Pretty much all of Comicon was awesome. However, there was one thing that was decidedly not awesome, and though I had initially decided not to talk about it in public, it's bothered me since it happened, so I wrote about it on G+ earlier today.
I'm cross posting it here, though, because it's important to me:
On the way out of the Syfy party on Saturday night, a pretty horrible thing happened. I wasn't going to talk about it in public, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I think this needs to be said.
When I was a Teen Idol*, and I traveled to New York for publicity all the time, it was fairly common for a handful of super weird people to hang out all day in front of my hotel, or in the lobby of my hotel, so they could pounce on me whenever I tried to enter or leave, and demand as many autographs as they could. It was really creepy and awful, and I always hated it. It was more than a little scary. I mean, who in the world spends an entire day sitting in one place waiting for someone? Oh, I know: crazy people.
So, crazy people, pay attention: If you camp out in front of my hotel while I am on location or visiting a city, if you camp out in front of a party I'm attending … basically, if you camp out anywhere so you can shove a stack of 8x10s into my face when I'm trying to enter or leave a location, I'm not going to sign them, and I'm not going to be nice about it.
I refuse to reward or validate that kind of behavior, and I'm done being polite about it.
When we walked out of the SyFy party on Saturday night, a pack of people — probably 12 or 15, I'd guess — appeared out of nowhere, and surrounded me. They shoved pictures into my face, thrust pens at me, and made it so that I couldn't even move. They separated me from my friends and my son, and, quite frankly, terrified me.
Let's stop for a second and think about this: in what kind of world is it acceptable to surround a person you do not know, separate them from the people they are with, and essentially trap them? Maybe in crazy entitled psycho world, but not the world I live in.
I tried to scrawl my signature on a couple of things, just so some of those people would move and let me keep on walking, but whenever someone took something away, something new immediately took its place. Somehow, +Felicia Day saved me. She reached through the mob, grabbed my hand, and said, "Sorry, we have to go meet some of our friends," before the literally pulled me away, to safety.
This is when the mob lost its shit. They yelled at me like I had done something wrong. They called me names, and they booed at me. (Seriously). A woman stormed up next to me and said, "If you don't sign these things for me, I'm going to tell Twitter what an asshole you really are."
I don't respond well to threats like that. Though my instinct was to explode at her, I took a deep breath, looked her square in the eye, turned on my dad voice, and said, "Really? Are you serious? We're done here." I quickened my pace, and for the next two blocks she followed us, screaming and ranting and raving about how she'd waited there for hours, driven all the way from someplace far, and that I basically owed her as a result of her choice. I eventually tuned her out, and I guess she went back to the Syfy party to harass whoever else came out next.
The whole thing was really scary, made me feel like a sideshow freak, and made me really, really angry. I was just trying to walk out of a hotel and go meet up with my friends. I didn't do anything wrong, and I'm not going to apologize forgetting upset about it.
This is important: I realize that just about anyone reading this on my blog isn't one of Those Guys. Please don't think the "you" here refers to, you know, you.
This is also important: When your motto is "don't be a dick," a certain kind of person is vigilantly looking for moments like this when you can be accused of violating your own motto, thereby proving to the entire world that you are, in fact, a giant lying pile of shit. I'm fairly certain that reasonable people can see who the dick was in this situation, and hopefully agree that it was not me. For everyone else: go fuck yourself.**
In Dancing Barefoot, I wrote about signing autographs at conventions:
Over the years, I've learned something from this experience: it's never about the signature. It's about that brief moment, that brief encounter with a Star Trek cast member, that is so important to the fans. That 30 seconds or so of hopefully undivided attention is what they're really paying for, and I always do my best to make sure they get their money's worth. Contrary to popular belief, sitting at a table signing hundreds of autographs for several hours without a break is hard. It's not just mindlessly scrawling my name; It's stopping and listening to the always excited, sometimes shaking, always sweating, sometimes scary dude who wants to know exactly why I did “X” on episode “Y” and would I please sign his picture in silver, because Marina signed it in gold and now he wants the men in silver and the women in gold, and I hated your character and here are 25 reasons why and I expect an answer for each one of them and I'm not leaving until I'm satisfied.
The crazy people who camp out don't care about that brief moment, that brief encounter. The crazy people only care about taking a piece of $Celebrity.person and possibly selling it, or hording it, or … you know, I don't even want to think about where that path leads.But that's why they behave the way they do. It isn't about our work, or about saying "thank you" or "high-five!" or anything about that. It's about entitlement and being crazy, and I will not validate or condone that kind of behavior ever again.
I realize that a crazy person who thinks it's entirely normal and not psycho to camp out in front of a hotel for hours and hours so they can trap a person isn't going to understand why I will not validate that behavior, but I need to make this clear for the future: I'm a person. I am a human being and if you cut me I will bleed. I'm happy to sign things and take pictures with people in appropriate situations, but if some dude violates my personal space or freaks me out, and then gets mad at me when I try to get away from him, I'm not going to do anything beyond telling that person to go fuck himself, and I'm not going to feel bad about it. To paraphrase Neil Gaiman, I am not your bitch.
Finally: In before the inevitable "you're an actor and you chose this so you deserve what you get so suck it up because my life harder than yours because blah blah blah" comment (probably not here, but definitely at G+.)
*LOL.
**See? I don't even feel bad. (Well, maybe a little bit. I need to work harder on it, I suppose.)
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Wil,
I am so sorry you had to go through this horrendous experience. It is tragic that in the midst of so many happy and joyful people and experiences some group of self-righteous idiots felt they had the right to impose themselves on you.
As regards your not being a dick, I can most heartily attest to the fact that you are very much non-dickish. When I had the happy chance to meet you earlier in the evening at the Rock Bottom you were truly warm, friendly, approachable and genuine. It was a great joy to find that someone I have admired is really as good and real a person as I had imagined.
Kudos to you, Paul, Storm, Jamie, and the rest for an awesome w00tstock experience, and I hope you made it to the Nerdist podcast on time!
Totally off topic, but I just saw Eureka tonight. Dude.. slugs that taste like chicken? Really? Ick. 😛
It does seem like you need a plan. How about a whistle, which you blow, demand everyone line up, (they will assume you will then sign photos), and then run back indoors and out the back door (asking for help..building manager?…along the way). I wonder if you start taking their photo, if you can tell them you are giving it to the police and charge them with harassment. Or start passing out cards that explain the law on harassment or gives an address where they can get your autograph…clearly you need a body guard or a really cool disguise…or a plan. Or avoid Comicon. But don’t give up. (Al Gore moved to England..did you know that? I bet he got tired of the press). How do the rest of the celebrities avoid the mobs?
I’ve never actually commented on your blog before but I felt that this was enough of a “o.O” that I had to.
I don’t understand people like that. I’ve had enough angst in the past about tweeting at famous people and whether or not it was appropriate to @ them, that I couldn’t ever do something as invasive as pouncing someone in public. I mean I’m already having second thoughts about even commenting! To think that someone thought it was perfectly ok to do those things…. it boggles and fries my poor brain.
Crazy people do live in their own world though. This I have learned from working in one of the sketchiest malls in my city. They forget that you are a person. That you aren’t -insert character here- They also forget that you aren’t always “at work” and avail.
I am sorry you had this terrible thing happen though. Being mobbed can’t be fun, being thrust into an awkward and scary situation even less fun, and having someone harass and follow you is just about as terrible as it can get.
So I offer virtual hugs and hope that this one thing doesn’t spoil your memories of the weekend.
And in unrelated news, I never understand why people hated Wes. I loved him. Course that might have been cause I was the same age and understood his teen angst…hehe.
That is completely appalling. So sorry you had to go through that. You surely do not deserve that as a reward for entertaining people. Some people just suck. Hooray for Felicia Day, though!
BTW: You two were fantastic in Eureka, tonight.
I really don’t understand why people seem to lose it when a celebrity walks past them. They’re people too. I’ve met a couple and there is a moment of excitement but I think that’s because it’s out of the ordinary. It’s new and it’s almost like you feel special because for that brief moment you live vicariously through them. But it’s just a brief moment and nothing to lose your marbles over.
A few years ago, my dad’s work got them tickets to schmooze clients to this elite golf course that celebrities go to. My dad was golfing next to Kevin Sorbo and just chit chatted with him, halfway through the day he asked if it would be okay to get a signed picture for my mom who was a fan. My dad said KS was very nice about it and even joked around with my dad and the client. That in my opinion, is how people should act. Don’t act crazy and you’ll have a good time and probably get that autograph anyways.
A friend of mine was in New York (about 10 yrs ago now) and saw Claire Danes hanging out with a friend. She said she was going to go across the street and ask if she can take her picture but stopped when she saw a mob of girls start to chase CD down the street. Not only would it have made her scared but it ruins the day she had with her friend. It’s insane. Anyways, when I see a celebrity I just think of this and I think how much it would ruin someone’s day if you treated them this way.
I’m glad those people the other day didn’t hurt you and hopefully you won’t have to deal with idiots like that too often. You handled it with class. I know if it were me, as I have no patience, I’d start shoving them out of my way and swearing at them left and right. Not the best thing to do but it’d get the point across.
THat sounds awful, I’m sorry. My brother lines in NYC and has insisted on his policy of: leave famous people alone! And I abide. Though one time I squealed at Richard Jenkins while crossing the street.
I wanted to ask if you had any public appearances early August, I will be in LA with family for a wedding… But was afraid of being creepy. Now I know what creepy is. Dang, wil. I would have been furious.
1) It must be fun to be famous 🙁
2) Next time bring all of your 6 foot plus friends with you.
The last time I saw someone well known (in Vegas) their body guard was 7 foot tall and about 300 pounds – LOL
I agree, it’s weird. I wonder if it is worse for you than others. The thing of it is that you always seem so accessible. I mean…*bows to the fact that she is a nut and charges forward*…I’ve been following your blog (via my husband) for a few years. I read as much of your writing as I can get my hands on, because, well…you’re a leaning post. You seem more real than most *celebrities* – in that you are here on the net. You post regularly, you respond to posts. You go to the geek conventions and you identify as one of us, rather than someone who is catering to one of us. I don’t know if you’ve actually shifted the world’s perception of geeks, but you’ve shifted my perception of ME being a geek. (Ok, a lot of things did that. College, for instance, and marrying my husband who thinks it is hot.) But you put a public face on the fact that it is AWESOME to be one of us.
(Time for the creepy!) When I explain to my non-geek, non-trekky friends who you are, I usually point to Big Bang Theory, and when they don’t get that (because they are sad, lost souls), I say, “He’s the public voice of the geeks.” Then they nod and say, “Oh.” Anyway, it makes me, at any rate, feel like I know you. Which is obviously crazy, I don’t know you from Adam.
I don’t really know where this ramble started, or where it was going to end up. I think my point was that if you throw in the *crazy*, you end up with someone who thinks they DO know you, and can’t differentiate. Someone who thinks “Certainly if I wait here, he’ll see that I’m his most devoted fan.” And you’re right. You can’t reinforce that behavior, or it’ll get worse. And with the fact that you show up to signings, and convos, and whatever else – I would simply state to these people that you’ll be available there. But just like anyone, you need to have privacy.
And to that last bit, choice or no choice (I don’t think any decisions we make at the age you got involved in media can be noted as “choice”), you deserve your privacy. Good luck. Dumb advice from the girl who hates crowds: have a water bottle with you (non plastic, lol) and take a drink. Use the drink to refocus, and then just walk. If you walk, people will get out of your way.
Oh, and as a side note, so that I don’t leave a ton of comments on your blog. I wanted to say, you should try making mead. Here is a rudimentary recipe. It’s really just honey wine – and just like beer, I think there is a lot of mystique around brewing it. People who make it act like it is really difficult so that they’re the only ones that know how to make it.
You can make a variant with simply honey and water and let it ferment, but that tends to be the hardest.
You know, I’m not going to leave a recipe because I don’t want to put alcohol recipes on your blog without your permission…but check out the book “Travels Through Middle Earth” by Alaric Albertsson. He’s a friend of mine, an excellent author, and I believe the paperback is only about 10 bucks. A worthwhile investment if you do nothing but read over the “Mead Made Simple” chapter in the book. You can experiment with tons of flavors, and it’s great to have on hand.
Wow. I rambled on a lot. Sorry about that. So yeah. *virtual, noninvasive hugs for Wil* Because I think that virtual hugs are just this side of *not crazy* for someone that I take a bet on is a pretty cool guy. And eff the people who beat you up for needing to be a human and have *non public* time.
I love what you write and am so sorry for that awful experience and glad your friends were there for you. Always keep your people close and take care of each other. So glad you and your friends are safe.
I had the chance of meeting you briefly last year at PAX East and I can honestly say (as if anyone doubted it) that in normal circumstances, you’re a nice as can be. I was well aware that you had little free time, and I actually was surprised that there weren’t a mob following you. I’m glad that you accepted that I have my picture taken with you, but I would have definitely understood if you had declined for lack of time.
Some people just don’t have any sense of boundaries, and I suppose that this is only worse when it comes to being a celebrity, geek or otherwise.
Aw duder, sorry. People can be batshit crazy especially when coming into contact with the world of celebritah. Glad you and Felicia gots each others backs.
I don’t care much for signatures. I would rather have a more personal interaction, but that kind of thing can’t be forced or bought.
In 2000 I went to GenCon and for once figured I would actually get signatures of WotC (or Wizards if you prefer) employees and other notables on the brand-new (really new, they were released at the con) D&D 3E PHB. In that case it gave me something to talk about with people I didn’t know and get past my typical shyness.
I got into a panel where Gary Gygax was talking about his recent game work. Gary hadn’t had much to do with D&D for over a decade at that point, but had been instrumental in creating it and that seemed like a good fit for being included in my book. (Technically, with Dave Arneson who was also there and I also got to see at another point.)
Anyway, after the panel several people stayed to get books signed. One fellow had a stack of 8 or so. Gary was very relaxed and handled it all graciously. The guy left with his stack of books, and Gary signed for the rest of us there and asked US questions and we chatted with him. He then apologized that he had to go to another session, but we were welcome to walk along with him. o.O
So Gary and his geek parade wandered out the hall and over to another building and we chatted about our influences and how D&D impacted us and it was a grand time. Years later I was sad at his passing, but I was glad I had the chance to talk with him and let him know the impact he had on my life. Standing in front of a club for three hours will never bring about such a great experience.
The only advice I have to offer Wil is if you’re ever cornered alone, point somewhere and yell ‘Patrick Stewart!’ then run the other direction. Hopefully they’re distracted and you can squeeze out. Watch out for the small ones, they’ll latch on and drag you down.
When I meet the occasional celeb, I almost never ask for an autograph. They’re clutter. I care about meeting the person, it’s TOTALLY about that 30 seconds, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to invade that person’s already-invaded-and-over-public life by stalking them. Or waste 30 seconds giving someone with an already sore hand another hand cramp…lol!
Y’all are just people. Talented people who happen to be on TV, but people, with lives, and things to do. We get to know you through your blog, which makes you more interesting than the average non-blogging celebrity to me, but it also means that if I want to say something to you, I can say it here, and don’t have to invade personal space (or time) to do so.
Anyway, personally, I’d freak out completely if I got surrounded by a group of people who wouldn’t take no for an answer. That’s triggery, scary shit. You handled it with far more dignity than I think most people would have if they were thrust suddenly into that situation.
This the first time I have ever read one of your blog posts (a facebook friend posted a link to this). I am definitely subscribing…..So you have a “Father” voice too. I have never had kids, but I found that I can do a good approximation of my own Father’s “Father Voice”. It’s comes in handy when I’ve have had to deal with unruly nephews and even a few public situations dealing with kids who are about to hurt themselves big time, because their real parents weren’t paying attention.
Looking forward to reading more from you.
It is common courtesy and good manners to not intrude into people’s lives, even if they are famous. I have seen many famous persons and have never, never approached them for conversation or an autograph. Those who do should be IGNORED.
I wonder if they were the same gang of d-bags I saw a couple years back. I volunteered for LAYN (LA Youth Network) Rocks. It was a charity rock concert that took place in Hollywood. I was put on security duty (I’m huge so I get tossed into security roles a lot). Outside of the usual paparazzi crap (I escorted Ozzy out with some others…people are insane, really), towards the end of the night, I had guard duty (damn it was cold) outside and so had to deal with the peeps camping out waiting for people (guests and performers) to sign photos and books. I also had a lot of time to watch those nutters. While there were a couple of people that seemed genuinely interested in getting a sig from one of their idols (oh, yeah, Billy Idol was there…he’s still friggin awesome on stage), the majority of them had STACKS of photos. I don’t have any serious proof but I honestly think the majority of the holdouts were just there to get someone famous to sign a photo or something else so they could eBay it for money.
I totally agree with your philosophy. Not that I’m famous or anything but I’ve lived in LA most of my life so seeing movie stars and celebs is almost a requirement for citizenship. I’m not the kind of guy who gets starstruck and honestly a photo with you would be more interesting to me than you signing a photo or a piece of paper for all the reasons you stated. It’s all about getting to shake your hand and just getting a chance to say “hey” and maybe “Great job”. Generally, though, I usually don’t step up because like some people said above, I really don’t want to bother you. I figure if you got accosted by every fan who recognized you and wanted a photo or to just say hey, you wouldn’t get 2 feet to your destination. 🙂
Anyway, keep up the good work…and if you end up at PAX Prime this year, I’ll be the big guy leaving you alone as you walk on by.
In the interest of helping to counter a negative experience with a positive one…
Not long after I turned 30, I read a piece you wrote about turning 30 (I believe it was in Dancing Barefoot), and it moved me, and kind of helped me. A while after that, I had the opportunity to attend a signing, and in my 30 seconds, I had the chance to tell you how much your writing meant to me. And you were *so nice*, and you actually talked with me about that for a moment, and it was just really cool.
I always liked your movies and I always liked you in TNG, but I didn’t become a fangirl until that moment. 🙂
I attended my first SDCC this year, and I turned 40 on Friday of the con. And that piece about getting older, that still means a lot to me. I didn’t get the opportunity to attend your panel or see you on the floor, the nature of Comicon being “you can’t always get what you want,” but it was still so cool to be there, and read everyone’s Twitter feed, and be a part of the big citywide party. And y’know, I still think of that signing I went to, and I still tell people how very cool and genuinely nice you are.
So I just wanted you to know… the way you value everyone’s 30 seconds? To those of us who *aren’t* the crazy, that really matters. That means a lot.
So thanks. You’re one of the coolest people I’ve ever encountered. 🙂
I have never understood how people treat celebrities. They act as though they own the person or something. Whether it is crazed fans camping/ambushing people, or paparazzi stalking people and causing car accidents, this is unacceptable behavior! I admit that if I ran into certain stars at a Con I might go into “ohmygod ohmygod” mode (while standing off to the side and hyperventilating a bit). But this group bullying is ridiculous. I can see why some people have bodyguards. I’m sorry this happened to you, it sounds really scary.
Many, many, many things changed when I met Stephen Furst.
It was at a presentation for the American Diabetes Association, actually.
To sum up quickly I had what I hope was my last starstruck moment, and probably just as awkward as when I met the Wolfgramm family (that ’80s band The Jets, y’know?) and they were surprised at how stunned I was. Suffice it to say I think he responded better to my wife… although she never stayed in touch.
I think Stephen is a good man, and got burned a little bad trying to help some fans overcome some of the same probs he had. But, I dunno. I felt so bad when I could sense the distance. I just don’t think I’ll ever be starstruck around a media star anymore. And I swear I could never be a douche or a dick about it, ever.
Nope. Because I eventually started hanging with the techs when I did theater (and I felt more comfortable doing that work than acting, although acting was nice, too), I’d probably ask questions of random crew that have never been on stage or in front of a camera, or something like that. Maybe get starstruck about technical directors. I dunno.
No diss implied, though, I mean. I’d just… well, I’d just probably disappear real fast if we met. But just so you’re forewarned, my wife would probably chat as much as she could. About D&D, too. (Okay, just a small request… if you ever came to RadCon, would you ask the con-goers to stop dissing 4th ed. so hard? Just askin’; I know it’s totally random.)
I just wanted to comment on how much I really appreciate that you not only espouse the philosophy of giving fans those 30 seconds or so of attention, but you genuinely follow through… even at the end of 4.5 hours of w00tstock, and a seemingly endless line of autograph seekers… even after the adrenaline wave has crested and it is well past time to go back to the hotel. It is amazing how generous you are with your time and attention and anyone who would criticize you for not giving more than you already do clearly has no comprehension of how above-and-beyond you already go for your fans.
It is unfortunate that those dolts were able to shake you the way they did – but always know that the people who really care are paying attention and get it.
You’re a great guy, Wil. Thank you for all that you do and your openness to share with us.
i very very rarely if ever become the 13 year old version of my 39 year old self and actually decide to talk to a ‘famous’ person I see somewhere. I feel it’s a complete intrusion on that said persons life. I live in South Wales, England just up the road from a castle where they film a lot of Merlin. Recently they were filming and a friend of mine who regularly acts like her 13 year old self and often ninja’s those of fame said we should visit the castle. So I went along. They were taking a break in filming and Colin Morgan walks past. She squee’s and runs up to him and asks for a photo. I am wrangling my 16 month old son and her 3 year old daughter and am not going to run after him like a loon when he is obviously going somewhere. So I don’t. I get a photo from a distance of the back of his head. I spent the rest of the day kicking myself. After school my 5 year old daughter finds out and wants to go back and see if she can see him. So we do. Luckily they are still filming. And eventually they yell “wrap” and he waves from a distance at my daughter who is shouting “Merlin” with glee. And he eventually walks past. And I babble something about being really sorry to disturb him.. that I should have said something in the morning and that I feel really stupid but would he mind if we got a photo with him. And he stops and smiles and I cannot think of anything to say as I am grinning like my 13 year old self. And we got a photo.
I felt bad for intruding at the end of his very long filming day … and if I ever see him again I will geek from a distance and leave him be .. which is what I usually do.
Maybe I can understand a little bit someone waiting for a long time for just a second of someones time. Someone that has had some kind of impact on their lives. And maybe I can understand being a little disappointed when the person they were waiting for doesn’t stop for a second to even wave and run. But to ninja ‘famous person’ the way you got ninja’d … that’s wrong. To get in front of someone and stop them from moving or going where they were going is wrong. And then to scream and shout and swear is just plain stupid. Completely dishonorable and disrespectful. Sorry it had to happen.
you were great tonite on eureka…no one plays arrogant better than wheaton
now onto the panel…thanks for moderating
I honestly never really understood the “getting an autograph” thing. There are definitely certain celebrities that I find interesting enough to want to share coffee and conversation with, but I still don’t get the appeal of an autograph. I also could never bring myself to bug someone on the street. I don’t know how people get the balls to think they “deserve” something like that.
I have been recognized a few times for various interweb things I’ve done, and it resulted in a “Hello, you’re so and so right?” a thumbs up and a moving along to follow. I’m not sure I could handle anything more than that. Heck, I get commentary on my life choices for having pink hair. I’ve had people stop me in the street to ask me “Why did you do that?” or other stupid questions.
I’m really horrified this happened to you. I feel bad that celebs need to wear masks just to enjoy Comic Con. Anyone who gets “mad enough” about this post to not be your fan is probably just the type of person that would do this in the first place.
Also, I am really happy for you that you said you need to get an agent now 🙂 It’s great to see you’re getting some more work. It’s got to be exciting!!
What a shame that it takes so few people to cause so much distress. Someone should pitch a TV show where they turn somebody into a celebrity and then film them as they get harassed by fans. Oh wait, there’s already a host of these right? Maybe then, just put people like this in a show like that to see how they like it.
There is a real and substantial attraction to celebrity, which we all have to a certain extent and is perfectly understandable and ok (that’s what these kinds of conventions are partly for, after all). There seems to be a fine line between this kind of behaviour and the sociopathic treatment that you received though.
Sounds like you handled it well though. Better than I would have I’m sure. I only hope that these people, once recovered from their hysteria, realised the error of their ways and try to be better people. That is my confounded optimism talking though.
The best part of this reading experience for me has been reading the comments. No jerks, just the most awesome types of nerds. Sometimes People suck like they so obviously did for you, but sometimes you see a group outpouring of awesome like this, and you think “you know, people can be pretty alright.” Also, you rock, kind of alot. Just saying. 🙂
Dear Wil,
It’s an irony that what has made you so influential and inspirational also has it’s shadow side – I suppose that’s the nature of things, but one that makes me sad. Part of the reason I’ve lurked and never posted before this was a respectful desire to be non-intrusive, or to project too much. This evoked a protective instinct, because people who share and give so much don’t “deserve” to have these experiences. I’m just sorry you had to experience that.
I also appreciate this as a call to fans to reflect collectively on our own behavior. The irony is that I think fans empathize and are inspired because our heroes reflect some aspect of our own humanity, and yet what was poured at you, violating in a boundary-breaking way, is inherently dehumanizing.
You’ve shared your stories of yourself and your family so authentically, and with such gracious humanity. I find that I don’t want to support you as just an actor, but as a human being, who is willing to share his poignant experiences, his vulnerable moments, and I think people (at least I am) better for your having your voice and mediums for expression in the world.
I was the same age you were when you first showed up on the Star Trek bridge. Because of the series, I became an organizational psychologist (studying human behavior in organizational systems is like studying alien psychology and I wanted to be Counselor Troi), and because of you, someone my age, I realized that agency wasn’t limited to adults…and then stumbling on your blog years later, was struck by your capacity for self-reflection.
In closing, I just want to say that I have a lot of gratitude for the way you’ve conducted yourself over the years. The fundamental movement of human maturity is the ability to turn that which is subject into object, to look, and therefore influence at what one was previously unaware of. You have that discerning eye in approaching yourself, your family life, and your profession in a way that elevates and influences what I choose to notice of my own life and existence.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Gayle
I completely agree with you! I never understood why certain people think they have entitlement to anything that isn’t earned.. I believe that if you want to get respect, or anything else; it should be earned.. Respect is one of those things I’m so animate about..
People wonder why Celebrities get upset and have to beat up some paparazzi. Then have the GALL to call those celebrities assholes.. Yea? look in the mirror, douchebags! You’re the ones shoving a camera in their faces.. Perhaps you deserved being socked in the face and your camera broken? My point is people are assholes, and if you don’t treat a celebrity with respect and understand THEY are human beings just like everyone else, then you don’t deserve my respect or anyone else’s, much less a celebrity’s. I’m sorry this happened to you Wil. It pisses me off even more that these people acted this way in front of your son.. I don’t want your son thinking ALL of your fans are psycho idiots. That upsets me. You have my utmost respect and love, Wil.. and the greater collective of us (your fans) do too. Love, Your real fans.
A lot of celebrities have female groupies offering to suck their dicks. Meanwhile, Wheaton gets middle aged dudes in starfleet uniforms demanding autographs. That must really suck.
Kerhisting hell, what a cringe worthy experience. Manners would go a long way with those goons.
I have had the occasion when I have run across a local celeb while grocery shopping. I just said hello, how are ya, and went on my way. Saw him again on the way out, and I asked if I could take a photograph (I always have a camera slung around my neck) and he was so pleased that he wasn’t mobbed, he not only said yes, but had my husband take a photo of the both of us.
Manners definitely go a long way.
I wait outside sometimes of music venues for bands that I really love. This reminds me of how often I see fans, real fans, can act to all try to get there one moment in time. If there isn’t a line of sorts or someone with the band to tell people to step back get in line or just to keep some sort of order, if the person signing is to nice it can get out of hand very fast and makes it so they have nothing they can do but retreat and go somewhere else and sign for no one.
Sometimes this is were being a dick to the ones that you should be helps some members of some bands have no problem telling a girl they won’t sign for them because they pushed another fan out of the way, also won’t sign for people crowding them will push though fans and sign for a girl that was no where near the mess. Going out of there way to show they will reward those that listen to what they ask of them and give them respect.
This is also where what I call a hired B comes in handy pretty much someone you pay to do what your friend did, be like sorry he has to go and pulls you away other people might think gah that person had no right to pull him away he was signing for us shes such a B but in all truth she was being the best friend for you looking out what was good for you doing what you needed.
What I don’t get is why some people feel you owe them something, I’ve seen it before I’ve seen people have a fit when someone refused to sign when they are sick and all I can think is really you want them to cough all over you and feel like crap so you can have a paper with there name on it? For some people nothing is ever enough. For some others will love just to say they where in the same space as you.
P.S. It was great seeing you at the nerdist podcast you where super funny.
Wow, people can be creepy! I look forward to meeting you someday and having my photo taken while hugging you, but sorry Wil, I won’t camp out for it. (nope, won’t do that for anyone/anything, I have a life) I’d rather have that sweet memory and photo to remember the moment than the memory somebody yelling and telling me to f*** off for being a creep.
Sorry you had to go through that.
Wil, thank you for sharing this and allowing us to comment on this situation. To borrow a phrase from a popular website – it gives me hope.
I was never a fan person as a teenager. About ten years ago, I found that there is a British actor whose work I’ve actually enjoyed for years, but never quite connected the dots that he was the same person, due to his versitility. (What would I do without IMDB.com?) Having my curiosity piqued, I decided to check out his fan groups online. I thought it would be a great way to understand the fan mindset. I had published a cute little short story online a few years earlier and got a few dozen responses, which triggered my anxiety issues. My best friend and I thought that if I understood these people better, I wouldn’t be so terrified of them.
I thought this person’s fans would be a little less overwhelming, since he was just hitting the high part of his movie reputation, and I wouldn’t have hundreds of fans to sort through. However, what these people lacked in numbers at that time, they made up for obsessiveness. I had quite a few panic attacks before I left the first group. About a year later, someone else took over and asked me to come back. It was a little less creepy, with some bondaries encouraged, but still lack a connection with reality. This time I left because I had to be careful what I said so I wouldn’t hurt someone’s feeling by stating something obvious, like the character’s hair color as a young man would be the decision of the writer and director – and not be dictated by the actor’s natural hair color. Considering the said actor had his hair dyed at the time for a part, it never occured to me that I was being “mean” or “rude”. In fact, I considered the other person’s comment a confusing of the person with the character, which we weren’t supposed to do.
But the one thing that really disturbed me was the fact that the other fans acted like I was the weird one for not wanting to know stuff like whether or not the guy had a pet or where his house is. Seeing all my fellow Wil Wheaton admirers commenting on this post has made me feel a lot better about admitting to be a fan of someone in general, because I now have proof that most of us aren’t intent in sussing out every detail of a talented person’s life.
Frankly, the whole experience with that group still makes me nervous. It took me a while before I started checking the news again for this actor’s performances. I’m glad I finally got over that, because in the past year, I’ve been able to treat myself to some enjoyable performances that I would have otherwise missed. What’s more, my favorite actor is actually going to be a lead in a play next year in a city close enough for me to do a road trip for. I’m seriously considering on going to it. I really want to go. I just needed something to help me be less nervous of becoming one of “them” – even though I know that’s a stupid thought. I would lose an autograph within a few weeks and I would just feel really weird having one in the first place.
Thank you all for giving me something to ground my anxieties with. Who knows, maybe I will get a chance to shake the guy’s hand. Or maybe I will just enjoy the live performance and savor the memory.
Thank you so much for speaking from the heart about this. I have always found the practice of celebrity stalking to be very disturbing. If the clear-headed fans don’t do their best to discourage their peers from acting like nut-jobs, it won’t stop. I really appreciate how articulate, passionate, and understanding you are. No one deserves to have their personal space violated.
I am in Ohio. If I went all the way to CA for Comic Con, I would be happy just to SEE you (and Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion and…Oh you get me)…who cares about an autograph. Some people are whackadoodles.
It’s such a shame that some people just don’t understand this. Fangirling is one thing, which although annoying and disrespectful is done out of some sort of genuine admiration, but what you experienced is just downright disgusting.
I do feel to some extent that actors / other people who find themselves in the public spotlight need to be prepared to deal with fans politely, whether it be as you do, or whether it be politely declining photo and autograph requests. But unless somebody actively seeks out fame, such as reality TV ‘stars'(!), I do feel that people in the public eye are just doing their job, obviously doing it well, and should be left to get on with it in peace. (That’s not to say I’d turn down an opportunity to meet somebody I admire from a distance if they’ve agreed to it, but otherwise I’m inclined to just leave them be.)
What a ramble. Anyway, I’m glad you were saved and the insane woman gave up.
Hi Wil, I’m sorry you went through that. I think you showed incredible restraint and patience towards those short sighted animals that physically and verbally assaulted you. Well done for speaking out for all of us endure behaviour like this in our jobs and are ‘expected’ to put up with it because its (cue whiney mocking voice) “the profession you chose!”
Onya mate!
Sharon Perth Western Australia
I’m going to add to the growing crowd of humans who want to tell you that we love you in a totally non-creepy way, support your decision on this, and will defend you to anyone who dares call you a dick or a hypocrite for setting perfectly reasonable boundaries.
I don’t know what the long term, global solution to this is, but paparazzi stalking celebrities, posting their personal lives all over tabloids and the internet just makes me sick. I don’t support it monetarily and I try to curb my natural inclination to curiosity with a healthy dose of empathy. I wish there were a way to ask everyone to do the same.
I’d love to know where that woman’s Twitter squawkings are. Maybe she realised what a complete moron she’d been and gave up the idea of outing your imagined dickery to the general populace.
Stuff like this is why I never approach any famous people I spot in public, I don’t want to start a stampede! I usually just smile. People should be allowed lives.
If they not only hung about waiting for you (which is creepy in itself, especially at a weekend where you and the other people in there had made yourselves available at official events) but crowded in to the point where they were causing a physical problem, then it doesn’t really matter what they wanted the autographs for, it’s unacceptable and most people would have reacted far more…explosively.
Its truly horrendous you had to go through such a thing. The problem is the notion some people hold of celebrity ownership. They seem to live in some alternate crazy world where if you are a celebrity you are, by virtue of that fact, public property – which is wrong. Personally I think your actions were admirable, under the same circumstances I am not sure I could have been quite so kind to her.
Dude.
I really wish I had something really excellent to say other than crazy people are scary and I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Thanks for sharing your other SDCC stories. I’m glad you also had fun and it wasn’t all just nut jobs.
I’m sorry you went through this.
For the record, I don’t follow your blog(s) because you’re famous. I like you because I was a closet geek for years and you’ve made me be comfortable with who I am. Thank you.
Wil – I have never posted on your blog though I have been reading for years and crap like this just kills me, I will never be a public figure like you but there is a point where people need to understand that you are a human and not an android (sorry couldn’t resist) and I think you even meeting fans is very admirable. I must admit that your performances have brought so much laughter so I thank you for that and I hope that this experience doesn’t stop you from meeting fans, I only hope some day to meet you and shake your hand and say thank you for the work that you do. If all else fails just look for the red glowing flower and start shooting fireballs at the jerks (worked for Mario). So thank you for all you do for the fans
I remember you guys! You had the best cosplay, EVER.
I had to say no to a picture because I'm trying to cram in as much of the showfloor as I can see in a very limited amount of time, and if I stop to take a picture with anybody, it attracts attention, and then more people come over, and more people follow them, and pretty soon I'm stuck in one place taking pictures. If I say yes to one person, I feel obligated to say yes to everyone, so it's just easier if I say no to everyone and keep on shopping for T-shirts.
I realize that this upsets some people, and I always feel bad, but there's really no other alternative if I want to enjoy myself.
As long as I have your attention: did you design your costumes yourselves? You should totally send pictures to Bonnie Burton at Lucasfilm because I bet she'd love them as much as I did, especially if you made them yourselves.
Next year maybe ask the WWE guys to be temporary bodyguards? I totally bet CM Punk would do it.
Now if you’ll excuse me I think my Wesley Crusher Action Figure is about to win the WWE title.
Wil:
I met you once, and you were awesome. I wrote a blog post about it. So, just know that for every one of the crazies, there are at least 1000 fans that AREN’T.
And if you’re interested, here’s the blog post, titled “In Which I Fist-Tap Wil Wheaton”, which by the way is kind of embarrassing for me but what the hell. Hee.
http://doctoraicha.livejournal.com/213763.html
The world doesn’t owe them shit, Wil. I’d say you handled it quite well, considering that if many of us were caught in that same situation, it would lead to a complete nervous breakdown (and possibly violent retaliation). You, sir, are NOT a dick–as you put it, you are human.
Cheers. Sorry they put a damper on your con experience.
Sorry that this happened to you. I know larger celebrities have security/handlers in part for this sort of situation. I’m glad you had Felicia Day. 🙂 I hope that some day our paths intersect at some acceptable time.
Ick? I think you mean, "SCIENCE!!"
When I was a kid, my good friend’s dad was a Famous Canadian Musician!!! I crashed at his place a few times–hanging out for weekends and such…
One saturday morning, when friend and I were having breakfast at 7 a.m. (getting a nearly start on building lego or whatever), a car pulls up in the driveway. Friend’s dad goes outside, and comes back in 10 minutes later–mad as a hornet.
He goes on to say that driver guy wanted to come over and talk about getting into the music business. Driver guy was drunk, coming over to the house at 7 in the frakking morning on a Saturday to talk about music!!
I’ve never seen friend’s dad angry like that. Said that it’s the downside of the business…
I’ve seen Famous People!! (they seem to like coming to Canada for whatever reason) on the streets, in malls, whatever. I remember that moment in friend’s kitchen so long ago and I just LEAVE FAMOUS PEOPLE ALONE!!! They’re people–they want to go around and do stuff without being bothered.
There’s a time and place for everything–and 7 a.m., drunk as a skunk in Famous Person!!!!’s driveway ain’t it!