The tiny Uvalde school district has its own seven-person force; the 15,000-person city spends 40 percent of its budget on policing, and in 2020, the Uvalde Police Department proudly touted its nine-person SWAT team that was getting to know the layouts of local schools. Not only did the police spend an hour preparing to enter the school on Tuesday, but there was also this, from a fourth grader to local CBS affiliate KENS, presumably about the police’s first attempt to get into the school:
“When the cops came, the cop said: ‘Yell if you need help!’ And one of the persons in my class said ‘help.’ The guy overheard and he came in and shot her,” the boy said.
Each of these failures shows the absurdity of the GOP’s two-pronged policy response to school shootings—armed teachers and more support for law enforcement. (There was also an armed guard at the Buffalo supermarket, for what it’s worth. He fired at the suspect and was killed.) If the town SWAT team can’t stop a school shooter before 19 children are dead, what’s the point? Republicans have since moved on to other innovative proposals, like building schools with only one door, or giving up on schools altogether.
The more I learn about the deliberate inaction of these police, the angrier I get. I am so incandescently angry right now, you may want to stop reading. I’m going to do my best to seethe instead of exploding in a way I’ll regret.
An entire classroom was gunned down — 19 children were murdered along with their two heroic teachers who did more than any of these cops to try to protect them — while these fucking cowards tased and handcuffed the parents who were begging these useless men to do their fucking jobs.
Stop telling me I’m supposed to blindly support cops no matter what. Stop pretending your Blue Lives Matter shit isn’t just a racist dogwhistle. This doesn’t happen when people become cops to protect and serve the public. This is what happens when people become cops so they can bully and harass people with impunity. These cowards aren’t going to risk their lives for anyone. This police force gets FORTY PERCENT of the city’s budget. This tiny town has a SWAT team. That wasn’t enough to save these children and their teachers.
What’s the point of pouring endless money and weapons of war into civilian police forces if they consistently fail to protect the communities who are funding them? I think we all know the answer.
I did this interview for Access Hollywood that aired yesterday. In this interview, I told my whole truth, like I have before, about the things I have survived. When Access Hollywood told me they’d have to reach out to my parents to get a comment, I told them I understood and respected their journalistic integrity. I also told them that my parents would lie, that my mom would say “I’m shocked! I had no idea!” and that she’d claim we were such a close family it’s all just a huge surprise. Also she would say something about how angry I am.
That’s exactly what she did. They are nothing if not predictable.
I was thinking about this huge lie my mother tells herself and the world, last night. The big lie that she didn’t force me to become a child actor when I was seven, that it was all my idea. The last few weeks have been challenging for me, while I promote and talk about Still Just A Geek, surviving abuse and neglect, and constantly revisiting painful, traumatic parts of my life. It’s kind of like picking at a wound that’s doing its best to heal, right? You don’t rip the scab all the way off, but you’re still poking at it. So I was just kind of unwinding things in my head, like I do, and I remembered that when my mom took me to my first audition, it was actually her audition. She brought me along to be her scene partner. I CLEARLY recall feeling like I wasn’t supposed to be there, and that she was springing me on casting at the last minute. “This is my son and we can do it together” or something like that. I was a sweet kid, full of energy and enthusiasm. I wanted everyone to be proud of me, so I took direction extremely well. I don’t know if it’s true, but I recall being told over the years by the casting people that I crushed that audition, that day. Those same casting people loved this kid, who they were going to bring in all the time. My mom and I booked the commercial, together.
Relatively soon after we shot that commercial, she made me to go her commercial agency and tell the children’s agent, “I want to do what mommy does,” which she has lied to herself about for 40 years. I clearly remember sitting at the kitchen table at our house in Sunland, while she coached me on how the meeting was going to go. She played the agent and I was me. She gave me commercial copy to practice. She coached and prepped me and I went along with it because I WAS SEVEN. (I had lunch with my childhood agent about three years ago. I asked her specifically about that day, and she remembered that I was very good at reading the copy, I had clearly been coached and prepared, and she told my mom that she’d send me on a couple auditions to see how it went. After that, I rarely talked to the agent directly.)
I can’t remember specifically when I first said “I just want to be a kid,” but I can still see the late 70s smog, and smell the exhaust all around us as I begged her for what feels like years to stop making me do this, while we sat in traffic on the freeway after school, going to and from auditions, day after day after day. Once, in my teens, I was trying to talk with her about that, trying to understand why she didn’t hear me, and she said “I always let you book out when you wanted to take a break,” which is a weird choice of language if it was all my idea and something I really wanted to do so much. Also, I never once — never once — asked to go back and audition again. But after some period of time, she ALWAYS pressured me to go on auditions again until I gave in.
I’m 8 in this picture. Imagine ignoring this little boy when he begs you to stop making him go to work.
None of that supports her lie that it was all my idea. I mean, that’s unsurprising because it’s a lie, but she was so good at manipulating and gaslighting me, I spent some considerable time in my life trying to convince myself that it was true. I did EVERYTHING I could to make myself believe it was true, because I wanted to be seen and loved and accepted in my family and that was the only way I knew how.
The other big lie she tells herself is that we were this extremely close, tight-knit family. I know she desperately wants to believe that. I know she worked harder than anything else at presenting that image to the world. It just is not true. I know from relatives and people who were part of my childhood that other adults could not stand my parents. They saw exactly who and what they were, especially how manipulative my mother was. Our family was not close. We were cloistered. There’s a huge difference, but to a self-absorbed, controlling, narcissist, it’s the same thing.
The thing about this particular lie is that, if we were this tight-knit family, how could she be shocked and have no idea that her husband was relentlessly bullying me? How could it be a shock to her, after she made me apologize to him the few times I stood up for myself? How could she be shocked and have no idea that I didn’t want to be an actor, when I literally BEGGED HER FOR YEARS after she forced me to start, to just let me be a kid? She’s only shocked because she was so self-absorbed she chose to ignore the pain she was inflicting on her son. On her child. On me. When I was 7 years-old. She has no idea because she deliberately looked the other way whenever I was in pain or I needed her to show up for me as my mother. She’s shocked and had no idea because she chose to replace what was actually happening in my life and our family with a giant lie.
I know she needs these lies she tells herself to be true, because they are the foundation she built her entire life upon. If she has to accept that she traded her child away so she could be popular, or at least be close to popularity, if she has to accept that she heard her seven year-old child BEGGING, “Mommy, please let me be a kid. I just want to go home and play with my friends,” and dismissed that because it got in the way of what she wanted for herself, I don’t think she could handle it.
Please let me be a kid.
Here is the saddest part of all: I told all of my truth to Access Hollywood. I told the same truth I’ve been telling for years. The part my mom got upset about and pushed back on is her big lie that she didn’t force me to be an actor. Not the abuse I endured. Not their theft of the money I earned. Not the exploitation they allowed. Not the physical and psychological abuse she witnessed firsthand when she made me and my sister do The Curse. The thing she was REALLY upset about is having to answer for the fundamental choice she made when she forced me to become a child actor. Just that one thing. The lie she built her whole life on. That’s the thing she lost her shit about. Not that she was so unavailable, and my dad was so cruel to me, that I seriously contemplated killing myself more than once when I was in my teens. She didn’t care about that. And he had no comment. Because that’s about me and my pain, not something they can make about themselves where they are the victims or whatever.
It’s been clear for as long as I can remember that my mom and my dad don’t feel bad or anything about how much they hurt me, or how much their choices affected my life. My dad doesn’t care at all, and never did. My mom is just embarrassed that her lies are being exposed, and that the story she’s told people about herself is threatened. Well, if you don’t like the true story … maybe you could have written it differently.
In Still Just A Geek, I directly address my mom. I try, once more, to somehow get her to hear my truth, but “the woman I knew for 46 years is probably working hard on her victim narrative right now,” and that seems to be accurate. And ultimately, what choice does she have? If my mom admits to herself that she forced me to do all of this, even when I literally BEGGED her to stop, she would have to take an honest look at her entire life. When I told her “I want you to be my mom and not my manager,” she said, “I can’t believe you would take that away from me.” Again, not exactly the sort of thing you say when you’re supporting your son who really wants to do this because it’s his idea.
I don’t want to go on another audition. I want to go home and ride my bike. Please just let me be a kid.
She stole my childhood from me, so she could feel popular. To be honest, I’m relieved she feels embarrassed and maybe even some shame, because at least it means that, somewhere in her alcoholic brain, she knows what she did to me. She knows that I put up with all of it, silently and alone, for my whole life. And when I couldn’t endure that any longer, when I tried as hard as I could to work through all of this with her and my dad, all they had were excuses, deflections, accusations, and absolutely no interest in actually participating in my recovery. So I made the choice to live the rest of my life without her and my dad and my brother in it. They can be who they are and live the lie they need to believe about me, without my presence inconveniently reminding them that none of it is true. (Sidebar: I’ve spoken with multiple professionals who have affirmed to me that children can grow up in the same house and have profoundly different experiences with their parents. This is particularly true when there is a Golden Child and a Scapegoat. Of course my brother is close to our parents. They poured nothing but love and affection and support into his life from the day he was born. They are kind and loving grandparents to my nephew. That doesn’t make the way they treated me untrue.
~
Real quick: there’s a lot in this post and I want to take a moment here to tell you that if you’re hurting, there are wonderful people who are waiting RIGHT NOW to help you. I didn’t know that when I was suffering the most. I also didn’t have instant (and private) access to resources and professionals online to counsel me via my phone or laptop or whatever. I can’t tell you how to approach your journey, but I can show you two places you can start: https://www.mentalhealth.gov/ or https://nami.org/Home
For as long as I can remember, when I’ve said “Hey, I’m doing an event in this place, and I’d love for you to come,” the Internet has said some version of “come to my place and do an event here”.
On Wednesday, from 5pm to 6pm PDT, I will have a mental health conversation with Katrina DeBonis, MD. Dr. DeBonis is Associate Health Science Clinical Professor, Director of Residence Education in the Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, and Medical Director of UCLA Student Behavioral Health Services UCLA Health. (I know right? She’s fancy!) Our conversation is part of a series sponsored by The Friends of the Semel Institute for neuroscience and human behavior at UCLA to discuss mental health, childhood trauma survival, and my book Still Just A Geek.
This conversation is open to everyone in the world, for free. All you need to do is register, and show up Wednesday.
If you’ve ever wanted to hear me speak in public, here is your incredibly easy chance! I hope you’ll join us.
It is easier to get a gun and body armor in America than it is to get medical care, and that is by design.
Tucker Carlson can get on TV every night, spout racist lies about a paranoid conspiracy, and inspire his viewers to commit acts of violence against innocent people. There will never be a meaningful consequence for his actions. This is by design.
Republicans have done everything possible to put weapons of mass murder into the hands of paranoid people they have agitated with racist lies and conspiracy theories.
Republicans have not just made this possible. They have encouraged it. Oh, they’ll scold any of us who say it out loud, but we all know it’s true. They love it when Black people suffer and die. They love it when the people who killed them get away without any consequence.
This is all by design. Don’t let them wring their hands and offer their thoughts and prayers. This is what they want. This is the plan. This is all working EXACTLY the way they want it to.
Republicans want the rest of us — the majority — to live in constant fear of their violent, heavily-armed, racist followers. From encouraging them to brandish their assault weapons in public to allowing anyone to carry an instrument whose only purpose is to kill people. See that angry dude in the MAGA hat? See him ranting and raving at some innocent BIPOC who just wants to live their life? I’m going to think twice before I jump up to support my fellow human, because that MAGA guy is likely armed and will get away with murdering me, because reasons. Maybe I’m considering volunteering to work an election. But then I remember my neighbor who was doxxed by MAGA terriorists and had to flee for her safety because they were showing up to stand around outside her house with their guns.
The entire Republican caucus in both houses of congress have even more blood on their hands today. They will experience zero consequences for their role in the racially-motivated murders they inspired and enabled. If they haven’t already, the MAGA fascists will be fundraising off of this by the end of the weekend.
I’d say don’t let them get away with this, but they already have, and they will again. And again. And again. And again. Until somehow the Democrats get their shit together and make ending gun violence a priority the way the Republicans have made controlling women a priority. It’s going to take a long time, and we need to get to work.
I’ve been doing press to promote Still Just A Geek for a little over a month, now. I’ll be honest: I’m getting tired of the sound of my own voice. I’m starting to feel a bit of fatigue, and I have to remind myself that each person I’m talking to is hearing this stuff for the first time, and so is their audience.
I’ve felt awkward about linking to all the press, because it’s a lot. But they are all really good conversations that I’m happy to share, when I can get out of my own way and stop worrying so much about … everything.
This is an incomplete collection of press I’ve done, as of May 12, collected in one place. If I’ve forgotten something, just leave a comment and I’ll update.
Content warning: in nearly every one of these interviews, I discuss child abuse and exploitation.
Wil Wheaton talks with me about his fatherhood journey. We chat about being a step-dad and therelationship he has with his sons. Wil shares some of the values he looked to instill into his sons as they were growing up. He also talks about how he wanted to make sure he didn’t act like his parents and not make the same mistakes they did. After that we talk about his book, Still Just a Geek: An Annotated Memoir and how recording the audiobook version was life-changing for him. We even talk about on comic-con moment that stuck with me for years on the advice he gave someone about being a geek. Lastly, we finish the interview off with the Fatherhood Quick Five.
Wil Wheaton is one of the most genuine human beings I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with. Incredibly thoughtful, funny, introspective and kind we take a deep dive into his life as a childhood actor, what lead him to his new book, “Still Just A Geek” two decades after his first book and how he’s evolved as a person in between, reliving past traumas, the craft of acting, friendships he’s made along the way, embracing nerd culture and reveling in its current state of “coolness”, The Big Bang Theory, His Trek Family, a touching moment he shared with his Stand By Me co-star Jerry O’Connell, board games, video games, Robin Williams, and not being afraid to get emotional as men. Enjoy!
“I have spent an incredible amount of time thinking: what would be going on in Wesley Crusher’s universe?” Wheaton tells Inverse. “And for years, I have thought space and time and thought are not disconnected the way people think they are. I mean, that’s just a Time Lord [from Doctor Who] with more steps.”
Game over, Moon Pie! Wil Wheaton is our guest this week. He’s stopping by to talk with us about his book -“Still Just a Geek” an annotated release of his 2004 book – “Just a Geek”. Wil also talks with us about the lessons learned in life and how working on this book helped him confront some of the issues that he was facing, head on. We talk about advice he has for others who are enduring some of the same things, and what they may be able to do to move forward in life. But we are all geeks, and so of course there is some Star Trek, Big Bang Theory and Role Playing Games talk as well. We talk about others roles and his book narration as well.
What would Wesley Crusher think if he discovered The Big Bang Theory?
Wil Wheaton: Do you mean the theory or the TV show?
The TV series.
Wil Wheaton: That’s an interesting question. I don’t know if he would get the humor because Wesley’s from the 23rd century. We look back at humor from 300 years ago and some of it still works. But a lot of it is based on idiomatic language and cultural references that none of us could possibly understand. He would think, Oh, that’s interesting. There’s a guy there who looks an awful lot like me and they talk about me like I’m a real thing. That’s weird. I don’t understand any of these jokes. What’s Star Wars? I’m very confused. Who is this Iron Man? I’ve never heard of him. I don’t know what he wants.
Thank you. I look forward to reading your updated book.
Join us as Wil Wheaton, who had leading roles in “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and “The Big Bang Theory,” discusses revisiting his 2004 memoir “Just a Geek,” which he recently re-released as “Still Just a Geek.”
Every page is filled with footnotes and parenthetical comments talking to his younger self, and in many cases decrying his previous racism, homophobia, and misogyny. How did he manage to confront his younger self without dying of shame? Listen now to find out.
Just gonna jump in here really quick to point out that the comment about “previous racism” doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve never been racist, I am not racist, and I don’t know why the author asserts that in the description. I hope it’s just a rhetorical error that they’ll correct.
In his memoir, he opens up about his life, love, his battle with depression and about coming to grips with his past work, his career choices and his birth family. He also describes how he found fulfillment in the new phases of his career, and came to terms with a painful childhood.
‘The man who was my father wasn’t a dad to me at all,” Wheaton told me. “My mother made me her thing when I was a kid, and she used her thing to fill up the emptiness in her life that she didn’t get from anywhere else.”
Before writing his book, the dad of Ryan and Nolan Wheaton said he had to “unlearn the toxic, hurtful behaviors that had been modeled to me,” and therapy helped him deal with chronic depression, something he’s blogged about.
Wil Wheaton is best known for portraying Wesley Crusher on the science fiction TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation and Gordie Lachance in the film Stand by Me. He appeared regularly as a fictionalized version of himself on the sitcom The Big Bang Theory, and other television credits include Leverage, Eureka, The Outer Limits, Diagnosis: Murder, Criminal Minds, Supergirl and S.W.A.T. Wheaton has also worked as a voice actor in animation, video games and audiobooks.
On April 12, 2022, Still Just a Geek: An Annotated Memoir, was published as an updated version of Wheaton’s 2004 memoir, Just a Geek: Unflinchingly Honest Tales of the Search for Life, Love and Fulfillment Beyond the Starship Enterprise. In Still Just a Geek, the celebrated actor, personality and all-around nerd, reexamines one of the most interesting lives in Hollywood and fandom.
The actor/author was disappointed by the sexism and insensitivity of his 2004 memoir ‘Just a Geek,’ so he decided to revise it. He talks to MEL about getting a do-over, living with the anger of how his parents mistreated him and why he still stands with Chris Hardwick
There’s no place like Zenescope! This month, on Volume 2, Episode 5 of Everything Zen, we take the yellow brick road to OZ and dig deep into Dorothy’s adventures with creator, Jenna Lyn Wright. Plus, the wonderful WIL WHEATON stops by to talk about Star Trek and all things geek in anticipation of his latest book, STILL JUST A GEEK. We’ve also got the Zenescope Calendar of Events, Las Vegas Fun Facts, and a bevvy of OZ prizes! Length: 68 Minutes.
Actor, personality, and all-around nerd, Wil Wheaton beams up to the show to discuss his new book, “Still Just a Geek: An Annotated Memoir.“
During the interview, we cover a lot of Wil’s amazing career. Wil shares stories from his time starring in Stand By Me, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and The Big Bang Theory. We also discuss The Wil Wheaton Project, The Ready Room, The Family Guy TNG reunion, and Tabletop.
Wil shares one of his favorite moments while on The Big Bang Theory and shares an amazing story about William Shatner from that episode. We also discuss Wil’s story of the first time he met William Shatner on the set of Star Trek V.
We also discuss Wil’s love of Sharknado (and how his tweets helped launch it into infamy) and his guest spot in Sharknado 2 where tragically he was eaten by a shark.
We end by discussing the meta experience of narrating the book Ready Player One (which references Wil Wheaton).
Enjoy my conversation with evil Wil Wheaton, Gordie Lachance, and Wesley Crusher.
Rob, Joe, and Nick had the incredible honor of sitting down and talking with Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher-STNG). In an interview spanning a variety of subjects from mental health, pop culture, pizza, and everything in between.
