This thing I’m working on has lived in my head for about a year, so it’s kind of stale and not as interesting to me as it was when I had the idea. But I decided that writing and finishing what I start is really important, just like knowing the difference between “I’m bored with this” and “this is genuinely not good” when assessing whether or not to keep on going.
There’s a point in my creative writing process where I always decide that the whole thing is shit, I am shit, the world is shit, and I should set the whole thing on fire. It took me years to realize that it’s just a normal part of my process, and it’s more the frustration of wanting the thing to be finished, than it is any of the other things. I used to worry that this thing sucked, and therefore I sucked, and Carrie’s mom was right: they’re all gonna laugh at me.
But this is the hard part of the work (and it’s still better work than real work) and everything is worth doing is hard. Getting past this, I think, is what separates professionals from everyone else. I’ve committed to finishing a book of short fiction by the end of this year, and the only way that happens is when I do the work.
So I’m doing the work.
The big challenge today, so I could get past this step where I hate it and hate myself and hate the whole idea, was forcing the main character to tell me what his primary conflict was, and why he cared about The Thing He Cares About (and, consequently, why we are supposed to care about it). So I had him ask a character who wants something from him, literally, “Why me?” And we found out, together, what was missing, and what was making me hate this thing. Now that the question is answered, I can finish the draft I didn’t write very long today. It was only a few hours of work, and I only got 470 words down when I clicked save for the day, but that’s more than I had before I started. And, to be honest, once I got into this scene that is forced me to define exactly what was missing from my protagonist, it was really fun to do the work.
At the moment, this draft is mostly crap. But it’s crap I can fix and turn into something I’m proud of, instead of a series of blank pages.
So.
I screencapped the title image from MetroLyrics, because I thought it looked cool.
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Heh good work buddy, glad to see you are in such good spirits! Can’t wait to read it!
Some time ago, I replaced the image of Carrie’s mom in my head with the image of Neil Gaiman holding up his hand, on which he’s written “Finish things!” I have that picture printed out and now stern but wise Neil guides me towards my deadlines.
I gotta remember the Gaiman thing. That’s a good one to have around.
I’m autistic and have hooooorrible executive functioning problems and sometimes my problems with deadlines just make me feel like such a fuck-up.
Would you please kindly point me in the direction of the image you mention? I feel like I sometimes need stern but wise Neil to guide me. 🙂
I think I first saw it on Rothfuss’s site, but this is the one I mean:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/288863763569963242/
Thank you! 🙂
It’s so good to know that no matter who you are, if you’re a writer, this is the process. All we can do is trust it and keep moving. Good for you for coming up with the “Why me” strategy.
This is a thing I needed to read. I’m at the point in revisions where I think I can never make this work, never make this a thing that people will like, never make it publishable. But deep down I think this is a thing worth my time and effort, and it will never happen if I don’t tell the story. I will make it work. It is worth my time. No one can do the writing better than I can because it’s my story. Thanks for reminding me to take a deep breath, push through the crippling self-doubt, and do the work. It will be fun once I get those nasty voices out of my head!
And good luck to you with your own writing and revisions. I’m looking forward to seeing what it turns into once it’s ready!
Hey
Sounds like The Fonze
Just do it!
Work on it.
Feelings are too important to absolutely ignore or to squash down but you should not let your feelings fo your thinking. Best wishes on your project!
My sincere thanks for your comments on your creative process. I write academic things from time to time as a part of various undertakings and I always suffer through “this is crap” and “oh my god is this done yet” periods. I appreciate the validation.
There’s a point in my creative writing process where I always decide that the whole thing is shit, I am shit, the world is shit, and I should set the whole thing on fire.
My “darkest before the dawn” moment in every writing project, pretty much word for word. I have to keep reminding myself there will be a dawn if I show up, put butt in chair and hands on keyboard, and do the damned work.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Congratulations on the breakthrough, and best of luck with the book!
In capable hands, as yours, Wil, crap becomes gold.
Wesley Crusher: Stool Alchemist.
Just don’t shake his hand.
I am just over 15000 words into a month-long 30000 words challenge (Camp NaNoWriMo). My deadline is Sunday at midnight. I have already accepted that with IRL obligations, it is highly unlikely I will get to 30000 words. So my new challenge is just get words. However many the story and I can wrangle out of each other. And when my deadline passes, I will (as Douglas Adams would) “wave as it passes by” and then keep going. I LIKE one of the two stories I’m writing, even if I’m at a part that could go down several rabbit holes and I don’t know exactly which it will tumble down. The other story I’m writing is at the ALL IS CRAP BURN IT BURN ME stage. I’m still writing it. Slower than the other (7 completed first draft chapters to 3), but I’m going to slog through and if it sucks at the end like I think it sucks now, I will put it in my “Sucks but can be cannibalized later” folder (yes that’s what it’s titled in my documents folder) and probably retcon the big PLOT POINT that is its jumping off point in the story’s universe.
But I will have written words. Words that weren’t there in that exact order before I typed them and/or wrote them long hand in my writing journal. If there’s one thing doing National Novel Writing Month for over a decade has taught me, is that writing words is writing, whether they suck and will be deleted in later revisions, you wrote them and they count.
I like your “sucks…later ” file. I will use that idea.
You may have it. 🙂 I’m sure I picked it up from someone else.
At the moment, this draft is mostly crap. But it’s crap I can fix and turn into something I’m proud of, instead of a series of blank pages.
That’s my favorite line in this. Yeah, I know it’s nearly at the end, but I think it’s a powerful message. It tells me that it’s important to get the idea onto paper, even if it’s crap. You can always polish and work on it more later, but if it never makes it to the page it will never get worked on. I think a lot of us suffer from that particular problem of never letting things reach paper.
Thank you for sharing this. Even professionals get frustrated with writing. There is hope for those of us who are still trying to find their voice and trying to make things work.
I once told a friend that the book idea he had in his mind wasn’t going to write itself. He realized that was true. But I was also speaking to myself. Unless you share your creative ideas with someone else (who could possibly steal it), no one knows what you have planned and no one knows what it means to you or what it could mean to the world.
First drafts are always crap. That’s why you write them first, and not last.
Long time reader, first time poster….
Thank you for showing us your struggles to write. I hate to say it but I don’t think I have ever had anyone I look to as a peer point out that creative work is hard work. It made me realize that I do not call the creative work that I do hard work.
Now I do.
And the fact that it is hard work gives it meaning, because as you said, “Anything worth doing is hard.” I know now all the stuff I do is worth doing because its hard.
Thanks,
Darrel
I needed this so bad this week. ❤
Pushing past whatever is stopping me/you/them in the creative process IS the mark of a professional. Oh, and using the proceeds to pay the light bill. You SO qualify wilw! Hope you are going to tour the book when it comes out.
Thank you good sir! This is exactly what I needed to hear this week. I’m saving this post for the next time I hit one of those inevitable roadblocks.
Dear Will: you are out of touch with reality. The world The Bern (See Venezuela) and “The Her” leads to (See the world wide and domestic teror raining down) is a place we real people do not want to live in.
What tickled me most about this post is that you faithfully preserve your story’s “cool factor.” I’m often tempted to tell someone the story, either aloud or in broad strokes, instead of actually writing it–especially when I’m excited or feeling adrift. But it’s as if each idea holds a limited amount of oohs and aahs, and once they’re used, there’s just less motivation to overcome any inertia. Sometimes sharing is necessary to get over a bump, like in your post, but I think it’s wise to open the lid as little as possible… like in your post. Maybe you have a different reason, but I found myself smiling though the read imagining Wil Wheaton thinking this way. Thanks for the post.
Will,
Although I’m not a writer, I AM a maker and I appreciate you sharing your creative process/struggles. It affirms to me I’m on the right path – even when I “suck”.
This happens with my side craft business, only instead of stepping away (or not stepping to) a computer, I find unfinished bits and bobs of started pieces (I make Steampunk/Victorian lace crocheted cuffs and chokers and such) sitting around staring at me entreating me to finish them, while I ignore them and start new things that intrigue me more. Eventually I pick them up and finish them, especially if I get a call from one of the shops I sell in and they want that color or style, but I have some things that have sat staring at me for a very long time….
Get back to positiveness whenever possible
The behaviorists will tell you to find more positive reinforcement in your life. The psychoanalysts will say that you have a bad case of repression…that your Id needs a whipping. The solution-focused folks will claim that you just need to answer the Miracle Question. The medical experts will pick apart your limbic system and other goo and yap about Dopamine-this and Seratonin-that. CBT. DBT. On and on. To the other 457 other known variations currently known to man.
At the end of the day you answer your own question.
It’s like some famous writer said, “I don’t like writing… I like having written.” Wait… that was Vince Gilligan.
Wil, you have what I call emerging writer self doubt syndrome. That self consciousness/awareness of being so vain as to think you can write a novel can kill a project. Every story you write is a monumental task in some way or form. Once you can submerge into the idea and the plot flow or dialogue aspect for a given day, the words will take care of themselves. I don’t believe you can worry about the quality of a given draft while you’re in the middle of it. Finish it, forget it for a few months, then go edit the beast. There are about three million aspects of tone, character, story flow, credibility, believability, consistency, exposition, color, content, metaphor, blah blah blah, that a writer must somehow cram into a particular tale. Worrying over form can destroy the content. Just let the fingers flow over the keyboard and see what happens. I personally believe in the old maxim that 3,000 words a day is all you can reasonably expect to throw out with any certainty that it’s not all shit. I carry on internal dialogues with myself all the time, tossing scenarios back and forth inside my head to see what might be viable and what isn’t. Final analysis; if the story’s there, the words will find a way.
My husband is a professional writer (has been all his adult life). In every project – novel, short story, novella – he reaches the point where he tells me his work is shit, he is shit, the world is shit. “Oh,” I say. “Almost done, then?” Because that phase is an important step in the process.
Truck Paper Rhino reminds me of Rock Boulder Mountain.
You can swap either phrase in the song and it works.
You’re welcome.