Wesley Crusher’s Sweet-Ass Motherfucking Bouffant

When I was a teenager pretending to fly a spaceship, I got to do a lot of really cool things with a lot of really cool people. The price of admission to this wonderful world, though, was the most annoying hairdo I've ever experienced in my life. I called it Wesley's Helmet Hair, because it did not move at all once the hair department shellacked it, and I really, really hated it.

There was some decree that hair was perfect in the future, so before every take, one of the hairdressers would come over and drop a small cloud of hairspray around my head. By the end of the day, it was like there was this foreign thing sitting on top of my skull that I couldn't wait to get home and wash off (I clearly remember showering after work, and feeling a slick of
hairspray and other products run down my back, like I was living out some horrible fanfic. Ugh, I'm getting chills
just thinking about it) and when they finally retired this particular hairdo, I may have cried tears of relief.

Well, yesterday, I learned that a friend of @MartySever's loved Wesley's helmet hair as much as I hated it.

BEHOLD!

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108 thoughts on “Wesley Crusher’s Sweet-Ass Motherfucking Bouffant”

  7. And this is why, on days where people on the internet test my patience to the max, I find myself saying, “Internet… I wish I knew how to quit you.”

  8. Funny thing is that I just commented the other day on how “Frakes” you were looking in that Playing-D&D-and-laughing photo.
    I always wanted to have Troi hair. Until it was straight. Then it was lame. Hah.

  11. You should of walked in with a shaved head one day and wearing a version of Picard’s uniform just to see how other people would have reacted!

  13. omg, i can’t believe you hated wesley’s hair! rest assured, my pre-teen self thought it was awesome! of course, now that i think about it … it *was* really stiff. but i was young, i wasn’t thinking about it … i just thought wesley was sooooooooooooooooo cute and smart! (for the record … yer not so bad, mr. wheaton, but wesley was *special*.)

  16. Dear Wil, I played Wesley Crusher almost 2 years on MySpace. I met a lot of people there and many of them had to tell me the old Wesley Crusher jokes. Until I embedded rules on the MySpace profile that I know already all jokes about him and that I don’t want to hear the jokes anymore. So I can understand you. Well, I dislike MySpace (especially since version 3.0 / p.s. the MySpace team hates MySpace too since they post their news from Facebook now) and I didn’t really like Wesley first, too. It’s another thing after I played him for 2 years. Now I love him. Where is the problem? I respect your work as actor. And I believe that every actor was very good. Star Trek TNG is my favourite series and I would love to see you all in a new TNG movie again. I still miss your signatures at the end of a movie (like we could see in Star Trek VI… Kirk & Co). Sorry for possible mistakes, I’m not a native English speaker.

  18. I always assumed the poufy, shiny hair was a way to keep people’s eyes focused north of those uncomfortably tight jumpsuits everyone wore in the first few seasons.

  20. it could have been worse–they could have kept the (horrid-yet-awesome-in-a-seventies-kind-of-way) style from ST: TMP. Or they could’ve kept you in those awfully amusing sweaters.
    But, who am I kidding? I have often fantasized of Wesley Crusher. I liked the transition from “the Doctor’s annoying ass son” to “Ensign Crusher.”
    Of course, by the time I started watching TNG about 8 yrs ago, you weren’t a hot teen anymore. You were the guy who got pwned by bouncy snot. Ha! ;p
    BTW, the ‘do made you look like a young Elvis.

  21. Your hair people on TNG were probably using better hair spray than I was using mousse, when I actually tried to do something to myself in my awkward teen years. But because of the low quality to which I have been exposed, my scalp is itching like crazy reading your description. I need to go take a shower just thinking about it.

  22. Wesley, the walking deflector dish: bouncing space debris off his dome! Ha! I can empathize, as I hate putting shit in my hair. In fact, I use Pert Plus, so the shampoo and conditioner are in the same bottle!
    If you need to find a silver lining in the experience: Just be grateful that TNG had no nudity, or the hair department would’ve tortured your underpants ‘fro as well.

  29. When I first saw this tweet I misread it as “Sweet-Ass Motherfucking Bonnet,” which led to a mental image of both you and Mal/Nathan Fillion in prairie dress drag swearing by your pretty floral bonnets. I’d pay money to see that.

  30. Mountain Dew, straight out my nose. For reals. Crying in my cubicle right now. I can’t thank you enough for bringing this gem to my attention, albeit slightly at your own expense. 😀

  41. As another friend of the person who made this I would just like to say that this entire post is a thing of beauty.
    (Also, the creator of that macro is fangirling and flailing with excitement so hard right now because you blogged about this.)

  47. Sweet. I have to admit that I never knew what a bouffant was. I had heard the word and I knew it was a hairstyle, but now I know, and knowing is half the battle. I guess, the other half of the battle is a case of hairspray.

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