casual cruelty

Someone looked at a post I wrote on my blog about taking some time and making an effort to go out and look at the stars, and decided to do this.

It’s just tiny words, and if I were in a different place, emotionally, I’d delete it and move on. But because of where I am emotionally, it stung. I’m sure this person doesn’t see me as a fellow human, who is struggling with profoundly painful grief and loss, who doesn’t deserve to be treated with such casual cruelty.

I’m sure this person is young, is likely suffering in his own way (because everybody is going through something), and is trying to make himself feel better by being hurtful and cruel to someone he views as a safe target.

Look, I’m happy to take this, if it means that a real person in this guy’s life doesn’t become the target of his cruelty, but I’d rather not take it at all. I’d rather that this person stopped before they decided to be so casually cruel.

This person won’t get the public attention they crave (hence the pixelizing), and I doubt that they’ll even see this post, because they probably don’t spend much time away from 4chan and the toxic subreddits, because that’s where this person finds others who are as miserable and cruel as he is.

But I do hope that he matures, develops empathy, and when he has a choice about how he’s going to treat someone in the future, he chooses kindness instead of this sort of thing.

Life is incredibly short, and there’s so much pain and cruelty out there. Do your best to not be part of that.

140 thoughts on “casual cruelty”

  2. Thank you. I’m desperately trying to teach my young college students to be kind to others and to behave with civility st the very least. It’s not going well.

  4. I’m sorry so many people send you their emotional garbage. Please know that you help so many of us. Even if we don’t articulate it as often or as powerfully as the trolls.

  6. It’s sad, but some people just never grow up. Thanks for doing your part and trying to make this crazy and often cruel world a better place!

  8. Some people are so filled with toxicity they have to fling the excess at another target. Sorry that it happened to be you this time. Hopefully, he/she will take your words to heart if they are read.

  9. People suck.. 🙁 I wish they would stop doing this kind of thing as well but I can’t hold my breath on it. You’re doing an amazing job, whether you believe it or not, of being strong and not letting it to ya. Total props good sir.

  10. How AWFUL!!! I don’t understand. I LOVED your post about looking at the stars (Of course I love ALL your posts!) , and it encouraged me to get out and have a lovely time looking at them. Know that while there are a few crazy, unfeeling idiots out there that there are thousands and thousands that love you! Take care, dear Wil!!!

  11. When David Foster Wallace committed suicide back in 2009 (I think), some young columnist wrote that he did it just for attention to his work! I don’t often comment online because SO MUCH STOOPID out there, but I did comment on this, and told him that if he ever grew up he would be pretty ashamed of himself for writing that. I wish I remembered the kid’s name. I wonder if he’s grown up yet…

  12. i spent this last weekend with my half sister, meeting for the first time. she’s 64, i’m 58.
    i didn’t know she existed. if i’d found out when i was 12 or 18 or maybe even 24 i would have been so awful to her. jealousy, insecurity, etc.
    but as an adult, not a “growed-up”, but “older” i do have empathy and compassion i lacked in youthful ego.
    i understand she was the one “given up”, she had the abusive adoptive mother, she convinced herself she was unwanted and unworthy and fuck mom and i had a safe secure childhood…and yet we are able to come together, i can offer healing. i can hold open my arms and “take it”.
    my husband noticed the similarity of our hands. we held them palm to palm, side by side and it was such a movingly simple moment of recognition.
    anyway, i love you wil and offer hope that we can grow and appreciate our and each other’s humanity.
    peace and hugs.

  13. We all know that the person who calls another “whiney little bitch” online is too timid to do the same to your face. Please remember that ALL bullies are cowards and to be pitied. Do not take therm seriously.

  14. Wil, please don’t let people like that get you down. You touch so many lives and truly make a difference. You are an inspiration to me and I’m so grateful.

  15. Wil, I doubt you will get the time to read this as I know you tend to get inundated with comments. I have long been a fan of yours starting with Stand By Me and carrying over into Star Trek: TNG. You’re one of the few celebrities that I would enjoy sitting down and having a conversation with. Your public struggle with depression and anxiety has helped me to feel “normal” and not to be ashamed with my own struggle. Your show, “Tabletop” pushed me to start my own gaming blog, to stream Dungeons and Dragons and other RPGs, and to start a podcast about RPGs. I am sorry this person decided to be an ass and leave a crappy comment on your post – I wish people would be more empathetic. I just thought you should know how influential you have been to me and my group of friends. You’re a true warrior and an overall awesome person. Thanks for being you.

  18. I just don’t understand why anyone would take the time and energy to do something like this. Sure, there are artists who I think have garbage politics and make a point of attacking people they don’t like. And if they go after me or a friend of mine, of course I’ll fight back. If I come across a tweet of theirs that spouts malicious sentiments, I might retweet it with a snarky comment of my own. But I don’t purposefully seek them out and throw negativity their way. And there are people I used to be friends with, people I think are toxic (and maybe they think I’m the toxic one, I don’t know), and I might quietly take some pleasure when I see them failing at something, but even so, I don’t go after them and try to insult them. Like you said, they’re not thinking with empathy or maturity, I just…have a hard time understanding why someone would choose to do that. I know you’ve been struggling with a lot of heavy stuff, some of it public, some of it private, and I’m very sorry about that. I recently deleted the Facebook and Twitter apps from my phone. I’ve been taking a hard look at my habits and thinking of how to build better habits and fewer bad habits. I’ve been thinking a lot about how my depression and anxiety have been so much worse since fall of 2016 (GEE, I WONDER WHY?) and what I can do about that. A lot of this has been inspired by you and what you shared on your blog about your mental and emotional state. You’re contributing positively to the world, you’re helping people, and I, for one, am grateful for that.

  20. Sorry Wil, that some people are eDouchebags. I don’t know what is worse, people who say crap like that behind their Keyboards of Courage, but wouldn’t dare say that to a person’s face, OR people who eDouchebag AND real life douchebag as well.

  23. People like that are using up valuable oxygen that could be put to better use. Just sayin’. Here’s a bit of positive energy for you just to offset that. <3 <3 <3

  25. Sadly, we seem to live in a world where the a-holes get the bulk of the airtime. I dunno – maybe it is just that they stand out more than the vast majority who are decent, compassionate people. In any case, I too, as someone mentioned earlier, am grateful for people like you who are willing to put themselves out there, who dare to speak from the heart and not hide behind masks of bravado and cruelty. You’re doing a good thing, Mr Wheaton.

  26. No one deserves to be treated with casual cruelty. But it’s out there, and was even before the internet. It’s why I’ve never attended a class reunion, why I avoid the city my mother and siblings live in, why I go out of my way to be nice, especially if I’m having a shitty day/time. When I put myself out there on the internet, I immediately had a couple trolls latch onto me. I blocked them. So they went to a different medium and trolled using their same names, so I blocked them. I had my comments on everything set to moderate, but I still had to see that before I could block them on yet another account. And each time it HURT. Yes, it made me angry, but it also tossed me right back into the bully victim I have worked so hard to grow out of. And I’m old. And still not over it. And I know that I can fire back, eloquently, but if I do my anxiety is worse for days longer than if I delete/pretend to ignore/create something/go binge out on Ben & Jerry’s. I’ve never understood the mindset, and I’m sorry you got a facefull of it especially during a rough time.

  28. When I watch a brilliant, funny, inspiring or just good video on YouTube I’m always surprised to see one thumbs down next to the thousands of thumbs up.
    Who are these people and can they please cheer up?

  30. Hopefully, that person will learn to take the high road and not the lower road. Kindness to others takes a effort, being mean is easy. Keep taking the high road, Wil. I’ll see you on there!

  31. Trying to do my part to raise my kids to be kind, caring, compassionate people. In fact, we sent you something. Check your PO BOX when you get a chance. :o)

  32. I’m so sorry that awful people like that target you any of the time, but especially when you’re in a more vulnerable state. You taking the time and emotional energy to share your vulnerabilities with the rest of us has helped so many people, and you are valued and appreciated. I am positive that jerks like that are a tiny minority, and that everyone else is wishing you the best.

  33. Wil,
    I found your Twitter several years ago and and it lend me to this wonderful place. I’m sorry that this continues to happen but I also need to thank you for using causal cruelty as the subject. That turn of the phrase help me explain to an organization what receiving a donation request addressed to my late husband from the Hospice that was responsible for his final care felt like, especially as a close friend was dealing with terminating life support on a family member. Just too much mindless me firsts in the world. Thank you for holding up the mirror and reminding us all “Don’t be a dick.”

    Kind thoughts to you and yours,

    SV

  34. I am sorry that people are verbally attacking you. I am glad that you’re handling this with such grace.

  35. I am so sorry that your being in the public eye gives some people the notion that they can attack and be cruel and not care about how it affects you. There is so much opportunity for kindness everyday; it saddens me that too many people do not go to that choice as their default in life. For me, my real name is Ruth, which means friend or someone who has empathy (think of the opposite–ruthless). I remind myself of that often and try to live accordingly. Even though my life has given me much ugly and sorrow, that doesn’t mean I have to strike out at someone else, so I don’t..

    Take some comfort in knowing that that is a fleeting bit of pixel and has no value—you, on the other hand, have much value.

  38. Hey Wil, Are you still my childhood hero?
    Hey Wil, Are you still an actor in shows i love?
    Hey Wil, are you still my favorite Audible narrator?
    …Just Checking
    I’ve thought of you as a good friend for 25 years and you don’t even know me. But i see the part of you you have chosen to share with the world, and i think its good and kind and vulnerable and geeky and fun and… human.

  39. The world is a better place for your being in it. You and your wife have transformed many lives. We’re grateful to you and for you.

  40. Well stated, Wil. I know you don’t know me from Adam, but I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that for every online bully that decides to vent their anger at you, you have a dozen followers and people who only wish you the very best. Just keep being positive and know that your positivity is getting paid forward.

  41. Wil-
    I am a 50yo father of 3 boys, and I just want to let you know what an inspiration you have been. Many little things, like owning your own nerdy side which has helped me not be ashamed of the man Iam, just because it’s a little different. You love of tabletop games which has led my whole family (my 3 boys, wife and a girlfriend of my middle son) to meet every Tuesday night for DnD.

    I grew up with you on Trek and continue to follow you as an adult who also struggles with stuff as I do, but continues to be true to himself and tries to bring some positive stuff to the world.

    Thanks for all you do.
    P.S.- great job on the post Doctor Who special!

  42. I will never understand people like this. I have taught my boys (both adults at 29 and 27) that it costs absolutely nothing to be kind. I tell them that no matter who they come in front of that respect and kindness is the ONLY way to go. They have taken that to heart and I’m proud of who they have become.

    Wil, trust that your fans will always have your back and we’re grateful for your words on these pages. They help all who suffer as you do with depression (my oldest suffers from it as well). You can ALWAYS vent here and we’ll be there to support you…

  43. Hey, Wil,
    Of course you don’t deserve this comment.
    That said, I had a thought about a possible motive/frame of mind of the writer (aside from just being a jerk).
    Males often make hard comments to other males as a sign of “brotherhood”, meaning, I’m cool, and if you can play this game, so are you. I personally don’t handle this game well. It involves saying the opposite of what you mean… ugh.
    The above probably doesn’t help, but know this: people usually say nasty things to others that are true about themselves, and they live in their own little hell. Sorry people can be thoughtless.
    You have always been cool.
    Much Love,
    Cathy

  44. I’m sorry, Wil. This jerk probably got turned down by someone/something and is striking out at anyone who matters. Unfortunately he was most likely brought up this way and may or may not have an excuse. No matter-words are worse then sticks and stones. I hope you understand that this missive isn’t worth a bucket of warm spit and deserves as much attention.

  45. Your response so eloquently and absolutely epitomized “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Thank you for sharing a very personal and poignant example, Wil. You are an authentic and honorable person. Peace and love.

  46. This behavior never makes any sense to me. And I’ve noticed a lot of people leaving sites because of this constant stream of anonymous toxicity. Very well thought out response, Wil.

  47. In the last Patton Oswald special he shared something his deceased wife use to say and its a great motto….“It’s chaos. Be kind.”

  49. It is not lost on me that this is being brought forward during bullying prevention month. I’m glad you’re moving forward, despite everyone who keeps wanting you to step back.

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