through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes

My dog Ferris, who was rescued from a bus stop in Monrovia by my wife Anne almost exactly 8 years ago, had a heart attack and died this morning. It happened very quickly, and I was with her, which is supposed to make me feel better, but at this moment all I can feel is nearly-unbearable sorrow, and the empty space in my life left behind by my awesome dog. 

Ferris Wheaton

Bye bye, Ferris. I love you and miss you. You were the best dog ever.

A small request: if you choose to comment, please don't post that Rainbow Bridge thing. I know you mean well, but it has always made me uncomfortable.

436 thoughts on “through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes”

  3. Wil, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Our beloved dog Beren died the same way. Ferris was a delight to read about, and I’m sure she was an amazing friend. She died with you there, and I’m sure for her that was the most important thing.

  5. i don’t think you being at her side is supposed to make you feel better, but i’m sure it made her feel better. my condolences to you and the family on the loss of your awesome dog

  7. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I know she was a member of your family and we are fortunate that you’ve shared her with us. It is a loss that we all will feel even if it is in a very small way.

  8. i know this pain all too well. A member of the family taken before their time.
    i lost my boy to cancer when he was 7. It wasn’t fair….it never is.
    i don’t know if you’ll ever take the time to read this. I mean, how many times can you read a sympathy letter, regardless of the thought put into it. If, by chance, you do i am enclosing NOT the Rainbow Bridge, but the prayer that the vets gave to me when i went to pick up Petey’s ashes. It made me cry even harder…and i really REALLY needed to cry…I mean REALLY cry. It was cleansing and necessary. I still shed tears from time to time…
    “Our Prayer”
    They say that memories are golden
    Well, maybe that is true.
    I never wanted memories,
    I only wanted you.
    A million times I needed you,
    A million times I cried.
    If love alone could have saved you,
    You never would have died.
    In life I loved you dearly,
    In death I love you still.
    In my heart you hold a place
    No one can ever fill.
    If tears could build a stairway
    And heartache make a lane,
    I’d walk the path to heaven
    And bring you back again.
    Our family chain is broken
    And nothing seems the same.
    But as God calls us one by one,
    The chain will link again.
    It still gets me teary eyed.

  9. I am so sorry for your loss. Someday, I think you will feel better about having been with her because it is the best thing for them when they are hurting and afraid. I haven’t gotten there after losing my own in January. But when I think of it now, I am so very glad that I was holding her, that she wasn’t alone.

  10. I’m so sorry for your loss Wil. I lost my dog last summer and understand the pain that comes with losing someone that special. It took me almost 6 months to feel like myself again. I hope that Ferris will forever be remembered with lots of smiles and chuckles rather than just tears of loss.
    My sympathy to you and your entire family. Best wishes and big hugs

  11. Wil,
    I am so incredibly sorry to hear of your loss.
    I have lost both my cats within the last 6 mos and within 9 weeks of each other. I’ve started to be able to smile more when I think of them, but I still tear up a lot.
    I’m so glad for you though that you were able to be with her and that she went knowing she was loved.

  12. I’ve never been a pet owner because of allergies, but I’ve cried at funerals for inspirational people I barely knew… and I don’t cry easy!
    Ferris was an inspiration to you, to your whole family, and to everyone who was touched by your stories of her. Her memory will live on in these stories, and there are times where I’m sure you’ll wish she were there to share new moments with you, and if you keep that feeling alive, you’ll always be close to her.
    *hugs*

  13. My deepest condolences. I understand all too well, recently. This past Saturday, my wonderful, smart, affectionate friend Ben, an elderly rat, had a paralysing stroke and passed away.
    Losing your friends hurts. A lot.

  14. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss Melissa.
    You did the right thing for her, and you’re paying for that with your grief. It’s not fair, but then again, what is? I wish you all the best, and know that she had a great life, and you did the best you could. One day that might make sense – but that won’t be yet.

  15. I’m sorry that Ferris had to leave you so suddenly and so soon. What a lucky dog to have gone from being alone at a bus stop to spending the rest of her life with a family that loved her so much. Please send our condolences to Anne and the kids as well.

  18. Aw, Wil. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and my heart goes out to you and Anne. I know you loved Ferris, and that she loved you. Those feelings came through unmistakeably in every post where you mentioned ‘your awesome dog.’ So even though she left you far too soon, at least you know that you were there for each other. <3
    – Christina (from Rochester)

  19. I am so sorry for your loss. My dog died last year and I still have moments where I can’t help but think about them. My heart goes out to you and your family. Its so tough to lose a pet.

  20. I have lived all my life with dogs. Last year I lost two of my three beloved companions in the span of a few months. One of them had lived with my family all his 14 years.
    Wil, you have given to the internet community a window to your life, and we are honored and humbled by that. We can only repay you with words, but hope you can take them to heart: We’re so sorry for your loss of a family member. Hugs for you and your family.

  21. I’m so sorry about Ferris. He really was an awesome dog, judging by the great stories and obvious affection you have for him. I’ll keep a good thought for you, Anne and your sons.

  24. I know how hard this must be. Those who say our animals are “like” family just don’t get the point.
    My thoughts are with you and the rest of your family.

  25. There is nothing like a good dog. I know how it feels, my cocker spaniel that I had from sixth grade and for 14 years after that had to be put down and it shook my entire world. I was 26 or 27 and I remember crying like a baby.
    I feel your pain and unfortunately you may never truly get over it, especially when you see another dog that looks just like yours.
    Much love to both of our dogs.
    Michael

  26. I’m so very sorry for your loss. In the last year, I’ve lost both of my 16+ year old cats that I had since they were weaned. I miss the little furballs every day. Some days I still expect them to come bounding down the stairs or tearing around the corner from the hallway. I can’t eat french fries without expecting the oldest to meow for her share. But I know I was blessed with the time I had with them. I am both less than I was due to their loss and more for having had them in my life. I’m sure you’ll feel the same once the shock wears away.

  27. Oh no… I’m so sorry, Wil.
    My heart sank when I saw Ferris’ photo after clicking through from Twitter, then my fears were confirmed. Hurting for you and your family. 🙁

  31. Wil, I am so sorry for your family’s loss.
    Four weeks ago today our family companion of 19 years – Ginger – passed away.

    She was an unrepentant miscreant and constant thorn in my side.
    I still find myself blocking the door and telling her to stay out of the garage, only to turn and realize she’ll never try to sneak past me again.
    The pain has lessened slightly, but there will always be a place in my heart where Ginger dwells.
    I know Ferris will always have a place in your family’s heart.
    My family’s thoughts and prayers are with your family as you go through this difficult time.

  33. I’m so sorry for your loss, and so grateful for all the Ferris stories you’ve shared with us over the years.
    My 14YO chihuahua died in February, and even though I have other dogs, I still miss him.
    Here’s hoping the pain of loss subsides quickly, so the happy memories can take their rightful place in your brain.

  36. I’m so sorry. 🙁 Our rescued german shepherd is about to turn 8 and I can’t imagine how we would feel. One of our cats passed away very suddenly a few months ago from a rare condition, he was only 3, and it was just utterly heartbreaking.
    Ferris looks a little shepherd-y is his pictures, so adorable. Very sad to lose such an awesome dog.
    Hugz from all our furry critters.

  37. I’m so sorry to hear about Ferris; there is no pain like that of losing a furry member of your family. Sending strength to you and a donation to my local Humane Society in her memory.

  38. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this, Wil. Sending positive thoughts your way. I loved reading your stories about Ferris, too.

  39. I’m so, so sorry Will. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Losing a beloved pet is never, ever easy. I dislike the Rainbow Bridge thing myself, so I will give you instead a quote from [Watership Down]:
    My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today.

  43. Given that our lives as humans are so much longer than those of our four legged companions, we strangely subject ourselves to the tragedy and loss of our beloved friends. And yet, knowing this, we do it anyway.
    I believe the lives of those who find each other, for animals as much as for humans, are mutually enriched through such pairings, and the long-term joy and partnership of these relationships, and the memories created are worth every bit of the brief but inevitable pain of loss.
    From the stories you have shared with us, your web-friends, I am certain Ferris loved every member of your family, and would never have chosen to leave. Take comfort in the knowledge that you gave as much joy to her as she gave to you, and that her passing was quick as we could all hope for.

  45. I know there’s nothing to be said that will actually make you feel better, but this absolutely breaks my heart. So I felt it had to be said that I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  46. Wil, I am so sorry. Ferris was truly an awesome dog. I always loved reading about those little moments you shared with her. My sympathies go out to you and your family.

  47. Ferris looks much like my dog Zimba who passed from cancer two summers ago. When I first started reading your blog, I remember pointing out to Zimba that you had a dog that looked like her. Often times, when you have posted of Ferris’s actions and personality, it reminded me of Zimba.
    My heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to lose such a great friend. I know Ferris had an awesome life with you and your family.

  50. I’m so very sorry to hear that. They give us so very much and make our lives so much better. My deepest condolences.

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