How not to solicit business in 2015 or ever

This email was waiting for me when I got back from the JoCo Cruise:

worst-solicitation-ever

Maybe it’s the fact that the boat is still moving, or the fact that I have real coffee in my veins for the first time in almost two weeks, or maybe it’s just because I’m easily amused, but here is my response:

wil-wheaton-terrible-solicitation-response

Happy Monday, everyone! May all your emails today be amusing.

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52 thoughts on “How not to solicit business in 2015 or ever”

  12. Well played. I used to get these emails (and calls) all the time asking if I wanted to outsource all of our software development work to cheaper resources in India. I would normally say something like,

    “Hold on a sec… let me ask my co-workers and friends.”

    “Hey everyone, do you want to outsource all of our work to India?”

    “Okay, so I think the consensus is ‘No’ at this time.”

    1. Scrolled down to post exactly this. It was tremendously reassuring to find it here already. +1 internets to you, manybellsdown, and +1 to the idea expressed. At the very least, there needs to be a separate page on the site for you to refer these people to if only to lighten your daily email load, Wil. 🙂

  18. Oooh I get these once a week! But they don’t even congratulate me on my (fill in the blank) accomplishments. :sad face:

    I’m going to send them this post and ask them to up their game. At LEAST fill in some blanks. Or use different colors.

  20. I’ve been getting these e-mails (you know minus congratulating me for amazingly successful film and TV ventures) a lot lately, and have been responding in kind. Your response was brilliant. Thanks for the Monday laughs!

  21. The nerve of these people! I like how you repeatedly mocked their poor grammar. English not first language, huh, Apu? Better kill yourself and get reincarnated in AMERICA before contacting a Hollywood big-shot like Wesley fuckin’ Crusher, bro.

  30. This is hillarious – with 500 “Highly creative animation crew” and “more than 15 years experience”, that means each individual on the team only has to have been working there straight out of kindergarten for just over two weeks – in total, that adds up to 15 years 😉

  32. I used to get emails like this, basically asking if I wanted to get my company to outsource my job to them – “we can save your company a lot of money by firing you.”

    Great response on your part.

  33. Thank you Wil for giving a great tutorial on the best way to reply to these types of email solicitations.

  35. Much like your other readers, I get emails just like this all the time. I just don’t understand where they got the idea that I was in stand by me or star trek… It’s quite disturbing to be referred to as Mr. Wheaton, as well… I mean, people don’t even call my dad Mr. Wheaton… About that time it’s best to just thank them for their time, but you’ve decided to go with a local kindergarten for all your poor grammar and typo needs.

  36. Wil, I’m glad you had the time to cultivate such a brilliant response. I can’t believe these people who claim to have such a successful business, that will exponentially help us, and they use a reply email address from gmail or yahoo! I get those all the time.

  40. Tonight’s top story: Wil Wheaton breaks Wheaton’s Law.

    In other news, water continues to be wet, the Pope remains Catholic, and bears do in fact defecate in forests.

    1. Wil wasn’t being a Dick, he was just responding in kind to a “professional” solicitation. These folks are most likely contacting every person on IMDB pro regardless of their position in the industry with these piss-poor lazy arse paste-and-cut begging for work emails. You can’t blame culture differences on this one,either.

      Perhaps these folks should be reported to IMDB pro and have their membership revoked.

      Makes you wonder how they managed to win independence from Great Britain – Even Gandhi would have face palmed this one!

  41. Clearly a sign of laziness and no understanding of business communication. You can’t blame cultural differences for a lak of etiquette,

    They should have either sent a general email or a personalized one, and not his fake paste and cut from IMDB (Well, atleast it was IMDB pro) stuff…makes you wonder how India won their independence from The UK! Even Ghandi would have been ashamed.

    …and only a witty writer like will could put together such a great response, that will sadly go over their heads!

  42. Is it wrong that all I could think of was, OMG if that was me sending the crappy email I would have been whooping all over the room with childlike excitement over the fact that Wil Wheaton replied to my email!

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