soothes the soul and calms the pain

I have a private journal that I use to track stuff in my life. It really helps me maintain perspective and is super useful for those times my depression is a giant asshole about everything. Looking back over the last week and even a little bit farther, I see this pattern of feeling content, empowered, productive, and just generally happy.

I had a super productive week, and if I were grading myself just like I do at the end of the month, it’s A+ all the way across. I wrote almost 7000 words on a couple of different things, I ran nearly 5K four out of five days (and seem to have not only increased my endurance and improved my conditioning, but also reduced my recovery time!), I went out to a play last night, watched a bunch of Daredevil on Netflix (Anne and I are late to the party, but we’re 8 episodes in and loving it), a few classic (and terrible) movies, and I’m reading Cat’s Cradle every night. I’m finding inspiration all over the place, and I feel like I have found my way back to The Art, which is what I desperately needed to do. It’s been almost a year to the day that I realized exactly how distracted I was, and how far away I was from what I need to do, creatively, as an artist and as a person, to be happy and fulfilled. It’s taken a long time to get back here, and while I don’t regret any of the cool stuff I’ve been part of for the last couple years, I didn’t realize how much I missed being here until this week.

Yeah, I wrote a couple days ago about feeling frustrated in my on-camera acting career, (a big shoutout to everyone who minimized my feelings as ‘whining’! You’re neat!) but that’s one of those natural human emotions that people feel. The Internet can make me feel like I’m not allowed to feel frustrated or unhappy, because I have a really great life, but I remember talking to Chris Hardwick about how I was feeling really, really lousy about a whole bunch of things near the beginning of July, and he said to me, “You know, it’s okay to feel sad and frustrated from time to time, even when you’re generally happy and successful. That’s what being a person is about.”

My name is Wil, and I’m a person.

 

 

59 thoughts on “soothes the soul and calms the pain”

  2. Being told (or deciding) that you’re not allowed to be unhappy because other people have it worse is exactly as stupid as being told that you can’t be happy because someone else has it better. Your life is your life, and your feelings should really only be compared to your other feelings.

  3. Hello Wil, Jeffrey here….i am an appreciator of you and your tweets. I have been a huge fan since your role on trek and can say you are my one and only “celebrity run in”…although that was just me seeing you in line at a Disney ride one cold summer day. You and your girl left the line before gettin on ride. I am glad to read you are on a great path! I am treading down a rocky road at the moment, and will continue to check in with you for continued inspiration! J

  4. In the words of the amazing Micheal Stipe “Everybody hurts”. But please know this, when you hurt and write about that pain here, you help many people here to realise that they are not alone. We may never meet, but know we are here for you if ever you need a shoulder.
    p.s. I have just finished your third audio book (your two books and Ready Player One). I have ADHD, but somehow your reading style has kept me constantly engaged – something that 99% of other books do not. That’s kind of a big deal to me as I rarely finish a whole book. So thank you for… having a cool voice 🙂

  5. You sir, are a great person. Why do I say that? You are kind. You are self-aware. You are trying to leave the world a better place.

  6. Glad you’ve been feeling better this week! Please know that for every shitty person that tries to minimize your feelings when you are down, there is at least one person (probably more) out there that genuinely feels for you and is glad that you are brave enough to share that you are, in fact a person. We’re just quiet about it because we DON’T want to minimize your feelings. I know I don’t have to say this, but please keep sharing and, you know, being who you are. So many people appreciate it.

  7. Would never characterize what you write as whining. You made your frustration relate able. Don’t let the jealous haters get you down. You’re words and honesty about your struggles are inspirational. I’m following your reboot, but have yet to break up with beer… but at least I toy with the idea. Your very real descriptions of your depression make me feel a little less like I’ve made up that monster on my own.

    Keep on keeping on, those juicy roles are on the horizon. 😉

  8. I think you are nifty and interesting and very cool. I’d like to see more of you on screen too.

  9. You’re not just a person, Wil.

    You’re a damned great person and a brilliant actor that commands the attention of his viewer, and his reader.

    The world is a better place because of your work, enthusiasm and passion for excellence.

    I hope you’re having a terrific weekend. Very hot day here in Memphis.

  10. If it’s any consolation, Will the Person, you and Chris Hardwick inspired me to finally pursue achieving “my thing” and you continue to inspire me every time I read your posts. Cheers!

  11. Nothing stays the same, we all go down and come up again. the older I’ve become the more obvious these cycles have become. Stay positive. ☀️😀

  12. “My name is Wil, and I’m a person.” and then the group says “Hi Wil” in unison. (everyone in the persons anonymous meeting is very supportive) It’s a safe place, you can talk here.

  13. Your kids are grown, so I imagine you aren’t familiar with Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood:

    o/~ It’s ok
    to feel sad sometimes
    Little by little
    You’ll feel better
    Again o/~

    The show, and this song, are adorable. I feel like this lesson is one a lot of adults could use a little refresher on as well though. I have a great life, but it’s not realistic to think I’ll be elated all the time. It’s ok.

  16. Thanks for living out loud. It helps to know that the creative life is the creativev life, no matter where we are on the “ladder.”

  17. There’s a quote I remember a lot when I’m having one of “those” days…

    “Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown [bad day, bitch about your career not being where you want, whatever]. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”

    Although you may seem more than human to some of us mere mortals that have watched you (and not just on TNG, Eureka, etc, I grew up on the Secret of Nimh book and movie and had no idea that was you until recently) over the years, you’re still human, and you have every right to feel what you feel. My grandfather always said “you never need to apologize for your feelings, just what you do with those feelings. It’s okay to be mad, you don’t need to apologize for getting mad, only apologize for punching the guy in the nose when you got mad.”

  18. Wise words, Chris and Wil! Thanks for sharing them, and for sharing your ups and downs. The fact is that reading your frustrations with acting work gave me the jolt I needed to do more work on my writing, so, yes, I think it was a valuable, sincere, and helpful post.

  20. Hey Person Wil, I’m glad you had a great week!
    I went to see Louis CK last night in Detroit and he was amazing. Performed before his largest audience ever at the Joe Louis Arena, 13,000 people. He did a bit about suicide, and basically congratulated us all on continuing to live. I wish I could remember the exact phrasing, but it was something like running away does not solve your problems, but killing yourself will. And everyone in here decided to not kill themselves today. Today, everyone in this room chose to live. And it’s HARD.
    Side note. I’m more addicted to Daredevil series than I have ever been to any other show ever… and the #1 spot on my fangirl list is Charlie Cox. I’m traveling to Toronto with 3 friends to hit up FanExpo because he will be there. Like, have I lost my mind? I’m very aware that celebrity does not equal consent and I maintain my boundaries, but I’m like having a panic attack this second just thinking about the fact that I will probably get to meet him for real in person. OMG how do I not lose my shit? I’m going to lose my shit. Like, you are cool and I’d be nervous if I met you but I’m sure I’d maintain my brain. I’m going to turn into a sweaty idiot. I’m such a dork. How do I keep it together?

    1. How do I keep it together?

      He’s a person, you’re a person. Tell him how his work matters to you, be kind, and everything will be awesome.

  22. Hey

    It sounds like the Fonze.

    I attended a meaningful service today for some one who had died on Weds. It was not depressing but a celebration. (Please note that I had next to nothing to do with this success; I merely showed up at the right place & upped the guest list by one.)

    Every day above ground is an opportunity to blow it big time or to succeed at something. We who comment here have problems & frustrations that purely lazy folks do not have because we have goals. This is a great problem to have.

    My exercise program is going well. I check on different persons on the internet & I believe we should be about & can be about en-couraging each other. I was tempted to cuss some folks today & I did not; ha haha I restrained myself. I am thinking your reboot post & another post helped me to do a bit better at staying calm.

    Best wishes to you & yours. It is very hot here & I am glad to hear that you are in better spirits today. We ate fried chicken & played some of his favorite music & had one final toast to our friend today. A butterfly showed up & the timing was odd & very apt. Life is beautiful & painful & joyous. Thanks for the posts.

    Eastlyn

  23. Capital “E” Everybody worth their salt feels like they could be doing more with their life. You’re in an industry that values the “never let them see you sweat” mantra, but admitting you want to do more of a certain type of work is an honest and reasonably benign confession. Now if you start taking mics away from people and saying: “I’ma let you finish…” then maybe it’ll be time to think about expanding your inner monologue 😉

    And no one is chipper 24-7-365. I’m living the damned dream, but it’s not perfect all the time. This morning I tripped and spilled a pot of colored lacquer on a commission that is a month of my life’s work – nearly done – and I thoroughly douched it with crimson lacquer. It felt visceral, like being punched. My mouth tasted of tinfoil, and my attitude was black and vile as I had to let it dry before attempting to remove it, so there were hours to envision the worst case scenario. Fortunately, I seal my work meticulously and have a lot of experience in restoration, so I was able to remove the lacquer with no damage whatsoever and re-seal it. Point is… no real damage was done other than the loss of a productive day, and my wife and I just got back from seeing a local production of: “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum” which was fantastic! So, a few hours of reflection and the company and perspective of my lovely wife have helped cast the events of the day in the humorous light they deserved. Now I just wish I had a video of it – it was straight out of a Charlie Chaplin flick.

    I digress. Sorry.

    Point is, wanting to do more with your life just makes you one of the good guys, and life isn’t always smooth. Sometimes life is… well, Cary Elwes said it best:

  24. Did people say you whine? Didn’t read every comment but saw a few; I saw encouragement.

  25. Twitters are too short even for this short piece!

    People who expect to be happy all the time are not living in reality. Your friend’s advice was spot on.

    In my experience, people who think deeply have much higher highs and lower lows. People who rarely think, and always seems happy, appear on the surface to be envied. However, although I can’t remember the story’s source, I like the idea. A man recalls meeting a simple woman who knows nothing about the world and science, and is blissfully happy. It frustrates him that she is so happy, and yet ignorant of the issues of the world around her, yet he is tormented with knowledge and yet never enough for answers. The upshot is, when asked if he would like the woman’s life, the resounding answer was no! To him, ignorance and not questioning and seeking would be hell.

    Keep up the good work: living to be a good person and filling your life with good people.

    David.

  26. It is okay to feel sad and frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed and negative sometimes. It’s our body’s way of doing a ‘soft reboot’. It’s when it becomes out of hand or too much that it requires a ‘hard reboot’. They’re great emotional tools to help us balance whatever life throws at us and gives us perspective. Otherwise we become too disconnected. All emotions are our body’s sort of protein and building blocks to give us energy, perspective, love, hate, to know when we need a healing hug and when we should be giving healing hugs. “Life is practiced rather than perfected”, http://tinybuddha.com/blog/life-is-practiced-rather-than-perfected-balance-is-good-enough/ thought I’d share this with you. Well, that’s my thoughts anyway. Have a groovy day!

  27. My life isn’t as great as yours seems to be right now. Thanks to you, I am working on it! You are my hero. Thank you.

  28. That actually hits the nail on the head of how I’ve been feeling lately. Well not the feeling great part which is awesome for you, but the being a person. I have enough good going that I feel I shouldn’t complain but this creep us quite intrusive on happiness. Glad things are more up for you 🙂

  29. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, and this blog gives me perspective. Thank you for continuing to share with us.

  30. I think when you deal with depression and anxiety, it’s really hard to distinguish the normal “being a person” negative feelings and those conditions being big, fat assholes ready to drag you down into the pit of despair. At least it is for me. I like what Chris said so much, I’m writing it down in MY journal to come back to. Thanks and keep up the good work.

  31. Hi Wil,

    I’m really glad to hear you had a great week.

    I’ve read about your reset/reboot through this blog, and after a major health setback myself, I’m doing something of the same. The biggest problem I find is that (here in the UK at least) eating healthy costs 2-3 times as much as eating junk food!!

    You also introduced me to tabletop gaming, through, yes, Tabletop on youtube, and last October I think I binge watched every episode.

    I really do have to ask – a couple of months ago or so you estimated that Tabletop would be back in July, which sadly (for me) didn’t happen. Do you have any idea when it’s actually going to start to be released? Is there somebody somewhere else I (we) can pester instead of you? I get the feeling nobody at Geek & Sundry has any idea either.

    Anyways, thank you for sharing your thoughts on your blog, as a fellow sufferer, depression is a total hellhound, even making some good days feel bad, and thank you for Tabletop, which has been an inspiration to me.

  32. One thing I appreciate about you is your honesty and your humanity. The older I get the more of “just being absolutely fine” with being a person I think I am becoming, which is very freeing in the ebb and flow of life. (My older brother, who introduced me at a very young age to Science Fiction, told me all my life that we were actually from Jupiter, but Jupiterians can be people too).

  34. It’s posts like these that remind me that it’s possible to take up that sledgehammer and beat down my own depression while shouting, “You’re not the boss of me!”

    I’ve only recently started coming out of a hideously downward spiral; one so bad that I stopped taking my medication for several weeks. (Naturally this endangered my health in a variety of ways.) Recovery shall be slow and measured in inches, not astronomical units, but knowing you and others out there suffer similarly gives me a sense of hope. After all, the greatest weapon of against depression and loneliness (and for that matter, geekiness ) is knowing there are others out there just like you.

    Hello. My name is David, I’m a person, and I’ve been hopeful for five days now.

  35. That Hardwick guy seems like a Hoopy Frood. He really knows where his towel is. You should listen to him. Or keep listening to him, I guess.

  36. Whining?? Someone said you were whining?? Is this not YOUR blog? Sheesh — you can write whatever you darn well please on your own darn blog. If they don’t like it, just click on something else!
    Hello I’m Maureen and I’m a person. I like and appreciate your honesty, Wil. So glad you had a good week. I’ve been trying new things and exercising more (and in different ways) and I’ve felt better. You have been part of the inspiration for that. So thanks.

  37. Agree fully with your sentiments in this blog post. Thanks for sharing. It brightened my day!! People of your status saying these important things lifts up the spirits of many, many countless human beings. Keep up the good work and many thanks once again!

  39. Once again powerful words at a time when some people (mostly me) need to hear them. My head has been in a scary place recently but maybe getting back into journaling would help. i have been kind of debating getting back into it.

    glad to hear you are doing well. Never give up Wil. Be well.

  41. You have every right to feel how ever you want about your life, career or whatever is on your mind. Everyone is allow to view of how those expectation should held of themselves.

    When I read you post it reminded me of Rent – no day but today…

    Just know that their are people who want to support you and your work (on and off screen). I think alot of us feel angry or sad that you are not getting offer audition or roles that you want and it hurts you.

  42. Way off topic, but I watched an Aqualad episode of Teen Titans Go! and wondered: Do you still stand when you perform Aqualad?

      1. That’s interesting. Do you ever see yourself cast as a character who’s energy needs you to sit while you perform? What kind of a character would it have to be?

  44. Someday, maybe not in this lifetime but in some space and time I will hug you (only if it would be ok with you) — and I will probably cry on your shoulder — so Fair Warning.

  45. Wil, I watched “Stand by Me” for the first time last night and it made me feel a lot of things. Things about friendship, about mortality, and about how perhaps your acting career didn’t turn out the way you imagined. I don’t pretend to know you and I don’t presume to give advice, or minimize the way you feel, but I want you to know one thing. You are great. You are fantastic. I admire you more for your the way you value your family and for the good you bring into the world than for any on screen performance (despite the fact that you have some honest to goodness chops) I read “Just a Geek” as well about a year ago and at the time felt moved to reach out to you to communicate what a beautiful book that was. It truly gave me all the right kinds of feels. I know that some times you are hard on yourself and that often it is out of your control, but I want you to believe that despite what any troglodytes in the “Stupidsphere” spew at you, you deserve all the success you have both professionally and personally and any success to come.

    Also, you retweeted a picture of my daughter with “baby bed head” a few months ago and I thought that was just tops. Thanks.

  47. Love ya, Wil. Love reading/hearing about your good/great/Fan-Fucking-Tastic days/projects. Love that you’re willing to share your doldrums. Love that you love your lovely wife and beautiful sons. Love that you grade your progress, and that, when needed, you grade on a curve.

    You inspire me to continue being a person. Thanks for that.

  49. Wil, thank you so much for being real and sharing your life with us. You have really inspired me to do the things i love instead of just talk about how i wish i could do them. I deal with Anxiety and so i totally get it. Keep doing what you are doing, praying you stay healthy and keep the momentum going….xoxo

Comments are closed.

Related Posts

Recent Posts