I’m sitting in my hotel in Atlanta, waiting for my breakfast to arrive. My clock says it’s 1045, but my body thinks it’s 745, so I’m a little squishy in the brains. I also had epic and endless nightmares last night, the kind where I wake myself up and don’t know where I am, and then calm myself down by reminding myself that it was just a dream.
I haven’t had nightmares like that in a long time, since I started Operation Reboot, and I hope it’s just my brain and body dealing with the travel, jet lag, and uncertainty of playing a new character in a new show.
Maybe that’s why I had all these stress dreams and nightmares last night. I don’t know this crew, I barely know this cast. I have a pretty good sense of who this character is, and I’ve prepared my scenes and broken down everything into actions and beats, and I’ve done all the basic preparation and homework, but I’ve only lived in his skin for a couple of scenes, and I still don’t really know him, the way I will by the end of the day today.
Strangely, I sort of feel like being an actor is outside of my comfort zone, at least at the moment, because I’ve been putting myself into a writing head space more and more for the last several weeks. Because I’m American, I’ll use a baseball analogy to explain.
For me, being an actor is like being a shortstop: there’s no time to think, you’ve just got to be totally prepared, relaxed, and ready for whatever comes at you. You’re at your best when you’re honestly and naturally reacting to what’s happening, even though you know that you want things to go in a certain direction, and can reasonably expect plays to unfold in a particular way.
Being a writer is like being a pitcher: you get to decide when the play starts, and you have a tremendous amount of control over what happens up until it does. You have time to think, to reflect, and to observe everything that’s happening around you. It’s slower, more methodical, more precise.
Once the camera rolls, I have to be completely focused and present and out of my head. I have to be connected to the other actors, and totally committed to what my character wants, and honest in how I react to what he’s getting. I’m an experienced actor, so that’s not particularly difficult. In fact, it’s rewarding and fun to play make believe, and there’s nothing better than discovering something unexpected within a scene, and making it live inside me.
But as a writer, I’m a few beats behind everything around me. I’m thinking all the time. I’m in my head and processing everything, cataloging it, seeing how everything fits together, and looking for the hidden levers and strings that hold everything together, so I can mess around with them and make something happen.
Monday, on the set at Big Bang Theory, I struggled like crazy for the first time since my first episode, because I just couldn’t get out of my head (Meisner actors will know precisely what I mean by that). I was thinking too much, carefully measuring everything too much, and not just existing in the moment. Luckily, the director (who is amazing and massively experienced) got me through it, and helped me get out of my own way. Eventually, the scenes we shot were very funny and very real, but the entire time I felt like I had never worked before, like I wasn’t prepared at all, and like I was ruining it for everyone. In fact, the writer in me was hard at work making notes about the whole thing, so I could recall it later. That wasn’t particularly helpful.
I just heard from the set that the rain has stayed away long enough to allow them to shoot more exteriors, and my call time has been pushed into the afternoon. That’s great news, because I can do this writing thing right now, and then go over my scenes for today (I wish I could share a picture of my notes, my actions, my motivations for the various beats, but NDA), so I’m ready to take the field and go wherever the play takes me.
Getting out of your comfort zone causes you to grow. It’s a good thing (in moderation 😉
Wil, what an awesome insight into the headspace of an actor and a writer. I can totally get what you mean. My last post I wrote had over 35 revisions, and it’s all about those strings you were talking about, the nuances of how the writing affects what the communication is. I can totally see how that would get in the way of acting, where the strings aren’t on what the words are, but more the motivation and the actions caused by that are. Very insightful, thanks!
i so enjoy reading what you write and the creative process!!! i can relate to things so much more when someone WRITES it…versus a conversation sometimes! Thanks for the little boost! And have a SUPER DAY on set!!!!
Wil, can I just tell you that I think you are awesome with how open you are about mental health, as well as your working progress. You are truly amazing for being so vulnerable and open, especially as a high profile geek guy. Thank you. hugs
I really like to hear about the “inside baseball” (pun intended) stuff on your craft and creative process. Thanks for sharing.
That’s so interesting. The baseball analogy gives me a lot of insight into both acting and writing, thank you. Processes fascinate me. I’m very curious to see your acting notes. I get that a NDA covers what you’re doing now but are there old ones we could see?
Well said! Wil, you hit it out of the park both on camera and in (written) prose!
Welcome to town. Sorry about the rain. We’ve been getting too much of it lately. I’m sure you’ll do fine on set. And, if you are still doing your running, Piedmont Park is a good place to go if you have the time.
Congrats on the new role! Try not to stress to hard and be fabulous! 😉
This is so how I feel sometimes because I’m an actor AND a writer too. Being present in a moment is amazing and I want to write about it after, but I can’t remember it. So I’ll keep a tiny portion of my brain mine to remember things, but then I’m not fully in the scene. How do you get out of your own way, because I’m still having trouble with that?
I … don’t know. It used to be easy to just focus and get out of my head, but it’s recently become an unexpected challenge. If I figure it out, I’ll let you know.
Beth and Wil–
How to get out of the head? I really don’t know. Sometimes it can be easy to shut it off, other times. Shutting it off ain’t gonna happen. Maybe talk it over with a friend to hear it in the open so its out of your system.
The main thing to remember is others are probably feeling the same way.
How about sharing notes on scenes that have already aired. That would be neat to see. And as far as blanking out your mind here is a trick that works for me. Sit on a bed or floor and close your eyes, then think of sitting on rock in a mountain staring out at the valley where there is no city life and only the sound of the wind going through the trees. I was wondering if actors that play a character for a long time feel like that becomes a part of there personality?
Just remember Big Shot Rob, my man.
He stepped in, took the shot.
He missed a lot, but when he hit… it was one for the ages.
Have you ever written at length about your process? That is, taking the reader from “I have just received my script,” through what you described above as “prepared my scenes and broken down everything into actions and beats, and I’ve done all the basic preparation and homework,” all the way to “I am in front of a rolling camera?”
I’m not an actor, never had a single drama class, so maybe this would be elementary for those who are or have, but I’d be fascinated to read about how you pull it all off.
I don’t think I’ve ever done this all at once, but I vaguely recall doing something like this when I wrote my Criminal Minds Production Diary, which can be found here, or at my books website, wilwheatonbooks.com
Thanks, I think I found it here: http://wilwheatonbooks.com/criminal-minds-production-diary-audiobook/
Sounds like it would be fun to listen to, but the links there (to Lulu) aren’t working, and I can’t seem to find it elsewhere on your site. And I am sad.
Woops! I see that the text is in “Sunken Treasure.” Thanks again!
Sportsball references!
I completely understand. While I’m not an actor, we all get stuck in our heads from time to time. We are our own worse critics. Most likely, it wasn’t as bad as it seemed.
Oh, Wil. I know you hear this all the time. But you’re awesome! How can you screw up awesome! (Don’t overthink, Sweetie.) :*
You’re a fine actor, Will. Writing can also be like a chess game. Since the object is to checkmate the opponent’s king, as a writer you leave no question in your reader’s mind about your moves. Hence, winning their approval. blessings, commendation and a favorable reception of your work.
I’ve always found being a writer is more like being a right fielder. Lots of time waiting around for something to happen, then a quick dash of action, and more waiting around. Same for actors, I would guess.
I’m just thrilled I understand ‘exteriors.’ Can’t wait till that NDA wears off so you can share.
My friend sent me here because you just echoed what I wrote 11/16/15 (http://feelmedontyou.com/2015/11/cogito-ing-ergo-sum-ing/ if you’d care to see). Great minds, eh? For me, the best way to get out of my head before a performance is to simply play. Whether it’s with sound, movement, or emotion, play like you’re a child again. I hope you can get to that playful place. Keep up the good work!
These people are excited to work with you and you don’t want to disappoint them – that just means you’re a good person.
Spoiler Alert: You won’t disappoint them — and you’re going to have a ball. 😉
I’m just psyched to see you and Eddie Izzard work together. He does a great bad guy.
Rock on!
You are a good writer. That was a great analogy comparing being an actor to a shortstop and being a writer to a pitcher. It made your internal dialogue so much clearer to me. Your talent with words is proven by the fact that my only connection with baseball is that I live in a country where it is really really popular. You’ve got skills, but I bet should you ever choose another path, you would make an intuitive director.
Welcome to Atlanta! Have fun while you’re here!
Thank you for consistently sharing what’s in your head & heart. I really appreciate you as a writer and actor but most of all as a person. I feel like I don’t matter in this world. Thank you for sharing yourself.
Hey Wil.
I know NDA and such… but do you have still notes on actions/motivations/etc for shows where the NDA expired? I would love to see your notes on an old Big Band episode or even Eureka.
Is the title of this post quoting from a Beach Boys song lyric? If so, that’s just another vector for me to like and respect you. Thanks for your openness in writing about your thoughts and feelings as well as insight into the “business” aspects of creating.
Love your writing, don’t get me wrong, but you have a real gift for acting that most of us who happen to be bipolar do not. I think like 99% of us can write as this seems to be something that just comes naturally to us. Acting, is hard and rare and yet some of us, Like YOU, are very good at it. You deserved an Oscar for your performance in “Stand By Me” and you were brilliant in “Criminal Minds”. You are right up there with Denzel Washington and Tom Hanks in my opinion. Keep up the great work you are doing in both fields!
As a Costume Designer – I sometimes struggle with actors who are too far in their heads. I have found having a script handy to show them how I am approaching their character helps. Working with H.S. Students means I have to provide the cultural and historical backdrop to them.
I love your analogies to baseball. Sometimes outsiders to the business just see us talking about a minute issue not understanding how it affects the total universe we are trying to create. Thanks for this!
And kudos to you to listen to the director and leave your head for a while. Not easy!
I’m sorry you’re struggling with switching hats right now, but keep in mind, the odds are good that the outside your head world is not nearly as aware of it as you inside your head are. 🙂 (did that make sense? Basically – people probably aren’t noticing it being quite as bad as you think; and/or you’re being harder on yourself than you need to be. )
In other news – while I read this entry I realized that the odds are fairly high that you are in the hotel that my office building is attached to (because last week they were shooting the show you’re here for in my parking garage when I went to leave one day) and it was all I could do not to completely freak out and run over and try to find you to say hi. Which would have totally embarrassed me, and would have freaked you the HELL out because STALKER! Which I’m actually not, and have never done and yeh, I’m totally babbling now. Mostly I think I’m pretty cool about people I admire, and I’m very aware of all your anxiety issues and completely understand them and think it’s amazing you do what you do regardless and so I would never ever want to freak you out, but there was still a moment of “Holy Hell! I’m probably right next door to Wil Wheaton!”
Done now. Sorry about that. 🙂
Speaking of new TV series – and many apologies if I’m way behind the curve here as I don’t watch a lot of TV, but did you know that your friend Patrick Stewart has a new series called: “Blunt Talk” ?
My wife and I just watched the pilot and it floored us. That may be the greatest pilot I’ve ever seen. It’s brilliant – just when you think its going over the top, it pulls back and hits its mark. My God…! When he’s standing on the Jag and his assistant says: “Sir, I don’t think this is the audience for Hamlet” we had to pause the show because we were laughing too hard. She wanted to immediately watch another (that never happens) but I told her we had to ration them as there were only 10.
Yeah, I’ve only watched the first two episodes, but I loved it. The rest of the series is on the DVR.
Hmm I see what you’re saying. Here’s a totally weird thought, and might make no sense at all, but do you see yourself as 1) a writer who gets to “play” by doing some acting; 2) an actor who gets to “play” by being a writer; or 3) OhmygoshIhavetobetheabsolutebestwriterandactorIcan? You know better than anyone there is very hard work involved in both, but with some things, maybe if we just give ourselves permission to “play” and have fun with them, the mojo kind of happens on its own? I don’t know; just a thought.
Thanks for letting us inside your head! I’m working a self published book right now that includes fans experiences of meeting Star Trek actors, and I was wondering if I could include your experience of meeting William Shatner, as you recounted at a Portland convention in 2011
Wil,
Thanks for sharing the insights. Off topic here, but wondering if you still do any geocaching?
I’m a teacher, and I think there are some parallels between your insights on writing/acting and the teaching profession.
Also – two really random things: My sister borrowed my copy of Just a Geek that you signed years ago, and she let it get water damage. (I’m trying to contain my rage…its thanksgiving after all, I guess…) Are you signing any more copies? I just thought I might ask….
And second: I can’t wait to see more of you on Big Bang Theory!!! 🙂
I love your writing and acting, especially in the Big Bang Theory. Writing and acting are two very different things and it’s very impressive that you can balance both the way you do.
The creative mind can be crazy…being a writer and an actor makes you double trouble… (what did the writer mean by that, what was the writer trying to convey, I would have said that differently,blah blah blah.) Let go of power and control, as best and as much as you can. A good director will love working with you.