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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

for all you last-minute shoppers out there…

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While you're out doing your last minute holiday shopping, you may happen upon a little device known as The Slap Chop. You may have seen it on TV, and you may have heard that it purports to: "Chop up vegetables, nuts, & fruits, quickly and easily" with just a few simple slaps. And who doesn't like slapping their food around into ever-smaller pieces?

Now, some of you may wonder if this gizmo actually fulfills all of the nearly-unbelievable claims it makes, thereby making it a worthwhile gift for that lucky person on your list who you've put off shopping for, and who already has as many Chia Pets as any single person could be expected to care for.

Well, Popular Mechanics says maybe not so much:

The Slap Chop produces inconsistent, indiscriminate chunks, foodstuffs wedge in its numerous nooks and crannies, and it consumes as much kitchen real estate as a coffee grinder. 

On the other hand…

Happy shopping, everyone.

No endorsement of the product mentioned should be assumed or implied. Use of Slap Chop does not automatically guarantee funky hip hop singing and dancing ability. In fact, you're probably better off spending your money on something else, and just watching the video over and over again, until you feel the tingling warmth of insanity spreading across your delicious brain.

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20 December, 2009 Wil

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From the Vault: The Fires of Mordor → ← In which my friend @Muskrat_John is congratulated by me, @wilw.

66 thoughts on “for all you last-minute shoppers out there…”

  1. anarki says:
    20 December, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Welcome to six months ago.

  2. Wil says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:03 am

    Oh, well, I'm so terribly sorry I tried to make an amusing and possibly entertaining throwaway post. Please forgive me for not being on the cutting-edge of hilarious YouTube videos.

  3. Jules says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:03 am

    That commercial kills me. Every time I OH: “Watch this, you’re gonna love my nuts” a part of me dies inside. Such good writing.

  4. vialila says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:05 am

    heh. wish i’d SEEN this 6 months ago, b/c i have one and it SUCKS.

  5. vialila says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:08 am

    ok, strictly speaking, mine’s not a slap chop but one of the ones he throws away. boy, double fail for me!

  6. twitter.com/speck211 says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:10 am

    indeed, how dare you sir.

  7. Bookofbiff says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:11 am

    I love this remix version! It gets stuck in my head a few times a week. I wonder if they would sell more or less of these if they put this version on TV.

  8. nextekcarl says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Don’t feel too bad, I do keep up on these things (to some extent) and I hadn’t seen it yet.

  9. Rufinasca says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:15 am

    PERFECT post, just in time for relief from the holiday madness. who gives a rat’s ass if the video is 6 months old! made MY day! thx!

  10. 3Kats says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Hah! Although I’d seen the “Shamwow Jam,” (also a nice bit of silliness), this one was new to me. Thanks for warming up a very cold Maine day with some gigggles!

  11. Crankydragon says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:19 am

    I hadn’t seen it either, and in any case it’s much happier than what I’m hearing on twitter right now. 🙁

  12. Larry Owens says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:23 am

    See, I work too much to watch EVERY youtube video in existence. That damn grown up, pay bills, be productive member of society scheme…so I thank you for brining amusing distractions like this to my attention!
    P.S. People, There are cool books on the upper right of this page, GO BUY THEM!

  13. CaseyCannolis says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:25 am

    New to me as well. Hilarious; thanks so much for the fun, “throwaway” post, Wil.

  14. JCB1978 says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Slap the crap out of the ‘slap chop’…hmmm…maybe that is what I need to relieve some of the pressure in my head..lol:) This really could become an addiction, huh? Loved this! Thanks Wil:)

  15. Jayne says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Oh no…this is not a throwaway post Wil! I haven’t seen this video, and anything with the Breakin’ gang is A+ to me! Tell anarki to go to hell!

  16. karohemd says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Ace video. Isn’t this the Shamwow guy?
    Also, what’s all the hype he’s making? These things are hardly new, my parents got one for their wedding 40 years ago (advertised to chop onions). My mum used it once or twice and then gave up on it because onion bits would get stuck in it and cleaning it was a bitch.

  17. dabbleponder.blogspot.com says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Thanks for this – my troubles have been slapped away!!! F’realz!
    @karohemd my folks also had similar chopper when I was a kid (also about 40 years ago)!

  18. Ignotus_ille says:
    20 December, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Thank you. I only just succeeded in removing THIS from my head and now Rapper Vince has decided to move in.
    So I say unto you, à la Heston: “Damn you… Damn you.”

  19. Coldironkiss says:
    20 December, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Oooh. Real gift idea: DVD full of great YouTubes for the technically disinclined on your list.

  20. Lisa says:
    20 December, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    http://skepchick.org/blog/2009/01/buy-shamwows-now/

  21. Niki says:
    20 December, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Thanks Wil….now i am going to have this song stuck in my head all week!

  22. Gween says:
    20 December, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    HA! Are those clips from “Breakin”?
    What a great break from the chaos that can be the holidays…thanks for making me smile.

  23. edwardo says:
    20 December, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    That one viral video will do more to sell Slap Chops than the actual ad campaign… they might want to write a check to that guy instead of their PR agency!

  24. Rayzilla69 says:
    20 December, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Yes, that was Breakin’ featuring Turbo, Ozone and Special K….and a young Ice T as the MC in the club…yeah, I am even older than wil….

  25. lizzie says:
    20 December, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    That video is a crack up.
    I’ve owned something like this for years – I got it from Pampered Chef. I rather like it, but I agree that stuff gets stuck everywhere.

  26. bytehead says:
    20 December, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    @edwardo: They did.
    They took that remix, and made it their own commercial. Not only do they have slapchop.com, but slapchoprap.com.
    I was on the couch suffering from a cold this morning when it popped up on the TV — as a commercial.

  27. TheLoneIguana says:
    20 December, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    And anarki breaks Wheaton’s Law on the very first post.

  28. Luca Masters says:
    20 December, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    My friend got a Slap Chop. Apparently it’s useful for garlic and not really anything else.
    At least she no longer has a boring life.

  29. John Compton says:
    20 December, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Can’t be the internet without a troll, now, can it?

  30. John Compton says:
    20 December, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    My wife bought a version of this from Pampered Chef years ago. Their version works pretty well, but I still prefer just to use a knife and do it the old-fashioned way.

  31. Athene says:
    20 December, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    I love remix culture!

  32. Alan says:
    20 December, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    Is that on DJ Hero?

  33. Wil says:
    20 December, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    When I first saw this video about a week ago, I turned to Anne and our friend Robert and I said, "That's Breakin'. It's not Breakin 2: Electric Bogaloo. I don't know why I know this, but I am so certain, I would bet my life on it."

  34. Andrew Nier says:
    20 December, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    I made the same horrible mistake when I posted the Carl Sagan Cosmos remixes. The shit I took for not being current. For shame.

  35. Taellosse says:
    20 December, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Eh, don’t sweat it. I expect large sections of your reading audience hadn’t seen this yet (such as me), and were amused. Youtube memes take time to propagate through the internet, after all.
    Though I have to say, the amusement of the video had worn off by the time I was about a third of the way through it, and yet I kept watching until the end. It has a strange power. It frightens me a little, I think.

  36. Wil says:
    20 December, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    Yeah, God forbid you have other things to do with your life than sit around and wait for The Next Big Thing to break, so you can smugly let everyone know you were there first.
    Ah, the perils have having adult responsibilities.

  37. Witchchylde says:
    20 December, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    My daughter -might- have already seen this, but I’m delighted to discover it now — especially the sprinkling of Shabba Doo throughout!

  38. Rook says:
    20 December, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    I had one, years ago. In fact, probably about 10 years ago. They just called it something else at the time. And just like Popular Mechanics said, inconsistent at best with its chopping. And a pain to clean, despite what they say on the ad.

  39. Rook says:
    20 December, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    In fact, you’re probably better off spending your money on something else, and just watching the video over and over again, until you feel the tingling warmth of insanity spreading across your delicious brain.

    Sorry, it’s about 45 years too late to prevent insanity.

  40. CoreyAdler says:
    20 December, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Speaking of violating Wheaton’s Law, there’s the guy who’s the spokesman for the Slap Chop (as well as the ShamWow)…who was arrested in March for beating up a prostitute: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html
    Pics included on the site. I think this qualifies as a major violation, no?

  41. Danniboi says:
    20 December, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Wow, that was creepy, but strangly hypnotic. . .

  42. JustDoshia says:
    20 December, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    This is exactly why WW is my hero.

  43. Rayzilla69 says:
    20 December, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    ..yep, Breakin’ 2:Electic Boogaloo was a terrible movie compared to the first….that means it was horrible…I mean, really, the scene where Turbo is in the room and it turns 360 degrees from upright, to upside down and back…c’mon, very, very bad…not like the scene in Breakin’ where Turbo sweeps outside with the ‘magic’ broom and you can only see the strings a little bit…

  44. Wizzer2801 says:
    20 December, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    What you really need is some Team Fortress 2 Slap Chop:


  45. Annie was here says:
    20 December, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    Haha, I’m still laughing!

  46. Wil says:
    20 December, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Are you kidding me?! That scene is the reason that whole movie was made, man!
    With everything I've accomplished in life, I still can't help but feel like I've failed just a little bit, because I've never been able to do the Centipede up one wall, across the ceiling, and down the other wall, just like Turbo did.

  47. Cassie ST says:
    20 December, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    Hey Wil
    Totally OT, but your blog is looking *really* cool at the moment. Just thought you’d like to know.
    Oh, and we’re a bit behind the times round these parts, or maybe I’m just not staying up late enough … but brilliant mix!
    When the advert arrives it’ll be a bit of a non-event, I reckon.

  48. mightydarv says:
    20 December, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Watch this, you’re gonna love my nuts.
    Okay, for me it’s the old lady laughing maniacally at the end.

  49. Carole M. says:
    20 December, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    Well it made me laugh. Mind you, I’ve also had two glasses of wine and 3 hours of sleep. But it made me laugh.

  50. Rayzilla69 says:
    20 December, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    If only we ‘normal’ people could do the Centipede without pulling something then perhaps life would be complete. On the ‘failed a little bit’ side of things, I want to apologize for not giving you feedback on your chatbook that we(myself and kids Lennon and Savannah) purchased from you at PAX this year(heard you mention feedback on RFB). I forget that to a self publisher person like yourself all of the feedback is critical. Its like you are part of our family as we pretty much buy your stuff, watch your stuff, read your stuff, listen to your stuff etc. Anyway, we loved it! It was a nice lite read that all three of us were able to enjoy. Dont get discouraged. Please do release some more fiction in the future, because there are people who do like it. Even a PDF would be cool, even though we prefer the ‘book in the hand’ experience.
    Now I have to add the two movies to my Netflix cue…

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