144 thoughts on “panic attacks suck”

1. I am laying on my bed trying not to have a panic attack right now. mainly thinking too much about deatg.

   1. Julian,

      Are you feeling any better? Let us know, please.

      Ruth

2. You’re beautiful, Wil!!!

3. Somehow, platitudes like ‘hang in there’ and ‘hope you’re doing okay’ seem contrived and sometimes unwelcome when I’m having a bad time. All I want is to be left alone because I feel worthless and embarrassed by the pity-party I’ve thrown for myself.

   Still, I hope you hang in there and that you’re doing okay.

   Also, I’m hoping you enjoyed DC!

4. They do suck & thank you for sharing your experiences so we don’t feel so alone. I’ve been suffering from these night time attacks since a medical trauma in October. As soon as I’m on the verge of sleep, I’m jolted awake with a racing heart, trembling and dizziness. I understand the trauma has disregulated my nervous system so it helps a bit to know what’s going on. Depression & anxiety have been a life long battle but this complete terror is new. I know it’s important to not let any fear-based thought pass, they must be stopped in their tracks, otherwise you trigger your ANS over again. Other than that, just wanted you to know you’re not alone either.

5. Fuuuuuuck! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this! I don’t know why but my anxiety has been particularly tenacious lately. Like you said, I can know intellectually that there’s nothing to be anxious about, but I can’t get my body to calm down. I’ve been meditating at least once a day, I’ve used grounding and other techniques. But sometimes anxiety meds are the only thing that can calm me down. And that frustration just makes things even worse.

   I really hope you can find something to help you sleep and calm you down. Anxiety can suck it.

6. Have you tried Aunt Adele’s warm milk toddy? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9YccrVGdtg

7. and by deatg I mean Death. But what really is death. The idea of death has been haunting me and crippling my creativity for 6 months now… I am not sure why it started so abruptly but it did. Now I keep having small panic attacks – thinking of things to come – which you know would be deemed silly by most but its like this – alot of panic attacks happen because of the dread of something that has happened in the past present and or will happen in the future. I mostly have to be okay with the fact and come to grips with whatever is troubling me at the moment and take it as it is. Anyway thanks for the words Wil.

8. Just… Y’know thanks for talking about this. I’m early on I getting professional help… It’s hard to talk about things like this – the plane hasn’t felt clean air in along time – but understanding more and more how common this inane horseshit of my brain is (metaphors help me to contextualize) it helps.

   Sorry for the bad nights, which is trivial to say, but being open.. just helps (more than just you… Again inanities). Thanks

9. Panic attacks suck BIG TIME and I feel ya, Wil. Because I get them too. And if I have to go to work that day? Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw. It’s NOT going to be a good day. Those are the days that (provided I don’t have to work) I somehow force myself to drive to the 7-11 and buy the biggest fucking Gulp they sell and several SKOR bars just so I can go back home and hide under the covers, drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and shoving chocolate covered toffee in my face while I try not to shake too hard and watch hours and hours of mindless Youtube videos or Doctor Who or Star Trek (TNG’s Season 3 episode “The Offspring” is a particular favorite) or what the fuck ever to try and keep from having a full on freak out meltdown.

   I want to get Xanax for days like that, but because both my doctor and my insurance company are dickwads, I can’t have it. It’s bad enough that they’ve jacked up the price of my Zoloft and my Celebrex (which allow me to live a mostly depression/anxiety and pain free life) to $100 a month when I really can’t afford that most of the time. Emergency Xanax is right out because “You really SHOULDN’T need this..your problems aren’t THAT bad, mmkay?”

   Dickwad assholes.

10. Thank you for giving me the words to describe some of these mental health feelings. I frequently share your writing with people I care about, so they can better understand what it’s like to live with depression and anxiety. “In a swarm of bees.” Yes.

    Night terrors suck so so much. I’m sorry that you have them, too. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else who does. Yay, us, right?

11. I am sorry you are going through this. Is it possible that the rewrite is what is triggering the attacks? You keep saying that it is preventing you from being creative. Maybe it is not preventing you. Rewriting is not very creative. It is both perfunctory and grueling. Maybe your body is fighting against that. An idea might be to keep a journal and pen by your bed. When you wake up from one of these attacks, immediately write…steam of conscious writing. Forget grammar, syntax, context, anything. Just write…and keep writing until the panic goes away. Use crayons or markers if you feel that will help. Anyway, just an idea based on your post.

12. Sorry you are dealing with this. I’m sorry any of us deal with it. It’s interesting in the different ways it presents and in how we describe it. Mine is a more all over anxiety/panic when it hits. It’s like a down in the bones thing to the point I sometimes imagine if they were removed it would feel better. I teach anatomy and know something of the nervous system… and one day I thought about that bone feeling and if there were some connection. Well… a little research and I found there is for some people. Our nervous system needs certain minerals to function… potassium, calcium, magnesium… and guess where our bodies store those for use? Our bones. We have these cells call osteoblasts that add them to our bones to strengthen them. But we also have osteoblasts that can strip them back out if the blood levels of these minerals get too low which could mess with our nervous system… which messes with thinking… heart rate.. all kinds of things that feel like panic. So I increased those minerals with supplements and after a few days I did feel better. My anxiety doesn’t go completely away but it is much better… and sure enough if I get busy and forget to take them after a few days… bam… anxiety attack. Not sure if it would help you at all… but their just vitamins. Can’t hurt to try if you want. – Deb

13. I’m sorry to hear that Wil. Hope things improve soon. Was thinking of you today as my family is preparing to go to the Motor City Con tomorrow and we were talking about how much fun it was to see you there last year. May tonight go better and please know that your fans are rooting for you.

14. So I gather your professionals have no idea what causes these attacks or how to ease them or put an end to them. I only ask these questions for you to ask yourself, not to answer here. But do you think it is possible that you had a trauma happen to you? A trauma that you cannot consciously remember but manifests itself in these panic attacks. Do you think it is possible that you have PTSD? Have you ever tried hypnotism? I have a friend who was molested when he was younger. He made it through law school and had a complete mental breakdown when his PTSD came out as an adult. He now has a PTSD service dog and I am happy to call them both friends. He lets me walk her during the work day when he doesn’t need her for an hour. I’ve never had a panic attack, my anxiety is diagnosed as GAD and I get stressed easily and can have a temper (not violent but can get angry) and I cannot turn my mind off and I worry needlessly about things. So I cannot imagine what you are going through. It sounds horrible and I have a great deal of empathy for you. I hope you will be able to find a solution.

15. I have forced myself to lean into the panic – the thought I could die at any minute. That I’ll die a meatbag of unused potential. That this could be the day I send my child to school, and like some of those in Santa Fe, she won’t come back to me. That in five years we’ll be living under theocratic, fascist rule.
    I use the “and what then” to push my irrationality to the point that it makes me laugh, because my “what then” always ends up in the world blowing itself to smithereens. And if that is going to happen, none of it matters, so all I can do is focus on this particular minute when I momentarily safe in my bed, my loved ones sleeping near by. It feels a little like giving up, letting go, but enough that the grip of anxiety loosens and my heart rate slows down.
    Sorry you are experiencing this now. I don’t know if hearing of others’ experiences or any of the unsolicited advice is useful, but it should at least let you know that you are not alone in these experiences.

    1. I’ve had panic attacks since I was a little girl, and over the years I’ve found, too, that if I push them with my mind, accelerate them to the point of absurdity that I, too, can defuse them. I’ve even had them while out on runs! Those are always weird because I’m out exercising, so you would think my body couldn’t do that to itself then, but, such is biochemistry, I guess. I think I’ve found that over the years their frequency has lessened. I don’t eat meat anymore or eggs, so maybe there was something to do with that? Most of them do happen or have happened in that in between waking and sleep time, though, when I feel like I’m most vulnerable. At any rate, no one else in my family seems to be affected. I’ve never seen a therapist or taken any medication, but I’ve never lost as much sleep or been debilitated by them either. I do sometimes take the occasional valerian capsule to take the edge off before bedtime, and I’ve given up alcohol.

       1. They’ve lessened as I’ve gotten older, too. Part of it is simply better coping tools and giving up booze, caffeine, and smoking. Now I’m no fun, but I don’t have panic attacks as often. But what Wil describes is the cascading effect of sleep deprivation, which feeds the beast even more. It’s a tough ride to get off of.

16. No idea of anything to offer you but sympathy. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I can’t imagine how awful it is. You don’t deserve this OF COURSE but that probably doesn’t help. Just know a lot of people care about you and hope you can find a solution. (I just noticed someone else said that, too. So know there are PILES of hope beaming your direction from all over.) Hug your doggies, hug your wife, hug your pillow, do the best you can to take care of yourself. You are loved.

17. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It always helps to know that we are not alone.

18. I don’t get those kind of dreams often, but when I do I have to get up for a while to try and get my head back on straight. I was a jet engine mechanic for 21 years and hate flying. Thankfully, I probably will never get on another plane. Dreams about them dropping are hard on the ol heart. I’ve also woke up not knowing where I was. Not a good feeling. I hope tonight and tomorrow are mush better for you. A lot of folks care about you. Never give up.

19. I’m so sorry. My brain is a total fucking dick, too. Hope you get some proper rest tonight.

20. Could it have been rebound emotions from Anne returning? Relief at her being home gave you the emotional “room” for panic/anxiety to increase? Or could there have been some small thing that set you off?

    Like a horse in a kilt? Sorry, just tried a little levity.

21. Have you tried CBD oil? I know you’re not into pot, but the CBD isn’t the part that gets you high., but there’s been a lot of stuff about how it helps more than regular weed for depression/anxiety…
    It’ll be legal here in a few weeks, I’m gonna try and see if it’ll help my anxiety..

    I hope things get better!! 🤗

    1. CBD is amazing for my generalized insomnia and anxiety, but it doesn’t stop the panic attacks. I can’t believe it isn’t decriminalized all over the nation, because it’s a miracle. I’m going to talk to my doctor about medical cannabis for my nighttime panic attacks, and my insomnia, because I’ve tried all the pharmaceuticals in the universe and nothing works.

22. I’m bipolar II with anxiety. I was first diagnosed at 16, and with the brilliant decision making skills of a 16 year old, I decided that They Were Wrong, I didn’t have a mental illness, and if I did, I Could Deal With It. I went for ten years unmedicated, no therapy, just surviving.
    Then I was 26 and everything crashed in on me. I went to the emergency room because I literally could not stop crying. They gave me Xanax and told me to find a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist had a two month wait for new patients. I couldn’t work. I moved back in with my mother and sister. I spent more days than I can remember- more days than I want to remember- cramming myself into the corner of my bed that was also the corner of my wall too terrified to move, too terrified to breathe, too beyond reason to do anything but crouch with a blanket thrown over my shoulders. I was barely eating, and when I did eat, I couldn’t keep most of it down. Anxiety hits my stomach pretty hard. I didn’t sleep much. I actually broke my caffeine addiction, not intentionally, but because going to the kitchen for coffee was something my brain wouldn’t let me do.
    I’m 35 now. My doctors have found a combination of medications that work well enough. There are two things that I think have helped as much as or more than the much needed chemicals. I changed careers. I work with dogs now. Loved, spoiled, happy dogs. I also adopted a dog that has as much anxiety as I do. Maybe more. When he needs me to be strong and stable, I can. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I know that if I panic, he panics. So I don’t. I don’t know how, but for him, I can do things that I can’t for myself. Together, we’re healing.
    Thank you, Wil, for sharing your stories, and your battles. I hope you find something that brings you peace. Until you do, I hope you can have a place and the time to take care of yourself.

23. Will, I started having panic attacks in the late 1990’s. The best therapy for me was visiting a psychiatrist. No, he did no offer any life saving advice. He did tell me that his Atlanta practice had treated over 5K patients in the last three years with the exact same symptoms I had with my panic attacks. Bottom line, I knew I was not suffering through this alone, and it made all the difference. Everyone finds their own solutions. If at any point you want to talk, email me and I will send phone #. Like me, you can survive. cjpace@ymail,com

24. I’m sorry, Wil. That stinks. I’d almost say you were having a drug interaction, like if you take an aspirin and a cold pill too close together. I hope tonight you get some good sleep.

25. Have you tried medicinal marijuana? It will certainly help you sleep without waking up, and without the side effects of alcohol. Just a thought. I’ve used t in the past to sleep when I have anxiety. Best of luck Wil.

    1. I’ve used CBD for awhile, and it’s a miracle. I’m talking with my doctor about medical cannabis for anxiety and the night terrors.

26. hugs I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Wil. I wish I had some good strategies or tricks for you to use, but I don’t. I just have this hot beverage and hugs and an earnest wish/earnest calming spell that I can give you. hugs again

27. I had a panic attack just one time, about 3 years ago. It was horrifying, it woke me from what I thought was a “restful” sleep. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. I am sorry this happened to you (and so many times) and I am glad you have the professional help you need!

28. I can’t express enough how incredibly grateful I am for the fact that you write so honestly and descriptively about your struggles. It’s a gift of the heart and has helped me so much.

    I’ve been through times when I’ve had the kind of night terror panic attacks you’re describing here. They are awful and I’m so sorry you’re having them.

    For me, they seemed to show up worst when I was pushing myself through things and stomping down the resultant anxiety. Some of those things were positive … they were just things that freaked me out in one way or another and sortof overloaded my anxiety. So I’d get through stuff, feel like I was managing pretty well, and get to sleep but as soon as I wasn’t holding the lid of that anxiety bucket on tightly enough it would spill over into a panic attack.

    Oddly enough, what helped me was to ‘be kind’ to my panic attacks. If I fought the terror like an enemy, it would fight back. But if I could say “hey, i’m not super happy you’re here but thanks for the message” things cooled down. I got into the habit of treating my panic attacks like an overly sensitive smoke alarm – eventually I could do a quick check say “oh, no fire, it’s just toast burning” and get back to sleep.

    There’s a TIP skill I learned in DBT that might give relief if you wake up enough during a panic attack that you can get up and try things. It basically involves sticking your face in very cold water and holding your breath to activate your mammalian diving reflex. There’s a good description of it at mindfulnessmuse.com.

    I hope this helps in some way even if it just lets you know you’re not alone 🙂

29. I don’t have any advice, but man, that suuuuucks. Here’s a fuckton of sympathy and empathy; my anxiety screws with me, just in different ways. Such jerks, anxiety and depression. I hope whatever’s happening to set yours off goes away and very very quickly!

30. I’ve been having panic attacks for twelve years now. As you can see from all our posts, you are not alone. (Sometimes knowing that I’m not the only one going through these experiences helps, and sometimes knowing that makes me feel worse because I hate to think about others going through these kinds of terrors.) It’s like having the sword of Damocles over one’s head all the time, and the hair is starting to fray. I hope tomorrow is better and that you get some restorative sleep.

31. I so remember this from before I was diagnosed. I’m sorry you’re suffering right now, there’s just something so wickedly awful about being that kind of tired and worn out. It was an odd thing that finally worked for me, and at least worth a look if nothing else. My psychiatrist said my night terrors were causing my rapid heartbeat from adrenaline, which would wake me and prevent my falling back asleep. I didn’t want benzos as I really hated feeling woozy, so he tried me on inderal (propranolol). It’s a beta-blocker. Keeps me from having that adrenaline spike cause my heart to go out of control. I only take one at night before bed. Works amazingly well. I hope you find some rest and relief Wil <3

32. Thanks for sharing this, Wil. Postpartum-depression-surviving mom here. There are days when anxiety, panic attacks, depression (insert your favorite mental condition/illness here) simply prevent life from proceeding as previously scheduled. It’s the hardest thing to be gentle with ourselves and patient with the ups and downs of inexplicable neural gymnastics. But, as best said by Dumbledore “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? (J.K Rowling)”

    P.S. Our son, Wesley, is three and tonight begged (BEGGED) to watch Table Top. His other go to is Next Gen… ya, we’re fans.

    1. I think Dumbledore was spot on.

    2. I was going to say much the same as Dumbledore. I’m a wizard, yay!

33. Wil, I am horrified to read that you are still suffering from panic attacks. I guess I was lucky, years ago, having hooked up with a psychiatrist and a psychologist who were specialists in treating this condition.

    You have always been one of my favorite people in this universe, so I am going to pour my heart out, in hopes that you may take away something I have learned about this condition, including the medication that I take to this day. I have not had a panic attack since the mid-80’s as a result of my treatment. If you don’t want to publish this comment, I totally understand. I am talking to you, so here goes.

    First and foremost, my psychiatrist told me in my first visit that panic attacks are the result of untreated depression. Now, before you say to yourself that you are not depressed, and you certainly do seem NOT to be depressed in your public persona, please know there are over 30 different types of depression. Some don’t have the downer features that are typically associated with depression.

    Next, panic attacks are a ‘learned’ behavior. Once you have one, your brain, and specifically the brain cells that remember the initial panic attack, are marked with adrenaline which makes those cells quickly and easily identifiable by your conscious mind to replay the panic attack over and over again This is also what makes PTSD so devastating. PTSD attacks are a form of panic attack. It is just the way your brain conditions itself to deal with overwhelming stress.

    There is a new medication under development that will remove the adrenaline markers from brain cells. It is not on the market yet, but last I read, it was being tested on monkeys which were exposed to harsh trauma and exhibited signs of extreme stress when exposed to the same conditions again. I don’t believe that human trials have begun, but there is great hope that this is going to be the fastest cure for this condition.

    I knew before I walked into the psychiatrist’s office for the first time, what the source or setup came from, that created these panic attacks. In short, the cause came from my parents, both extremely wealthy and both very demanding. I was ‘taught’ from an early age that failure was not an option. You better be prepared for every life event, because failure in any form would reflect on the family’s good name. It seemed logical to me at the age of 10 forward, little did I know this was coming from someone who was bipolar, my father and a narcissist, my mother. The damage they inflicted upon me took a total of 15 years in front of 3 different psychiatrists, the last one being my savior, over the course of my life. I can now say that with the passage of 30 years, panic attack free, that I am cured.

    I am going to interject here Wil, that you can absolutely overcome this. I promise you that you can if you can get in front of the right psychiatrist. I will tell you that even though I sought treatment, I was convinced before I walked through the psychiatrist’s door for the first time, that treatment would be a total failure because my panic attacks started at the age of 12 and I didn’t seek treatment until I was 33. I had already seen two psychiatrists but I never mentioned the panic attacks because I didn’t know what to call them and I had no idea that it was anything that could be treated.

    Let’s cover the medications which can give you quick relief while you are undergoing psychotherapy My psychiatrist also held a degree in pharmacology. I am convinced that the combination of his two areas of education, plus given the fact that he was the chief psychiatrist at the VA Clinic in our city, gave him a unique perspective and understanding of panic attacks. He told me about the military men that he treated daily for PTSD. This came up when I walked into his office and found all new chairs one day, replacing the rocking chairs patients sat in during therapy sessions. He told me he had to get rid of them because the sound a spring makes in a rocker would set off PTSD in his military patients, putting them instantly back on the battlefield in one of our overseas theaters of operation. He said these guys would spring into action, jump out of the chairs and be on the floor, in position holding an imaginary gun, ready to confront the enemy

    So back to the drugs. My psychiatrist won an award from the American Psychiatric Association for coming up with the concept of mixing two kinds of anti-depressants, SSRI, Selective Serotonin Reupake Inhibitor drugs like Prozac with Welbutrin, which is a aminoketone class drug. To this day I take 150 mg of Welbutrin daily. That is a low dose, considering the maximum daily dose of Welbutrin is 400 mg. During treatment I also took 40 mg of Prozac, which is two 20 mg capsules. I have been off the Prozac since 2001.

    The next drug I took is a benzodiazepine with the brand name of Klonopin, which is a tranquilizer with many uses. I consider it a miracle drug that I could not live without. I started treatment taking another benzo called Xanax which is much stronger drug acting as a tranquilizer. I am sure you have heard of that, especially coming from a Hollywood environment. I think you would be very surprised to learn how many people you know who are on one of these two drugs.

    Now, you mentioned that you had panic attacks all night. If you had a supply of Xanax, you could have stopped those attacks and gone peacefully to sleep. Dosage can be prescribed in a wide range, so a small amount of Xanax would arrest the panic attacks, simply by slowing down the firing of neutrons in the brain. A little more of the drug would put you gently to sleep, a very relaxing sleep I should add. Probably a sleep that you have yet to enjoy since these panic attacks began.

    Back to Klonopin. That is the brand name. And I know from years of experience that the brand name is stronger, even in the same dosage than the generic version of the drug which is called Clonazepam. I highly recommend that you start off with the brand name Klonopin until you get your panic attacks under control, then switch to Clonazepam, the generic as a maintenance drug. Yes, I still take the drug daily, not really for panic attacks, but to stop my inherited dystonia, which is the involuntary contraction of muscles in my back. This miracle drug has many uses, as I mentioned earlier.

    Next Wil, answer this question for yourself. Do you have the same type of thoughts running through your mind just prior to the onset of a panic attack? My guess is that you do. Your thoughts are private and don’t need to be shared with anyone but your doctor, but this is what sets off panic attacks and triggers the ‘learned’ behavior. These are called ruminating thoughts. That is clearly a sign of an underlying depressive illness. I went to a psychologist who worked with me for two years to break the cycle of ruminating thoughts, while the time passed for the Prozac to fully kick in. Those treatment sessions were invaluable. I was able to use the mental diversions he taught me both to head off panic attacks and to stop depressive episodes before they took hold causing me to spiral down into such a state, I would not get out of bed for days. I have not had a depressive episode in 30 years.

    I could write for hours Wil, but I think this hits the highlights. You can Google any of these drugs and panic attacks and learn volumes. I encourage you to do so. But you need to find a good doctor, not just a good psychiatrist, but someone who has vast experience in successfully treating panic attacks. I want to assure you again that you can absolutely beat this. The drugs that I mentioned will arrest these symptoms and allow you to get the proper rest. For me, none of these drugs had a hangover effect during the day. YES, initially there is a break in period. That means that for a while 2 – 3 months, you might feel tired during the day as your nervous system adjusts to taking these drugs. After all, they are slowing the electrical synapse in the brain so your anxiety does not build to such a rate that you have a panic attack. You should NOT have any memory problems as a result of taking any of these drugs

    With the Klonopin / Clonazepam the pills come in 1 mg and 2 mg strength. I take a 1 mg in the morning and a 2 mg at bedtime. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but the 2 mg keeps me asleep and relaxed for about 7 hours. You will need to discuss your condition with your doctor and determine what you need. If you ever have panic attacks during the day, then you need 24/7 coverage. A 1 mg will act as a maintenance drug for the daytime. But again, I would start with a supply of .25 Xanax. You can take them on a PRN (as needed) basis. You will have to experiment to see what works. Any competent psychiatrist will tell you that all of these drugs, especially the anti-depressants, are to be tried to see how they work for you. I tried 3 different SSRI anti-depressants until I determined with observation by my doctor that the Prozac was working the best in combination with Welbutrin. The generic version of Welbutin is Bupropion. I highly suggest that you take the name brand – Welbutrin to start with as the generics are not equal in this drug. I have years of experience in this regard and my pharmacy stocks the generic brand that works for me. By starting with the name brand, you will have a basis of comparison.

    Finally, I want to cover the insurance aspects. Your health insurance should cover all of these treatments with moderate co-pays. Under current law, you will not be penalized for seeking treatment for this condition. I should mention that I owned a psychiatric hospital for 11 years and attended every medical board meeting weekly for those 11 years. So I have listened to all patient histories and their treatment plans, which have given me a wealth of background information. I ran the billing department so I am totally familiar with federal regulations and all forms of insurance coverage.

    Wil, if you have any questions or want to draw on any of my experience, please write me at my email address. If you want to call me and really explore this, I am more than happy to do that. Sharing my good fortune in finding the right doctor and getting very successful treatment is something that I have shared with many over the years. I am happy to report that every person I have guided to secure the right doctor and treatment is now cured of both depression and associated panic attacks.

    You have given me years of enjoyment of TNG, which I still watch nightly on Heros and Icons cable channel here in Las Vegas. It would be a pleasure and an honor to help you any way that I can.

    Best always,

    -Johnny

34. Hey Wil. I take a small dose of Escitalapram for my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (plus a bunch of non relevant things). I am not entirely sure how I stood with panic or anxiety in my sleep before, I know I have always had nightmares, and at the start of the CFS I had night terrors which I pretty much have under control now. But when I started taking the Escitalapram occasionally in my sleep I felt like my brain had gotten an electric shock, which woke me up, and made me very anxious and upset. I had to go the doctors like three times before someone told me what was going on (I was worried I was developing a tumour, or epilepsy, or something). It is a side effect of the Escitalapram, which occurs if you are anxious or panicking in your sleep and if it happens you have to wake up properly and calm right down before going back to sleep or it will happen again. So maybe that might help?

    1. Emma,

       How does the Escitalopram help your CFS? I've been dealing with that for about five years now (and the fatifue exacerbates the depression and anxiety which feed the fatigue…), but none of my doctors have suggested that medication.


       Ruth

       1. Hi Ruth

          I had terrible brain fog with my CFS. The Escitalopram helps with that, and I also take Co enzyme Q 10, and I take shots of Vitamin B12. Because I hate the brain fog the most, and I try everything I hear of to solve it. And on that assortment my brain is working pretty much up to standard, unless I get tired or stressed, then I stutter and call washing machines refrigerators and lose memories. And I take Magnesium for the pain which makes the most substantial difference of anything I have tried, if I miss a dose I notice immediately, it goes from aches and pains to not being able to lift my arm or whatever.

          It is so hard not to be depressed and anxious with CFS, because those nasty negative thoughts have real foundations to build on. I just keep telling myself that it may suck but I am so lucky, because it isn’t cancer, it isn’t polio, this isn’t going to kill me, or even cripple me. It may take time, and a lot of management, but I am going to get better. And so are you!

          After all, a year ago, I couldn’t write a post this long, let alone be comprehensible.

35. Panic attacks are terrible by all accounts. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. May it pass soon. And may you return to your creative process. I am looking forward to your book. Keeping brain chemistry balanced is not easy. I have depression and anxiety that is being managed with meds and emotional regulation skills. Does not mean there are not flare ups, but well you know.

36. My best to you, know that you’re not alone.

37. Hi Wil, thanks for sharing what you’re going through – that definitely takes real bravery and courage, which I know is not much comfort now but sometimes it’s good to remember that despite everything your underlying qualities always remain. You are truely an amazing person – no amount of panic attacks will change that.
    I know the feeling of panic and anxiety attacks – it is the shitiest of shit things. The cycle seems almost impossible to break at the time – but it does break. I think entirely different things work for different people. For me once I stopped “resisting “ them it gradually dials back. And as you say the residual anxiety is such a kick in the bollocks. However, when you achieve small victories, your confidence will again build. You know all this though. It’s just at each time when you get back into that cycle of panic it completely undermines all you’ve done before. Which makes you feel like nothing works. But it does. I could have avoided writing all this and just said the only thing that’s really helped me – do what works for you; try to live your life as the best version of yourself and with hope and faith (in yourself as a magnificent beast) these will again fade. What you know is true is and always will be despite how low you feel. Love and hugs always.

38. I love these messages.

39. A co worker who hates me figured out how to trigger my panic attacks then he laughs and laughs as he watches. I finally cussed at him, he reported me and I got fired. The deep hell hole of depression I’m in at the thought of losing my home now because I can’t support myself will be the end of me. I hate my life like this. Medication leaves me wondering if it’s worth it….

40. thanks so much for sharing this. It sucks that you’re dealing with this, but sharing it helps people like me. I’m a writer who has had anxiety on and off for the past 10 years, but it really ramped up 3 years ago as I started going through a difficult divorce. I beat myself up for my inability to be productive in my writing, but your reminder that the anxiety and lack of sleep interferes with the ability to be creative is really helpful to me and reinforces that I need to be gentle with myself.

41. I can’t comment, I have no idea, but I can say this is helpful as I have a son who suffers and this is far more helpful from your experience, thank you for sharing.

42. Been there. A lot. I truly feel for you. 🙁 I take beta blockers – small dose/3 a day – with my last one for the day right before bed. It does seem to happen less than when I’m taking them. (I can be pretty stable for a period of time, when I’m not overtaxing my brain in a myriad of ways and cut back on the betas. Then I’ll up the dose again when needed.) Probably not a new recommendation for you, I would think, given your occupation and the fact many public speakers already use betas. But if haven’t tried them, i can say I’ve ever noticed any side effects or downside to taking a small dose. Hope you find something new to try by going public with it. Would be interested myself if something works! 🙂

43. You should know that your honesty is very much appreciated. I’ve always thought (or liked to think) that celebrities don’t have the same normal problems that normal people face. Seeing one of my favorite characters fighting his own personal struggles, has certainly helped me to be more appreciative.

    Sometimes, you can try everything in a desperate attempt for some relief. You have no idea what is wrong and you feel anxious about getting anxious, it’s like a deadlock. Sending you happy thoughts and lots of hugs.

44. Have you tried Deep Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation? My daughter suffered a very similar psych history as yours. That was actually one of the reasons I began following you online. She changed meds and treatments but nothing seemed to help. Her psychiatrist recommended the treatment and it has changed her life. Look it up online so you know I am not some nut trying to sell you something. It is even covered by some insurance. The treatment changed her quality of life so much!

45. I take prazosin for my nightmares. It might be worth asking about. It’s helped mine a TON. When I didn’t take it one night, one of my terrors was so bad that I kicked the wall while I was sleeping and broke my foot. I haven’t missed since. I hope you read this comment. I shit you not, this medicine had changed my life. I can actually sleep now. All the love and hugs!

46. First of all, I think it’s amazing how honest and open you write about your struggles. I’m sorry that you have them but you take something that really sucks and help others by talking about it. That’s pretty amazing and you are a beautiful human being!

    While my anxiety attacks aren’t nearly as bad as yours, I’ve found that trying to sort through the things I’m afraid of really helps me. Often when I’m having my panic attack, at first I don’t really know, what it is, that I’m afraid of – I just tremble and can’t breathe and feel like running away or hiding somewhere. So I found that looking at myself and finding out what exactly I’m afraid of and sometimes just writing everything down, already helps calming my nerves and letting go of at least some of the anxiety. I need to concentrate for that and I feel like I do something again, so I feel a bit more in control again…

    While that might not be the thing that helps you, I strongly feel that giving up and being frustrated only makes things worse. Doing something – anything… drawing, writing, readin, maybe something else completely -, even if it doesn’t really help with the current panic attack, would maybe still at least give you the feeling of doing something productive with that destructive energy…? Of course, I can’t really know. But I read so much frustration from your words that I feel like almost anything would be better than that…

    I send you a virtual hug from Germany!

47. Hi Wil, I’m sorry to read you go through this, it sounds horrible and scary 🙁 In amongst other pre sleep stuff you’ve tried, have you tried technology down time from 2 or 3 hours before going to sleep ? If you have, my apologies, and am definitely not wanting to sound or be patronising! I’ve done a lot of reading on the negative effects of sitting at a screen just before bed on the brain. Just a thought anyway, I hope you feel better today and have a better weekend. Know that your writing is important and is helping others. Take care man

48. So sorry, Wil. I can relate. I have that same problem. Nortriptyline works for me on an ongoing basis, and Clonazepam when it gets really bad, guarantees sleep for me.

49. I’m told that a Vitamin B complex is supposed to help with nightmares, but I dunno if it does jack for panic attacks while asleep. Lucid dreaming training? :/ Calm-brand magnesium powder?

    But those are things you’ve probably tried. So all I can do is offer extreme sympathies and hope that you are already asleep, getting good sleep, tonight.

50. That totally sucks! I was on a medication that causes anxiety, depression, and a whole bucket of other problems. Sometimes those problems are permanent, and I was one of the lucky ones who ended up with permanent damage. Some days are a non-stop struggle just to stand up, go outside, bathe, eat…. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself and accept that there are days when I’m just going to sit at the computer or hide in a book all day. There is no shame in being kind to yourself. I have found that cortisol blockers help somewhat for the anxiety, but they cause nightmares when I take them at night. I hope that you are able to figure out what is causing this.

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