Author: Wil

Author, actor, producer. On a good day, I am charming as fuck.

The Happiest Audiobook of Our Lives

Posted on By Wil

HD_banner1.jpgAs promised yesterday, you can buy the audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives right here, for just $19.72. “Why $19.72?” You ask? Because that’s the year I was born, and since nobody else is the boss of me, I can do that sort of thing. “How long is it?” You say? “That’s what she said!” I reply. Then I tell you that it’s about three and a-half hours long, and we laugh and laugh before the episode ends with a hilarious freeze frame.

Like the audio version of Just A Geek, this is a super-annotated edition, filled with tons of what I call “audio footnotes” for lack of a less stupid-sounding term. I hope we’ve created something that’s more like sitting down in a room with me while I tell you stories, than it is a typical audiobook. I don’t think a traditional publisher would let me get away with doing it this way, which is a big reason I do these things on my own. If you’ve ever heard me perform my work at a show, or listened to any of my podcasts, you should have some idea of what you’re getting into.

Unlike the audio version of Just A Geek, the audio performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives will only be available as a download. We found that the costs associated with creating and shipping physical media for JAG:tA vastly outweighed the benefits, and most people just rip the CDs to their favorite digital format, anyway.

Now, I’m sure most of you reading this don’t need to hear it, but I’m a dad, and that means I often say things at great length that don’t need to be said, so I’d appreciate it if you pretended to listen. I’ve made it really clear that I despise DRM and think it’s stupid, and I will never willingly infect something you buy from me with DRM. In accordance with my philosophy, there is no DRM or restriction of any kind on this audiobook. I don’t think I’ll lose any sales of The Happiest Days audiobook to piracy, because people who would steal from me aren’t people who wouldn’t buy it, anyway, but I need to say this. If you’re considering trying to steal it in some way, there’s very little I can do to stop you – it’s a game of whack-a-mole that I don’t have the time or resources to play – but I hope you’ll consider that when you steal from me, you’re not sticking it to a giant company with millions of dollars in annual revenue. When you steal from me, you’re directly hurting my family, because this is how I support the four of us (and our dogs, who say that they love you no matter what, because they’re dogs and that’s what they do.)

I hope everyone who wants to hear me perform The Happiest Days of Our Lives will get a chance to enjoy to it, and I think that I’ve chosen a price point that’s fair, reasonable, and affordable. I know the economy isn’t great, so if you’re looking to hear me perform my work for free, you can find stuff in my podcasts, listen to me perform Blue Light Special at the 2008 Phoenix Comicon or wait until early next year when I’m releasing, for free, performances of all the extra material I’m adding into Subterranean Press’ special expanded edition of The Happiest Days of Our Lives.

Okay, end of dad voice. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy my performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives. Let me know if you review it, because I’ll be compiling a page of stuff like that. You know, for kids.

(Epic thanks to Val for the incredibly cool graphic. Wait until you see the flyers and banner images she made!)

audio version of the happiest days of our lives available at noon pacific on december 20.

Posted on By Wil

UPDATED: Everything you ever wanted to know about the audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives but were afraid to ask can be found right here.

The audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives will go on sale at noon Pacific tomorrow! I will post all the exciting details, as well as a picture of me dressed up as Darth Vader, at that time. Oh, I will also have a link that you can use to buy it, which I guess is kind of important.

David Lawrence and I worked really hard to make something awesome, and David worked long, long hours (when he’s not creeping up on Heroes as Eric Doyle) to get it out in time for a certain gift-giving holiday that’s just six days away.

Like the audio version of Just A Geek, this is a super-annotated version, filled with tons of what I call “audio footnotes” for lack of a less stupid-sounding term. I hope we’ve created something that’s more like sitting down in a room with me while I tell you stories, than it is a typical audio book. I don’t think a traditional publisher would let me get away with doing it this way, which is a big reason I do these things on my own. If you’ve ever heard me perform my work at a show, or listened to any of my podcasts, you should have some idea of what you’re getting into.

Unlike the audio version of Just A Geek, the audio performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives will only be available as a download. We found that the costs associated with creating and shipping physical media for JAG:tA vastly outweighed the benefits, and most people just rip the CDs to their favorite digital format, anyway.

I don’t make enough to have a marketing budget, and I don’t have a big publishing company behind me get the word out in the traditional media, so I’m counting on those of you who read my blog to help (there’s at least 100K of you, if I can read stats correctly, and boy am I going to be embarrassed and sad if I can’t). I made a media kit for Happiest Days that you can download at Monolith Press and use however you see fit, so if you think my work is worthy, I’d be super grateful for your help.

The audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives is about three and-a-half hours long, and will cost just $19.72. “Why $19.72?” you ask? Because that’s the year I was born, and because nobody else is the boss of me, I can do that sort of thing.

a moment of silence, please.

Posted on By Wil

Majel Barrett Roddenberry died yesterday. She was a hell of a lady, who loved Star Trek and Star Trek fans like no other.

Some knew her as the original Number One, some knew her as Lwaxana Troi, and everyone knew her as the ship’s computer, but I just knew her as Majel, my friend Rod’s mom, who always treated me like he and I were brothers.

Since we got the news yesterday, a lot of people have asked me if I can tell a story as a way to remember her. I’ve dug around in the attic of my mind for hours, and the best I can do is: We always had fun when we were working on Next Generation, but when Majel was on the set, it was a party.

Geek in Review: Keeping the Borderlands Alive

Posted on By Wil

December’s Geek in Review has been unleashed on an unsuspecting internet. It is all about Dungeons & Dragons, specifically … Fourth Edition [DUN DUN DUUUNNNNN!!!1]

Last week, I spent an entire day playing Dungeons & Dragons Fourth Edition with some of my friends. “Big whoop,” you say. “So did I.” Ah, but I played in Seattle. With Gabe and Tycho from Penny-Arcade. And Scott Kurtz from PVP. And, to really twist the +3 dagger in your back, our DM was Chris Perkins from Wizards of the Coast, who made an adventure specifically for us to play. For the crushed peanuts and maraschino cherry topping on this sundae of HAWESOME, I got to play a class from the unreleased Player’s Handbook 2. We recorded the entire session for a podcast, which will be released early next year.

Did I mention this class is unreleased? Because it was. I played a class that you haven’t seen yet. I just want to make sure I get full bragging mileage out of this. I posted a little bit about it on my blog and Twitter (I can’t go into specifics, for obvious reasons *cough* awesome unreleased class *cough*). I should not have been surprised (but I was) to find out that a lot of people seem to want to know what I think of D&D Fourth Edition.

And this bit is quoted here purely because it contains something that’s in my top five favorite things I’ve ever written …

I’ve been playing Dungeons & Dragons for 2d12 years. I remember when magic-users couldn’t wear armor, when edged weapons didn’t hurt skeletons, and even when an elf was a class. I have more polyhedral dice than [SOMETHING NORMAL PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF]. I routinely tell my wife and friends that I have to “save vs. shiny” when I go to my friendly local game shop, and I didn’t realize that graph paper existed for a purpose other than making dungeons until I’d been in high school geometry for a semester…and even then, I remained skeptical.

The Geek in Review is at the Suicide Girls newswire, which is safe for work and doesn’t contain teh horror of teh boobies, but viewing it at work is likely to trip filters and get you a visit from your friendly IT guys.

Hey, at least you’ll be able to talk D&D with them when they show up, right? Make sure you tell them that you were warned by me, Wil Wheaton, who got to play a brand new class from the unreleased PHB2 last week.

Afterthought: I’m proud of this article, and if you think it’s worthy, I’d love it if you’d Propel it, upvote it at Reddit, or Digg it. Muchas gracias, mis amigos.

“He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.”

Posted on By Wil

I’m nowhere close to Hollywood’s “A” list, but when they opened it up to the rest of us, I signed this letter:

Dear SAG Board Members, officers and staff:

We feel very strongly that SAG members should not vote to authorize a strike at this time. We don’t think that an authorization can be looked at as merely a bargaining tool. It must be looked at as what it is — an agreement to strike if negotiations fail.

We support our union and we support the issues we’re fighting for, but we do not believe in all good conscience that now is the time to be putting people out of work.

None of our friends in the other unions are truly happy with the deals they made in their negotiations. Three years from now all the union contracts will be up again at roughly the same time. At that point if we plan and work together with our sister unions we will have incredible leverage.

As hard as it may be to wait those three years under an imperfect agreement, we believe this is what we must do. We think that a public statement should be made by SAG recognizing that although this is not a deal we want, it is simply not a time when our union wants to have any part in creating more economic hardship while so many people are already suffering.

Let’s take the high road. Let’s unite with our brothers and sisters in the entertainment community and prepare for the future, three years down the line. Then, together, let’s make a great deal.

Sincerely,

[About 130 actors who are on the “A” list, according to the people who decide what the “A” list is. And your pal Wil Wheaton, who is not on the A list, but still struggles to qualify for his health insurance every year.]

Allow me to give a little perspective on where I’m coming from: I’m a former member of SAG’s Hollywood board of directors. I’ve chaired committees, and I’ve sat in on negotiations. I’m about as pro-union and pro-actor as you can get, and I hate the insulting offer the AMPTP has given us. But I’m also a realist. If we go on strike in February, we won’t hurt the moguls enough to force them to negotiate with us, they’ll just fill up on “reality” programming and produce new works under the disastrous contract those idiots at AFTRA agreed to, while SAG’s health and pension plans are destroyed. We’ll definitely hurt our own members, and all of our friends from other departments who work with us on the set. Yeah, I realize that SAG’s first responsibility is to its own members, but we don’t exist in a vacuum, and we have to acknowledge that fact.

Let me be clear: The moguls can go to hell seventeen different ways for being greedy and unreasonable, and trying to bust our unions. In three years I’ll be the first in line to fight them as long as it takes … but we aren’t coming from a position of strength right now, and everyone knows it, especially the AMPTP. Producers and networks won’t feel the pain of a strike in any significant way, but a – and we all know that they’ll do whatever they can to drag it out as long as possible; look at what they did to the WGA – will likely ruin the lives of more middle and working class people than I care to think about.

For the SAG board to even consider voluntarily stopping work when we’re falling deeper and deeper into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression isn’t just stupid, it’s recklessly irresponsible. SAG needs to face the reality we’re stuck with: AFTRA sold us out. AFTRA fucked all actors everywhere by negotiating with the AMPTP on their own and agreeing to shockingly horrible terms. The AFTRA negotiators failed all actors, whether they’re currently SAG, currently AFTRA, or are still hoping to join. Those “negotiators” should be ashamed of themselves, and they shouldn’t be allowed in the same building as a contract ever again.

I believe the things SAG is asking for are entirely reasonable, I believe they reflect the reality of the entertainment industry in 2008 and beyond, and I believe that they are vital for actors to continue to make a living in the future – especially internet jurisdiction and residuals. In any other economic environment, I’d be willing to walk out in a heartbeat to get them. But we have to be realistic. People are losing their homes, can’t afford basic healthcare, and are struggling to support their families. SAG is not negotiating from a position of strength (thanks again for that, AFTRA, you’re awesome) but in three years, we can join our sister unions and we will be.

Sun Tzu teaches us that “He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.” SAG leadership needs to be responsible and realistic; this is not the time to have this fight. If you’re a SAG member, I urge you to vote no on the strike authorization vote, and be ready to fight like hell in three years.