This is what gaslighting sounds like.

TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE.

I saw this image a few days ago and WOW it hit me so hard. This is how my shitty, manipulative, narcissist parents talked to me for my entire childhood, whenever I told her I didn’t want to go on auditions, or he made me cry with his relentless bullying: you’re always twisting things, you’re so dramatic, stop feeling sorry for yourself, don’t be so sensitive. The piece of shit who was my father loved to frustrate me until I began to cry. Then he’d holler “Okay, cut!” like I was on the set, before he unloaded mocking laughter at me. He was such a fucking bully to me, and I never deserved it.

If you didn’t live with gaslighting (you are so lucky. I hope you appreciate how lucky you are), it may be tough to understand how crazy this sort of thing made me feel, and why, at 49 years old, I can still feel in my heart and my soul every single time they did this to me, like I’m a helpless child all over again.
It’s like they made a choice, at some point in my childhood, that I would not get the unconditional love they gave my brother and sister. Nothing I did was good enough for the man who was my father, and the only thing my mother cared about was how many auditions I booked. What did I care about? What did I like? How did I feel about … anything? It just didn’t matter, and it was probably stupid.

I didn’t understand it, and it hurt so much. And whenever I tried to talk to them about it (no child should have to figure out how to express to their parents that they feel unloved), the gaslighting would come out: you’re always twisting things, you’re so dramatic, stop feeling sorry for yourself, don’t be so sensitive.

I feel like it started around third or fourth grade, around the time I started working a lot in commercials and then movies (again: not my choice. It was never my choice). I wonder if he resented the time and attention my mother gave me? I wonder if she enjoyed making him … I don’t know, jealous of his own kid? Everything was a passive aggressive power struggle with them, so maybe. I do know that I never saw him treat another person with the cruelty and contempt he showed for me. It wasn’t until Stand By Me, though, that the man who was my father began physically abusing me, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me while he made this enraged growling sound I’ll never be able to unhear. When Star Trek happened, it got even worse. That was when he started screaming at me that I was a “dumb little fuck” in front of my friends. I was painfully aware of how much my dad didn’t like me, because he made no effort to hide it. I mean, anyone with a pulse could have seen it. And nobody stepped in to protect me. My mother just pretended none of it happened, going so far as to make me apologize to him after he jabbed me in the chest while he screamed at me about some fucking thing I didn’t even do, and I just exploded in grief and fear and yelled back at him.

After literally years — I’m talking decades — of trying to talk with them, trying to meet them somewhere in the middle of “that never happened” and “this absolutely happened and this is how it made me feel”, I made the incredibly difficult choice to end contact with my abusers a few years ago.

It sucks, and it hurts, all the time. But having no parents is better than having my parents. And that also sucks.

Over forty years after I became aware of it, it still hurts like it all just happened. I know how it feels to have a huge black hole in your heart where a parent’s love ought to be. I know what it’s like to have nobody to call when something cool happens, or when something awful happens and you need mom and dad to make it better. (I am so grateful for my Star Trek family. Without them, I very likely would have ended up a statistic.)

But I also know that I never did anything wrong. I know that it’s not my fault. I didn’t deserve it. I was ALWAYS enough. He hates me because he hates himself. I have to remind myself about that more often than anyone should have to, but I know what’s real, and I know that I’m not twisting things, being dramatic, feeling sorry for myself, or being too sensitive.
If you recognize any of this gaslighting from your own life, I want you to know that I see you. I believe you. I’m so sorry. I know how it feels. I know how it makes us feel crazy. I know how it makes us question our own lived experience, how it makes us doubt what we know to be true, because it happened to us.

I am here to tell you that you are enough. That WE are enough. It’s not us. It was never us. It was always them.

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111 thoughts on “This is what gaslighting sounds like.”

  3. I’m old enough to be your mom, Wil. I’ve wished I could give you a warm hug ever since I read your first book when it came out. You are so brave and strong and good to the core. Here’s a . (I know you don’t want real ones from strangers.)

    1. Not sure why my word “hug” got replaced with a period [,] instead; if it was an editorial choice, that’s fine. Just wanted to mention it for clarity.

    2. Well, heck, I understand now: I had bracketed the second “hug” with less than/greater than brackets and that’s apparently a computer code. Sorry for the messy posting.

  4. After the last 24 months, every single libertarian, paleoconservative, conservative, or even naturopath hippie knows what you’re talking about.

    Because what you had from your father, is what we’ve had from liberals in America due to their hatred of one man with orange hair and fear of a virus that has yet to kill even 1 out of 350 people.

    2. Gee Theodore it’s only 1 out of 500 people so phew dodged that bullet. However you are a perfect example of bullying and gaslighting all rolled up in one. May karma treat you accordingly.

      1. And as time goes on, the ratio is only going to get tighter. Damnit. Mask, vax, sanitize…. is that really so hard?

      2. And there’s a HUGE difference between being judged for your own choices, rather than something you cannot control. You’re not a child, Theodore. You are in control of your situation. If you make irresponsible choices that hurt others (ie, not getting a very safe and effective vaccine and thus contributing to the problem of an ongoing pandemic and medical triage when it doesn’t need to happen), you deserve to reap the consequences of that. Oh, you had to endure a few comments online? Log off. Oh, someone at work made you feel bad for being a selfish jerk? Or simply disagreed with you? So, sorry. You can go home and escape. You can find pockets of like-minded people to sympathize with you. There is NOTHING even remotely equivalent to not having a safe space at home when you need it most. Are you afraid in your own home? Do you drive as slowly as possible around the block before pulling into the driveway because you’re afraid of what you might come home to? Do you pray that maybe one day, the abuser in your house won’t come home? I sincerely hope not. It ain’t good. So how dare you compare something like that to having different political opinions? How dare you? Also, two people I know have died of COVID this week. (Not close to me, thankfully, because everyone close to me is vaccinated, but I still care about this because they are human beings.) How many does it take for you to care? I’m seconding Wil’s comment above.

    4. @Theodore Seeber…actually you are incorrect. No matter what names they call us or rules they impose, we can’t just walk away from the government and cut them out of our lives. While I probably agree with you politically, I feel that Wil is also correct that this isn’t the place for your statement.

      The damage Wil’s parents did was real and he still suffers because of it. I have a feeling that his apparent hatred of conservative views may stem from his parent’s religious beliefs and he likely equates conservative minded people as all the same, just as many conservatives do with liberals. The name calling on both sides needs to stop because it doesn’t solve any issues and only creates more division.

      Wil even though you have reacted similarly to comments I have made regarding my personal viewpoints and you clearly disagree with the religious beliefs I hold, I genuinely mean this: I am so sorry you still struggle with how your parents treated you and I hope you are continuing to seek counseling to help you work through those issues. You have a beautiful family and many privileges that the majority of people don’t have. When you start feeling sadness and anger over the past, try to focus on all the good in your life now. It won’t erase the past but it might hopefully help the present feel that much better.

  5. Omfg….your parents were monsters. There is no forgiveness for them. Fuck them. Your life now is amazing and YOU made it that way. You love your children the way you wanted and deserved to be loved. Thank you for sharing this hard AF stuff with us because it helps me understand myself better. Thank you.

  7. I’m with Gregg. Thank you so much for seeing me, for seeing us. We hurt because we wanted real parents. My mother was dear to me, and my friend in later life before she passed, but she let my abuse happen. My grandparents knew what was going on and could have gotten me out of the situation, and given me more of a head start in life, but they didn’t. I don’t dwell on it but I don’t suppress it. Many iterations of therapy later, at this age, there is still a bit of hurt and rage. I lost my job in April 2020 and no one will hire me, even as skilled as I am. My unemployment benefits have run out. I live with a relative I don’t get along with. And I tend to think now “if only”, if only I’d had two emotionally healthy, kind parents my life would be so different. I guess we all walk through the fire in one way or another. Life will never be perfect and it wasn’t meant to be.

    So, again, thank you for saying what you did, and seeing us.

  8. Dear Wil, I became a Wil Weaton fan from your appearances on Big Bang Theory. I’m still a Wil Weaton fan thanks to your blog. I appreciate your honesty and integrity. I was lucky with my parents, but life has lots of ways of making us miserable, so I value your thoughts, feelings, and comments for other reasons. Thank you! Ken

  11. I’ll be honest, most of the time I personally don’t need the positivity and the truth that you bring to people. Our problems and trials aren’t really very similar. However, that being said, I DO know more than a few people who would understand the pain you’ve experienced and the trials that you’ve had to endure. So, for them, Thank You Sir. You are an inspiration, you are a role model, and you are a damned fine human being, and that’s something that’s in short supply these days.

  12. Oh thank you – I needed to read this today of all days. I am so sorry for your family situation – that’s horrifying. You did nothing to deserve such vitriol. Wow, this gives me such hope.

    I love your work, I love your writing, I love your tabletop series. Today – you are my hero. I’d believed these things for so long, I became convinced they were true. I’m not out of the woods yet – but I see the path branching ahead of me – and I hope to make a turn for the better..

  15. I know about this from experience, but I never had it as bad as you. I am so sorry to hear that they did this to you. You are an amazing, empathetic, talented, intelligent person, and your father was just a jealous empty shell that couldn’t be filled (kind of like the skin of evil from TNG). If he made you doubt yourself, and made sure you were unhappy he hoped it would make him feel better about himself. That is what pure evil looks like. So glad you had a strong enough sense of self and were able know he was wrong, to self actualize, and leave them behind. You are everything they could never be.

  16. Bro, I feel this more than you know. My dad was a textbook narcissist that treated everyone like shit and was the victim regardless of blame. He disowned me in my adult years because I chose not to acquaint myself with his bullied threats and comments. He died just before Christmas last year, and I’m finally free. Is that a shitty thing to say and feel?

  17. Thank you, sir. I appreciate your sharing your experiences Everytime. Like you it was my spouse who helped me grow to learn
    I didn’t have to take it from my dad or so called “friends”. Thank you for the reminder to keep growing away from these experiences and people to happier, healthier times. Peace and long life to you and your beloved.

  18. Why are there so many broken people? I’m not trivializing the painful live, I am simply dismayed at the numbers of broken and hurting people in the public eye. People who entertain us hide great pain in their pasts. The pain SEEMS to make them feel isolated, and it also appears that hurting people cannot allow any parallels in other people’s ancillary experiences. Striking out if someone who tries to understand the painful life with experiences that you think are less important is really an immature reaction and shows almost a self-important attitude.
    Try to realize that most people can only sympathize with your pain because the majority of people do not have a frame of reference to understand your experience.

    1. If you are speaking of his reaction to Theodore, shame on you. It’s his site, and he shut down a right wing troll. Most people know Wil’s politics and would never have posted such a thing. To allow conspiracy theories and fascist propaganda to go unanswered is not an option. We DO understand and empathize with his experience, and I am quite honestly baffled by why you don’t. Perhaps you lack empathy. You speak only for yourself and the troll. Yay you!

  19. I know about this from experience, but I never had it as bad as you. I am so sorry to hear that they did this to you. You are an amazing, empathetic, talented, intelligent person, and your father was just a jealous empty shell that couldn’t be filled (kind of like the skin of evil from TNG). If he made you doubt yourself, and made sure you were unhappy he hoped it would make him feel better about himself. That is what pure evil looks like. So glad you had a strong enough sense of self and were able know he was wrong, to self actualize, and leave them behind. You are everything they could never be.

  20. My mom was pretty much a professional Gastlighter. So I feel you. Sorry that you too you had to live with that poison in your childhood. I still deal with the aftereffects of it. I’ve had to find some kind of coping since my mother now has advanced Alzheimer’s disease and I have to help care for her. I also married a Narcissist who controlled me with Gaslighting, leaving me completely confused of who I am. He is no longer in my life, Thank God!

    1. I’m sorry that you also lived with that poison in your childhood too. And now you have to care for your gaslighter mom too! If you’re the kind of person who likes virtual hugs, I’m sending you one now.

  21. I am sorry that you have shitty parents. And that, they don’t show you the love and respect that you deserve.

    My mom is a narcissist with a personality disorder. She loves my brother more than me. And loved making my life hell. She also alienated me from my dad. I don’t like my mom. I do my best to avoid her.

    I am glad that you keep this blog. It helps a lot of us– who know what its like to be in each other’s shoes. It makes us feel less alone.

  23. Wil, I am so happy that you were able to disconnect from the source of your gaslighting. I am almost 70 years old and just recently stepped back from my 88 year old parent after 70 years of it. I am focusing more on the people who support me, my faith in God, and learning how to be enough for me. Your posts touch my heart. Healing is in our future. God bless you, Wil. Keep fighting the fight. You are worth it.

  24. Your parents were horrible to you. I am glad that you had the wonderful second family from Star Trek who are still your family to this date. I could see the love between Gates and you on the Star Trek Day celebration a few days ago. Now I was lucky to have wonderful adopted parents. They cared about me more than anything in the world and always supported me. So, think of your Star Trek family as your Real Family. I just hate that the little boy had to be tormented by those so-called genetic parents for so long. And now you have your own family with Anne, Ryan and Nolan, who love you unconditionally, not to mention your hundreds of friends and thousands of not-quite-friends like me. I know this all sound trite but I believe you are living your best life now!

    HUGS!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  25. I can’t imagine growing up in such a horrific, abusive environment but know this: you survived it; you have a loving family of your own & I pray that 1 day you’ll be able to draw the curtain on your upbringing & just love your NOW life. Easier said than done I’m sure. Sending love, hugs & prayers.

  26. “you took the brunt of it,” my mom would say. But only to me. When I stand up to it, she sides with him, and denied saying he does wrong. She throws me under the bus, both of them telling me I’m crazy, that she didn’t say that, that he didn’t instigate, and that I am too sensitive. I don’t have anyone, any people. I feel so alone.

    1. That is truly awful, to feel alone. A good online friend I’ve known for years was brutally attacked by a celebrity’s son in Venice Beach, California, in May 2018, left to die on the sidewalk. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and he related to me he thinks he lived because of his Buddhistic practice for years before that. He got me back into chanting (Nichiren Buddhism) and it can help. So can finding an online support group for abuse. You would be able to talk to people ongoing and perhaps receive very constructive advice and help. I don’t know your age or exact situation but please reach out to a group of some sort or even a trauma hotline. Please don’t wait.

    2. Dear Invisible- strike out to find YOUR world. It is a much better place than the one they pushed on you. The best is yet to be!

  27. Wil, I’ve read most of your posts about your awful upbringing, and it makes me just as sad every time. I too was a victim of child abuse, by my father and my enabling mother. Once I realized (after I had my own daughter) how much wrong had been done to me and that I wasn’t wrong for being angry, I also cut my parents out of my life after trying to confront them and hearing “you’re remembering things wrong” and “it wasn’t like that”. Best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health. I love that you discuss it so openly, and it always reminds me I’m not alone.

  28. Decades after my own abusive upbringing, I find myself continuing the negative talk/gaslighting TO MYSELF, in my mother’s voice. I’m 57 and my mom’s been gone for 30 years, yet I still end up imprisoned and paralyzed, until “grown up me” can swoop in and save me from myself. Counseling hasn’t been able to help break the cycle. Neither has medication (both prescription and the self-medicating variety). I don’t know whether this makes any sense at all, so instead, I’ll just send you and everyone who shared their own experiences in the comments a virtual hug and lots of love. Thank you for speaking your truth.

  29. The fact that you are an incredibly caring human after growing up with only hurt is a testament to your strong core being. I feel the gaslighting pain, but not even close to the degree you had to persevere through. I only know you through your writing, but I hear an intelligent, caring person who has made the decision to end the cycle in his lifetime. I have the utmost admiration and respect for you sharing the journey you’re on to work through that PTSD, letting others know that they’re not alone. Thank you.

  31. I don’t know why, but when people say “I see you” I still don’t feel really seen. I just might be all sorts of broken in places.

      1. I’ve been married for 25 years, and I still doubt every damn time my husband says I’m beautiful. See? Broken.

        1. I feel that, Terri Layman. I reflexively deflect compliments, mistrust praise, and have a whale of a time accepting affection as deserved (rather than, I dunno, pity or something). Intellectually, I know my friends, family, and romantic/intimate partners aren’t all lying to me, but it’s still very hard to believe that at my core. Working on making it easier, and all the best to you on that same endeavor.

    2. Terri, I only believe it from people like Wil, because of our, in some ways, shared experiences. That’s why I rarely share the smallest bit of my child abuse with others. I’m so sorry, but I also think that enduring in life, practicing bravery, means you are not as broken as you think you are.

      1. It’s still a bitch on the daily though. Since the abuse rewired my brain and now I suffer lifelong depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and am just the last few years starting to try to puzzle out the ADHD I never had treated as a child. It’s… rough.

        I stopped communication with my abuser 20 years ago. I just recently realized “she can’t take away the life I have now, Hubby and I own our house, cars, etc 100%, no loans, decent cars, paid off student loans, a family of choice that loves me, my husband and other partners that have my back, and a kid who’s awesome beyond words.”

        But the scars, and my brain’s refusal to make dopamine, serotonin, and the like properly…. ugh. But I need to keep going, to show my kid that things can be overcome. And he’s only 10. He needs me. And in a lot of ways, I need him.

  32. An Episcopal priest once told me, “Turning the creek is just an option, not a maxim. It is one potential way to teach an abuser to become better by leading through example, but it is not the only way to handle an abuser. In fact, turning the cheek over and over and over again is not holy….it is enabling an abuse to conduct abuse behavior serially. Therefore you are never obligated, even as a Christian, to ever turn the cheek.”
    Took me a long time to learn that one.
    My wife likes it to digging through a pile of shit, and expecting to find a point in there somewhere.
    Eventually you come to realize there is no pony, so why continue digging in this pile of shit?

    1. For what it’s worth, a Lutheran pastor friend of mine actually explained that parable this way… The quote is that if someone strikes you on the right cheek, you should turn the other one also. The social convention at the time was to hit an inferior or slave backhanded, which generally meant on the right cheek for the right handed. Turning the other cheek was asking to be hit with a closed fist, which was a strike between equals. So in turning the other cheek, you’re actually refuting their attempt to humiliate you, and forcing them to treat you as an equal if they’re going to continue.

  33. I grew up with a gaslight. Single mother of 3. My brothers were perfect in her eyes. I could also do nothing right. I ended the toxic relationship with Sue. I dont call her anything else she treat me with love or respect. I get why you cut ties. 7 yrs after I cut ties. Sue died. That was 2017. I have yet to shed a tear. I had shed them all by the time I cut ties. I am a better person, mother and grand mother then she ever could have been. Hang in there. You are not the person they tried to shape you into. You are awesome!!

    1. My friends all tell me that the fact I merely worry about making the same mistakes in parenting that mine did…. makes me a better parent. So far I don’t think I’m doing that horridly, but I’m worried about so much…. I’m exhausted.

    2. When my mother (narcissist & gaslighter) died, I didn’t mourn at all. My husband wisely told me that I’d done my mourning for years, missing the love and caring that mothers should give. The only thing I had left to mourn was the loss of a possibility of having a non-abusive mother.

      1. When mine does, the only reason I’m going to do anything in relation to my mother’s passing is to help support my sister. Otherwise, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to feel, if anything at all.

  35. I am so sorry they did that to you, Wil. I only wish I could say that I was lucky. But I wasn’t. Thank you for being so open, and for saying that you see us, all of us, who went through similar childhood horror stories. My mother was my primary abuser. From what I have researched, she was definitely NPD & BPD, with a violent tendency that was downright sadistic. I am almost 49 (October) and like you, it is still painfully fresh in my mind. I was labeled “melodramatic” and she convinced my siblings to call me this too. Everything I did was a punishable offense, even eating. I wound up sneaking out after a severe 3 day beating in which she roped my silent statue of a father into it, and I ran away from home as a college freshman. I buried her empty shell just as the pandemic began at the end of March 2020. I only now feel “free” to say everything she did, without fear of some sort of revenge on her part. Even my own siblings often deny what she did, but I know the truth. I will not let them gaslight me the way she always did. No matter how I proved it wasn’t true, she always called me a liar. I don’t mind saying, that reading your blog brought me to tears again. I was so twisted up and bitter inside that I was a wrathful, ball busting, maniac by the time I was 30. I hated so many people, the anger was consuming, all because they told me I was lying. That no one’s mother was ever “that bad”. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers, and you would never know it. I feel like an orphan, but the only dead person is my abuser. Keep sharing, keep being YOU – I love you, I grew up beside you, and I’m so glad I still get to read you and watch you perform. Thank you, for surviving and being just who you are! Much love, Geek brother! ❤

      1. Thanks Sara K. My ACEs have left some nasty scars, but as a great show once stated, Scars don’t define who you are, they just show where you’ve been/what you lived through. (paraphrase) She was severely mentally ill, in very dangerous and harmful ways, and no one ever stopped her, questioned her, and she never had any treatment. Too many people with NIMBY syndrome (Not In My Back Yard, so who cares). I refuse to fall prey to that one. They took my childhood, my peace of mind, even my physical health, I refuse to let my voice be destroyed too! <3

  36. I love you Wil and you can talk to me anytime. I would have loved to have a son like you. Seriously ANYTIME.
    Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. These two were definitely not. Not your fault. You may want to try EMDR to get rid of the memory of the beast from hell animal sound your dad made. It is a fully sanctioned psychological intervention for trauma. It is relatively quick and usually very effective. Very empowering too.
    All the best Wil- you deserve it.

  37. There are bits and pieces of what I hear in your story that remind me of parts of my childhood in my relationship with my mother. It affected me well into my adult life (when your children are protecting you from the emotional abuse your mother continues to give you even though you are in your 40’s, that is very sad) . I am so sorry you have gone through so much, it is heartbreaking to hear. Please take care of your heart and your soul, you have such incredible value, and it is very inspiring that even though you suffered (and suffer) yet you still want to reach out and help others in similar situations.

  38. I know someone who went no-contact with her abusive mother. Sometimes, it’s the least bad option. One of my father’s cousins also went no contact with his mother, actually he went no contact with all his mother’s family so we don’t know his side of the story. Though my father had a good relationship with his aunt, he said she could be a difficult person, and he’s never expressed surprise that his cousin went no-contact with her, nor have I ever heard him blame or judge him.

    You have my heartfelt sympathies.

    Thank you for putting this out there. Some people need to read/hear this so that they can better recognize gaslighting and know they are not alone.

  39. Yes, much of this was said to me, in my childhood, then my marriage. I am only just now getting free.

    My brother and i have completely different recollections of childhood. We could have grown up in different houses. I have a relationship with my brother, now, but we can never talk about childhood.

    Do your siblings remember anything you do? I would be surprised if they did. They probably have memories of wonderful childhoods! Its so strange. But i and so many people, believe you, because it happened to us, too.

    You are appreciated.

  40. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing such long-lasting deep hurt, Will. This post speaks loudly and clearly how cruel and destructive selfish, insensitive, unloving, manipulative relationships can be. Especially when parent to child. You’re right. You ARE enough. We ARE enough!

  41. My deeply narcissistic mother was like yours, Wil. I stopped talking to her two years ago. She died last March and I felt nothing. Didn’t attend the funeral. My sister feels the same, she understands. We talk a lo tabout our childhood an give each other strength and love.
    Much love to you,too!

  42. I have been reading these posts of yours for a while, but this one, it hit me hard. I am a 41 year old Scottish woman. About 15 years ago I ran away from everything I knew to get away from my mother who abused me my entire life. My childhood was filled with beatings, manipulations, being used as a weapon against my father who left her when I was 7 (he had no interest in being a father and to this day is absent from my life), to mention but a few things. She would constantly tell me I was “just like my father” and punish me for his misdeeds. To this day she still terrifies me. I can’t go in to many details of things she did, I’d be here for weeks…..

    For years I was able to get on with life whilst ignoring her presence mostly, until the only family member that ever showed me any kindness, my Grandmother, died a few months ago. I was unable to go see my Gran in her dying days because of that woman that is my mother. I could not attend the funeral either. (Covid was only part of the reason I couldn’t). My wonderful Gran was the last remaining buffer between my mother and me, and now that she is gone, my mother is once again trying to manipulate me. And once again, I feel like a child. Afraid. Trusting no one. The one person that should be helping me grieve seems only interested in causing me pain. I haven’t slept properly in months, my nightmares returned….

    All I have wanted my entire life, is to be loved. I have a wonderful partner who tells me I am beautiful, amazing, strong, etc…. but I never believe his words… because if my own parents couldn’t bring themselves to love me, then surely I must be unlovable. I know that black hole feeling that should be filled with a parents love. Logically I know he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it but that black hole part of me can’t believe him. I mean, he must have an ulterior motive for saying such things, right?

    Anyway…. sorry for rambling on a little… I just wanted to say thank you for posting you stories Wil. As much as it sucks knowing someone else has experienced that emptiness and pain, it does help to know I am not alone and that we can survive them.

  44. Take away the everything to do with acting, and your parents sound like mine. Even today, at mumblemumble years old, I see a counselor about it, because of what was done back when I was a child, right up until I was a teenager. So, as one who has lived after being gaslighted, yes, I believe you, ever single word.

  45. I made the choice to cut a toxic family member from my life. This causes the rest of the family to rain carp on me, much of it was gaslighting language (it’s not so bad, you should learn forgiveness, how can’t you do this) to my loved one.I found this comforting to repeat to myself “if you let has gangrene and is poisoning your body you cut it off.”

  46. Your parents sound really bad Wil. A lot of people have parents who are a pain in the ass though. If they are that bad they cut off from them like you did. What I don’t understand though is why you keep posting some very personal stuff to the public interweb. You probably shouldn’t do that.

    1. Yes, he should. It’s his journey, his pain, his evolution. That’s why he writes about this, among other things. Log the fuck off if you don’t want to read it. I’m sick of you deplorables coming in here and telling Wil what to do on his own blog.

      1. Sorry your highness. You and Prince Harry and Queen Meghan ought to get together. I am a big fan of Wil and I have been very sympathetic. Wil is posting to the public web and others might not be so kind. Others have told Wil basically tough shit.

  47. I am so sorry this happened to you & you never got a childhood as a result. I am really proud for you for having the strength to cut those ties. I hope you have found family to surround you in the love you deserve.

  48. My abuser’s brother once said “I believe you” after the abuser had gotten drunk again and…well, it doesn’t matter. But: His brother! Those were three of the most meaningful words I’ve ever heard. I haven’t gotten out yet (things are better – it’s always cyclical, I know, and it will be back – I’m physically safe, but the rest will return – it always does), but one day… and someone out there believes me. More than one someone, but to have it in black and white, in a text form, from a member of his own family meant and means the world. So: I believe you, Wil. I believe you.

  49. Hi! I’m wondering if you have ever tried EMDR. It can be life changing. It sounds like witch craft but it really really works. I think it could give you some peace with your trauma. I’m a counselor. I’m not trying to sell anything. I’m not licensed in California and I don’t do EMDR myself. If you want to know more please feel free to email me. Take care.

    1. EMDR did wonders for me, but it’s not for everyone. It’s worth trying to se if it will work, though. It didn’t get rid of memories or feelings, but it made them easier to deal with and move on instead of being stuck in a loop of dwelling on them.

  50. Wow, that image really hit home for me too. I cut off contact with my parents 8 years ago for similar reasons.

    Here’s to a brighter future for all of us. LLAP

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