if you don’t read my facebook, here’s what you’ve missed recently

For posterity, and for my personal ownership of stuff I’ve written, this is a collection of posts I’ve recently shared on my Facebook thingy.

I’ve been at this long enough to feel like posting on Facebook is … kind of icky, from my EFF-loving, anti authoritarian, fuck-all-Fascists point of view, but the shitty reality is that Facebook is where people are these days. When I post on Facebook, I’ll interact with hundreds of people, just like I did in the early 2000s right here in this old blog. But when I post here, it’s crickets. So I’ll go where the people are, but I’ll also x-post some of that here, for anyone in the future who cares to read it.

Okay. Here they are. From my Facebook, over the last week or so:

Reminder that your self care is really important. If you live with anxiety or some other super fun mental illness like I do, you may be feeling extra stress and pressure right now. That’s totally normal and valid!

It’s okay to turn off the news, to walk away from the information fire hose for awhile, and simply … exist. Read a book, have a tea or a coffee, play a game, take a walk if you’re able to do that while maintaining appropriate physical distance from your fellow humans. Draw something! Listen to some music!

Whatever you do, the news will be there when you get back. And, honestly? Things are changing so quickly, it’s okay to miss a few hours of breaking news updates.

I wonder if I’m writing this mostly for myself? I feel like I have a responsibility to be productive, and to stay informed so I can be the best husband and father I can be right now, and it can feel a little (or a lot) overwhelming.

and

Is this only funny to me?

I want to check in with a friend. So I type “Just thinking about” and I intend to type “you and [her husband]” but I see that the word “your” is in the predictive text thing. And I just *know* what it is going to lead to, but I have to see for myself, you know? So I tap it, and sure enough, the next word it suggests is “sexy” followed by “body” followed by the little smiley emoji with heart eyes.

I audibly groan and delete the predicted text, sanitize my phone’s screen, just to be safe, and send my intended text message, without the suggested, and thoroughly inappropriate, predicted text.

I’m not shaming anyone who texts that way, but I don’t, and I CERTAINLY do not text that to my friends.

It was just amusing af to me that this series of words gets typed enough that my keyboard app’s predictive text thingy was like I WILL HELP YOU, HUMAN. YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO SEND A CREEPY TEXT AND IT IS MY TIME TO SHINE.

Uh, no. Thanks. I’m good, predictive text.

and

Y’all who are on the front lines, going to work, ensuring that our society continues to function, even while everything is so disrupted, are major heroes.

I am so grateful for your dedication and your commitment to making sure your fellow humans have a place to go, and a person to talk to, when they need it.

Thank you!

and

A random person flipped out at Anne on Twitter, because she took a walk by herself, stayed far and safely away from anyone else, and had the nerve to post a picture of herself online while she was out.

She’s been getting all sorts of criticism for pretty much everything she does, from tons of random strangers online who seem to keep forgetting (or choosing to ignore) that she’s a grown-ass woman who isn’t doing anything wrong.

This one person in particular made me really, really, REALLY mad. I’m stressed af. I’m wound up as tightly as I’ve been wound up in maybe my whole life, and I feel like I could just EXPLODE if the wrong person says the wrong thing to me … or to the most important person in my entire world.

But I took a deep breath, listened while Anne expressed how frustrated she is feeling with people being shitty to her online, and I tried to maintain some perspective, tried to understand where this person was maybe coming from. I concluded that they feel afraid, and out of control, so they are lashing out, to give that emotional energy a place to go. It’s not okay that this person and so many people like them are telling a fully-grown woman how to live her life. It’s not cool to act as a gatekeeper, diminishing someone’s experience because *you* have decided that someone *else* has a worse experience.

I have the luxury of not being the stressed out mom and wife who is doing her best to get through a *really* scary and terrifyingly uncertain time. I have the luxury of not being the woman who was, once again, lectured by a man about how she is allowed to exist. Check that. I have the *privilege* of being a man, so that gives me an opportunity to depersonalize what happened to Anne, and use it as a teaching moment.

I’m doing my best to be the person I need in the world, and this is what I need today:

*gestures wildly at everything* all this is really hard for everyone, and I have to believe that everyone is dealing with it as best as they can. Yes, even the people who freak out at you online because you walked your dog (while safely staying 6 feet away from everyone). Yes, even the people who show up in every thread to act like this is a contest, gatekeeping who is and isn’t allowed to express frustration, boredom, or fear.

We are all scared, for a whole huge list of reasons that may all be wildly different, and humans don’t make the best choices when we are acting from a place of fear.

I’m scared, and I’m not going to pretend that I’m not. I would be a h*cking sociopath if I *wasn’t* scared. Basic math says someone I care about is eventually going to get sick, and may even die. The jackass president of my country makes things worse every time he opens his lie hole. The work I expected to be doing right now has all been pushed back by months, and I suddenly find myself staying at home, instead of having this amazing adventure, doing work I’m so excited to do.

But I’m not panicking. There is plenty of food, even if some things are scarce right now. I’m safe in my home and in my community.

I am remembering to focus on the things I *can* control, so I don’t obsess (and feel disempowered by) the things I can’t control. I’m listening to public health officials, trusting the scientists, and social distancing. I’m planning my meals with my family, and we’re going to the store as infrequently as we can. (And I wish I could go to the store more often, because a little bit of normal in all of this is SUPER IMPORTANT for mental health. I’m choosing to be grateful when I *do* go to the store.)

And I am doing my best, in my way, to be a helper, because I *need* to see helpers in the world, I need to know they are there. I need to believe that, for every person who is a jerkass online, there are a dozen out there right now, working in grocery stores and delivery services and hospitals and research labs.

Making the choice to be a helper has been really good for my mental health, in countless ways.

Can you be a helper, too?

Let’s do our best to choose kindness, patience, and empathy.
Let’s do our best to be gentle with ourselves, and with others.
Let’s be compassionate.

We are all in this together. This is, literally, our entire planet going through something scary, together, at the same time. And the thing is, it doesn’t care if you’re rich or what country you were born in or who you love. In the eyes of COVID-19, we are all equal, and we need to start acting like it. We need to take care of each other. The only way we are going to get through this, is by working together.

And let us remember that everyone is dealing with this as best as they can, and let us not be a dick to our fellow humans.

Thanks for listening.

and:

Another X-post from my Tumblr Ask Me thingy:

QUESTION: Would you be willing to donate your voice talents to an indie podcast for an episode or two? Should we contact your agents or would you be willing to handle it on your own? (The voice actors don’t get paid as most of us are doing for the love of it and what money we do make has thus far gone into promotion and production costs.) At the very least, would you be willing to listen to the show and mention it on social media if you like it?

ANSWER: I love that you asked me, and I’m going to give you an answer in public that I hope doesn’t turn too many people off: I *love* that you are being creative and making amazing new art. That is wonderful, and I wish you all the success in the world. When I was younger, I did projects like yours all the time and I loved it.

But I can’t be part of this for you, and I want to explain why.

I get asked all the time to donate my work, my time, my experience, etc., to projects, and I always have to decline. It’s not because I don’t believe in you, or want to support you. It’s because I’m working full-time as it is, and any spare time, energy, or creative inspiration I have really needs to go into my own projects, as I continue to build my career as a voice performer, narrator, and (hopefully) novelist.

I don’t feel your ask is unreasonable, at all, and I’m *thrilled* you had the courage to reach out. I’m also honored to be thought of as someone you want to work with. I hope you understand the practical realities of my life, and I hope you aren’t put off by my need to decline your kind invitation.

As to your final question, I rarely listen to podcasts these days, and I struggle to make time to listen to audiobooks. You can send me a link when it’s done, and I’ll make an effort to give you feedback, but I can’t promise anything.

I wish you the best of luck! I hope you’re the next Welcome To Nightvale.

and

Another question from my Tumblr ask thingy: So, I’m sorry if this is something that you’ve answered/been asked before. But I’m trying to start a DnD campaign. I’ve been playing since I was 4 (so about 23 years now), but I’ve never tried to run a campaign. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out where to start and staying on track with it. But I want to introduce my roommates to the game and I want it to be as fun and magical for them as it was for me when I first played. Do you have any advice? Thanks so much! I hope you’re doing well.

My answer, which I’ve edited a little bit to add some more thoughts:

When I was younger, I always put a ton of pressure on myself to write my own modules, build my own world, and do all that work that I wasn’t really able to do (and didn’t want to do). I have no idea why I felt that way, but it wasn’t until I was teaching RPGs to my own children about 15 years ago that I realized it was time wasted.

So with that in mind…

Don’t start out with the core books and one of the epic adventure books. You’ll all get there, eventually, but that’s a LOT to handle when you’re running a campaign for the first time, or playing the game for the first time. Players and DMs can *absolutely* start there, but I don’t recommend it.

I recommend starting out with the 5e Starter Set, or the 5e Essentials set. Both give you everything you need, for the players and for the DM, to play and experience everything that makes D&D awesome. They both take the players through several levels, and the writers take time throughout the whole thing to tell the DM not just what you’re supposed to do, but *why*you need to do it, to make the game work. You can sort of lean how to run a campaign this way, from some of the best DMs in the business.

But they do not overwhelm you with information, which is what sets them apart from the core books, for a new player. The important, foundational rules are all there, but they are streamlined just enough to prevent overwhelming new players with information they don’t really need. Nobody who ever plays them (and I’ve played them both) will ever feel like they are playing a slimmed-down version of the game. It’s just cleaner and easier to follow.

and finally:

I *need* to be creative, and until I have the creative energy to write my own stories, I’m going to do a thing I’m pretty good at, and narrate some public domain short stories.

As long as people are listening, I’ll keep recording. Your feedback is important to me.

Okay, that just about catches me up, here.

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136 thoughts on “if you don’t read my facebook, here’s what you’ve missed recently”

  1. Thanks for posting these! I don’t scroll through Facebook, although my own blow posts feed there. I love getting notifications of your blogs, so keep ’em comin’!

  2. I also think Facebook is icky, but it’s also where the people are and the Likes and Loves give my brain the PING! it craves. And I’m rolling my eyes as I type this, but OH WELL. Also, thanks to Facebook’s algorithm, your posts show up in my feed all the time (although there’s one you posted here that I missed–oh, you wacky predictive text!). But I’m leaving a comment here because STUPID CRICKETS!

  4. I follow you on Facebook and email, so I get to read your posts twice, or three times, or…. 🙂 There are members of my family with mental issues, and I share your comments with them, and they help me sooo much too. I love your new YouTube spots on the Ready Room. Take care of you and yours, and we all love you!!!

  5. I read your Facebook, but my wife is now off Facebook and she loves your blog. This is the only place she can see your content. So thank you for xposting.

  6. You probably already know about If This Then That (ifttt.com), but one of hundreds of things you can do on there is automatically cross-post blog entries to Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter… You get the idea. Just a thought.

  7. The way you feel about FB is now what I’m thinking about Twitter. I’d quit it for almost a year, but their people swore up and down that they had better protection against spam and hate speech. Today I got to read an obscenity laced rant against myself and my sister and one from an NRA supporter calling myself and others “sponges”. Maybe I shouldn’t have comeback after all!

  8. Thanks for sharing Wil – I especially liked your response to being invited to donate time and energy that weren’t available.

    Thinking of you guys and praying for you during this time.

  9. Your description of Anne’s detractors is unnecessary apart from you and her. Why? Because detractors don’t care beyond getting attention. Emotionally walk away. I presume that their messages are brief while your responses were vast. In other words, they enjoy doing what they do. As for Facebook, I know little about it. But, I must ask, given the examples we are discussing, why encourage more of the same diatribes from others who know you only from your job(s)?

  10. Well, at 69 with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I’m in the sweet spot for a critical case if I get the bug. So I am getting groceries delivered by friends and family. It’s good to have them. When I get sick of MSNBC for the day, I start streaming The West Wing…it gives me hope that we could, one day, have a government that cares about us at least as much as they care about reelection. It could happen😂😂. Then,to relieve stress, I cook and bake – the neighbors are thrilled. Good health and happiness to you all🖖

  11. I’m not on FB (for typical I’m sick of being marketed reasins), so this is the only way I see your posts. Thanks for x posting.

  12. Just wanted to say that I always read your posts here and I appreciate the cross posts from Facebook.

    Also, I’m glad you are coping well during these crazy days. I hope you know that there are people who care about you and your well being. You deserve happiness.

    Until next time, I’ll be thinking about you and your sexy body.

  13. I’ve stopped using Facebook for all the reasons you’ve stated. I hope you’ll keep posting here and I’ll try to be less of a cricket.

  15. Thanks for cross-posting over here! I’m a serial lurker so rarely comment anywhere, but love your writing so hope you continue on the blog too!

  17. When I read about Anne turning off her comments it made me think of what I have called in the past, and this certainly applies in this situation, the ‘Culture of Criticism’. It is as if the ability to remark on something infects the minds of some humans to the point where they almost automatically spew their insecurities and projected self loathing onto others. Always unsolicited. Painted a picture? ‘It sucks, my 5 year old can do better.’ Took a walk outside, ‘you’re not as scared as me and that makes me hate you’. It is getting really tiresome. As an artist myself, I can’t post a single thing without someone tearing it down, and so I don’t. I hate art now. I hate showing it to anyone and even my wife, who is the master of unsolicited feedback. Kinda sucks that I do it for a living and I’m not good at anything else; and now I’m a slave to something I used to enjoy. Don’t ever become me. I am trying to find my passion for it again. Best of luck to you and the family always, but especially during this trying time.

  19. Enjoyed it.it is a crazy time but we’re lucky. We’re in our 70’s but don’t want for much. Have two family members taking care of us so we don’t have to go out for stuff. Poor granddaughter is taking this harder than we are disinfecting everything in the house and what comes into the house including the disinfectant sprays. Hopefully this disease will run it’s course and we’ll be reading novels and watching movies and television shows about the Covid-19 virus for years to come. Good health to you and yours.

  20. I deleted Facebook years ago, and read your blog and others solely via RSS/JSON. Thanks for posting here.

  21. SO MANY people I know read this blog using their RSS feed readers(but admittedly we are nerdy, privacy minded group of people) Just wanted to say thanks and we appreciate hearing your thoughts! Stay strong and remember that people here are reading you and have you in their thoughts, but the medium does not encourage us to respond unless really necessary(and for the most part, stranger’s comments are just not that important unless they are positive.)

    PS – Appreciate you sharing these Facebook posts here, because I deleted my Facebook account years ago to improve my mental health(and because I felt it did more harm than good and although I miss out on some things – it has worked for me.)

  22. As a Brit, I’m rather fond of cricket. Not crickets; the little brown armour-plated variety we used to get in Devon scared the shit out of my five year-old self. There’s no accounting for phobias.

    So I read and enjoy this blog and would be very sorry if you stopped posting. Yours is a voice I think is worth listening to…

    Stay safe, Wil. We live in a very weird world!

  24. I am not a cricket.

    Hate facebook, and I’m not on it. Miss your more frequent posts here, but it’s your site, so I’ll take what i can get.

  25. Oh, and you are absolutely right: we are all in this together. And if certain people think everything will be fine in a fortnight, then they’re even dumber than I thought…

  26. I don’t use facebook with any real regularity (it’s literally only for like 1 fandom now at this point), and don’t have a twitter, so when you cross-post to here it means I can see this stuff. I always come away from your posts considering something new, thinking about the ways other people deal with things, and am probably the better for it in some ways. I loved your respectful, kind and encouraging response to the person asking for you to possibly donate your time, too many people would toss a form declination at them or something worse, and you handled it in a way that I wish more did. I agree with you that predictive text can be inherently funny and disgusting at the same time, (it did give me a good chuckle). the things you post here are always helpful in some way, even the ones about your struggles, as I’m quite certain there have been many people who see that and think “thank god, it’s not just me.” in short, you make the internet a brighter place for being here, and I welcome your presence for as long as you wish to keep up with the posting (we all know the internet can be exhausting to deal with sometimes.) Thank you, and good health to you and your loved ones.

  27. For some reason, none of your FB posts come up for me anymore. I think there’s something filtering my feed, but I had set your FB to basically ping me with new posts. And nothing. Sigh, time to fiddle with it again. But reading those gave me some giggles. I, too, have nearly sent an inappropriate text to a friend/co-worker. Luckily, I caught it, otherwise a certain friend’s husband might have laughed his ass off and moved on.

  28. Thanks Will, I always enjoy reading your posts and I don’t “do” facebook so I appreciate the post. Since I am a grandma and great grandma by proxy, I like being part of a multi generational community. I respect and appreciate your heartfelt sharing and expressing your thoughts, besides, I’ve watched your acting and the characters you’ve played for a very very long time…. so it’s nice to hear from the real person you are.
    I find I’m oddly adjusting to the alone time. My husband just died this past month. I have no kids, so some of my other family includes “made” family. This has been an enforced time to sit, think, read and reevaluate my life. I wonder if this time in our world will not be a blessing in that we are forced to be quiet, think, listen to one another, and reevaluate our lives and committments to one another. Parents and children are connecting in ways we historically always have. We’ve experienced challenging politics, a new global economy (compared to historical times) and a sort of disconnection with families dispersed. I wonder if this will not be a great time to reflect and recalibrate the stories we want to live for ourselves. How does this dovetail with the inner life and personal work you have been doing for yourself?
    Dale

    1. My husband died in December 2017. Despite our grown children living with me (never been able to find jobs), I find that I miss his care for me acutely. I share my condolences with you, and hope your peace in your solitude continues beyond it.

  29. I read everyone of your emails! Thanks for all your hard work Wil. I didn’t realize you were looking for feedback all the time. You’ve certainly inspired my life and we are similar in age with many of the same hobbies.

  30. Deleted my FB account two years ago and still don’t miss it. I don’t usually respond, but I read what you post here (thanks, RSS).

  31. I’m so glad you posted here. I don’t follow you on facebook, and while I do have one and use it for my (creative) business, I much prefer reading you here, in your home. I get emails when you post and am always thrilled when one turns up.

    I’m sorry people are being shitty to Anne. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about it and frame it as you did.

    Stay home, stay healthy, stay here. <3

    ~S

  32. Wil–Thank you for posting on your blog, because like many of the other commenters, I don’t do Facebook, so the only place I get to “hear your voice” (your writing voice) is when you publish a book or post on your blog.

    I hope you and Anne and your sons, and basically EVERYONE, will be OK. We will get through this. Stay safe, take care, and be well!

  33. Thank you for x-posting these, Wil.

    For the same reasons you intimated, I deleted my Facebook account years ago and won’t go back. I totally understand your reasoning for posting there – it’s the same argument I have with my wife posting to FB on a regular basis, but I miss your posts on Twitter and then CounterSocial (I subscribed because you’d moved there).

    I’ve listened to almost all of your event hosting spots via YouTube and really wish both TableTop and The Wil Wheaton Show had extended lives. My family also enjoyed a wonderful trip to Scotland inspired solely by your Portree castle and swamp story!

    If I could ask you one favor: if you ever find a “safer” social networking site (if such a beast could exist at this point) and move, please post it here so I (and like-minded individuals) might follow you there.

    Thanks!

    John

  34. Cricket here, as I’ve not felt I had much of value to contribute. Thank you very much for cross posting! I’ll try to recall to comment in the future.

  35. Thanks for posting here. I had to take a vacation from FB and Twitter. Too many negative things leaking in between the positive vibes. Keep healthy and safe all.

  37. Thanks for sharing that Wil! I haven’t been in FB for a long long time! And NOW you’ve dragged me back! 😉 But, thanks for letting me know what I’ve missed! Take care. Be Safe. See you on the otherside!

  38. I’m here. I listen. I don’t generally comment, because you don’t know me from Adam. But I appreciate your willingness to share your journey. I feel you.

  39. Hey Wil,
    I just wanted to thank you for your excellent Ready Room episodes after each Picard episode! I think you strike exactly the right balance (and a difficult one it must be!) between ex-TNG cast member, interviewer and ST fan to make it engrossing, interesting and speaking as a ST lifer, emotionally satisfying.

    Keep up the excellent work!
    Howie

  40. Thanks for posting here. I’m severely limiting time on Facebook. Unfortunately, too many of my friends and family don’t share my values and it’s a bit too toxic for me.

  42. Um , I still read your blogs , And I totally support your choices that work is work , We non-celebrity folks sometimes forget that your time is very valuable . We only see the smiles and happy pictures . Having been in the Comic Convention business for 20 years i understand. And I love your blogs , due to the fact you call a moron a moron without using the word moron . your to me a pre- Dennis Miller but with a glossary .And please more stories of the Animals cats and dogs and gophers( Guinea Pigs ) or whatever you have , animals make people smile even the real asshats .

  43. It’s too bad that you’re gravitating towards FB. I understand that it makes sense to be most active where you can reach the most people. I rarely look there anymore. I do get an email notification for your blog, & I’m grateful you decided to crosspost here.

  44. Thank you for pulling all of this together in one spot! Your words resonate with me so often. I am having my little freak outs, too. Just trying to remain my kind of normal in an abnormal world.

  46. I really must go follow you on Facebook but I find Facebok to be so… groans and throws head back while spreading arms as if to say ‘why is this a thiiiiiiiing?’

  48. I have read every post you made on here (over a few year period of course), and I love the long form posts, essays, whatever you want to call them – I would love a regular cadence of posts and would read the heck out of it. This blog made me realize what an interesting, good human being you are. Flawed, sure (who the heck isn’t), but always trying to do better, and that is inspirational. Please keep it up.

  49. Just a note to let you know that some people prefer reading your blog to that Facebook thingy. We’re out here, and we hear what you’re sayin’.

  50. Another member of the No Facebook Club. Glad to hear I’m not the only one.

    So this venue is important to me! Will commit to being less crickety.

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