpendicular to and back into oncoming freeway traffic.
    I didn’t hear an earth-shattering “KA-BOOM,” so I assume there was no actual contact with another vehicle, but I bet that asshole was scared into speed-limit driving for at least a day or two.

47. I had something similar happen to me several years ago, only it was in a heavy, heavy rainstorm in Florida and the asshole was a guy in a black Camaro who decided he’d rather speed on the shoulder instead of slowing down like everyone else (did I mention it was raining heavily?). One of his tires went off the pavement, he lost control and spun out right in front of us. Then he hit the median and almost hit us again.
    I had my wife and my two girls (aged 4 and 9 months at the time) with me when this happened. We were so jittery that we had to get off at the next exit and chill for about 1/2 hour.

48. Wil,
    I hope your back gets better. You do not seem to be old enough for those kinds of back problems. Also, be cautious when you are driving in a parking lot. According to some insurance reports, most car crashes occur in parking lots. I hope that you and your family stay safe and well.
    FG

49. Ugh, I know the shaking hands/holding your breath feeling when you’ve just witnessed a bad accident on the highway. I once saw a stupid idiot who was racing on I-4 near Tampa side swipe a van, which rolled over a couple of times a few cars in front of me – all of this when everyone was going about 70 mph.
    I remember thinking, “look at how that idiot is driving, zipping in and out of traffic” right before he hit the van. I was almost called as a witness in his trial, but he plead guilty to “racing on the highway” before it went to trial.

50. The Taurus is like a tank. In 2007 I was in two accidents. First one I was rear-ended by a middle-aged man in a van going 40-something while I was at a complete stop, you know, at stop sign, with a huge flashing red light hanging above the intersection. The rear bumper took all the impact and it was an easy fix. The second a Very Elderly Gentleman in a big boat of a Lincoln runs a red light and slams into my side. Sends me into the corner Dukes of Hazard style, and I pop the fire hydrant. The car was totaled, but I only came out with back injuries. If I was in a smaller car, it would have been a lot worse.
    I miss my Taurus (and it was also a nice slate blue)

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