161 thoughts on “i can’t think of a title, so i’ll just say thank you”

1. When my Jesse died, 11 years ago, I remember feeling exactly the same way. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart with a spear shaped like him, and it left a hole shaped like him, and nothing would ever fill it but him.
   I still feel that way. I love to remember him, and I don’t cry all the time any longer, but I still do sometimes. It’s okay with me. It makes me know that I still love him.

2. Great words and expression of thoughts. Hang in there and hug on your family. Take Care and thank you for sharing this with us.

3. Wil- I had ferrets for 18 years, and I got just as attached to each one as the last. The heartache of losing them nearly killed me. But not quite. Concentrate on the good times you had with Ferris. Death comes to all. I know exactly how you feel. My wording is clumsy, but you know I mean well.
   Hang in there.

4. Aw, Wil, I’m so sorry. I never had a really close bond with a pet before. I did have a cat but he spent most of his days outdoors and away from me. I’ve always longed for one, though, a human companion that I could truly call my own. And I’ve always felt incredibly jealous of those who could claim they had something like that.
   I guess what I’m trying to say is that, like all people who connect with something or someone in a meaningful way, you’re one of the lucky ones. And while it’s extremely painful now, you will always have that special connection to look back on. I hope this makes you feel better.
   My condolences.

5. I’m so sorry for your loss. They are in our lives for such a short time, but they bring such joy.

6. Wil if you didn’t feel that way after loosing there would be something wrong. It sucks a lot but it is a sign of how much you cared.
   When I lost my last dog I cried like a baby, he was my little buddy. I still have him as the background on my phone and sometimes I just stare at the little guy.

7. Wil, it really moved me, reading about your loss yesterday. So much so, last night I had very vivid dreams of my two dogs, gone now for some time. I’ve been thinking about them all day, feeling a not wholly unwelcome melancholy. Hang in there. You’ll never stop missing Ferris, but it will get easier to bear.

8. I just read these two posts… I am so very sorry to hear that Ferris has passed out of your life.
   I’ve enjoyed reading your stories about her… Ferris brought happiness not just to the lives of her immediate family, but to hundreds, possibly thousands of others. A great accomplishment for any person.
   Go ahead and express your grief. She was NOT “just a dog”. She has been your friend and companion, and is a soul worthy of mourning and remembrance.

9. I won’t act like I know you or your dog personally, but I am sorry for your loss. I have enjoyed getting to know you and your family (and Ferris) through your writings. It was obvious how much she means to you.

10. Between times, we forget how much physical pain and illness is part of grief, how all-consuming it is. I think our minds won’t let us remember the full extent just so we can forge ahead and love again someday. I’m thinking of you and your family with the memories of someone who knows exactly how devastated you are right now, and wishing you all well.

11. In my life, I have had four dogs. All of them were the best friends I had. The first days after they died were absolute hell. I cried and missed them and thought I would never come through the grief. I have and you will. I am very sorry for the passing of your friend. There will come a time when you can think of them without tears. I hope that time comes soon for you. Know that many people are thinking of you.

12. We all love our dogs because they perceive us as we want to be perceived. They see our ideal self and love us all the more for it, simply ignoring any evidence to the contrary.
    Hang in there.

13. Five weeks ago, I had to put down my dog Mignight. I owned Midnights mother, Katie, and she gave birth to him in my living room. He lived to be almost 16 and I had him since his very first breath. I’m very sorry for your loss. Ferris was your family, not just a pet. No one who hasn’t owned a pet can understand, and everyone who has ever lost one completely understands.
    Its been more than a month and I still find that heartache any time I talk about Midnight. Tears well up and I just miss him and will always miss him.
    Other animals can feel sorrow and misery. Our other dogs wouldnt move for days after Midnight was gone. Our cat, who typically acts like a cat, was very loving during our grieving process. They missed him and felt our pain just the same as any other member of our family.
    I’m very sorry for your loss.. but any time you love you must lose. Its all about what you do with the time you’ve got and how much love you get in return.
    Stay strong.. and if you can’t, that’s okay too. I still have to dry some tears sometimes for my loss as well.

14. i’m crying with you and your family, wil. whenever someone i know loses a loved pet, i remember the loved pets in our lives. the hurt never really goes away, but it reminds us just how “human” our pets were and how much a part of our family.
    it is a terrible terrible sense of loss and loneliness when they’re gone.
    here is a link to one of the loveliest poems about a pet i’ve ever heard. it was written by jimmy stewart and published in 1989. the first time i heard it, jimmy read it on the johnny carson show. my husband and i were bawling our eyes out when he finished, but it so expresses the love for a treasured pet…
    http://www.reelclassics.com/Actors/Jimmy/jimmy-poem.htm. i hope you’ll find it comforting. it shares that same love and care we all have.

15. Oh Wil. I’m so sorry to hear about Ferris.
    A novel I read a while back, Carol Anshaw’s “Lucky in the Corner,” had a veterinarian who told the main character that loving a pet is a contract with heartbreak. Even so, the love and the years we do get from our dogs or cats or other critters is worth the pain when we lose them.
    You’re in my thoughts.

16. Wil, A family member is a family member Be he or she have two legs or four, I feel your grief.. When I was younger I as many others around the world have lost their friends, I was 12 and it felt as though someone pulled my lungs out (POPCORN) She was my baby, my friend, the one that I talked to when I was feeling down. The one that came and licked my face when I was sad. She slept at my feet for 12 years or at my crib. She was a mut to others but to this day at the age of 54 I still remember her and still brings a tear to my eyes.
    What you need to do this is what my papa told me to do was go in a room and just let it out, then right down the things that mad you laugh, cry, and wonder. Then read it back to someone in the family and you know it made it easyer to except she was gone.
    When my father passed a few years ago.. the same feeling came over me TIMES 10, I did the same thing I did when POPCORN passed and you know it made it easyer to except the fact that my father my mentor and Fishing buddy is gone, but he will always be in my heart. I bless you and yours..these are the things in life that we all have to deal with some take it harder then others and for those we need to to say that there are firends out there that understand and will help. that is what ALL of us here are doing for you helping and being a friend! If you want to cry then do it scream, pound on the wall, but take comfort that there are people there for you here and at home! Peace my friend!
    (lew7rch twitter)

17. I just joined so I could tell you that I’m so very sorry for your loss. One thing I find particularly hard about losing a pet, is that you can’t explain your emotions to people who think “it’s just a pet.” If they believe that, then they’ll never understand.
    You’re absolutely right that Riley knows something is wrong. Try to include her in your family’s grieving process. Let her know that you’re all going through this together.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

18. Dear Will,
    My Boston terrier Zorro died suddenly of a seizure January 6, 2009. I’ve known that level of grief. An ordinary day – I didn’t get to take the extra time to throw his ball or cuddle him. He had epilepsy, but this one seizure was just stronger than his body could handle. I haven’t been able to go back to my flickr account and rarely say his name out loud. Kids in my Brooklyn neighborhood still ask me where he is. He was the biggest pain in the ass dog – overflowing with personality. In our 6 years together he made it through a number of boyfriends, grad school, a dissertation, and 3 moves. Things I barely survived:) I dream about him often, I wake up sometimes and forget he’s not under the covers. And, all this is to say – I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I want no part of heaven if there are no dogs there. It doesn’t get easier, it just gets less hard. It doesn’t get less painful – it just becomes a part of the story of your life. Dogs are just the best.

19. As someone who has been through the incredibly sad loss of a best friend/dog before, I thought it might be somewhat comforting to know that I think your other dog already knows what has happened, and is just staying near you to comfort you. It’s what they do.
    Blessings.

20. Glad you found some actual comfort. I hope Riley finds some too.

21. I’m sorry about the dog. We had to put our lab down a few years ago. As strangely as my family thought, it really hit me hard. When I was younger, I wanted a dog about as bad as Billy in “Where the Red Fern Grows”. It’s difficult because without our knowing, they slowly become our friends. Our family.

22. I’m so sorry, Wil. I wish there was something we could do, but please know that around the world, many tears are being shed for your beautiful Ferris, and for your family’s loss.

23. I have no doubt that Riley shares your sadness. Animals are just as lost and sad as we are when a companion dies. I had two birds that were split up due to divorce, and my remaining one would march across to other room where his cage used to be and look. This happened for several months and I know she was missing him.

24. This made me cry, it brought back all the memories from when my dog had passed (back in ’01). There’s really nothing anyone can say to make it better, but a lot of us have been there and know exactly how you are feeling.
    My other dog, Jasmine, that I had at the time when my Shera passed, was acting like Riley is now. She knew there was something wrong, kept looking for Shera and would try to get out of the yard to search for her on the path we always walked. Jasmine stuck close to me and seemed to pick up on my feelings. The next day, after Shera passed away, my brother made a few thoughtless comments, one was; “Who cares? It’s just a dog.” I understandably started to get really upset, but tried to hide it then just as I felt I was going to explode Jasmine, always a very sweet dog, started to growl at my brother. Something she had never done before. Somehow it even made me feel a little better and calmed me down. Dogs understand a lot more than people realize they truly are the best friends a person could ever have.
    I really do feel for you and your family and I hope that soon you can start to recover from the pain you are feeling. It’s not easy, but somewhat better when you are surrounded by those who understand and care.

25. I can certainly understand how you feel. I had to take time off work when my cat died a few years ago because of the waves of grief that would send me into a crying jag. My boss at the time thought it was strange but then he said, “I hope someone cares as much for me at the end as you do about your pet.”

26. I’m quite sorry at your loss man…I lost my grandmother (Geese, not her real name, but you know how it goes with grandparents) It took a good week for it to hit me. And when it did, it was huge. Gave me relapses in my Social Anxiety Disorder and Schizophrenia. But I won’t go into details, I just wish to extend my condolences to you and your’s. Ekaj

27. Wil,
    I am so sorry to hear that Ferris has passed on. I lost my forever friend, Moe, a few years ago. He looked just like Ferris–black and tan. Riley will get you through the hard times. Each day will be a little easier. The bible says that all dogs go to heaven (Romans 8:21). My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Freeman

28. Wil,
    I’m one of those people who, when faced with someone else’s grief, always feels that their words fall short. I’m glad that you have found that even the smallest condolences are helpful. Thank you for expressing that; it gives me hope that on other occasions in which I felt I was not saying enough, the recipient took my words, however simple or clichéd, as a sign of my love/friendship.
    That said, I strongly believe that there is no such thing as coincidence. When you saw the name Ferris in that comic, the Universe was telling you in its own quirky way that your Ferris will always be with you.
    Best Wishes,
    – Mandy

29. Thinking about you and remembering my Barkley.

30. I’m very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. It is so tremendously hard when a beloved dog dies. My almost 12 year old dog, who I’d raised since the moment of her birth, died suddenly last year, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. She was as much a family member as any human. It took a while to stop automatically looking for her at her usual post in the kitchen by the front door.
    I’m certainly past the daily mourning stage, but moments of grief still hit at unexpected times. And when she died, my other dog, who is now 15, definitely went through his own period of mourning, and it is not anthropomorphizing to say that. Dogs–and other animals–feel grief and loss, and they know what’s up. He would go from room to room looking for her. He was extra needy of attention, which I was certainly happy to give because I needed doggie hugs very badly too.
    Of course because animals feel grief and loss, they also feel love. Ferris knew she was loved.
    Be extra gentle with yourself now; the grief will last as long as it lasts and that’s ok.

31. Wil, I didn’t want to say this yesterday, because yesterday was about the death. But being there when a loved one dies does nothing to lessen the immediate grief. But it is a great comfort for you (or at least it has been for me) in the days and months that follow. I’ve lost dogs both ways, and being there to say goodby has alwasys been better in the long run.
    As for your other dog’s grief. While it is true that dogs don’t grieve the same way that we do, they are social animals with a reasonably well developed though non-verbal sense of self and other. Emotional attachment and thus the potential for grief are aspects of the nature of an animal’s social structures, and even before thousands of years of mutual domestication, wolf social structures had an incredible amount in common with human social structures (and thus people puppies and wolf puppies got along quite well around the garbage pit) Add to that thousands of years of mutual cohabitation and adaptation, and yeah, your dog does grieve the loss of a pack mate. SHe is also upset by the fact that you are upset, and probably cherishes any chance to make her other pack mates happy right now, since dogs don’t tend to be as entirely consumed by sadness as humans, but are made unhappy by the unhappyness of their pack. (She will probably be more disturbed by changes in routine than you are too) (The best thing you can do for a dog who has lost a pack mate is giver her attention and let her comfort you when you are particularly sad.) So Anthropomorphizing? Yes. Unduly so? Nope. Though not all of the emotions are the same, and the causes are some times different, she has a similar enough internal world to her humans that she does grieve.

32. Wil, I can only say, from my own experience, that I feel for you very deeply. I know this is very hard, and I’m not going to be trite about it and say something like, “It’ll get easier.” of course it will, but that’s not the point. The point is, that you loved Ferris, and your feelings now are a direct reflection of the kind of love you are capable of as a human being. These days, it’s an increasingly rare trait, and although I feel great compassion for what you are going through, it has also bolstered my respect for you even more.
    If anything amusing can come of this, and this is not meant to be funny for funny’s sake, believe me, but I went through this with my pet cat about 12 years ago. A gray striped tabby cat… his name was Worf. And, yes, he was a warrior. When he was a kitten, he bested two wall lizards and a cricket in one day in glorious battle. My girlfriend at the time even made him a little cardboard cloak. When he passed away just a few years later, I realized how much a part of my life he really was.
    I guess what I’m saying is, this is a time to revel in your love for Ferris. Allow yourself the release. Feel the feelings, and share the love.
    Take care, my friend

33. My dog and I were well known for walking everywhere together. For a few months after he died last fall, I compeltely avoided going for walks in our neighbourhood or in the regional park trails, and would go to the trouble of driving elsewhere to go on a dialy walk. And then for a second walk I’d just go when it was dark out. I really did not want to hear every nieghbour say to me, Where’s your dog?” and have to explain.
    But then winter came and it was so snowy I couldn’t drive somewhere else, so I started cutting through a resort complex to get to the trails for a walk, since I never encountered anyone there in winter anyway. But then the gate got locked, and I had to bite the bullet and start walking through the neighbourhood again. I just sort of hunkered down inside my coat hoping I could get to the trails before anyone noticed me, which wasn’t too hard since it was winter and no one was out. But eventually people started asking, and over and over again I had to tell them that he had died. I know they meant well, and they all loved him I their own neighbourly way. But was hard.
    Even now, ten months later, I don’t think a week goes by where someone I don’t even know stops and asks me where he is. It’s just the legacy he left (plus his photo is on a Jones Soda bottle, of which I’m so proud!) and that makes me happy.
    Ferris has her legacy too, and like my neighbours and my dog, this little online community all feel like we knew her a bit.

34. As I read the eloquent discription of the pain you are feeling, it made me cry. I encourage you to talk about it whenever you feel the need, whether it’s to your family, your friends or your readers – it’s really true that a burden shared is less heavy. I hope that eventually, the sting of loss will not be so intense, and you can recall the joy Ferris brought into your life. I extend my sincere sympathy for the tragic passing of your sweet friend.

35. Wil, I’m so sorry to hear about Ferris. When our kitty JD died, I was amazed and humbled by the hundreds of comments from people I didn’t even know. Believe it or not, it does help, more than I would have thought possible. A short time later, my best friend died suddenly, and again the kindness of strangers bolstered my faith in humanity. Peace.

36. Wil,
    It’s okay not to hold back.
    It’s obvious you loved her very much, and even if you are anthropomorphizing….who cares? She was your friend and companion, and worth every bit of your feelings.
    Hang in there.

37. I just lost a pet too, my dog Tiggy. She was the last of my childhood pets and I didn’t even get to say goodbye properly. She lived with my mom and she died while I was on vacation. I completely understand where you’re coming from. The complete and utter inability to hold it together. I almost lost it when I was slicing up a tomato for a sandwich and I remembered how much she loved to eat the ends of tomatoes.
    Take solace in Riley, give her big hugs. Remember, it will get easier. I found that it helps me to think that the last thing she would have wanted was for me to be so sad. Not that being sad is bad or unhealthy, I just found it helps keep the tears away when its a bad time.

38. Wil, So sorry for your loss, and my condolences and heartfelt prayers for you and your family (including Riley, of course). I went through a very similar grief when my 16 yo cat passed away a few years ago. He was MY cat, I saw him being born and held him as he passed away, and for weeks I did not know what to do with myself, and yes, cried continuously. My kids were quite worried, but finally I was able to talk with them about it, explain why Mommy was so upset and that it was normal and that I’d be ok. My aunt is a minister and has taken courses on grief counselling and says if we haven’t completely grieved over something in our past, the next grief drags up that old grief and adds to it. So, cry your eyes out, and let your grief out. And, trust me, even though it doesn’t feel like it now, time does indeed heal all wounds.

39. Wil,
    We also lost our dog yesterday. I posted to twitter “Burying our dog on my lunch hour is not exactly what I wanted for my birthday” (yeah, it really was my birthday yesterday) He was only about 10 months old, still very much a puppy and his death came as a shock. I’ve never buried a pet before and the act was strangely cathartic. The physical labor made it hard to be weepy and in the 1 PM Tennessee heat it wasn’t pleasant work, but it felt proper to know that his body was handled with the care and love that only a family member could manage. I am sorry for your loss and hope it gets easier soon.
    Take care,
    Daniel

40. It was on Christmas day of this past year when my cat, Mickey, became very ill. He worsened overnight and despite, perhaps blindly, trying to have a positive outlook for him, it was obvious on the morning after Christmas that he was not going to recover. I had him put to sleep on that day.
    In the weeks following, I found something invading myself like I had not experienced before; pressing depression. I have been depressed before, sad, melancholy, but I don’t quite think I have had this feeling of absolute…hard to describe…disconnection.
    I had heard that depression was like having a weight sitting on your chest, but I had not felt it till this point. I moved in slow motion, or so it seemed, and neither happiness or sadness seemed to affect me; I just so felt like some zombie walking through a world in which I didn’t belong.
    Some may think it silly to become so attached to a pet…not really a pet, though, as that is too subjective of a term, but a companion and friend. With our friends, we share feelings and times; good, bad, indifferent, but always an important part of our lives. Their absence is not just them not being there, but is a part of us which still feels them and needs to come out in some way; often that is sadness, longing, and tears.
    I think the wonderful thing about feeling an absence in our lives and being able to cry is that it reaffirms just how human we are.
    I don’t know you, Wil, aside from having seen you in TV and movies and what I read on Twitter and your blog. I like following you on Twitter and reading your blog simply for the fact that you seem to speak from the heart; tell it like it is, not what you think someone wants to hear, and that’s very honest. Tears are honest, a sign of compassion, and very much a sign of being very human.
    I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Ferris was loved very much in life, and is now held dearly in your heart; I think that’s got to be a great place to be for any friend and family.
    Take care.

41. For the longest time, my Grandfather never understood why some of us mourned the loss of our pets the way we do. Why mom was devastated when she found Rusty on the side of the road one morning (Mother was Rusty’s favorite human, and made damn sure everyone knew it), why I got even more depressed when Mike (who had been my best and only friend for 15 years) passed away. Then Duff passed away, and he got it. Needless to say, that wasnt a good time for him.
    Duffs ashes were placed with Papa when we laid him to rest this past Saturday. On the memorial slide show vid thing, that dog was in more pics than either his kids or grandkids. I was amused.
    Our pets know and understand a hell of a lot more than we give them credit for, thats for sure.
    Hugs for you, Riley, and the rest of your family.

42. I read this as I ate my popcorn (which means I got a piece and then my dog Keziah got a piece and so on) and again, like yesterday, I cried a bit for you. **Hugs and a shot of liquor** to ya.
    I already said sorry for your loss yesterday so today I’ll just say “overwhelming sympathy and compassion from a fellow dog lover in NYC”.
    -Alexis (Keziah’s person)

43. Two years ago, while I was 1500 miles away taking care of a loved one who was dying of breast cancer, my husband had to have our dog of five years put to sleep due to liver cancer that came out of nowhere 🙁 Hubby and I still miss Ralph, and will often get choked up again even now when the subject comes up. This is exclusive of the fact that his successor (who has been here ~18 months) is just as much a part of the family as Ralph was.
    Many heartfelt condolences, Wil. Been thinking healing thoughts for you on and off all day.

44. Hey Wil,
    I understand how tough today must have been for you. The day after I had to put my dog down was almost worse than having to do it at all. Waking up and expecting her to be there and seeing all the toys is such a painful experience. Hang in there, you will all get through it.
    Riley will be okay too, she does realize that Ferris isn’t there and doesn’t know what to make of it. My cat Smokie and mmy dog Tequila were very close. When Tequila got sick and had to be put down, Smokie just kept walking to Tequila’s spot and back to me as if to ask “Where is she?”.
    Give Riley more hugs and attention. It will make you both feel better. Tequila’s fur was a kleenex for me more than once, cry with Riley and maybe you will both find some sort of comfort.
    I forgot to mention this yesterday but Ferris was a really beautiful dog. My best to your family and air hugs to all of you.

45. I really have no idea what to say except how sorry I am for your loss. (That always feels so inadequate.) Many virtual hugs and shoulders to cry on.
    Liz

46. A quote from “Land Before Time”:
    “You will always miss her, but she will always be with you, as long as you remember the things she taught you. In a way, you’ll never be apart, for you are still a part of each other.”
    Sending you virtual hugs from up north.

47. Not sure if it gets any easier, Wil. I’m crying now for a dog that died almost 8 years ago. And for Ferris, and for your family. Dogs aren’t like family, they are family. Excuse me while I go snuggle my puppy…

48. Also, Wil, you’re a great writer. You’ve put into words almost exactly the physical pain that comes with loss. Which made this post so much more emotional to read.

49. Oh Wil, I am so sorry. Please know that you and yours will be in our thoughts and prayers.

50. My sincere sympathies on your loss Wil.
    And for those who say that losing a pet is like losing a family member, you’re wrong — losing a pet is losing a family member.

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