Earlier today, I posted this on my Facebook:
I feel like most of you already know this, but for those who don’t… the last movie I did before I retired is a little indie horror thriller called Rent-A-Pal.
I am proud of this movie and proud of my performance in it. I don’t talk about my acting work a lot, but I just found out that it’s been added to Amazon Prime Video in the UK, and wanted to share that.
Here’s our Wikipedia page, with more information and various links.
Rather quickly, a number of people said some version of “Wait, you retired? How did I not know about that? Why?”
I guess I haven’t really talked about it in public, or at length, but … yeah. I’m done. I wish I’d walked away twenty years ago and gone to school to find another career, but for a lot of reasons, I just wasn’t able to. Fortunately for me, I decided to start writing a blog, and … well, it’s been quite a journey.
I’m not sure I’ve ever put all of this in one place, so here’s how I answered one of the people who asked me why I quit.
I never wanted to be an actor in the first place, and I haven’t booked an audition in over a decade. The roles I am offered are generally tiny, stunt casting, uninteresting parts that are not about what I bring as a performer, but what I bring as a hashtag influencer who can promote to a large audience.
I’ve done a couple things for friends, or as favors for people I respect. I’ve felt that the work is fine and competent, that I do my job effectively. But there is no joy in it for me. From the moment I leave my house, I just want it to be over and I want to be home doing something I love.
I fought that reality for twenty years, hoping against hope that a role would spark in me the same joy that I see in all of my friends who are actors when they work. I hoped against hope that I would land The Role that would finally be enough for my dad to love me. I chased that for way, way too long, and I hated myself every step of the way.
So a few years ago, I just decided that I wasn’t going on auditions, and while I would listen to offers (one or two per year, if that), I am just not interested in chasing after someone or something that has made it very clear they aren’t interested in me or what I bring to the table.
And what’s interesting, a little sad, and maybe even a little tragic, is that I spent all these years trying to figure out how I could convince casting to pick me, how I could prove I was worthy, with the same desperate futility I spent trying to get my dad to give a shit about me, and it wasn’t until I stopped doing it that I realized (and accepted) that none of the people I was trying to get to notice me cared. Not even a little bit. None of them noticed the effort, or cared to share any feedback about it. And it wasn’t personal; it’s just how it is.
I spent longer than I would have liked feeling pretty shitty about that, lots of regrets, until this one day when I realized I wasn’t losing anything, or giving anything up. I wasn’t leaving anything on the table, or turning away from a single opportunity. I was releasing myself from the burden of my mother’s expectations, and accepting that there is nothing I could ever do that suddenly convince my dad that I’m worthy of his affection.
It came so late in life, but it gave me the freedom to stop chasing after something that wasn’t important to me, because I felt like it was the only thing I could do. It freed me to write stories, work on my own projects, and live *my* life on *my* terms.
I still use the basic skills I learned over my lifetime in acting when I work, only now I use them to build stories and develop characters. I use those skills to bring audiobooks and voice over projects to life the best I can, and I genuinely love doing that work.
Thanks for asking. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken about this in public, in this level of detail before.
So there ya go, and now I have something to link to if the question is asked in the future.
You clearly made the right decision. If the measure of our time on this planet is in the relationships we develop, and how we interact with other people, you’ve have the good fortune to touch people in myriad ways. For many of us, it’s been a positive connection, even if you were going through turmoil. As an actor, blogger and as a writer (and even as a host of something as ridiculously entertaining as “Table Top”), you’ve touched a lot of lives and made them better. You have every right to focus on yourself, what brings you joy, and we in the public try to find joy in the things that you’ve done and continue to do. Wishing you continued happiness and respect, and thank you for all the work that you do.
Hey Wil–Congratulations on your retirement from on-screen acting. And also on the clear-eyed understanding you’ve come to. Don’t be too surprised at a late-life moment of self-discovery because, I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone, not at all. Somehow, we’re all expected to have self-awareness, especially about our personal challenges, all realized by our mid-thirties. I’m still self-discovering at nearly 62 years old. As long as we’re alive, we’re learning. If you ever think you’ve missed something because you’re still learning, please don’t.
Also? You’re very much loved. I’ve enjoyed your writing and just loved your energy and clear enthusiasm for the work you do on The Ready Room. It seems to me that you’ve got a wonderful chosen family, a very special community of loved ones. We’re all with you here. Sending lots of love.
Always do what is right for you. Congrats on taking that step. As someone who retired from two careers, (a long teaching career and a comparatively short stint in retail) I know first hand how difficult it can be taking that leap away.
One question… does your hosting of The Ready Room qualify as acting? I hope not because I love those shows!
🖖
Wil, I’m just so proud of you for letting go of what didn’t serve you in your life. Your healing journey, though difficult, gives so many of us hope for a better tomorrow (much like the trek across the stars of which you were a marvelous part). It’s so good that you got some closure on those repetitively frustrating situations. I hope you have the happiest of retirements as you move into more of what makes you come alive. Well done, my good sir.
I sincerely wish that your path had been easier. The good thing, now, is that you’ve figured some stuff out, and are moving forward. I understand about wishing you had done so earlier, and worked towards a joyful career with more time, and I just want to say that most of what I’ve done in my life that truly brings me joy was started later on, and not what I had ever thought I’d be doing. So who knows? At least you no longer have to go do something you don’t want to do and wish you were home doing something you love.
I’ve suddenly found myself falling into a new phase of my life, where I’m spending more time being happy about the things I get to do, and less time doing things that I think I SHOULD do.
All the best to you.
I consider Deep Core and Stand By Me some of my all time favorite movies. But, I am both a Geologist (at least by schooling) and a Stephen King fan. Although I am not much into horror and psychological thriller, Rent-A-Pal was a fantastic movie. It definitely had an effect on me. I also had a younger friend navigating the online dating seen at the time I watched it.
I will always love Wesley Crusher. He seemed just a couple of years older than me when TNG launched, and younger me absolutely loved that a kind about my age got to do all those cool future things.
If you just want to do hosting, VO ,and writing, I’m cool with that. Because, 40-something me has learned, that when creatives get to do what they like to do, the end result is so much cooler and better for it. I will also say, that if there something you have always wished you had gone to school for, there is nothing wrong with doing that now. Yes, it will be hard at first. But most things worth doing are. Seriously, watching you nerd out on Ready Room is so much fun. And I really like watching the obvious friendship you and Frakes have when he is on the show.
I’m really happy for you, Wil. I became a fan of yours through your audiobook performances- particularly when I decided to give KPS a try (it’s now my favorite book and I’m on my- fourth, just checked- relisten). I hope you find joy and fulfillment in your next steps; I hope the shitty little voice that tells you you’re not enough dies in the fire of your future happiness. Most of all, I hope you let go of any and all regrets you may have. Your career, regardless of any other factors, is yours and you should be proud of the incredible impact you’ve had on the world, even when you weren’t in love with what you were doing.
I don’t think I can express just how much listening to your narration has been a comfort while I’ve learned how to become a parent. I’ve spent hours with just you, an intermittently fussy baby, and a dark nursery as my only companionship while my husband was deployed in those early, early weeks of parenthood. Now my baby girl settles down when she hears your voice and I think I accidentally pavlov’d her into that. Whoops.
Anyways, ramble over before I stick my foot all the way down my throat. Thank you again, and a hundred thousand congratulations on retiring!
Congratulations on your retirement. You have freed yourself to follow your own dreams, and you’re obviously thriving while doing so!
You’re my favorite audiobook narrator, so I’d say this was a good call.
Congrats to you. Enjoy every moment of life. Whatever that means to you…that’s what’s important. Actually, it’s the only thing that’s important. Happiness (oh…and kindness and love and a bunch of other stuff) but here and in relation to above, it’s only happiness.
Congratulations on you being you. 🙂 I understand where you are coming from; been there (different field) and retired. At some point in our lives we have to just stop the race and be yourself. Do what you love. Consider it a new adventure.
When I read this in yesterday’s thread, it really made me smile. One of the trash FB group pages that seems to come up in my feed more often than not had a post about “Actors who thought leaving their TV show would better their career” and it featured you and talked about all the missed opportunities. You are so appreciated Mr. Wheaton, the comment thread was 99% people defending your choices and pointing out the thoughtlessness of the post and pointing out how open you are about your career and choices and that you never wanted to be an actor, and all the amazing things. the other 1% were those who used “the phrase which shall not be uttered.”
I had occasionally seen TOS episodes growing up, I was 11 when TNG came out and Wesley was my favorite. I identified with him being younger and praised for his gifted abilities. As I grew into my teens, Stand By Me and Toy Soldiers also resonated with me. You did amazing work as an actor, and I want you to know it was and is appreciated. But more than anything, I am pleased to see you have found who you are and what brings you joy. Thank you for teaching us to not be a dick, and for everything else you have done for nerd culture.
Congratulations on the next chapter! Thank you for that final appearance as Wes, that character has always been important to me.
Good for you moving on in hte direction you want.
Congratulations, Wil. I’m proud of you.
Having just finished “Still Just A Geek” (the audiobook) earlier this week, this doesn’t come as a surprise to me.
May you find joy in whatever it is you wish to do.
A note about your book: it was poignant, heartbreaking, funny and a really good listen. I enjoyed it so much. And I just want to give younger Wil a hug and tell him that his life will be beautiful.
I saw Rent-A-Pal a couple years ago and really enjoyed it. It was entertaining and uncomfortable in all the right ways. Like many others, I didn’t realize you had officially retired from acting. I’m sad to think there will be no more of your very believable emotional performances in future films, but as much as I loved all the movies you were in, I’ve loved everything you’ve written even more. I’m looking forward to your future stories. Live long and prosper, Mr. Wheaton!
The best advice that was shared with me: “To thine own self be true.” Not original, certainly, but that advice allowed me to be me; a not unremarkable thing.
We love you so much and so happy that you are doing what feel right and true for yourself — it’s never too late to do that <3
Welcome to the next part of your journey. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and parts of your life with us.
Happy retirement! I hope it brings you joy and that you are able to do things that make you happy. You and Anne are my internet parents, and you both deserve it.
When I think about how much you didn’t want to be an actor, it makes me feel so guilty for having a crush on Crusher.
There is no way at all you (or anyone) could have known what I was going through, so I absolve you of any guilt. 🙂
Oh wow! That means a lot!
From one Farker to another, I just each to say: Enjoy your retirement and have fun documenting the non-streetlights you find in your future adventures.
What a unique and twisty career you’ve had, Will.