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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Author: Wil

Author, actor, producer. On a good day, I am charming as fuck.

why i won’t ever infect anything you buy from me with drm

Posted on 13 October, 2008 By Wil

Last week, I finished recording the audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives. I’m not sure what our release date is, but it’s in the near future. Like the audio version of Just A Geek, it’s a superannuated super-annotated version, with lots of asides and commentary. I think you’re going to like it.

It was a lot of work to do both of my audiobooks, but I think I’ve been able to create two experiences that are unique and special. They’re vastly different from just listening to me read the text; David Lawrence (my friend and producer) and I ended up having extended discussions during the recording of both books, and I broke away from the text frequently to add what we called “audio footnotes” to the experience.

This is a very time-consuming process – recording Just A Geek took seven weeks, for example – but I think it’s worth the effort. If I’ve done it right, the listener should end up feeling like we’re sitting in a room together, where I’m reading the book, and occasionally putting it down to relate some story or tangent that isn’t in the text. Also, I’m smoking a pipe, wearing an ascot, and petting a cat.

People frequently ask me if I’ll put my audiobooks on Audible, or sell them through the iTunes Music Store (I think that’s the same thing, but these are the questions I get. Don’t shoot the messenger!) I haven’t made them available there partially because Audible wants to take an enormous cut of the sales price, but mostly because Audible infects and cripples all of their files with DRM, even if the publisher and rights holder doesn’t want them to.

Let’s talk about DRM for a moment. It’s no secret that I hate it, and I believe that treating your customers like they’re thieves is no way to run a business. “But what about piracy?” You ask, “and where can I get a stylish ascot like yours?”

I’m not that worried about piracy, to be completely honest with you. I agree with Cory Doctorow that obscurity is a greater threat to an artist than piracy, but I also trust my customers more than the average publisher, because I believe I have a different relationship with them (you) than the average publisher has with, say, me. Maybe this is a little naive, but hear me out.

I’m in a unique position among creators. I feel like we (meaning me and you who are reading this) share a relationship that most creators don’t get to share with their audience. I mean, I can read a Stephen King book and enjoy it, but I have no real expectation (reasonable, anyway) of ever meeting him or exchanging ideas with him. I can watch How I Met Your Mother every week, but it’s incredibly unlikely I’ll ever get to talk with Neil Patrick Harris about how awesome Barney is. Because I feel a more personal relationship with all of you who’ve supported me by buying my books and watching my work on television, I don’t worry that much about piracy. I don’t believe that anyone who reads my blog and is interested in hearing me perform my work would deliberately steal from me any more than they’d walk into a friend’s house and take money out of their wallet. (Awkward note: this doesn’t mean we’re friends, but you get that, right?)

David and I check the usual places from time to time, and we’re willing to aggressively have stuff taken down if we need to, but here’s the remarkable thing: we’ve never found anything. That means that we’re very bad detectives, it’s just not worth pirating, or the people who have bought my audiobooks have honored my request to share them with friends, but don’t share them with the whole Internet.

Anyway, this is on my mind today because of today’s xkcd:


I’m not getting rich off of my books and my audiobooks, but it’s a very big and significant part of how I support my family. I’m incredibly lucky to make a living being an artist and a creator, and I couldn’t do it if you all chose to steal my stuff instead of buying it. It’s getting harder and harder to make a living these days, and I know that money is tight for everyone, so thank you for not being dicks.

If I have anything to say about it, you’ll never have to pirate from me to have a collection of my work that you can count on. I’m never going to infect anything I create and publish myself with DRM. I don’t believe in it, I hate it as a consumer, and so far, my fundamental belief in the goodness and honesty of people has been affirmed (cue someone finding it all over some tracker in 3 . . . 2 . . .)

Oh, and my stylish ascot? It doesn’t really exist. It’s a glamour. Don’t tell anyone, though, okay?

and i thought that i had a weird day . . .

Posted on 12 October, 2008 By Wil

Neil Gaiman:

Got to Cornwall about 4:30 am (I slept for an hour or so in the car, then read a script). Dropped off by car and driver at hotel. Glad to see someone up and about to check me in. Take my bags to front desk, tip driver handsomely. Driver drives away. Night-porter slowly establishes that I’m not actually staying in that hotel, but another several miles away, and that driver was a bit overenthusiastic in dropping me off at hotel. Also that you can’t get a taxi in rural Cornwall at five in the morning so I am stuck there. I sit in the lobby and write Batman. Somehow, in my jet-lagged state, this all seems quite normal.

There’s something magical in the air. It’s just over the horizon, so I don’t know exactly what it is, but I can feel it coming on the wind.

memphis to mars

Posted on 11 October, 2008 By Wil

Anne and I are painting cabinets and working in the house today, so I only have time for three quick things while I eat:

  • This Savage Chickens comic made me giggle.
  • I read on Lifehacker yesterday that the final release of OpenOffice.org version 3.0 – which finally includes native Aqua support for OS X – is now available. I’ve used OpenOffice.org for all of my books, and I just love it. I haven’t had a chance to do more than start up 3.0 to make sure it compiled correctly, but it looks beautiful. Congratulations to everyone who worked on it.
  • Did anyone else see Bill Maher last night? This economist, Stephen Moore, was the real life version of the character Stephen Colbert plays on the Colbert Report. For the first ten minutes of the panel, I thought he was doing a bit, stealing from Colbert. When I realized that he wasn’t . . . wow.

It’s so beautifully autumn-like in my neighborhood today, I could just fall over with joy. It’s in the mid-60s, completely clear, and a little breezy. This is my favorite time of year.

ETA OMG: Congratulations to Sean and Tara!

and now, your daily dose of zombies

Posted on 10 October, 2008 By Wil

Think Geek has way, way, way too much fun with the Dismember Me Plush Zombies:

When I see stuff like this, I am inspired to make silly short films like this of my own. Then I look at all the other stuff I have to do, and I’m a little sad that I can’t. Then I remember how lucky I am that I get to do all the things I get to do, and I feel like a dick for feeling sad. Then I watch the video again, and want to make a silly short film of my own. Then, I resolve to break the cycle, realize that it’s probably time for a Guinness, and all is right with the world.

(Seriously, though, isn’t it awesome to live at a moment in history when any creative person with a small budget can make something awesome and freely share it with the world? That wasn’t possible as recently as ten years ago.)

in which wil has a weird (and awesome) day

Posted on 9 October, 2008 By Wil

“wilw: I think I may die from too much fun today. I’m working on Naruto this morning, then Family Guy this afternoon.”

This morning, I finished my arc on Naruto. I can’t say anything specific (I actually shouldn’t have said I was working on it at all until it aired. Oops.) but my shows will start airing in about a month, and I can tell some behind the scenes stuff then.

After I finished recording, I had about 2 hours before I was scheduled to work on Family Guy, so on the way I stopped at this pizza place I’ve always wanted to eat at in Burbank called Dino’s. Oh my god. I had this pizza called the caponata: roasted eggplant, green olives, garlic, onions, tomatoes, capers and fresh basil. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

While I was there, I read an actual newspaper, which was a rather exciting and retro experience. I used to read the Los Angeles Times and the Daily News every day, and the New York Times on Sundays, and today was the first time I’ve held a newspaper in my hands that wasn’t The Onion in over a year.

After lunch, I drove down to Hollywood for Family Guy. On my way down Highland, I saw at least a dozen different street corner prophets, hollering at traffic about one thing or another. In the median at Highland and Melrose, I saw legendary Hollywood crazy person Melrose Larry Green. He had a political sign, but he was waving it around so much, I couldn’t read it. Dang.

I record Family Guy (and Cavalcade) in an office building down on Wilshire near LACMA. It’s a really cool place, where the Evil Monkey tells people to recycle, a Family Guy pinball machine is available on free play, and a ping pong table takes up much of the waiting area near the recording booths. There were two people playing when I got there, and after I read my sides (holy shit is it a funny scene) I looked up to see Seth Green playing.

I sort of knew Seth when we were much younger, because he was one of those guys I’d run into at auditions all the time. He was a little nerdy, and always really nice and unassuming, with a great sense of humor. I remember once, back in 1998 or 1999, I said to him, “You know, Seth, you’re a little nerdy, and you’re also nice and unassuming, with a great sense of humor. You should do a TV show where you satirize movies and popular culture with animated action figures.”*

I wasn’t sure if he’d remember me since it had been so long, but it turns out that he did, and after talking to him for a few minutes I was really happy to see that he’s the same exceedingly nice and easygoing guy I sort knew all those years ago. Before I left, we played some ping pong, and discussed the awesomeness of being on Team I Have An Awesome Beard. He recently moved to team I Don’t Have A Beard Because It Was Too Itchy, but the bond between bearded and formerly-bearded brothers was still strong. And awesome.**

When I recorded my lines, Seth MacFarlane directed me. My scene was with Peter Griffin, and I am as proud of myself as I’ve ever been that I didn’t lose my shit when Seth read me into my first line in Peter’s voice. I also told him that I’m still laughing about Surfin’ Bird, and nearly convinced him that members of The Trashmen were all deadbeat dads to the same former groupie, so the increased sales on iTunes was finally feeding her numerous bastard children. (This was way, way funnier than it seems now. Making outrageous shit up like that and committing to it completely is one of my favorite ways to amuse myself.)

On my way home, I hoped to complete my strange trip into Hollywood with an Angelyne sighting, but I got to see a hobo getting all Office Space on his shopping cart instead, while a bunch of other hoboes watched . . . and guarded theirs.

There was no traffic on the freeway, and I got home in 27 minutes.

I think it’s safe to say I had a very weird day.

*This never actually happened.

**Awesome.

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