Here’s another one from my Tumblr ask thingy:
ditrysia asked:
Hey Wil. Do you have any advice/tips for people with anxiety to calm down when they feel they are starting to freak out and might have a panic attack? I don’t know if that particularly happens to you but you seem to know a lot about dealing with mental health. Thanks.
I’m not a doctor, and this is not a good substitution for medical advice. I’m not saying that to cover my ass, I’m saying that because it’s true. If this is a problem for you, please talk to a professional. If you can’t find one, or can’t afford one, go to Nami.org or call the NAMI Helpline at 800-950-6264 and you’ll be able to talk with someone right away to help get you out of crisis. NAMI also has a lot of great resources on the various flavors of anxiety that I encourage you to look at.
Okay, so for me: I do a couple of different things. If it’s really, really, really bad, I’ll take some medication that helps calm me down. But that’s a last resort for me. The first step for me is to recognize that anxiety is rising up, and then work to identify what’s causing it. (I realize that, for some people, doing just that can cause the anxiety to increase into a feedback loop, so maybe meds are a better first step until the anxiety gets under control). If I’m able to identify the cause (maybe it’s upcoming travel, or a deadline, or I have to deal with a personal thing that I’d rather not deal with) I work to separate RATIONAL thoughts from IRRATIONAL thoughts. This is a real challenge, because the brain is responsible for that job, and when the brain is being controlled by anxiety or other mental health issues, it can be less than helpful. But, with practice and experience, I can separate rational from irrational thoughts. In the beginning, it helped me to write things down. For example: Rational: I may miss my flight and have to take another. That’ll be inconvenient. Irrational: I may miss my flight and not be able to get on another flight but if I do get on another flight it’s going to crash. Rational: This meeting is important, and I’m worried about doing my best. Irrational: This meeting is important and if I’m not perfect I’m going to fail at everything in life and lose my house and family.
You may think I’m joking or being deliberately hyperbolic, but these are real thoughts I’ve had in my life.
When I separate the IRRATIONAL from the RATIONAL, I put irrational thoughts into a space that’s like a mental trash can. They aren’t helpful, and I don’t need them. I focus on what I can do about the rational thoughts. The rational thoughts can be helpful, by making it clear to me that I need to work hard for something, or make sure that I’m ready to leave for an appointment, or whatever. Sometimes, the rational thoughts can feel irrational. For example: What if it rains and we can’t do the big thing outside that we’ve been planning for months? If we can’t do the thing outside, we’re doomed! So part of that is rational: I’m worried about not being able to do the thing outside. But if I can’t, it’s usually not the end of the world. We move inside, or we deal with some rain. But it is not the end of the world. The end of the world is when we do the thing outside on the same day that an asteroid crashes into the park. In this (and all of these circumstances,) the trick for me is to recognize when IRRATIONAL thoughts are beginning to overtake RATIONAL thoughts, before they can spiral out of control.
One more thing: sometimes anxiety isn’t about worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Sometimes, anxiety is about being totally overwhelmed by what’s happening RIGHT NOW. For example: I’m having a great time at this convention or concert or party but HOLY CRAP I CAN’T DEAL WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. That’s totally normal, by the way, and when that happens, I accept that I may need to take some time to myself to just get into a quiet, solitary space, and recharge. BUT THEN I’M MISSING OUT ON THE FUN! Really? Is it really fun to be spending all my energy and focus trying to maintain and not go into a panic attack?
Finally, I keep a pill in my pocket (usually in my wallet) at all times, so if I start to feel a panic attack coming on, I know that I have an escape hatch of sorts.
Oh, also: none of us have to do this alone. Our friends, family, partners all need to know that we have mental health issues. They need to be our support network, so when we are somewhere and are feeling the rising bile of anxiety, we can turn to whoever is with us and tell them that we need some help.
I hope this is helpful to you, or anyone reading this who struggles with the sort of thing people like us struggle with. It’s really important to know that we are not alone, there is nothing wrong with how we feel, and we can get through this, and have a good life.
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Please keep a photocopy of the prescription label from your meds if you do keep a single dose or a few in a non-pharmacy container. In many states you’re required to have your prescription with you if you are in possession of prescription or scheduled drugs.
If you ask very nicely at the pharmacy counter they will often give you a very small pill bottle with the Rx info on it for just this sort of purpose.
Well put. These methods are pretty universal, but it is best to seek professional assistance. Support in your life is CRUCIAL! I’ve dealt with anxiety since my early teen years and it ebbs and flows, but it’s more manageable with the right tools, guidance, and support. I hope you are feeling better today, Wil.
Mister Wheaton.
You sir? Are a gem. /Thank/ you.
I also want to add that there is no shame in having a mental illness or anxiety disorder. There is no shame in having a panic attack in public. Wil is right; it’s very important to recognize and acknowledge your anxiety. If you don’t acknowledge it as it’s rising, you cannot address it. And if all fails and you do have a panic attack in public, it’s ok. It’s ok to tell someone that is making you feel anxious to give you space and time to regroup. It’s ok to leave your shopping basket, full, in the middle of the store if you need to walk away. And what other people think of you when you are having an anxiety attack is not important, although you’d be surprised how many will be sympathetic and understanding.
Kathy, this x1000.
I had a bad attack at work about nine years ago, before I was diagnosed with anxiety. I was terrified that something was seriously wrong with me, of course, but I was also mortified that it was happening in front of co-workers.
I work at JPL and we have our own medical department, so my co-workers immediately called our paramedics for me and tut-tutted my concerns about this happening in front of them, taking care of me the entire time.
Most people are good and they will help, if you give them a chance.
That’s good to hear, Carol. I think every day the stigma attached to mental illness crumbles away bit by bit. There’s no shame in having a chronic illness.
This is great stuff! Thanks so much for posting this!
One particular issue for me is anxiety that hits at night, so I can’t sleep. When this happens to me, I try your “figure out the cause” strategy, and then try to identify steps I can take the next day to address the issue, and then write them down and commit to doing them.
Then I can tell myself that I’ve done everything I can until the next day, which can sometimes help me to let go enough to go to sleep.
Mr. Wheaton, thanks for existing. You rock so hard that I’m considering you to be a time traveler that’s actually one of the inventors of rock’n roll.
Thank you 🙂
That makes a lot of sense. Separating rational from irrational thoughts is indeed difficult. Sometimes anxiety hours me as a.tightness in the chest, racing heart rate, and panic. Sometimes it has a logical trigger, sometimes not. Many times,I just have to wait it out.
Thank you so much for this Wil. As someone who suffers daily with anxiety I appreciate your thoughts AND that you were responsible and asked for people to get professional help. NAMI is a terrific organization.
Thank you so much Wil. My wife suffers from anxiety as well and its been getting worse. Jus treading this post has helped me understand her a bit more.
I want to help her any way I can and Im trying to learn more about this.
I suffer with anxiety as well. I have found that sometimes the only way to calm down is just literally to take myself out of the situation for a while. All I have is good old Prozac to help me and it does but can’t take them when I like. All I can say is thank god I have been in sci fi fandom since the early 80’s. Has helped me through a lot!
Kriss 🙂
Scifikriss, talk with your doctor about anxiety problems and panic. Maybe she can prescribe a PRN that you can take when you can’t manage overwhelming anxiety on your own. Meds like Xanex and Klonopin are taken as needed. And practice your anxiety-management skills when you are calm so you can be good at them when you’re not.
I saw my psychitrist yesterday and because I can handle it most of the time they are ok with my meds. They don’t like to use drugs in the UK so much. Yes because it does cost the government but also because they have found just giving people drugs might not help the whole. 😀
I’ve never had an idea of how to handle anything except with medication and hiding until it passes, or just plowing through the misery. I like the idea of separating rational and irrational- will be trying it!
Thank you. This really helps. I’m not really an anxious person, but I’ve noticed that my 6 year old daughter has a lot of anxieties. Your post made me think about how I need to talk to her when she’s feeling anxious. If I sit and have her talk out what she’s feeling, perhaps I can help bring out more of that rational side. I would love to help her start learning to help herself when she’s feeling anxious.
I know I need to remain calm with her and be patient…something I’ve had trouble with. Some of the things that she worries about seems silly to me, but I need to remember that it isn’t silly to her.
I also need to remember that if we need to, we can get her medication that will help. I think we’re far from needing that.
Thanks for posting this informative and very well-written article. I’ve dealt with panic attacks off and on as an adult, and this post has given me some new insights on that subject.
What Wil and KathyTrisdale said.
Also, one of the the awful, horrible, very bad, no-good things about anxiety attacks is that life could be going along swimmingly and there’s nothing that should trigger an attack and yet — WHAM! Upside the head. For me, an attack can take the form of feeling faint and racing heart…or it can feel like pent-up energy crawling beneath my skin and an inability to not move.
If you should have an out-of-the-blue, WTF? anxiety attack, recognize that there’s nothing shameful in it. Your brain, for whatever reason, has decided to be an asshole at that moment. Identify that that attack is happening and use your coping mechanisms to help you through it, whatever that may be. (Please see a mental health specialist to help you identify the best coping mechanisms for you.) Then, when you’ve calmed down enough to think clearly, go through the things in your life that, unbeknownst to you, might have triggered the attack.
If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay. Sometimes, as I said above, the brain just likes to be an asshole. Chemical imbalances can be like that.
And always remember: you’re not alone. Reach out to someone you trust.
Thank you, Mr Wheaton
I’m still struggling with my depression and anxiety issues, but I have finally sought out the help I need. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
My problem comes in when I mark a thought as irrational and then the rest of my brain goes, BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT? What if my entire life really DOES get completely ruined by this setback? Then my brain starts listing all the processes by which that could actually happen and I haven’t figured out how to turn that off yet.
I’ve been trying to explain this thought process to my husband, who is very logical and doesn’t get it. It makes no sense to him, and I tell him it makes no sense to me either: I know, consciously, that I’m being irrational, but I can’t turn that part off yet, or get the other part to yell louder. I KNOW I’m having a panic attack and not a heart attack, BUT WHAT IF THIS IS THE ONE TIME IT’S A HEART ATTACK, and because I thought it was a panic attack I didn’t tell anyone how I was feeling and I die alone on the couch and my family finds me like that?
The other day, I noticed my six-year-old had broken a tine off of a plastic fork. I started crying and hyperventilating because if he swallowed it, he would bleed to death internally, and because the fork was plastic it wouldn’t show up on x-rays. I pawed through his leftovers until I found it. My husband said it’s not about the possibility, it’s about the probability of something like that every happening, which is practically nil. I told him adding “practically” means it could happen, which is all I need to have a panic attack.
Thank you for sharing this Wil. All of us who deal with these issues need to recognize we’re not alone! One thing that helps me is simply recognizing that I do suffer from anxiety/depression. I get the idea behind trying to identify a cause, but for me that can send me on a wild goose chase looking for the almighty reason I feel the way I do. Often the specific cause is not identifiable because it defies logic! So, instead of chasing the cause, sometimes it just calms me to recognize that I’m not anxious/depressed because of anything, I’m anxious/depressed because I suffer from anxiety/depression! 🙂
Way to go, Jen! Acknowledging that you have this illness, IMHO, is half the battle. The cause only matters if you need to identify it to relieve your symptoms. And we can’t avoid our triggers all the time, so what counts is knowing that you have them, knowing that you have an illness, and knowing how to treat it when it flares up.
You’re a good man, Wil Wheaton. If it is within your power, you will help others gladly. Because you emit such positive efforts, I hope karma will gift you with less anxiety and more peace of mind. Hope you are feeling better today.
Thanks for that man
Thanks for posting. I’ve known I suffer from depression for sometime, and have sought and received great help for it. I’ve only recently begun to realize I also suffer from anxiety, which often leads to my depression. Your posts have helped me realize this, so now I can move on to fixing them.
Thank you for putting these posts out there. I imagine it’s not easy for you, but you are really helping a lot of people.
Thank you for addressing this Wil. I have the same escape hatch in my pocket…it says “Monday” on it. I like to think that if my anxiety is messing with me, it must be Monday. You are right on about studying yourself and learning what causes your anxiety. If the fact that you haven’t balanced your checkbook (who still does that anyway?) gives you anxiety, then get it done. Don’t put it off. Learn what feelings are and are not anxiety and address them. It is a battle. No phasers on stun here. When it comes to the what is causing my anxiety, I must take the immortal words of Mr. Spock in A Taste of Armageddon, “I do not approve. I understand.” And that the beginning of winning each battle as it comes.
Oh. That’s what that is when my brain does that. (I’m not being facetious — I just learned something today.) Admittedly, I almost never get into that space deep enough that it’s paralyzing, but I just figured that was normal stuff. Maybe it is, the only difference is the level of intensity different people have to the same input.
That’s great – thank you for sharing that.
This was nicely said Wil, thanks, people need to hear that that over and again, etc. And hearing from someone like you will surely lead some to consider both your advice and to seek some professional help.
To me you have a great deal of credibility for a public figure, in terms of your honesty, integrity and common sense, rare commodities.
My advice. Which I like to give.
1: See a professional, I am not. I am also crazy, which makes my advice a bit suspect, however it means I have years of experience in dealing with being crazy.
2: Write it down, record it, make notes. Keep track in some way of which things that make you anxious or summon panic attacks are real problems and which are essentially phantom terrors. It is easier to relax a bit when you understand the thing currently making you upset is a phantom terror.
3: Do see a professional never stop your meds on your own etc. However, if your depression and anxiety are powered by real life problems, if your lifestyle, relationships or job create a huge amount of stress. Maybe you should try fixing them, don’t just medicate yourself until you can stand your terrible life. I see this a lot, and it makes me sad.
Interested in things: You’re awesome. Don’t stop.
Pretty much exactly what I have come to do myself when anxiety rears it’s ugly mug, This is good advice–heed it.
Wil, is there any way that we, your admirers, can tell when to not bother you in a crowd/party setting? I’m thinking of party situations on the cruise for example, when it is usually okay to say hi and chat for a brief moment. I know how it can be when I am suddenly hit by a wave of depression out of nowhere and my “tell” is that I look down and don’t make eye contact. So, the last thing I would want to do is make you more uncomfortable. >3 >3 >3
Now I am even more in love with you…thanks for that…seriously though this is something I’ve been trying to handle as well and those are amazing tips to help…Thank you!
Wil, very well said as always. I’ve watched my wife go through this many times and it’s shocking how fast a minor setback can spiral into a complete catastrophe via this feedback loop. You have remarkable insight.
That doesn’t sound hyperbolic at all. That sounds exactly like the sort of thing my own irrational idiot brain tells itself.
This is a good article.
One of the things that helps me is hearing from other people struggling with similar issues. It helps me feel normal instead of broken beyond repair.
When I spoke to my doctor about my social anxiety he said it could be beneficial to be more aware (maybe write it down?) of times when things have gone well instead of just the times it all went wrong. Suddenly there’s an overwhelming amount of “it was fine” to drown out the “IT’S A DISASTER D:” thoughts. Expecting things to be OK can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ve still got a long way to go (therapy starts in a few weeks!) before I’ll feel like I can sit in a room full of people I’ve never met or spoken to, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d also like to say that even just knowing that I’m going to be getting help in a few weeks is helpful itself.
I would add to what several here have said. Learning to distinguish between a rational and irrational thought is the most difficult part of this, and I strongly recommend professional therapy for anyone experiencing anxiety or panic attacks. Having a professional help you build the toolkit you can use to get your thoughts rational is invaluable. Also, don’t be afraid of needing medication. Even a small dose can make a world of difference. Beta blockers can get you through the symptoms and act incredibly fast. Xanax or the like can help keep the thoughts calm and help you make rational choices, but seek a professional and do some due diligence researching their qualifications so you aren’t just seeing a pill pusher who will give higher doses than you need or things you don’t need.
Perfect. Just perfect. As a psychologist, I couldn’t have said it better. You are brave & kind to share yourself in so many ways. Wil, you rock!
Totally off topic, but what is described here (http://wilwheaton.net/2013/11/4146/comment-page-1/#comment-148605) about two years ago still happens, at least to me.
All WWdn-new-post-announcment-mails are marked as being potential scam which renders all links unclickable in Google Inbox.
Maybe worth looking into it.
I am a fellow sufferer, and after decades of it, I found out about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). In the UK, it’s available free through the National Health Service. It changed my life. I still suffer from anxiety, but I learned how to challenge irrational thoughts, thereby disarming them. I’d developed some coping mechanisms of my own over the years (like visualising throwing negative memories into an airlock and pressing the button!) but CBT really helped with positive coping skills. Doesn’t work for everyone (about 70% of people, I think) but I really encourage people to seek it out.
As a school social worker, working with some kids who experience anxiety, this was helpful. Thank you!
Wil – I appreciate that you take the time to delve into issues that affect you personally, and that you often use this platform to offer insight that can help others. My wife needs constant reminders that she is not alone and that I’m standing with her always. With so much noise and self-aggrandizement on the internet today, it’s a breath of fresh air to read something like this.
Also, we likely disagree on many of the general hot-button issues made popular today, but I continue to read your blog because you have demonstrated to me that you sincerely care about the issues you speak about, as well as the people who agree AND the people who disagree with you. Folks like yourself are too rare today, no matter which side of any issue you find yourself on. Thanks for that.
Just knowing that you have the same problem as I do helps me. I appreciate how open you are about dealing with it.
I love you so hard for this dude, seriously. Trying to explain these kinds of thoughts and reactions to my friends are family are so difficult sometimes.
As someone who doesn’t have this particular issue, I am nonetheless curious: do you feel that having the pill as a “safety net” helps even without actually taking it? I can imagine that just knowing it’s there even if you don’t use it can help calm you down, but not having made my acquaintance with anxiety I wouldn’t really know.
I can’t answer for Wil, but I can answer for myself. There are many times that I can deal with extreme anxiety without meds, knowing that if I fail I can take an anti-anxiety medication and that will help me through it. I know that what I have is an actual illness, one that can be managed with meds like most other chronic illnesses. It’s like if you have allergies and you carry with you an antihistamine. You know it’s there if you absolutely cannot avoid allergens, and you absolutely cannot endure a sneezing fit. For me, I don’t think that knowing I have meds available helps without taking it. Meds are one tool of many in our toolbox. Knowing I have a hammer in my toolbox doesn’t drive the nail home.
What @everyone else here said: you are a wonderful person.
Thank you!
One of things I do to help with the rational vs irrational thoughts is I have troped my irrational brain as an “unreliable narrator” so when I think “I’m awful and if I can’t to x everyone will leave me” (also a real thought I have had) my rational brain kicks in with “yeah but you are a totally unreliable narrator. Imma gonna assume you don’t know what you’re talking about and get other sources of information” then if I really need to I verify reality with someone I can trust.
I just wanted to second (or third) what was said about people helping if you give them a chance. When my black-outs were really bad, my wife had a t-shirt made for me that read on the front, “Mentally confused and prone to wandering…” On the back it said, “If found, please call…” and it had my current phone number on it. Though no one ever had to go all the way through with it and return me, there were two occasions where people found me confused enough that they asked me if I wanted them to call the number and get me some help. A few other people were interested enough to ask politely if the message on the shirt was, “For real.” I think basically people are willing to help when given a chance to do so. And like always Mr. Wheaton, I appreciate your well-written article.
I very much appreciate your openness about your issues with anxiety and depression. As someone who deals with both of these in my own life, it helps so much to know that someone else deals with the same kinds of issues and to read about coping mechanisms that others find useful. Thank you especially for your advice on separating rational from irrational. I struggle with that a lot. I haven’t taken any medication for my anxiety or depression in years, so learning new ways to think about my anxiety and deal with it inside my own head is a great help.
Thank you for writing this!
Thanks for sharing the tips that work for you.
I could have written half of this. I know these feelings all to well. It makes me sad to live this way but I’m going to talk my doc about uping meds. Think that’s the only thing that’s going to do it for me. Thank you for talking about this
Amen.
Thanks for posting things like this, Wil. It is always helpful.
I would ask you if you would be my daddy but we’re the same age (you win by a couple of months I believe) and that would be weird. So, instead, I ask, because this is not weird AT ALL, will you be my twin?
You help so many people feel less alone with these posts. Thank you for sharing.
I have a 12-year-old daughter who has been struggling with anxiety and depression for two years now. I spend a lot of time helping her manage both (with the help of her therapist) and we have a lot of rational v irrational discussions. Unfortunately, like you said, it is hard when it’s your own brain you are arguing with, and she often simply refuses to see reason. And then it spirals. You give me hope that she’ll get the hang of it.
Btw, I told her not long ago that you have similar issues and she said, “Wait, are you telling me the most awesome guy in the world has problems with anxiety?!” It helps her feel less alone to know of others out there trying to cope and having pretty good lives despite living with a brain that lies. So thank you for your openness.