Okay, so. I’m developing this Star Trek Lower Decks fan fiction I call The Wedding Crusher.
There’s a wedding on the Cerritos. Traveler Wesley shows up because he loves to crash Starfleet weddings. It’s kind of his thing.
When he gets there, he runs into Mariner. For the rest of the time he is on the ship, all he wants is for her to think he’s cool, because they went to academy together when he was decidedly NOT cool.
There’s a quick scene where Ransom runs into him, and is absolutely POSITIVE they know each other. Wesley says they’ve never met. Ransom says that they definitely know each other. Maybe from when they were kids?
Meanwhile, Boimler is just BESIDE himself that Wesley Freakin’ Crusher, who piloted the Enterprise, who knows and works with a lot of Boimler’s heroes, is on Boimler’s ship. So Boimler wants Wesley to think HE is cool, and we enjoy Wesley being both Boimler AND Mariner in these various interactions. But Boimler is being that delightfully exuberant dude we love, but he’s just trying too hard.
Right around the time Wesley is about to just lose it at him, Boimler nerds out REAL HARD at Wesley about some technobabble science thing, and it speaks so loudly to Wesley’s inner nerd, they end up on a major science project together that brings in Rutherford. When it’s done, they all sign it, and OF COURSE it ends up saving the Cerritos in the third act.
In the denouement, they are all in the ship’s bar, celebrating. Mariner is setting Wesley up for the thing he’s wanted so badly. She’s about to tell him how cool he is … and instead she pulls a switcheroo and just ROASTS him in the most hilarious way possible. I haven’t figured out what it is, yet.
Wesley is so severely burned, he sort of chokes on his drink, tries to do a comeback, fails, tries again, fails again, and then does this Traveler thing where he basically Men In Black’s them with an “I was never here” snap of his fingers. They have a beat together where they play most of the scene again, only this time it’s Boimler who did it with Rutherford’s help. Fade out.
CUT TO: Wesley sitting with the OG Traveler, who asks him how it went, and Wesley is like I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. The Traveler gives him a slice of wedding cake to ease his pain, and Wesley gratefully devours it. “You really gotta come with me to one of these things,” he tells him while he eats.
The final shot is the Cerritos cruising away while we hear a voice over from Boimler and Rutherford wondering how Wesley Crusher’s signature got on this thing.
THE END.
i might be boimler WHAT THE HELL when i first watched the strange new worlds episode where boimler and mariner time travel to TOS time and boimler completely nerds out to spock in like march this year i said i was literally boimler because this was in my TOS hyperfixation era and spock is my fav tos character but i rewatched it in like may/june and i said then that i WOULD be boimler if spock was wesley crusher so i might sue you because that was my idea technically
LOVE IT!
I love it! Would totally watch the hell out of it multiple times.
Yes!
Perhaps Wesley gives Boimler and Rutherford sweaters.
HAHAHAHAHAHA omg I love that.
oh wait even better, Wesley sees that Boimler has a reproduction of one of his sweaters and Boimler is MORTIFIED … until Wesley gives him a tip on how to make it more authentic.
I love this! I love everything about this! Can we get a one-off Lower Decks special for something like this, if we can’t get another whole season? This would be a riot!
Need something going on with Tendi and/or T’Lyn! Some hijinx that ends up bringing Robin Lefler onboard! Maybe “it’s a Traveler thing” and Robin gets to return to her ship safe and sound afterward by finger-snap-equivalent, but while she’s there she’s offended that Trav.Crusher never visited her. And Tendi’s a little jealous of Rutherford and Boimler off doing boy play together. So D’Vana and Robin instigate a B-story in the background of the existing concept, messing with both Crusher and Rutherford. T’Lyn, meanwhile, is just trying to wrap her science mind around the Traveler writing device.
Five’ll get you ten that you’ve got fans with mad animation skillz who will bring your story to life as a labor of love.
As always, much love to you and Anne.
Five’ll get you ten you’ve got fans with mad animation skillz who will bring your story to life as a labor of love.
As always, much love to you and Anne.
Ehrmegehrd please make it so!!! 😀
Hell yeah! This is a great story! Have Boimler point out how many times Wesley Crusher nearly destroyed the Enterprise with his crazy experiments! And use an exact number as well, because we all know that Boimler is a bigger Trekkie than the most hard core of Trek fans. That would be more than enough to not only upset Mr. Crusher, but also bring back his inner nerd!
Mariner roasts Wesley by telling everyone about the birthmark that Wesley finds so embarrassing, the same one referred to by Robin Leffler in “The Game”.
Love it. No notes. 🙂
MARINER: Oh my god, Wesley it’s so good to see you. Guys, guys, you know we went to the Academy together? Oh, that takes me back… Did you all know that in my first year I had the biggest crush on… Josh Albert? Wow, for a skinny guy could he rock a sweater. Didn’t you lend him one, Wes? He made it look so good. I miss Josh… And such a smarty pants too, getting into the Academy so young. Sure his dad was Starfleet, but Josh didn’t have the Captain Picard greasing the wheels. Oooh, sorry Wes. Anyway, let me tell you about this time Josh and I…
(A different spin where Mariner is not purely roasting Wesley, but gushing over a lost friend… and poking Wesley’s insecurities along the way. But I’m sure Wesley still feels incredibly guilty for Joshua Albert’s death, so this may either be another reason for him to nope out early, or cut too deeply to be used.)
I read that in Tawny’s voice. That’s great!
I, too, read that in Tawny’s voice.
I really want to see that! Awesome:)
I would watch that, wiht glee.
With Wes being a Traveller® and all, in the back of my mind I expect to either see him, or hear his voice, in the background – on any of the current/past and future trek series (time being unimportant for Wes). Maybe even a Wes/Kore collab in the background of SNW?
Mariner would probably bring up every loose-end pertaining to Wesley Crusher she could like — what’s going on with that Nanite Civilization? Do they revere Wesley like we do Cochrane and have a huge Wesley statue (but it’s only 4 cm tall)? Was there a religious war that erupted over whether or not Lefler’s Laws should be included in scripture, or if they’re apocrypha? Did Starfleet ever dress down Wes for single-handedly destroying the Tsiolkovsky, or that the families of the crew were pissed that they weren’t disposed of in a more dignified matter? Maybe she’d make fun of Wesley’s middle name – Eugene?
I love this idea so much. And this is why we need to #SaveLowerDecks; it’s a unique Trek where you can do stories like this, that would never fly on other iterations. You should join us on Facebook [and YouTube (and Insta)] LinkTr.ee/SaveLowerDecks
I love the Nemesis callback. It’s GENIUS! Thank you for the new head canon.
Now I’m imagining that Wes was lurking somewhere in the background at Worf and Jadzia’s wedding. Maybe Rom and Leeta, too. And, heck, he exists out of space and time. Maybe he was at the Balance of Terror wedding that Kirk officiates. Man, Trek has a lot of weddings. This could be a series unto itself.
It took me a shameful amount of time to get the Ransom joke.
I haven’t watched any of Lower Decks, but love your fanfic idea!
Yes! Perfect! Now they have to renew the series, right? (I also wondered about Wesley’s time alone: would he be bad-ass or excited and childlike like Family Guy’s depiction of Wil Wheaton?)
How is this not actually a script proposal?
Seriously, dude, you are an excellent writer, and we know you have connections with the show’s creative team!
So good
I know this has been bouncing around for a while in a vague sense, but I love it every time I see it. The wedding crasher part is new to me. Wonderful!
I almost spit out my coffee…THAT’s great!!!
Lower decks, lower decks, lower decks!
Keep it up will
This is absolutely genius and would absolutely work as a real episode. Shame the show’s ending without a proper Wesley appearance!
First off, I love it, shut_up_and_take_my_money.jpeg.
Second, here’s my pitch for the bar scene:
[Mariner, Crusher, Boiler, Rutherford, and Tendi are at the bar with tropical-looking drinks]
Mariner [to Crusher]: Remember making microbot drones in the nanites lab?
Boimler: I heard about that! Those tournaments were legendary!
Crusher: Yeah, my favorite was one that [cool-sounding technobabble]
Mariner: Too bad they made the lab off-limits.
Tendi [glancing at her PADD]: That reminds me, I have to go do my nanite ethics training. [picks up PADD and exits]
Boiler: I never even got to go in. It wasn’t something to do with the microbot tournaments, was it?
[Crusher shifts uncomfortably and stirs his as-yet-untouched Piña Colada]
Mariner: Nope, but the reigning champion here [thumb at Crusher] made a flock of self-modifying microbots to help the groundskeeper, and things got… thorough with the targ manure.
Crusher: [quickly trying to change the subject] It was based on the ones I designed for the First Contact Day tournament, remember that? It was so rainy, that–
Mariner: [cuts him off] We heard you getting yelled at all the way from Language Arts.
Rutherford: In the Uhura Complex? That’s not even on the main campus!
Mariner: Yup. Boothby was using the PA to warn people when he pulled [Boothby impression:] “young Mr. Crusher” out from under a sh[bleep]-covered bush.
Crusher: It was the efficiency improvement algorithm! Some first-year wrote a faulty optimization proof the bots ingested, and it caused a buffer overflow! It was perfect until then!
Boimler [to Mariner]: Did you read the Voyager report on the Delta Quadrant Starfleet Academy they found? The smell helped narrow down when species 8472 had been to earth.
Mariner: Read it? I contributed. Remember the part about [holds up swirly straw from her drink as a monocle] “the use of ‘crushing it’ in the replicants’ vernacular to mean technical skill outweighing mastery, leading to irreparable and widespread damage”?
Boimler: That was you?!
Crusher: Nobody says that!
[snap]
Love this. Very, very funny.
Thanks for the silly crazy fun ride this Sunday morn.! 🙂
I think the ending needs workshopping a bit. But maybe I am biased because I’m not a fan of the ‘characters don’t remember the story’ trope.
Other than that, LOVE IT. Who does the comics these days? Pitch it! 😀
I thought it was spot on. Mariner would definitely roast anyone if she had the chance. And Boimler, he’d definitely geek out meeting Wil Wheaton and want to impress him.
I’d definitely watch that episode.
Well done, sir. It’s a crime against the humanities that this isn’t a real LD episode.
On the subject of revisiting old characters, and it must have been suggested before, but has there been any traction on the idea of a Stand By Me special edition with you reading Dreyfus’ lines as Adult Gordie? Has it already happened and I’ve just missed it?
Dreyfus’ performance was great of course, but I’ve quite enjoyed your narrations of your own work, and feel it would be quite entertaining to have TRUE adult Gordie saying “but what I heard was: ‘Chopper, sick balls’.”