through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes

Posted on By Wil

My dog Ferris, who was rescued from a bus stop in Monrovia by my wife Anne almost exactly 8 years ago, had a heart attack and died this morning. It happened very quickly, and I was with her, which is supposed to make me feel better, but at this moment all I can feel is nearly-unbearable sorrow, and the empty space in my life left behind by my awesome dog. 

Ferris Wheaton

Bye bye, Ferris. I love you and miss you. You were the best dog ever.

A small request: if you choose to comment, please don't post that Rainbow Bridge thing. I know you mean well, but it has always made me uncomfortable.

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Comments (436)

  1. I am so sorry. When I read the first lines of your post, my stomach just did a sickening flop. My beloved yellow lab Mulder died two days before my birthday less than a year ago (worst birthday ever). I honestly felt more of a loss losing him than I did my grandma. But I do feel a bit of comfort that he died at home, here with me.
    On a side note, I just can’t bear the idea of watching Marley & Me.

  2. At risk of being a plain pain in the arse, try reading this link if you didn’t click it in my post above, great pages of wisdom, although all aimed at humans, and elderly ones at that.
    http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb/AdviceSupport/HealthAdvice/Issues/Bereavement/default.htm
    It’s helped me recently – I hope it helps you, your situation SUCKS, I can’t imagine how you feel, even though I’ve been there myself with dogs, and actual family too, your pain is your own.
    Know only that it will one day ease. And it will be because love defeats grief, not because you’ve forgotten her.

  3. My condolences, and sympathies, for your sadness on losing a family member so suddenly. Hugs – and understanding, been there, still tear up thinking about my own dog that’s 15 years gone.

  4. Wil, I’m so sorry. Losing a pet sucks, and suddenly is even worse. We lost our 17 yr old kitty in June. Take care of yourselves.

  6. My dog Drusilla died today too. We were with her when it happened, but it is always hard. I hope that Ferris and Drusilla are together now in the dog afterlife, trading stories about the things they ate behind their owner’s backs.
    My sympathies to you and your family.

  8. I’m so sorry to read about Ferris, and sad for you and your family too, it is a crappy thing to happen. Not a lot of comfort, but at least it was quick. I’ve had a cat with a very drawn out old age, and although I didn’t want her to die, I kind of kept wishing for it because she was so frail and unwell. But being selfish, had trouble actually taking her to the vet.
    Must be a thing with writers’ pets today. Neil Gaiman’s cat also died. http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/08/too-tired.html

  12. Sending many condolences to you Wil. Your dog Ferris was indeed awesome, as was Anne’s dog Ferris.
    I didn’t discover the music of Save Ferris until after I had read about the naming of Ferris, so I already think of her when they come up on my iPod. I’ll continue to do so. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
    ~Sharon

  13. Ugghh, that sucks. My condolences to you. At least it was quick for him though. I have a friend who’s dog is battling cancer and it’s heartbreaking to hear all of her stories 🙁

  14. Wil, I’m SO SORRY to hear of your loss. I’ve lost many pets over the years and it’s never easy, even when you’re expecting it.

  15. I will miss all the Ferris stories. They reminded me of my dog that I lost a few years ago and still miss terribly. They really do take a piece of your heart. My sympathies.

  16. My condolences to you Wil. I can’t say I’ve really been around animals enough to get attached to them with one exception… but that one exception is pretty much what you’re feeling now, I’m sure. I know that almost certainly doesn’t make you feel better but hopefully, all these comments together do…

  17. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    It’s always difficult to deal with a pet’s death. In June, I had to put down one of my cats, and as she was my very first cat, it was a very difficult thing to do.
    Ferris seemed, at the least entertaining, at most lovely, and definitely well-loved from your blog entries and tweets.

  21. Dude. SO SORRY to hear about Ferris.
    Damn, that sucks. All I can say right now is it will hurt just a little less, day-by day.
    Hang in there, Wil. Give yourself some time to heal and honor the memory of someone who was indeed, a member of your family.
    And don’t feel bad about getting another dog. Just do like we did and assume that Ferris’s spirit lives on in whichever dog you accept in to your family. At the very least, know that Ferris would understand and would want you to be happy.
    She’s in a good place, Wil. Be absolutely sure of that.

  23. I’m so, so sorry. My ugly, silly, loveably stupid cat who I’ve had for 10 years is in the hospital right now, probably facing euthanasia in the next couple of days, so my heart is doubly with you and your family. It’s never easy, and I never have the right words, except “I’m sorry.”

  25. Oh Wil. I’m so very sorry. This just made me bawl and make me want to hug you.
    I was completely wrecked when I lost my beloved Murphy to epilepsy a few years ago, after fighting with tooth, nail and bank account to try to save him. I wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the earth in over me. I imagine you’re not feeling much differently right now.
    It’s so hard when they leave us like that. I hope, though, that you can find a little solace in the fact that Ferris knew without a doubt that she was loved.

  27. I’m so sorry for your loss. It really hit home for me today.
    When my family moved about 8 years ago, we had to give up the family dog as we switched from a huge house to a small apartment. It wasn’t fair to keep her in an apartment when she liked to run around so much, so she was taken in by a family friend with a big yard and other dogs to keep her company. I always wanted to go see her, but the traveling just didn’t happen. Cancer started eating away at her, so she was euthanized today.
    I was sort of numb about her death since it seems so unreal, but your similar experience today has made the tears flow. I’m just sorry.

  31. The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain…
    When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
    When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
    Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
    But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
    Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
    – Kahlil Gibran
    This is something which always comes to mind when I lose something or someone. I love it because it reminds me to celebrate the awesome time we had together, and be thankful for the treasure. It is the joy in sorrow because sorrow is evidence of love shared, and that’s why we’re here.
    But it still hurts to say goodbye.

  33. Ashes and diamonds, foe and friend
    We [are] all equal in the end…
    Sorry for your loss, Wil. These creatures sure do worm their way into our hearts, don’t they? I like to play the cool, big man – saying, you know, “they’re just animals.” But, I know, deep down inside, that when my Shadow goes, it’s gonna be all flags at half mast in the Little houseshold.
    I’ve a wee dram beside me right now. Please allow me to raise a glass to Ferris.
    regards

  36. Man, I am so sorry to hear this, Wil – I have had my heart broken by the death of pets in the past, and know I will have it broken again in the future (including my current canine, Barney, who is a wildman mutt at eight). There are no words.

  37. I am so sorry for your loss, Wil. I lost my beloved cat of 16.5 years in 2007 and though it’s been over two years, I think of him every day. I think the best posts on your blog are when you are talking of your every day life, and Ferris was a star here.

  39. Dogs can really own your heart can’t they. You gave her a good, happy life- she knew what it was to be loved and the joy of a roll in sweet smelling grass. That’s all any of us can ask for in this life.
    I’m sorry for your loss. Who knows, maybe heaven is a place where we get to roll in the grass along with our dogs on warm sunny days. At least that’s how I always imagine it.

  41. My heart’s with you mate, even though we’ve never met – what a horrible time for you, doubly so with puss out of your home.
    My experience is, if you can give her some cuddles beforehand, or even after, it might make it just a slight bit easier?
    Fwiw, you’re in my thoughts, even though I don’t know you: if I could take this world of pain away and just make it my own I would, but of course, none of us can, can we?
    I posted a link (not mine, not commercial) about grief that helped me through losing those I loved, you can find it if you click my username thing.

  45. Oh Wil, I am so sorry. Like many others who’ve been here with you for years, I’ve loved your stories about Ferris, worried about her when she was sick, rejoiced when she was better, and smiled whenever you talked about her, because I know how much you adored each other.
    Relationships with our animals are the most complex and simple at the same time. We love them so deeply and fiercely for such a short time, and they bring such joy, but it’s the short time that makes their passing most often seem that much more heart wrenching.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

  46. sorry to hear about your dog wil. we had to say good bye to a beloved pet last week and i can imagine the grief you must feel as we were surprised by our own grief.
    ferris was probably glad his doggie dad was there with him to comfort him.
    he sounds like he was a great companion.

  47. Wil, My heart breaks to hear this and just reading the words “died this morning” brings tears to my eyes cause I know I only have a few years left with my awesome dog who I will be broken without. So know my thoughts and sympathy are with you and your family. -Alexis

  48. Aw, Wil, that’s really sad news. We lost a loved pet some years ago and it still brings a twinge to my heart thinking about it. She’ll be with you always — even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
    Spacewriter

  49. Wil, I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing how much the loss of a pet can hurt. Time will help ease the pain, but you will always remember your dog. Hang in there.

  50. We recently lost our first family dog that we had for 16 years. I know exactly what you are going through. The hard thing is that we have five more dogs at about the same age and we know their time is running out. I questioned having animals because the pain of losing them is almost unbearable….. but when I think of all the happy memories we shared together it all seems worth it. The sorrow is what makes us appreciate the joy. I’m so sorry for your loss, Wil. But I know you and your family really did Save Ferris, and she was as happy to have you as you were to have her.

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