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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Author: Wil

Author, actor, producer. On a good day, I am charming as fuck.

from the vault: meet me around back in five, buddy

Posted on 10 June, 2009 By Wil

All of my writing energy and creative motivation continues to pour into finishing Memories of the Future, and Mystery Project X, so I'm reaching into the vault for something fun today. This is many years old, so the style makes me cringe a lot, but the content makes me smile a lot more, so lower your expectations and enjoy a trip down memory lane…

meet me around back in five, buddy

Am I the only person who was crestfallen upon finding out that the voice of KITT was not, in fact, the voice of the car, but was, in truth, the voice of actor William Daniels?

(Fun fact: When I was on the board at SAG, Bill was president, and I frequently told Anne that I was "going into a meeting with KITT." She often replied, "in his office? Or did you talk into your watch and tell him to meet you around back in five?")

Back in the day, at Universal Studios, they had a KITT car on display for all the tourists to check out. You could sit in KITT, have your picture taken, and (this was the best part) ask KITT a question that would be answered by none other than KITT HIMSELF!

Most of the people would ask questions about the show, like "what did you do in episode [whatever]?", and all sorts of technical questions about the specifics of his design, like they wanted to stump KITT, or something. BAH! AS IF YOU COULD STUMP KITT. Stupid tourists.

Anyway, I once waited in line for a very long time to talk to KITT. I so badly wanted to get into the car, and say, "Hey, KITT, I was wondering, do you ever cut loose when the people go home? I mean, tell me the truth. You can kick the shit out of the A-Team Van, right? Do you ever just head on over to the backlot and do donuts, just because you can? You know, just to show off?"

It would have been awesome, and my fellow KITT pilgrims who were lucky enough to be around to hear it would have talked about it for decades as it slowly became legend … but I totally chickened out. When I sat in KITT's driver's seat, I panicked and lamely asked, "What's your top speed, KITT?"

The sad thing is, I can't even remember what the answer was.

I got it into my head a few months ago that I should watch some episodes of Knight Rider and CHiPs and A-Team. I guess part of me wanted to see if they held up, but a bigger part of me just wanted to remember what it was like to be ten years old and watching those shows on a giant 26 inch television set from the floor of our den in Sunland.

In their own way, I think they do hold up, but even if they hadn't, I think it would have been time well spent.

warning: contains satire, commentary, potty mouth.

Posted on 5 June, 2009 By Wil

My friend @ShaneNickerson wins at the internet.

If you don't see video, try this link-o-matic click-ro-trocker right here.

twenty years ago…

Posted on 4 June, 2009 By Wil

Tianasquare

Because, in China, they aren't allowed to remember.

LA Daily: A Gamer’s Arcade Memories

Posted on 3 June, 2009 By Wil

This Week's LA Daily was knocked out of my brain by 8 bits of sound this weekend:

My son is home from college, visiting briefly before he goes back
for his summer session, so I've been making a concerted effort to cram
as much writing as I can into limited working hours each day, so my
evenings are free to spend with him and the rest of our family. This
weekend, my wife and I took him out to dinner, where I found myself in
front of a Centipede arcade machine, drawn there by the unmistakable
sound of the player earning an extra guy.

Something caught in the mental driftnet, and I began to reel it in.
"I have to play this," I said, doing my best not to be as manic as
Richard Dreyfuss behind a pile of mashed potatoes.

They looked at each other, warily. "Okay…" my wife said.

I dropped a quarter into the slot, felt the trackball fit
comfortably beneath my right hand, and began to play. By the time the
first flea dropped, I'd retrieved a childhood memory from the early
'80s.

You can read the whole thing at the LA Weekly.

great flash fiction from escape pod

Posted on 2 June, 2009 By Wil

I loved this story at Escape Pod:

“Hey, tell me, this look like Jesus to you?”

I come to Tito’s Tacos for a lot of reasons. The freeway overpass
ambience, the way the old men in the kitchen wrap the burritos tighter
than Cuban cigars, the shiny Kennedy 50-cent pieces you always get as
part of your change. A lot of reasons. But conversation isn’t among
them. Nonetheless, I dutifully look up from my lunch to see what the
guy at the next table over is talking about.

It's flash fiction, so it's just three minutes long. If you can find three minutes today and spend them listening to this story, I think you'll be glad you did.

ETA: I didn't know this when I posted earlier (the joys of quickly posting while I'm on a deadline) but I should point out that Taco was written by Greg van Eekhout, who has a recently-released novel called Norse Code that's getting some nice reviews. Greg says, "You can find some preview chapters online: chapter 1 at Tor.com, chapter 2 at Suvudu, and chapter 3 at Suvudu"

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