In which I am a Trolldad

Ryan's home for the holidays, before he moves far, far away for his new job (hey, check out my son! He graduated college last week, and he starts a great job in two weeks! Go Ryan!!)

My son's a college graduate!

The first night he was home, I told him that the warm covers for the bed he's sleeping on were in the dryer, so he could get them out when he was ready to go to sleep.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey, it gets cold in my office overnight, so don't forget to put the comforter that's in the dryer on it before you go to sleep.

Him: Okay. Thanks. G'night.

Me: I love you, kiddo. G'night.

I went to bed, and the next morning at breakfast he told us how cold he was overnight, because we didn't give him any warm bedding.

See, even at 22, the damn kids still have brain damage.

I reminded him of our conversation. He recalled it (having apparently forgotten it, immediately after I told him goodnight, likely because that part of his brain is the part that also processes requests to put his goddamn dishes in the dishwasher), and that was the end of that.

Flash forward to later yesterday afternoon. Ryan and Nolan were out with some of Nolan's friends, and Ryan texted me, "Will you put the covers on the bed, so I don't forget them again?" I told him that I would do just that.

…then I got this idea to be a Trolldad. Instead of making the bed, I put the covers in a neatly-folded pile at the foot of the bed, and made this picture, which I printed out and put on top of them:

Scumbag Steve

(Click all images to embiggen at Imgur)

I thought that was so stupidly funny, I made this picture, and put it in the middle of the blankets:

Business Cat

I was having way too much fun, so I put this on his pillow:

Pedobear

And finally, this was folded up and put under the sheets where it would crinkle and make him get out of bed after he thought he was getting into it to go to sleep:

Trolldad

 

When he woke up this morning, I asked him if he got my notes.

"Oh my god, that was hilarious," he said.

"It was pretty amusing to me," I said.

"The best one was the last one, because I thought I was done with your notes and I could just go to bed, and then I was all, 'OH GODDAMMIT!'"

"That was the idea," I said.

"Well done, sir," he said.

"I spent more time making those stupid pictures than I would have spent making the bed," I said. "I'm very proud of that."

"Oh, I'm sure you are. Good job," he said.

As we parted ways and I walked out of the living room toward my bedroom, I heard him say, softly, "…and it is on."

So I have that to look forward to for the next two weeks.

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73 thoughts on “In which I am a Trolldad”

  11. Brilliant, my best wishes for a fun and revenge filled father/son squabbling Christmas for you and the whole clan. I look forward to Ryan’s retaliation.

  13. So, the quality of his response will be directly indicative of what he has learned from you, so either you win at trolling, or you win at teaching trolling, correct? I’m sure the entire internet looks forward to seeing what comes next.

  14. Though I can’t claim to be a trolldad I am a trolluncle, and I ask you, what exactly is the point of interacting with the upcoming generations who will define the future if you can’t be an obnoxious asshole fucking with their heads?
    I’m hoping there’s still time to become a trolldad, and I say to you, fine work sir! Fine work indeed.

  17. Well played, sir! I like the picture under the sheets trick. I may steal that. Though, I will use a pic of Rick Astley. Full. Blown. EVIL.

  18. This makes me so freaking glad I had a kid and so freaking impatient for the day to arrive that I can perpetrate some serious Trollness.
    Merry all the things to you and yours.

  22. Wait, Ryan got a Humanities degree and got a job right out of college? That is awesome (and gives me hope for the usefulness of my Humanities degree once I get it)

  24. Hilarious!
    It must be fun having a family you can mess around like that with, and have them actually understand and appreciate it!
    Lucky guy 🙂

  27. You do realize, TrollDad, this is your TrollSon. All else being equal, let’s hope age and treachery still overcome youth and enthusiasm.
    (My dad is 80 and still an excellent TrollDad! Rickrolled me last week!)

  29. Hehe, the battle between TrollDad and TrollSon is going to be fun…
    I recently read an article about a study that found out we’re more likely to forget things when we walk through a door. Like, I want to get some tea, get up, walk into the kitchen and think “why did I come here again?”. Seems doors act like “event boundaries” in your mind. *g*
    http://www.freakonomics.com/2011/11/23/does-walking-through-doorways-cause-forgetfulness/

  30. Reading through the comments gave me a great idea to give to you TrollDad…. one of those annoying singing cards that let you tape a personal message…only it must of course not be a personal message, rather it must be a Rick Roll. And it should be placed under or inside the pillowcase so that when head hits pillow it activates it! :)muuuuuhahahaha

  31. This is great, Wil! As the father of a 22 year old myself, I can empathsize–although I have a daughter, not a son, but as it relates to your story, there are more similarities between a 22-year old daughter and son than there are differences. I bow to your creativity.
    I’m looking forward to Trolldad 2: Revenge of the Trollson!

  33. Y’all are awesome. This story made me smile this morning. Also, congrats to Ryan for graduating and for landing a job so soon out of college! Best of luck to him! (Also, I look forward to tales of his inevitable revenge.)
    Cheers!

  50. Awesome Will. I wish Ryan the best!
    ITS really kinda wierd, we are the same age you and I. I CANT BELIEVE WILL WHEATON IS ALMOST 40! I have delayed starting a family for work and I through some of your blogs, twitter posts, and such I ever so often get that sinking feeling…maybe I shouldnt have 🙂
    I mean some of us have followed the blogs, twitter where Will writes quaintly about Ryan being home, jumping on his account etc. I kinda log on to twitter alittle more around Chirstmas because I like to watch a 24 Hour of a Christmas Story on TBS while wrapping presents and making silly quips on Twitter…and I realized WILL did this as well — too funny. And i believe WIll and Ryan watch/watched the Twillight Zone episodes marathon (not sure what year or years) on New years day the same years I didnt travel due to work or such.
    But being in the Entertainment Biz already you Will know how it can go and I am about ready to set some of my projects to green light after years of hard work and preparation. But someday I hope to stand point with a complete TROLL face pointing at my son who has graduated from college…evil WILL appeareth!
    It always brought a smile to my face when I logged into Twitter around the Chirstmas holiday and see RYAN typing through your account… i found it funny and quaint. I guess because we came to expect it out here over the years around this time of year haha.
    Ill pop on twtitter Christmas eve Will… I expect no less than 10 funny or silly Chirstmas Story quips or rehashed lines posted!
    “Youll shoot yer eye out kid!”
    Merry Christmas Ryan, WIll and Family

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