WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Two Charity Auctions to Benefit the Pasadena Humane Society

  • blog

Today, I spent a lot of time in the hot garage, working on Operation Get The Bullshit Out Of The Garage.

While I was in there, I found a lot of things things I just don’t need and can’t believe I’ve held onto for so many years. I may have lamented that I would probably qualify as a hoarder, if those goddamn TV Hoarders hadn’t wrecked the curve.

But I did find a few things that are wonderful, and would make for a nice charity auction. I also found a dented ping pong ball, but more on that in a minute.

The first thing I came across was this old DVD copy of Stand By Me.

I thought that it might be cool to autograph this and auction it on eBay, giving all the money to the Pasadena Humane Society, via our Wiggle Waggle Walk team (which is cleverly named Team Wheaton).

So I went ahead and did that. I set the minimum bid at $20, and went back to the garage, hoping that it would maybe get up to $100 in three days.

While cleaning out my garage to make room for my homebrewing and tabletop gaming supplies, I came across this old DVD of Stand By Me. There’s nothing special about it, except that it comes from my personal collection, and it lived in my garage for a few years. I mean, it’s probably seen some things, man.


It’s in perfect condition (it was in a sealed box with some books), and I will personally autograph it to the winning bidder.

All the money I receive from this auction will be given to my Wiggle Waggle Walk team, to support the Pasadena Humane Society.

For information on the Wiggle Waggle Walk, you can see my page here

For confirmation that this is legit and not a scam, here’s the post I made on Twitter announcing this auction.

Um. About that. It’s currently at $625.

That’s pretty awesome, and I’m really excited that someone is going to get us that much closer to our fundraising goal. I’m also going to throw in a signed copy of Different Seasons from the mid-80s, which features Stand By Me on the cover.

Now, about that ping pong ball.

It’s best to experience that by looking at the original post I made on Twitter about it. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Oh! Wait! I can embed the tweet! Neat! Check it out:

File under: Less Cool Things I Find While Cleaning Out The Garage. twitter.com/wilw/status/24…

— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) September 9, 2012

So anyway, when I announced the DVD auction, a bunch of people — like, a huge bunch of people — asked for me to auction off the ping pong ball.

So I set that auction up, too. The only probablem was, the DVD took me past my monthly limit of $500, so I had to confirm or verify or whatever myself to get my selling limit increased. The call went something like this:

Me: Hi, I need to increase my limit.

eBay Rep: Sure. Why?

Me: Because the DVD I auctioned went for over 500 dollars and I now I can’t auction off this dented ping pong ball.

eBay Rep: …

Me: Yeah.

eBay Rep: Well, let me ask you a whole bunch of questions that you can’t repeat on the Internet because holy shit would that make it easy to steal your identity.

Me: Do your worst, lady.

Then, after questions, answers, and some delightful hold music :

eBay Rep: Okay, you’ve been verified and now you can sell up to $3500 a month.

Me: DUDE THAT IS SO MANY DENTED PING PONG BALLS.

eBay Rep: I’m going to hang up now.

Please note that the call may not have gone precisely like that.

So I put up the auction, which looks something like this:

A crappy dented ping pong ball I found in my garage and made popular on twitter

This beautiful ping pong ball is almost completely caved in on one side, providing an exquisite, built-in stand to properly display the smaller dent that runs across the other side.

This particular ping pong ball, named Silas, was used in many games of ping pong. It also delighted no less than two cats when dropped on a hardwood floor. Silas was the one ping pong ball in the box that all the other balls made fun of, because he had a name they didn’t understand and he liked to read books instead of going to parties — what the hell is wrong with those other balls? Not everybody likes to go to parties, okay, mom? Maybe I just want to sit in my room and read the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy and maybe look at some dirty pictures on the internet when I’m done. GOSH!

But now the joke is on the other balls in the box, because nobody remembers them or even cares where they are, and now Silas is Internet Famous for, like, maybe two whole days.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS: THIS PING PONG BALL WILL NOT OPERATE IN A GAME OF PING PONG. THIS BALL WILL NOT BOUNCE OR RESPOND TO A PADDLE IN THE USUAL MANNER.

This ping pong ball is probably worth less than the cost of shipping. You will probably laugh a gerat deal when you place your bid, but will likely have the worst case of buyer’s remorse since that one celebrity wedding. Yeah, that’s the one I’m talking about. You’re probably going to feel like that, without all the attention and free drinks that come between the closing of the deal, and the overwhelming regret.

HOWEVER. This ping pong ball will be placed into a lovely padded envelope, perfectly suitable for opening, and it will be shipped to the buyer’s address with my compliments. You will open it, and you will probably say to yourself, “Well, crap. Now I have this stupid ping pong ball that I have to deal with. I suppose I’ll build an expensive display case to show it off at dinner parties.” And then you’ll invest lots of time and money to get that display case, money which could have been spent on whisky or many yards of colorful ribbons to braid together into a whimsical belt. Also, you need to learn to juggle, because it’s a useful skill that doesn’t impress many people, but WOAH is it satisfying when you throw torches around and don’t catch yourself on fire.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO JUGGLE TORCHES UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY A PROFESSIONAL JUGGLER. A PROFESSIONAL JUGGLER CAN BE IDENTIFIED BY THE FOLLOWING:

 

  1. Is wearing a jaunty hat, of many colors.
  2. Asks you for money.
  3. Arrives and departs on a unicycle.
  4. Is profoundly offended by this list.

ALL OTHER SO-CALLED JUGGLERS ARE MERELY ENTHUSIASTS, NOT PROFESSIONALS. DO NOT TRUST THEIR TRAINING.

 

Now, back to the truly important thing, here: All money raised in this auction will be donated to the Pasadena Humane Society’s Wiggle Waggle Walk, specifically to Team Wheaton.

 

Shipping is free, because it seems silly for you to pay more in shipping than Silas is worth. But don’t tell him I said that, or his feelings will be hurt, and Silas has suffered enough. Please give him a good home. Think of the children.

I don’t even.. I mean, I can’t… okay, in under 30 minutes, the crappy dented ping-pong ball named Silas is selling for $500.

I’m not going to lie, Marge, it will delight me if the ping pong ball sells for more than the DVD. Because of reasons.

Oh, and if all of this isn’t enough, Anne has offered to #VandalEyes Silas, if the winner wants her to:

As Andrew said on Twitter: “This is the weirdest episode of Storage Wars I’ve ever seen.”

@wilw This is the weirdest episode of Storage Wars I’ve ever seen.

— Andrew Coltrin (@PartlyRobot) September 9, 2012

Yep. This is one of those days when I love the Internet.

  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to share on Bluesky (Opens in new window) Bluesky
  • More
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related


Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Subscribe

wil
9 September, 2012 Wil

Post navigation

WIL WHEATON dot NET is open for business → ← the last eleven years, summed up by one .gif

70 thoughts on “Two Charity Auctions to Benefit the Pasadena Humane Society”

  1. Phoebe Hodgson says:
    9 September, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Nearly a thousand dollars for a ping pong ball – well done!

  2. Jeannette DuPree says:
    9 September, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    That’s awesome! I hope you bring in lots of money for the Pasadena Humane Society!

  3. Danielle Withrow says:
    9 September, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Oh, internet! <3 This is so awesome.
    As someone who has both worked at an animal shelter and is currently fostering a ridiculously cute puppy for a local shelter, thanks for all the good work. 🙂

  4. sylvanfire says:
    9 September, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    OMG I just checked out your ping pong ball auction and you’re almost at $1000 !!!!!!!! (Deserves many exclamation marks!)

  5. Angie says:
    9 September, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Well, who *wouldn’t* want it VandalEyes’d??

  6. karohemd says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    I wish I could clear out my junk, put it on ebay and get that much for a worthwhile charity.
    Nevertheless, as I’m in the UK, I will take this as an incentive and donate to a local animal rescue charity.

  7. Claire Williams says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Have you asked Silas how HE feels about being sold to the highest bidder?

  8. Jefferson Malone says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    I think you may need to call eBay again to raise your limit! lol That’s awesome-sauce!

  9. snarke says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    With the Vandal Eyes, that ping pong ball almost looks like one of the babies from Bobby Benson’s Baby Band!

  10. Teresa says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    I am watching both auctions, unfortunately they are so out of my price range, but amazing!

  11. mimi78 says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I clicked on the DVD link earlier today and saw it was at $560 bucks and thought, shucks, can’t afford that. Then later in the day I thought, ha… maybe I could afford it if he auctioned off the ping pong ball. Then I come here. Seriously, internet? I love you, Internet.

  12. DanielleLStJohn says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    There really are no words for how incredibly hard I love this whole situation. I wish I had a couple thousand dollars just lying around to throw down on this. I guess I shall instead have to content myself with the knowledge that I am not alone in my easily amusedness, nor in my love for random things, especially if they’re for a good cause.

  13. Dana Marie Vittum says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    I think you need to include that biography of Silas with the ping pong ball. Because that really makes me wish I could afford to buy him.

  14. gevmage says:
    9 September, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    This has been awesome to watch unfold. Already well out of my reach, but very cool.

  15. Anna Brown says:
    9 September, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Silas has been meme’d: http://imgur.com/YdN0S

  16. Zazie Lavender says:
    9 September, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    This is just awesome.

    Good thing this is all for charity. 😀

  17. Erica Erkkila says:
    9 September, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Holy crap. The $200 I spent this weekend on Lawrence Krauss’s sneakers (MSF charity auction) now looks like a real bargain!

  18. John Silvester says:
    9 September, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Wow. The bid for Silas is almost $1100. That’s just awesome.

  19. RDavidBetz says:
    9 September, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    This is the coolest thing I’ve seen all week. Hell, all month.

  20. yusaku777 says:
    9 September, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Just checked a moment ago, and you’re up to over a THOUSAND DOLLARS for Silas. The awesome display case should include a spider web in the corner that spells out “SOME PING”.

    1. Angela Lenfest says:
      10 September, 2012 at 1:42 pm

      Awesome. This comment wins the internet sub-set of this internet winning blog post.

  21. Gerard Morrissette says:
    9 September, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Now if only you could find an old sweater in that garage to use for a proper body for Silas. You could turn your garage cleaning into an entire line of charity products.

  22. Julian Owen says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:26 am

    And they say there’s a recession on???

  23. Elizabeth Bryant says:
    10 September, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Bidding for Silas is $1100+. That is beyond awesome! Think of all the animals you and Silas are helping! Wow!

  24. Amy Brunner says:
    10 September, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Wil, I think these auctions are a great idea. I would like to remind everyone that their local animal shelter also needs donations & doesn’t have the luxury of Wil Wheaton’s voice to advocate for them. I propose this instead: for every dollar we donate to Pasadena, we give a matching amount to our local shelter who also deserves our love and support.

  25. Pingback: Dented Ping Pong Ball Selling for Over $1,000 for Charity « 929 Dave FM
  26. jramboz says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    You know that Wil Wheaton’s Dented Ball is totally going to be in the next Munchkin expansion, right?

    1. Wil says:
      10 September, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      I hope that happens. I’m also going to make it a custom card for Cards Against Humanity.

      1. JunkyardAcademy says:
        11 September, 2012 at 7:17 am

        Level 12 monster in Munchkin Attracts other monsters to come and recklessly play. Search through discard pile until you find two monsters and put them into the battle
        Bad stuff: Loose one level from laughing at the cuteness. Loose one small item.
        800 Gold

  27. Mr_Completely says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    You’ve become a very skilled and funny writer, Wheaton. You hit all the notes and I could hear the whole thing in your voice. Because you’re working deep in nerd culture it would be easy to kinda-sorta write this way and sound derivative, but you sound like no one but yourself.

  28. Daniel West says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    This reminds me of the Great Paper Sale™ from Three O’Clock High. I just hope Wil doesn’t have to fight some big bully after school…

  29. CraftyIntrigue says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    This post made me laugh so hard. I love it that so much money was raised for animals from a dented ping pong ball. I love the Internet when things like this happen.

  30. Michelle Stulberger says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Yes! Wil Wheaton’s Dented Ball is officially being added to my Cards Against Humanity deck. The next time we play CaH x Pictionary this is going to be epic…

  31. ClayRobeson says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Dude, after six years, it’s awesome to be back at WWDN. Welcome home.

  32. dfobert says:
    10 September, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Could there be a better post to put an introductory comment on? I hope the winner of the auction creates a Twitter account and posts of Silus’s adventures.

  33. P Kelsay says:
    10 September, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    This rocks. I have the feelings.

  34. Jacquilynne Schlesier says:
    10 September, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    eBay has helpfully included a ‘Have one to sell? Sell it yourself.’ link on the ping pong ball auction.

    Which I realize is standard, and all, but man, if people take this auction at face value they are going to be sorely disappointed, and out some major listing fees, when they discover how much *their* dented ping pong balls are *not* worth.

  35. MichaelZeppo says:
    10 September, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Sweet!

  36. Amanda Richer says:
    10 September, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    … and things like this are why I love the internet. There’s still time left, but a dented, VandalEyes-d ping pong ball is selling for more than an autographed DVD. And all of it goes to the humane society. Win all around.

  37. Jo Smith says:
    10 September, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    It takes a very special person to do celebrity right…clearly you are one of those people. What a treat finding things others would throw away and making them really count. Animal shelters seem to have bore the brunt of what happened to our economy from 2004-2008, not just in the amount of animals received, but the amount of people who don’t have the same amount to give to support them. Bless you for using your superpowers for good (even if you DO like your acting gigs to be a little less on the side of light). 😉

  38. Thiefree says:
    10 September, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Oh my gosh, hello WWdN! It’s been a loooong time. And hello, Silas! And hello, Wil! Today is a Good Day.

  39. Kate George says:
    10 September, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, Will Wheaton, for making me laugh. I needed that. I hope you make gazillions of dollars for the humane society. You may be “Just a Guy,” but you’re a guy who can do good in the world. I like that.

  40. The Kandiman says:
    10 September, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    OMG. Best post evar. Kickass amounts of moolah raised for an awesome cause, and hilarious story time for everybody! Kudos to you, good sir. You may have all my internets.

  41. douglas_boyle says:
    10 September, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    $1,135.00 is the going price for Silas right now.

    I am reminded of a an old Garfield comic that has graced a bulletin board in my parent’s home since 1980 something. Jon walks in with a box and pulls out a giant hideous cowboy hat and puts it on, Garfield wryly says “It’s amazing the things people would rather have than money”.

    Now that being said, this is for a good cause, so spend, Spend SPEND!!!

  42. Stephanie Segal Bennett says:
    10 September, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    this is just all sorts of awesome. and, i have the same color anne is wearing on her fingers, on my toes. that is all.

  43. tearelateddream says:
    10 September, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    I keep scrolling up to the picture of Silas with eyes on an bursting into fresh gales of laughter. This may be the coffee and sleep-deprivation, but either way, you and your ping pong ball have sent me from abject despair to hysterical joy in one post. Thanks 🙂

    (Also awesome that there’s a serious good thing coming out of the funny too.)

  44. doolbneerg says:
    10 September, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    I am so glad that the internet has a sense of humor. It is just awesome that Wil put up with our craziness and setup auctions for a dented ping pong ball. Since I as well couldn’t afford a dented ping pong ball, I ended up posting an auction for Bob. Now, at least one more person will be able to afford a dented ping pong ball and have a memento of this crazy day. http://www.ebay.com/itm/A-crappy-replica-of-a-crappy-dented-ping-pong-ball-/120984470295?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c2b3c8317

  45. rmwc1995 says:
    10 September, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    The Bloggess would be so proud that you named the ping pong ball. And even prouder that Anne dressed it up!

  46. Mark Woodworth says:
    10 September, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Wow. This is awesome on so many levels. Christina and I started supporting the Wiggle Waggle Walk last year, and we’ll definitely be there again this year! You rock Wil!

  47. JunkyardAcademy says:
    10 September, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Stand By Me is at $800.00 (perhaps a #vandaleyes is in order?) and…well…’A crappy dented ping pong ball I found in my garage and made popular on twitter’ is sitting pretty at $1,135.00 …wow.

  48. AlexPope1668 says:
    11 September, 2012 at 12:16 am

    Hot Garage Wars: after Dave bids up the price, Yuuuuup!; Jarrod bids way more than Brandi told him he could, and gets dirty looks for his trouble; Barry bids it way up because he thought he saw an antique very unique one-of-a-kind do-dad in the back; then Darrell swoops in trying to stick it to Dave, but instead gets stuck with him himself.

    Darrell: Alright, let’s quickly see if I got something to break even.
    Darrell’s Son: Yeah, can’t wait to find out the ‘wow factor’ in this one!
    Darrell: Look son, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel – you never know what you’re gonna get!
    (sometime later, going through all of Wil’s old crap)
    Darrell: I hate to admit when I’m wrong, but looks like I… wait, what’s behind this… woah! Now here’s something, a Stand by Me DVD – that’s a $900 bill, every day!
    Darrell’s son: They don’t make $900 dollar bills, Dad.
    Darrell: You wanted the ‘wow factor’? Here it is.
    Darrell’s son: It’s a dented ping pong ball, Dad.
    Darrell: Listen, son, I’m going to teach you a little something here. I was in the ping pong ball business for years, and this here dented one, most people would just trash it, but you stick vandally eyes on this baby, and it’s gotta be worth more than anything else in here! There’s this guy I know, he knows even more than me about balls. Let’s go see him!

  49. Pinky Guerrero says:
    11 September, 2012 at 4:20 am

    THIS is the kind of stuff the internet was made for. =) I am so loving this post and all the comments.

  50. opie051699 says:
    11 September, 2012 at 5:58 am

    So much AWESOME!

Comment navigation

Newer Comments →

Comments are closed.

Related Posts

catching halos on the moon

I had such a good time with my garden last season. It was the first time I had ever capital-t Tended a garden in my life, and it was a […]

in the heat of the summer better call out a plumber

Back in the old days, the good old days, when it was generally accepted that Fascism and Nazis were bad, bloggers would write these posts that were sort of recaps […]

lift every voice and sing

Lift every voice and sing,‘Til earth and heaven ring,Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;Let our rejoicing riseHigh as the listening skies,Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.Sing a song […]

it picks me up, puts me down

I’ve been open and unashamed about my mental health struggles and triumphs, always willing to talk about my CPTSD, always willing to supportively listen when someone chooses to share their […]

Recent Posts

catching halos on the moon

catching halos on the moon

I had such a good time with my garden last season. It was the first time I had ever capital-t Tended a garden in my life, and it was a […]

More Info
in the heat of the summer better call out a plumber

in the heat of the summer better call out a plumber

Back in the old days, the good old days, when it was generally accepted that Fascism and Nazis were bad, bloggers would write these posts that were sort of recaps […]

More Info
lift every voice and sing

lift every voice and sing

Lift every voice and sing,‘Til earth and heaven ring,Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;Let our rejoicing riseHigh as the listening skies,Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.Sing a song [...]

More Info
it picks me up, puts me down

it picks me up, puts me down

I’ve been open and unashamed about my mental health struggles and triumphs, always willing to talk about my CPTSD, always willing to supportively listen when someone chooses to share their [...]

More Info

 

  • Instagram
  • Facebook

Member of The Internet Defense League

Creative Commons License
WIL WHEATON dot NET by Wil Wheaton is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://wilwheaton.net.

Search my blog

Powered by WordPress | theme SG Double
%d