I’m narrating Randall Monroe’s What If? 2, but you didn’t hear it from me.

I’m generally not meant to talk about what I’m working on without explicit permission, so earlier today, I posted this on Instagram:

Workin’

You know, like I always do when I’m working on something. It’s fun, and I enjoy having this easily searched archive when I want to pull a memory out of storage.

A little bit later, I added

Be cool and don’t narc on me. Snitches get stitches.

Then I went back to work and didn’t notice until I got home a bit ago that stupid fucking Instagram was like “Hey, how about I crop your image to ruin your joke? I’ll cut your name off the bottom so none of this makes sense lol. Now watch all these reels from people you don’t follow. You’ll see your friends’ posts in … the future.”

So here is the uncropped image which I TOLD Instagram to upload.

See? Narrated by me. I didn’t tell you, thus revealing a secret! You just read an unrelated screenshot. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Have I over explained the joke enough? Find the nearest dad to pick up the baton from me if not.

I’m always told not to talk about what I’m working on, so the publisher can make announcements and do PR at their pace, on their schedule. I always wait and then just amplify their messages. I know lots of professionals do lots of hard work, and I don’t want to step on it or make it harder for them, just to amuse or promote myself.

So, here’s the timeline on this job:

The day the book was announced way back in … I think winter, early in the year? I started getting asks from people if I’d narrate it, since I’d already narrated the first one, it was kind of in my wheelhouse, etc.

At that time, I hoped I would be asked, because I freaking LOVE Randall Monroe’s work, it was a blast doing the first one, and How To, and I loved the idea of getting the team back together (same director and studio) to do it again.

But like months went by and nobody called us, so I presumed they’d decided to use a different narrator. Oh well. Sad trombone but life goes on, long after JCM’s record has stopped playing in the last little pink house that hasn’t been destroyed by climate change.

Then! Then I got an email from my agent about 6 weeks ago, asking if I would narrate What If? 2. I replied something like, “Yes. I don’t even need to read it first. Just close the deal before they change their mind!” And that was that.

I still couldn’t talk about it (or at least chose not to, as expressed above), and when someone asked me if I was doing it, I always said that would be super cool, but I couldn’t say one way or the other.Then like two weeks ago, maybe three, I searched my name on Audible to find a link to one of my NUMEROUS AWARD WINNING NARRATIONS flex and saw that this one was on the list! HO HO! I don’t have to wait! They’ve already put it online!

Which brings us up to about 5 hours ago, when I posted what I imagined was clever, but was missing what I believe was/is vital context.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

5 thoughts on “I’m narrating Randall Monroe’s What If? 2, but you didn’t hear it from me.”

  1. I’ll check it out in the Oasis later on. Might have to wait, though. My fan-dangled ONI headset is acting rather strangely.

    But seriously, what’s the process for this? Do you prepare ahead of time or cold-read? Does your agent steer these towards you? How long does this usually take? Is this covered under SAG-AFTRA?

    1. These asks come to my agent. I prepare differently for each one, and tend to do about 6 minutes a page before I run out of gas at 4 to 5 hours. I can’t recall if my union has jurisdiction, but I think it does.

  2. I’m really glad you mentioned this, because it made me jump right over to my public library and snag the audiobook of Vol. 1. (Here’s hoping that helps sell library copies of Vol. 2.) I really enjoyed it. Reading some of those mathematical equations must have been difficult, but you did quite well.

    I’m afraid the chapter on “could we destroy the common cold if we all just quarantined for 2 weeks?” didn’t age real well. Or maybe it did age well, we just know more now. But the chapters which only involve blowing up the whole planet hold up.

  3. Congratulations on the gig!
    That book is already on my ‘must get’ audiobook list.

    I really enjoy your audiobook narrations (most especially your work on scalzi’s books {Kaiju and the Lock In series, FTW}

    Also, it was nice to see Wesley on the Picard S2 finalé. Since Wes travels ALL of TIME AND SPACE™® (space – space – space {echo fades} – any plans for an appearance on any of the other trek series? (even if aged, and in the background)

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