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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Author: Wil

Author, actor, producer. On a good day, I am charming as fuck.

wil wheaton vs. text 2 speech

Posted on 26 February, 2009 By Wil

There's quite a dustup at the moment about an editorial the president of the Author's Guild wrote in the New York Times, railing against Amazon's Kindle 2, which has a text to speech feature that he claims creates unauthorized derivative works and should be stopped at all costs.

I'm not the only author who thinks this is ridiculous: John Scalzi, Cory Doctorow, and Neil Gaiman all agree. (Um. Not that I'm comparing myself to them; they're just people I know, who I respect and admire, who also have a stake in this.)

Scalzi says: "I pity the person who thinks a bland computer text reading of Zoe’s Tale is an optimal experience, especially when Tavia Gilbert’s spectaular reading of the book exists out there to get. Yes, one is free and the other isn’t, but you do get what you pay for."

Cory says: "Time and again, the Author's Guild has shown itself to be the epitome
of a venal special interest group, the kind of grasping, foolish
posturers that make the public cynically assume that the profession it
represents is a racket, not a trade. This is, after all, the same gang
of weirdos who opposed the used book trade going online."

Neil says: "When you buy a book, you're also buying the right to read it aloud,
have it read to you by anyone, read it to your children on long car
trips, record yourself reading it and send that to your girlfriend etc.
This is the same kind of thing, only without the ability to do the
voices properly, and no-one's going to confuse it with an
audiobook. And that any authors' societies or publishers who are
thinking of spending money on fighting a fundamentally pointless legal
case would be much better off taking that money and advertising and
promoting what audio books are and what's good about them with it."

But what if we're all wrong? As an author, performer, and consumer of audiobooks, what does this mean for me?

To find out, I picked a short passage from Sunken Treasure and read it. Then, I took the identical passage, and let my computer read it. I recorded the whole thing and put together something I call "Wil Wheaton versus Text 2 Speech" so you can hear for yourself.

It's about 5MB and just about 10 minutes long.

Download Wil_wheaton_vs_text_2_speech

Edited to add: My friend Jamais wrote an extremely insightful and thoughtful commentary
on the whole text 2 speech issue. He's really smart and you should read
it, regardless of where you currently fall in the debate.

Here's John Scalzi's rebuttal, which everyone should also read, and Neil Gaiman's final word which is also a must-read. Not that it matters, but I totally agree with both of them.

Also, this post has attracted a lot of traffic, and people are asking me about my own audiobooks. I'll point you to my virtual bookshelf, where you can learn everything you ever wanted to know about all my books, including the audio versions.

I love the Onion so much, I want to marry it.

Posted on 26 February, 2009 By Wil

My friend Aaron just sent me this. I believe this represents the shortest amount of time between me getting something hilarious via e-mail and posting it to my blog:


Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

end user blog: the slacker media player (or, the good kind of nostalgia in the palm of your hand)

Posted on 26 February, 2009 By Wil

This month’s column for the End User Blog is now online for your enjoyment:

Kids, I want you to take off your jetpacks, and step out of your flying cars for a minute. Come sit down over here, and let Old Man Wheaton tell you a tale of a time when television didn’t have a pause button, renting videos meant actually going to a store – during hours that they set – and listening to the radio meant hearing the same 27 songs every two and-a-half hours, with ten to eighteen minutes of commercials every 60 minutes.

Now, I realize that some of you think I’m just making this up to scare you, but it’s true. We didn’t have any control over how we got our entertainment back then. We couldn’t skip songs we didn’t like, and we couldn’t tell the radio how frequently it should play certain songs. It was a different time, when nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them and the King of England would just show up at your house and expect you to make him a cup of tea.

Those of you who have grown up in a world where you have unprecedented control over your media (DRM, which is beyond the scope of this story, notwithstanding) may have a hard time believing that we who came before you would actually wait for a song we hated to go away, or sit through loud and obnoxious commercials and DJs because we knew a song we loved was coming up. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true; that’s just how the world worked back then, and we accepted it without question.

Then it gets weird. Well, not really, but I can’t think of a better segue. Anyway, give it a read if you want to know what I think about the Slacker portable media player.

Warning: it’s way longer than I thought it would be, probably because I spent so long fighting my brain to actually let me write it, and once I beat my brain into submission, I couldn’t turn it off.

my first episode of family guy airs on march 29

Posted on 25 February, 2009 By Wil

I guess the air date for the Star Trek episode of Family Guy was announced today, so the long wait for everyone who has been excited to see this (that includes me) is nearly at an end.

My Google Alerts thing has been sending me e-mails about it all day, including this one from THR.com:

A member of the "Trek" cast let some of this news slip into the blogsphere awhile back, but Fox has now confirmed, announced the cast and set a March 29 airdate.

Nobody is stepping down hard on my foot, so I'm not entirely sure, but I think he's talking about me. If he was, here's the post Captain Lazy McCantgoogle was referring to:

Seth MacFarlane directed my session, and when I met him, I said, "Okay, I'm not even going to try to pretend to keep it cool. I am a huge fan, and this is more exciting for me than I can quantify."

Yeah, I said quantify. I say stupid shit like that when I'm giddy and excited.

"Well, if you're going to do that," he said, "then I'll have to tell you that Next Generation is my favorite of all the Star Treks, and I've seen every episode about a thousand times. The First Duty is just great, man."

I did my best not to faint.

We had a meeting of the mutual admiration society for a few minutes, and then I went into the booth to record my lines.

[…]

When I was finished recording, I asked him if I could talk a little bit about my episode on my blog, without giving away too many details, and he said that would be fine, so . . .

I play myself, in a story that you could call a tribute to Next Generation. Pretty much everyone from the cast is on board for the episode, and holy shit is it funny.

Anyway, the good news, everyone, is that the show airs on March 29 on FOX, and if it's anything like the script I read, it's going to be an instant classic.

As I said after I worked on the show: I can't divulge any specific story details, or give away any jokes, but there's a gag with me that, if it makes it to the final cut of the episode, could quite possibly be the funniest thing I've ever done on television.

in which i send a naughty d20 to the “fuck off” bag

Posted on 25 February, 2009 By Wil

The second episode of the Penny Arcade D&D podcast is online, so if you've been shivering with antici…pation since we rolled for initiative last week, grab yer boots and get ready to dance:

Part 2 continues with a roll for initiative!

Acquisitions Inc. gets the drop on the sheltering guards (with faces painted like skulls), opening up with a brutal tide of iron.

But the armed guards are not without their backup, and soon enough the fight is joined in full. Overwhelming strike, (Jim's) magic missile, scorching burst, and even the legendary d12 are all employed in the battle… to various degrees of effectiveness. How well does the newest member of Acquisitions Inc. perform? Well, everyone has trouble their first time.

But in the end, they learn how fast minions fall… and why you bring Jim Darkmagic to the party!

If you're subscribed to the podcast in iTunes, you won't miss a single episode, but if you don't go to the homepage at WotC, you'll miss the awesome artwork that Mike and Scott have made to go with each episode, and nobody wants that.

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