the turtle trick delivers ultimate victory

I once wrote a Geek in Review, called 8 Bits High and Rising (Content SFW; Site is NSFW), about my love of the Nintendo Entertainment System. I liked it so much, I adapted a great deal of it for my keynote address to PAX in 2007.

Here's part of it that's relevant to this post:

I was invited to a celebrity charity thing in Hollywood, which was sponsored by Nintendo. In addition to all the usual photographs and teen magazine interviews, shoulder pads and Aqua Net, there would be a Super Mario Bros. competition.

This wasn't some silly Starcade competition with modified versions or timed levels on certain games. It was a serious high score competition, and Jeremy and I were determined to take down the Grand Prize: a complete NES system, featuring a light gun, a robot, over twenty games, and possibly First Prize: a 20 inch color TV. While all the other young teen heartthrobs were busy being seen, signing autographs and getting their picture taken, my brother and I prepared to claim what was rightfully ours. You see, we'd been unintentionally preparing for this very moment all summer long.

Since that fateful day in Zody's, my brother and I had developed an affinity for Nintendo games. In fact, you could say we were protofanboys. We'd always liked Donkey Kong and Punch Out!!, but when a Super Mario Bros. machine was installed between Arkanoid and Pinbot at our local 7-11, we played with a cult-like dedication. Over that summer, we were those guys who nobody could beat, thanks largely to a trick we learned from one of Jeremy's friends at school. He called it "the turtle trick," and it was a way to earn almost limitless free men by freezing and jumping repeatedly on a turtle at the end of world 3-1. Though we never managed to actually beat the game during that time, using the turtle trick, we obtained and held the high score for months. (For you damn kids today, not just earning – but maintaining – the high score on an arcade machine was a very big deal back in those days.)

The competition rules were simple: every kid in attendance could play twice and keep their highest score. At the end of the afternoon, the four highest scores would win prizes.

Thanks to the turtle trick, a lot of patience, and a singular focus that the presence of several young starlets tested (Christina Applegate, Alyssa Milano, and Nicole Eggert among them,) my brother and I completely obliterated everyone else there, and took home the the grand and first prize. 

Earlier this morning, a bunch of people messaged me on Twitter about a column at 1UP, which not only describes that fateful competition, but includes a picture of me and my brother that filled me with such joyful nostalgia, my vision temporarily blurred. You'll have to hit 1UP to see the awesome picture, but please indulge me this quote:

…all we know is that Wil Wheaton is better at Super Mario than Jason Bateman. Please feel free to pull out this fact the next time you are at a party.

Bam, said the lady.

Hey, speaking of my brother, have I mentioned that he takes phenomenal pictures and made awesome things with them?

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48 thoughts on “the turtle trick delivers ultimate victory”

  1. I love this story! I especially love the picture of you and your brother, they way you both have your arms around each other. So much more love there than Justin just standing next to Justine (j/k)! Thanks so much for posting. I wouldn’t say I’m that much of a geek, but I have a picture just like that from when my sister and I went to a math competition together in middle school and won some low level award. So it made me smile :).

  2. What ever happend to those fantasic prizes? Lost to time? Sold unaware at a yard sale? Or, are they safely kept and worshiped in only a manner befitting of such a glorious haul?

  3. What a wonderful story. How great that day must have been for you and your brother! It is memories like this that last a lifetime. No one can ever take that away from you. Hey, who says the 80’s were lame?? I would give anything to go back to those days. Times were just easier….and the music….! You are so very lucky to have a great family as you seem to have. Man I love your blogs!! You are really an inspiration….like I could ever write half as good as you, but still. Remember how GREAT it was to be able to say you had a NES at home?? Thanks for this awesome post. Made my day!

  4. I have a picture of… my foot. I’ve always resented the other side of the camera so I envy anyone who isn’t shy of the lens.
    When it comes to winning though, I’m awesome! Once won third place in a fancy dress competition. Shame really – I was the only entrant. (I really wish I was exaggerating – I genuinely got third prize!)
    I think I need counselling really! =)
    Love your writing, Wil
    -X-X-X-

  5. Hahaha – Loved the story. And, you brought back the memory of the turtle trick! My father, a callused hard-working construction man, found that trick also – I think he called it the “turtle trick” too. At the time, there was a top score for Super Mario Brothers in the Guinness Book of World Records – and, my father went on for weeks about what a great player he was when he beat it using the “turtle trick” and never leaving level 3. Thanks for the great post.

  6. Did you happen to have that little dream where Nicole wanted to have “Wil in charge of [her]”?
    I know I did (well, not “Wil” but you know…) – and for years I was the only one I knew that would understand – much less share, that reference.
    …once again… Wil knows the awesome that I know.
    Grats on the high scores – btw – did you use you own initials on the Hi-Score screen – or did you use some other clever three letter combo?

  8. …you quoted Nathan Fillion. And you kicked ass at Super Mario Bros. and you and your brother are absolutely adorable. Feeling the overwhelming urge to jump into the nearest Delorean/TARDIS and go back to that day and give you a hug!
    Also, that thing about you being better than Jason Bateman? Pfft, I could’ve told you that.

  11. Aww, that is such a cute picture, even with the creepy Mario guy! My first console was a NES. I wish I had known about the turtle trick, then I could have used it to wipe the floor with my impudent little brother who had the nerve to be better at Super Mario than me. Maybe it’s time for a rematch. . .

  12. KAWAII!!! You and your brother look so cute there! Gratz on the high score and yeah, my brother in law taught me and my bro that trick. He could go through the whole game and not actually die once. We were in awe of him.
    I love finding pictures like that, so full of good nostalgia.

  13. I still remember stumbling on the turtle trick during my obsessive days of playing Super Mario as a kid. Before the days of the internets the only “cred” one could get was in the school yard. I still remember telling a disbelieving crowd about the trick. They all shunned me but then they returned the next day with a deep look of respect on their faces. Good times.
    Remember when you went past 99 lives and the icons turned in to other small icons from the game? Like the brick pattern. Thanks for the good memories!!

  16. Great. Now I have to kick my 8-year old son off the Wii so I can play Super Mario Brothers and try out this turtle trick. 🙂
    I really wish I had kept my NES and not let my first wife get rid of it. *sigh*
    Great pic, BTW!

  17. nice.
    patience is a key virtue 🙂
    along with commitment.
    I bet you won because you knew you were gonna win, the competition, so you just went for it, putting the neccessary energy in.
    I know, I used to win almost every game I played as a kid, because I new I could. lol

  18. I tried Tweeting but you know Wil is just too busy. My next $1 million dollar idea – Twitter Theater or Tweater!
    Yes, Tweater – where Wil finds one of his movies (Toy Soldiers was on Encore last night), posts the time for everyone to watch, and we all watch together while Wil tweets his snarky comments and behind the scenes remembrances during the movie. It’s MOTF live via Twitter!
    Seriously – I thought of this all by myself. PLEASE tell me I am the first, and please convince Wil to be the first to do it!
    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

  19. Funny you should mention that. I've been kicking around a similar idea for a few months. I will, of course, announce via blog and Twitter if I am ever able to make it happen.

  21. My daughter walked in while I was watching Toy Soldiers last night and asked if that was Wil. I told her it was, but not to get too excited, he’d be dead in about 5 minutes. So sad. They’ve been running it on and off so maybe she’ll get to see the whole thing soon.
    Anyway, I don’t twitter. Hospital pharmacies are usually in the basements, and we have zero bars in the dungeon. But for a live feed/commentary from Wil, I’d sign up in a nanosecond.
    It would be really cool for those of us stuck in areas of the country that rarely have a chance to see you in person.

  22. Thanks for bringing back Nintendo memories! : ) I miss old school Mario and those TURTLES! Finding tricks like those, or hidden batches of coins, always made me feel invincible. I loved finding these tricks out by going over to friends’ houses & playing all together, waiting my turn cuz there were only two controllers… “How’d you to that?” Feeling Awe & Inspiration.
    I just can’t get enough of how you write! Love it! Thank you!

  23. Wow, our very own MST3000 thing!!! Do it Do it Do it pleeeaaaasssseeee Uncle Wil!
    And you know that is an uncle-lu kind of thing to do. Mine were great story tellers, esp if they could tell stories about my dad.

  25. Wil,
    Please tell me you eatch Castle (and mean it) and that if you do one day you will join us for the chat room. That would be a blast… wait. i’m anie. I’d east still miss you. Sigh.
    Operation Next Brilliant Idea must be implemented soon.

  26. You need to ask Santa for a SlingBox. Sling it to work, open up Twitter on your PC and VOILA! You get to watch simulcast!
    For those of you who already Sling-it or have a tuner card you are in as well on the PC. You get to watch the movie and follow the twitter feed in glorious SimulTweet!
    Tweater (pronounced like Theater) – it’s what the cool kids do!!!!!!!


  29. Thanks! It made me happy too 😀
     
    Steph
    Life isn't about waiting for the storm to
    pass…It's about learning to dance in the rain.
     
    In a message dated 12/11/2009 11:03:23 P.M. Central Standard Time,

  30. I happen to be fortunate to have the week between Christmas and New Year’s off. It would be awesome for this to happen during that time but I would join in if available anytime. (Taking time zone differences into consideration.)

  31. I get the same way when I see air hockey tables –my brother and I would always play a couple of games in the arcade. Now he lives far away as well.
    Last night I was at Dave & Busters and played Galaga for nostalgia’s sake.

  34. “All we know is that Wil Wheaton is better at Super Mario than Jason Bateman”
    Now THAT’S a T Shirt I would buy! I would totally put that on my tombstone if I were you.

  35. I have to admit, that’s pretty funny, the quip about you being better at Super Mario than Jason Bateman. I remember me and my sister getting into physical altercations over Super Mario Brothers, at least you and Jeremy played as a team.
    I’d have to say that one of the funniest memories that I have of that game was one day coming home from school to find my Mom playing it and yelling “You fucking prick dropper! You made me lose my fire power!” at the screen after the evil Sun that floated around on the screen dropped a prickly thing on Mario’s head. Up until then, I didn’t even know that she played. She made no apologies for it, either, she just looked at me very matter-of-fact and said “Well, it DID!” And I just shrugged my shoulders and said “Yeah, Mom, I know. I hate that prick dropper, too.”

  36. DUDE! That creepy looking Mario thing did NOT need the creepy fucking clown sweater! That said, I actually did laugh rather hard at it.

  38. Your posts always freak me out. A while back when you were talking about that card game and I clicked on a link I was all, “We have those all over the house!” and now this one. My husband is a senior buyer at “THE BIG GAMING STORE” and just tonight he was playing the Wii Super Mario and told me it was one of their best sellers. I will tell him about this and tell him to pass it along to the Super Mario buyer there.

  40. Great memory and what luck to come across a photograph of it.
    I went and checked out your brothers site. Wow! What an amazing photographer. I loved his Americana collection and the animals collection. My favorite was the one where the giraffe lined up the the tree. Oh, and the empty log in the snow with the animal snowprints leading off.
    You have good reason to be proud of him.

  41. I’d love to sit here and say congrats and felicitations and all that junk…but you got to be near Alyssa Milano back then. Had a poster on my wall of her…sigh…damn she had great gams.

  42. definitely going to root out my gameboy micro and give this a go! Whilst enjoying a hot cup of Earl Grey in my fabulous Memories of the Future Mug!! http://twitpic.com/ti7vt. Took a while to get to the UK but definitely worth the wait – great quality, great tea! The podcasts have been accompanying my Chritmas baking so now I have well rounded experience, hehe! Thanks 🙂

  46. Geeezzzz you’re OLD! So old that I remember my own days of hanging out in the arcades battling other video game freaks at DigDug just so I could keep “ACE” on the top 5 list. It later turned to “ICE” after TopGun.
    I must admit though, you guys had some big stones to withstand the onslaught of Christina Applegate and Alyssa Milano. I remember experiencing many a tent pole moment watching “Married With Children” back in the day.
    Does the NES/20″ TV combo still work?

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