Yesterday, around noon, I posted on my Facebook:
I’ve been doing these very long days of press and promotion for Still Just A Geek. It’s a lot, and it’s exhausting, but it’s awesome and I’m grateful for all of it. I haven’t had this much fun doing late nights followed by early mornings since I was in my 20s.
I’m also still doing Ready Room, so today is a day that featured me getting up at are you fucking serious o’clock, putting myself together for a webinar I was part of for Microsoft, then going straight to the set, where we did a couple episodes for Strange New Worlds (OH MY GOD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT STRANGE NEW WORLDS SO MUCH IT IS KILLING ME THAT I CAN’T).
I am so happy, y’all. I am content, I am grateful, I am proud of the work I have the privilege to do.
… and I am so physically and mentally exhausted. I feel like I’m going to cry.
I’m taking the rest of this day off for religious observance, and I really hope I can find a nap in there, somewhere.
After I posted that, Anne and I had lunch together, and then I went into my gameroom, where I could sit quietly and just … not do anything.
Some time passed. I’m not sure how much, but it was enough for me to start feeling sleepy. I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and did one of those long exhales that starts in your shoulders and rolls down your body.
Then my phone rang.
Okay. In 2022, few things make me as suspicious as my phone ringing. Nine in ten times, it’s bullshit. This time, I saw that it was my lit agent.
“Hello?”
“Do you have a minute to talk?”
“I do.”
“Okay. I am connecting you to a conference call.”
Over the next thirty or so seconds, literally everyone at my publisher announced themselves. Then my manger announced himself.
Oh fuck. I thought. I’m in big trouble. I dont’ know what I said or did, but I must have REALLY fucked up.
You’ve seen the title of this post, so you know that I was mistaken. My editor told me he had news. Still Just A Geek is on the bestselling indie bookshop list, and it’s on the New York Times hardcover nonfiction list, AND it’s in the top ten on the combined hardcover and ebook nonfiction list.
Wait. What?
Yeah, I heard it correctly. Still Just A Geek, one week after publication, is on THREE bestselling lists. OMG.
I thanked everyone for being part of this. It’s a blur, but I think I said something like, “it’s important to me that everyone who can hear my voice right now knows how grateful I am for your support and for everything you’ve done to help me get here. I know this isn’t the first time for you, but it is for me and I just don’t know what else to say or to feel.”
I called Anne and told her. Then I called my sister and told her. Then I texted my TNG family and told them. Then I walked around in a circle for what felt like an hour while I tried to process what this all means. I’m still working on putting it all together.
When I wrote Just A Geek in 2004, I knew it wasn’t ever going to chart, but I still held out hope, you know? Like, maybe if this book charts, it will Prove To Everyone and so forth. So there was this disappointment baked in from the very beginning that was identical to the disappointment I allowed to infect everything I did back then. Feeling like you aren’t ever going to be good enough for your dad will do that to you.
So when I wrote and did all the work for Still Just A Geek, I redefined my expectations, and my conditions for success.
I decided that I woudn’t have any expectations, at all. I just hoped that we would somehow communicate to anyone who would be interested in my story that it existed. I wasn’t going to let sales or reviews define for me whether it was successful or not. Just getting to tell my story was enough for me.
But I’m not gonna lie: I’ve been joyfully walking around for about 18 hours, obnoxiously reminding Anne and Marlowe that they now live with a New York Times bestselling author. I have every intention in the world of signing my friends’ cards and stuff, “New York Times Bestselling Author, Wil.”
This is objectively cool and exciting. It is a big deal. I get to update my bio, and for the rest of my life I get to carry this achievement. I love that, and I love that this means my chances of having another book published went up. But more than anything, I love that this can be amazing, and wonderful, and exciting, and such a beautiful gift, without it affecting how I fundamentally feel about myself or my work. I was already proud of the work, and grateful I was supported while I did it, and I am so incredibly happy that I didn’t need this to happen to get there.
When I turned in the final draft, what feels like forever ago, I wrote myself a note that says, in part, “Whatever is going to happen when this is published has already happened. You just haven’t observed the results. What is important and what matters is everything you did to get here. Don’t fall into the trap of letting someone else’s definition of success affect how you feel about your work. No matter what is in our future, we did something special that nobody can take away from us.”
I am so glad that past me consistently looks out for future me. It’s such good advice! I love that guy.
This is really cool, and I’m very happy for you. I have several copies of Still Just A Geek on order in every format for my public library. 🙂
As one of your longtime blog readers, I am both happy how things turned out for you and that you started writing on this site more. Congratulations on your achievement and good luck for your next endeavors. You deserve it!
Wil,
I’m so excited and thrilled for you to have gotten such terrific recognition. I loved “Just A Geek,” and am anxiously awaiting digging into this enhancement of it (yours is next on my queue once I’ve finished Scalzi’s latest). I’m also really happy that you are letting yourself enjoy and appreciate all the good things coming your way these days.
With luck, even more opportunities will arise from these successes — I know that I would LOVE to get to devour the book that you read us an in-progress chapter from a few years ago on the JoCo Cruise. I connected deeply with the realness and the emotions of the teenage years in the Eighties that you were channeling.
To close, I repeat how partner and I always react to your sign-off for each “Ready Room,” we give your TV image the Vulcan salute right back to you.
Live long and prosper,
–Sam
Wil, I am so very happy for you. I’ve not ever contributed to a book making the best seller list, but I did with this (I bought three copies (friends and family)), so I share a little of your excitement. The risks you took to write this are inspiring, and terrifying to contemplate at the same time. Congratulations on being rewarded for the leap!
That is thoroughly well deserved, sir. Congratulations!
Wil, I’m about half way through listening to the audiobook and it is so…freaking…good. I bought the original back in the day (was at your signing at Powell’s Technical Books!) and loved that then as I’d been a WWDN reader since very early on, but this is just next level. Like you said on one of the podcast interviews I heard, it is like a conversation between yourself at different ages (with me along to listen in.) I love hearing you truly laugh at something funny you wrote or recounting the bits you and Brent had on the set, and hearing the sincerity in your voice as you apologize for something that didn’t age well and you’ve learned to be better about, and I’ve cried as you’ve cried reading about some of the more painful things that were going on behind the words.
I’d just finished listening to one of the more painful passages in the book before bed last night and was thinking I wanted to tell you how good it was and mentally composing an email or comment just to let you know it had touched at least one person. I went on Instagram and saw that you’d posted about the bestseller list and I think I might have whooped out loud. I was so excited for you. You deserve it. Congratulations!
Congrats! I haven’t picked it up yet, but plan to. Out of curiosity, do your bestseller lists only count US sales or international?
Congrats!!!
I’m hoping I’ll see you at a con (STLV, maybe?) someday, and you’ll be up for signing an autograph exactly as you specified. But, y’know, your signature, so you do you. 🙂
Congratulations, NYT Bestselling Author and cool guy Wil.
Congratulations, Wil. That’s quite an achievement.
Just to let you know that I found Still Just A Geek on a torrent site. Kind of like a band having a parody of one of their songs done by Weird Al Yankovic, I think having your book shared on pirating sites means you’ve made it big time.
Oh, and for the record, I didn’t download it.
Hell yes, that’s making it big time!
Much congratulations. Absolutely. A wonderful accomplishment.
You need to track down your old English teacher and give him a handshake or two.
Oh…and then you need to track down my old English teacher and ask him to please return that six bucks I loaned him to buy that bottle of tequila back in the day. 😉
E.
Kermit flail YAY!
LOL, my asterisks turned into italics here.
Awesome news! As a matter of interest, where is the best place to buy this – bricks and mortar bookshop, I assume, but if not, where benefits you most?
[i]But I’m not gonna lie: I’ve been joyfully walking around for about 18 hours, obnoxiously reminding Anne and Marlowe that they now live with a New York Times bestselling author.[/i] Okay, this made me laugh. I can see it now… “Hey, Marlowe, did you know you are living with a New York Times bestselling author?” ::Marlowe goes back to sleep::
Congrats! I’ve been reading “Still Just a Geek” and loving it! I’d kind of forgotten your unique ‘voice’ (because for some reason I stopped getting emails when there was a new blog entry here, so I haven’t been here for a while), and therefore had forgotten how much I enjoyed reading your writing. (Reading your now-best-seller reminded me and brought me back here.) Congratulations! Your best-selling-ness is well-deserved!
I gifted Just a Geek to three other people. I may need to do the same for this one–but should probably read it myself, first.
All good things…
Congrats, Wil!!! You really deserve it! This (and Dancing Barefoot) are what made you a hero for me as an adult as Wesley was for me as a kid.
I preordered the ebook of Still Just a Geek and am about halfway done. I am enjoying your stories. I appreciate the courage it took to open up in your book (though I expect writing it was very therapeutic!).
I’m definitely going to get the audio version as well so I can hear you reading it. 🙂
Congratulations on achieving “best-seller” status. You deserve it!
I’m so furiously happy for you, Wil. That’s all I’ve got. Just…I’m so happy for you. Thanks for letting me share a tiny part of this journey with you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
PS: I clicked the link. I read the old blog. I figured I couldn’t, but I was going to make a comment of “I booked Future Me a massage for Sunday, because I’m taking a trip to do a thing with a friend this weekend and figured I could use it after the long car ride.” But in scrolling through the comments to see if there happened to be a comment box still, I found this:
wabbit89
17 September, 2016 at 7:42 am
This makes me feel pretty good about that new Iron Man snuggie I bought future me last night. 😉
Thanks, Wil.
I still have that snuggie. Yeah, it’s still pretty warm and fuzzy, in fact. Way to go, Past Me.
PS: I clicked the link. I read the old blog. I figured I couldn’t, but I was going to make a comment of “I booked Future Me a massage for Sunday, because I’m taking a trip to do a thing with a friend this weekend and figured I could use it after the long car ride.” But in scrolling through the comments to see if there happened to be a comment box still, I found this:
wabbit89
17 September, 2016 at 7:42 am
This makes me feel pretty good about that new Iron Man snuggie I bought future me last night. 😉
Thanks, Wil.
I still have that snuggie. Yeah, it’s still pretty warm and fuzzy, in fact. Way to go, Past Me.
Why, double comment? Why? Sorry, all. :-/
You are good enough. And people like you. This is icing on the cake. Congratulations!
I’m not surprised. At all. I started following you many, many years ago not because of Star Trek, but because somehow I found out about your blog… and I was hooked. You’re a skilled writer (New York Times bestselling author!), and I admire you. You deserve this, Wil.
My first two attempts at commenting went into the abyss (or moderation?), so this time I’ll just say CONGRATULATIONS! You deserve it.
Well, there it is! Sorry about the duplicate.
Listening to you book now , really enjoying it. Well done , nice geeks do win !
Got about 2 hours left on the audiobook, I have enjoyed every second of the journey we have taken together through your life, we have laughed, we have cried, and I am left even more of a fan, you sir, are simply awesome!
Congrats! Well deserved. Likely it will just be the first time but not the last! Please continue to create.
Dear Mr. Wil Wheaton, I am writing to you because I have just finished your audio book and I really wanted to let you know how much it meant to me. I have no idea if you will get this. I’m not on Facebook because it is a hellish toxic landscape that was eroding my mental health and faith in humanity. I’ve curated IG to be my happy place. I usually use Twitter as a way to get my writing out into the world. That’s not really working but hey you gotta start somewhere. So I’m trying this and hoping for the best. Your book affected me deeply because, honestly, there were just so many damn parallels. I won’t go into gory detail of my own trauma. I’ll save my story for the monthly VFUP meeting, (Victims of Fucked Up Parents). That isn’t the full name, but it was kind of hard to fit an acronym for Victims of Fuck Up Parents That Neglected and Abused their Children because they were Selfish, Sociopathic, Douche Bags that have a “Special Hell” Waiting for them When They Die, on a tokan or t-shirt. But basically, like you, I was never truly ‘seen’ by my family. I was not protected, accepted or unconditionally loved by those that were supposed to do those things. I was demeaned, gaslit and terrorized. Your description and explanation of how and why you always took things so personally…I wish I could more aptly explain to you what that shifted in me, because, well, I did the same damn thing. Is it little wonder?! How you explained your anxiety and depression. For so much of your book I was just nodding my head like “yep”, “same”. It made my own existence seem more…valid, I guess. I know I’m not the only one living with mental illness. But it felt validating that someone understood on a pretty deep level the way my trauma presents itself. How hard it is to believe that I deserve love and acceptance and that I’m not too much work to love or care about. The first half of your book was hard because it felt repetitive, what I mean by that is that you were working through your shit. You don’t sit down and work through trauma once or even twice. It’s a slow grueling process. It’s not miles, it’s inch after inch of hard arduous work. It’s your drive through Texas. Putting one foot in front of the other feels like you aren’t getting anywhere until you feel sunshine on your face and realize you’ve stepped out of a long dark tunnel. I’m 41 now. I spent the first two decades of my life acquiring trauma then self medicating with booze, food and spending money. The Air Force, (I served ten years) saved my life because if something harder than booze had been an option, I would have been found dead in a ditch somewhere many years ago. I also quit drinking a few years ago. It feels like that is when the real work started for me. I couldn’t hide from my pain. I couldn’t numb myself anymore. It fucking sucked. I’m on meds. I go to therapy. You know, movies and TV and music, those things saved my soul as my mind was being damaged. They kept the core of me alive. They provided a respite. I could imagine a world where I was loved, where I was the hero. Where love was the strongest force in the universe. Where I was strong enough to protect myself. My poetry provided an outlet for my pain and anger and later my joy and hope. Like you, my spouse is the most amazing human being I have ever met. He has loved me deeper and more unconditionally than anyone of my blood. He has never resented my struggles, gaslit me, judged me. He gave me love, time and SPACE to figure my shit out. I have two amazing daughters and like you I work my ass off everyday to be the kind of mother I wish I had had. I make sure they know they are safe and loved and that NOTHING they can ever do or say will take that love away. I have the most amazing life. I have the kind of life i think people dream about. We aren’t rich or go on lavish vacations. We watch movies and shows together. We play boardgames. We laugh often. We adore our two kitties. We deeply deeply LOVE each other. This is so much more than I could have ever wished for myself. Now, there is something else I wanted to speak to. I wasn’t necessarily shocked at your story for most of the book. I mean I was disgusted and incensed, but not shocked. Until, the section on the movie The Curse. I pride myself on being a damn good writer and quite eloquent. On this matter, there are no words except rage and anguish. I was making lunch when I started listening to this section. My hands began to shake and I broke out in a cold sweat. Then I got a panic attack, one of several that day, actually, it was today and I still have an hour left of your book, but like I said, sometimes I just need to get things out of me and on paper so they don’t consume me. I am not saying this to make you feel bad or in any way responsible. In fact you may have even given a trigger warning. I can’t relate to the specifics. I was never a child actor working on a set overseas. What I could relate to was the pain and anguish of being failed by someone who was supposed to love and protect me. What I could relate to was the pain and rage of not being able to understand the WHY. Why didn’t you protect me? Why wasn’t I important enough? Why didn’t you love me enough? Just. Fucking. Why? The longer I am a mother, the harder it is for me to love my mother. Because I would NEVER put my children in harm’s way. I would NEVER choose anyone or anything over them. They are my LIFE. And when they hurt, I hurt. I would die for them. They are MY why. Why I work hard every day to be the healthiest version of myself I could possibly be. They are why I will never pick up another drink again. They are why my life is so beautiful. Because I don’t ever want them to ask why I didn’t love them. Why didn’t I accept them. I want them to know that my love for them is as immutable as the rising sun. Mr. Wheaton, people like us-we are survivors, warriors and goddamned HEROES. Because we chose to stop the cycle of generational trauma. Because we work hard to add love to the world instead of hate and cruelty. Because we have reached into ourselves and found the capacity to give our children what we never had. We are here because people like Anne and my husband Ben decided to love us and we love them in turn with every fiber in our being. The world can be so dark, and unjust and terrifying. But like you, I love my life. I have been able to build a life of love and peace and hope. What you do, who you are, is invaluable. You have more strength and character than you can possibly know. You make this world a better place, even without the blogs and books and web shows. You make the world a better place because wherever you touch it, you leave it better than how you found it. That core of you, that light you carry inside of you, your parents can’t touch it. They will never extinguish it. They will never own it. And they will never understand it. Even as I despise them, I pity them like I pity my own mother. She cannot see how awesome I am. How full of love I am. How strong I am. And quite frankly, that’s her loss. Thank you for all you do.
Does the best seller list include audiobooks?
I have been listening to it on my trip to Costa Rica (I won the Circle of Excellence award and work gave us a trip)
I am really enjoying the audiobook.
I can relate to so many of the topics on family relationships.
PS. Congratulations on hitting the best seller list. Well deserved.
That is really awesome Wil! Congratulations!
Congratulations this is a big win. If you are in “Strange New Worlds” I will have to watch it.
Just finished your book on Audio. Great experience, overall. It’s fascinating to see how you’ve grown as a writer, and I’m really glad that things seem to be going so much better for you in the present day. On a less happy note, I was driving when I got to the part about what happened when filming The Curse. I had to pull over and stop the car for the safety of other drivers. I had thought that you using hyperbole about wanting to literally murder the director. Now, I merely HOPE you were using hyperbole, while understanding why you wouldn’t be. I am so sorry you and your sister had to go through that. It’s worse than anything I imagined. I try not to wish harm on any other human being, but I admit I fantasized about holding the guy down while you pounded on the guy a while.
To avoid ending on a downer, let me repeat that I’m so happy for your current success and happiness and hope both only grow. You’ve given me joy in my life. I loved Tabletop and make a point to see each episode of Ready Room the day it releases. You are a great ambassador for both gaming and Star Trek.
Be well.
I’m sad to say that I’m late to the party. I never read “Just a Geek,” but I am reading/listening to “Still Just a Geek.” I didn’t really know a lot about your personal life and it’s an unexpected and sometimes raw look at it. A lot of it resonates with me. I’ve never been in the entertainment field, but my father was very similar, in a lot of ways, to yours. I eventually cut him out of my life. He passed away awhile ago. It was honestly very difficult to come to grips with how I felt about that. I’ve read that you finally cut your father out of your life, and while I am far from any expert, let me share a little from my experience in the sincere hope it helps you in the future. When my father passed, I was blindsided by guilt. He was a miserable man, and my life was far richer without him in it, but he was my father and he basically drank himself to death. Near the end, his brain was so pickled by the years of alcohol abuse, he died, mostly alone, because he would often forget to eat. I was unaware because, not only had I cut ties with him, I lived as far away from him as you could without leaving the continental United States; he in Maine, and myself in SoCal. Even though, I distanced myself from him literally and emotionally for my own happiness, even though he was a mean and bitter drunk that I was never good enough for, I felt I had abandoned him and his death was my fault. Rationally I knew this wasn’t the case, but sometimes you can’t make your heart and head agree. I carried this on my soul. I grew bitter myself from the guilt. I didn’t know how to mourn the man that had made me so miserable for so long. I figured out the secret when I let myself take a long look within myself. I did what I did because I was never going to get that moment I desperately wanted from him; the sitcom moment where we see eye to eye and he tells me he’s always been proud of me, we embrace, and the sappy music plays. He was a sad and broken human being that couldn’t love others because he didn’t know how. He drove away all of those closest to him and that’s why he died alone. Not because we abandoned him, but because he pushed us away. I learned to mourn the memory of the father I had always hoped he would someday be, rather than trying the mourn the father he actual was. When the time comes for you, remember to mourn the man you always hoped he would be rather than the man he was. I know I’m just some random guy from the internet, and I don’t expect this to mean much, but, hopefully this tiny bit of advice will ease your sorrow and help you come to grips with a pain that really has no discernible shape.