Author: Wil

Author, actor, producer. On a good day, I am charming as fuck.

Disneyland for Gamers

Posted on By Wil

OMG:

True Realm – A HUGE two-day “gamer theme park” that is packed with TWO DUNGEONS and TD mini-events!

It is a shared gamer-geek dream that someday there would be a “theme park” just for medieval fantasy gamers – and it is finally here! Due to the overwhelming response from volunteers and players regarding the “True Dungeon: Director’s Cut” event, we have greatly expanded the scope of the event to create a medieval fantasy cityscape loaded with cool gaming events. Not only will the “theme park” be DOUBLE the size of the Gen Con Indy True Dungeon event, but there will be TWO unique True Dungeon modules offered as well as many cool TD mini-events. You can spend two full days completely immersed in “True Realm” while living out your “True Gamer” dreams!

True Realm will be housed inside a 40,000 sq. ft. cavernous warehouse, and it will be divided up into the Dungeons and the City. The Dungeons will take up about 28,000 sq. ft. and it will be the area where all the True Dungeon events are held. The City will be a 12,000 sq. ft. detailed medieval fantasy cityscape complete with cool, high-quality facades and lighting.

I did True Dungeon once at GenCon SoCal. I absolutely loved it right up until I died in the spider room. Now, I realize that telling “how I died in True Dungeon” is like telling a bad beat story in poker, so I’ll go ahead and give you all 1d6 GP if you read this story and ever play in one of my campaigns.

We were in the spider room. Most of us avoided getting webbed, including me, the cleric, and the fighter. I was a Bard, so I started singing a song to inspire the fighter. The fighter started wailing on the spider, who decided that the best defense was to only attack me. The cleric was so busy laughing at my song, he never healed me (thanks, Cal) and I died pretty quickly after taking two massive blows on successive turns.

Here’s the thing: afterward, the woman running the room made a very big deal about how she “didn’t take it easy on Wil Wheaton.” Gosh, thanks for that. Her, um, “logic” was that the spider saw that I was powering the fighter, decided that I was a more serious threat than the fighter – who was beating on it with a sword – and acted accordingly.

Okay, let’s just take a moment and consider this. Dungeon Masters, I’m talking to you now: What’s the Monstrous Spider’s average intelligence?

Taking a look at the 3.0 Monster Manual (which is what we were using at the time) a Monstrous Spider has an intelligence of wait for it … zero. Now, I’m just a simple country chicken lawyer, but isn’t it kinda hard to know that the guy wailing on you with a sword would be a slightly smaller threat if you took out the Bard who was inspiring him with song when your fucking intelligence is zero? I’ve only been running games for 20 years, though, so maybe I’m using some arcane interpretation of the rules that wasn’t operative at the time.

It was an incredibly frustrating way to die, because it seemed unfair and arbitrary. I wouldn’t mind dying some kind of heroic death, or falling into the Pit of Infinite Falling You Dumb Ass because I did something stupid, but getting thumped because the DM for that room didn’t want to “take it easy on Wil Wheaton” seemed really lame to me.

For what it’s worth, I’ve talked to other people who played that year, and lots of them have similar complaints about the way that particular room was run. Everything else, though, was spectacular, and I’d highly recommend the experience, which is wonderfully memorable whether you survive or not.

Anyway, enough about me. Where and when is this magnificent True Realm happening?

True Realm will be open on Friday, April 3rd and Saturday, April 4th 2009 from 9:30am until 11:00pm. The two True Dungeon adventures (as well as the two TD mini-events) will have start times from 10:00am until 10:00pm. The event will take place in a very easy-to-find warehouse in southern Illinois just six miles west of Interstate 57 at Exit 58.

There are a ton of events, including mini-events called True Raid and True Grind that are exactly what they sound like. What can you do when you’re not crawling through one of the dungeons? Get your emm effing geek on, that’s what:

Between the times you spend playing all of the ticketed events, you can have fun enjoying many free activities like the aforementioned Bard’s Contest and the Costume Contest. Or, you can visit the Inn or the Tavern for some refreshment while picking up an open game or trading some tokens. Also, you can sit down to strategize with your team for an upcoming event, or you can just sit back and talk about old gaming exploits while enjoying a turkey drumstick – barbarian style.

Okay, I’ll have to bring my own Tofurkey drumstick, but I think I can handle that, because this sounds like the greatest thing for gamers since they put dice in a bag.

(Thanks to reader DM for the link!)

Q: What book are you currently reading? Is it good so far?

Posted on By Wil

I don’t do memes, because once I start, I doubt I’d be able to stop. That wouldn’t end well for anyone, especially my cat who is bacon-averse.

This morning, though, while I was Propelling, I stopped at SF Signal and saw Quick Meme: What are You Reading?

Q: What book are you currently reading? Is it good so far?

Oh! Good question. I’m so glad you asked. I love to read, and I love to talk about books, so I’m going to go ahead and hop onto this one. Don’t worry, I won’t be tagging anyone, because that’s just silly.

Until last year, I’d limit myself and only read one book at a time, but as the pile of things I wanted to read grew ever larger, I decided that it made more sense to go ahead and read a few books in parallel, sort of like watching different channels on different nights. So far, this has worked out pretty well for me, and allowed me to read more books than I normally would without making me feel like I’m sacrificing anything in each individual book.

Does anyone else do this? Is this the normal way people read books, and I’m just figuring it out now? I wonder about these things. Enlighten me.

So, to the meme! Right now, I’m reading The Living Dead anthology, edited by John Joseph Adams. I just love it, but it’s huge. Also, as John at SF Signal observed, because it’s an anthology, it takes longer to read than a book of equal length, because you have to adjust to a new author’s style and find the groove of each new story. I never thought about that very much, but it explains why I don’t read anthologies with the same enthusiasm that I read novels.

I’ve read a few stories in The Living Dead, and I especially liked Kelly Link’s Some Zombie Contingency Plans, Dan Simmons’ This Year’s Class Picture, David Barr Kirtley’s The Skull-Faced Boy, and Dale Bailey’s Death and Suffrage.

I’ve wanted to write a zombie story for years. The last one I wrote was the 7th grade tale of turgid terror “The Land of the Zombies” and I’m anxious to revisit the genre. The Living Dead has inspired me, and I have an idea that I’m outlining right now.

Is it good so far? Oh, you betcha, my friends. It’s fantastic.

I’m also re-reading, for the first time in over fifteen years, Ender’s Game. Nolan has a Sci-Fi class at school, and when he told me that he’d picked Ender’s Game from the reading list, I thought it would be fun to grab my copy out of storage and read it with him.

Nolan isn’t a voracious reader like Ryan is, but when he finds a book that he likes, he pretty much drops everything else in the world until the book is finished. After two days, he had read over 100 pages of Ender, while I was still in the third chapter. He’s agreed to give me a day to catch up, though.

Is it good so far? Yes. Ender’s Game is as fast-paced and accessible as I remember it, and I’m picking up on all sorts of stuff I missed when I was a kid. I loved this book when I was a teenager – I think I first read it when I was 14 or 15 – but I never got into any of the sequels. I find Orson Scott Card’s recent raging homophobia and associated ignorant ranting pretty reprehensible, and I have no interest in giving him any of my money or spending any time reading his current work, but I didn’t know about any of that when I was a kid, and none of that changes how great Ender’s Game is.

Soon I Will Be Invincible. (I’m updating because I forgot to add this one. I’m kind of stupid today.) I still love this. I’m taking my time, though, because I don’t want it to end.

I keep finding myself picking up and skimming through The Pirate’s Guide to Freeport, the 4th Edition Forgotten Realms Campaign Guide, The World of Darkness, and a bunch of old GURPS books: Cyberpunk, Horror, Autoduel and Space. I really want to teach Nolan Car Wars, but I don’t think he has the patience. Goddamn video games.

Are they good so far? Um. Duh.

I’m taking this one step beyond (with the rockingest, rocksteady beat of MADNESS!!) and adding the books I can’t want to start:

Zoe’s Tale. This one is at the top of the pile, because I love the Old Man’s War universe, and Scalzi is my friend. I think it’s another one I can read with Nolan, too.

Pattern Recognition. I was trying to decide if it was going to be this or Spook Country, and everyone I know who has read them both says Pattern Recognition is the way to go.

The Terror. I’ve had this one on the nightstand for months, and I’ve gotten about 2 chapters into it. It’s nearing that point of no return where I know I won’t be able to put it down. I can’t risk losing even more productivity than I already have, though, so it’ll have to keep waiting.

Carter Beats the Devil. My friend Yuri says that I shouldn’t even open this book unless I can clear my life of everything else until I finish it, because it’s that good.

The Graveyard Book. I bought this the day it came out, and it’s going to be my reward when I finish . . . something. I haven’t decided what it is, yet.

House of Leaves. A friend of mine knows the author, and gave me a copy a million years ago. I was intimidated by its size, but I understand that it’s worth it.

Spin. Recommended by a friend, as well. I made it about 100 pages into the book and got distracted by a red balloon. I was intrigued enough to finish it, though. Maybe I’ll get to move it up to the Stuff I’m Reading list.

I’ve been acting more than usual lately. (I know, I know, it’s weird for me, too.) It uses the same creative energy and inspiration sources in my brain as writing, so I just haven’t had anything left at the end of the day to work on the stories I have in various stages of creation. This is frustrating and a little demoralizing to me, but Stephen King says that writers have to read, though, so I’m going to go ahead and give myself permission to . . . uh . . . draw some inspiration . . . from some other writers.

Okay, let’s throw it open in comments: What book are you currently reading? Is it good so far?

Strewn with time’s dead flowers

Posted on By Wil

Remember how radical it was when you got your first dirt bike in the 80s? Mine had a red frame, hand brakes, and yellow pads that told the world it was a Red Line BMX. I wish I could say that I was sad to retire the banana seat bike I’d loved since Christmas in 1978, but I was 9, and felt like I’d outgrown it and its various . . . accoutrements.

I don’t know if dirt bikes were as common in the 70s and 80s as they were when Ryan and Nolan were kids, but I was really excited when I finally got mine. I washed it, kept it in the garage, and left the kick stand on it, even though the big kids in my neighborhood had all taken their kick stands off, in order to reduce the weight and make them more suitable for racing. Of course, none of us was strong or powerful enough to know that the elimination of a few ounces of kickstand wouldn’t make any appreciable difference, but these decisions were made at an age where we were certain that new shoes made us run faster.

I rode that bike everywhere, and I feel a little sad right now because I can’t remember what happened to it.

When Nolan was 6, we got him a bike for his birthday. I think we picked it up at Toys R Us or Target, where it was one of many little kid-sized dirt bikes on display. I don’t recall seeing any banana seat numbers with streamers coming off the handlebars or giant flags reaching up to the sky from the back of the seat, but it stood out from the pack, stylishly-adorned with cool blue pads on its “chromette” frame, emblazoned with the word “Chaos,” surrounded by some lightning bolts.

When it was revealed to him, Nolan celebrated in that joyous way that’s only possible when you’re 6. Some of my fellow parents out there may have experienced a similar moment, when it’s hard to tell whether parent or child is happier.

He ran over to us, thanked us, gave us hugs, and said to Anne, “But what’s chows?” It rhymed with house.

“Chows?” She said.

“Chows.” He pointed to a pad on his bike. “My bike says ‘chows.'”

“Oh, that’s Chaos,” Anne said, with a grin.

“Oh. That’s weird.” He said. Then: “Chaos!” He hopped on his new bike and sped down the street as fast as his chunky little legs would carry him.

That was about 11 years ago. Ever since then, our family has said chows when we mean chaos, and we’ve said it a lot lately, as in “we are seriously living in a chows house,” while the construction we’ve wanted to do for longer than we’ve been saying chows is completed.

This weekend, Anne and I cleaned out our garage, so we can transfer some of the chows from the house – some furniture and several boxes of my books, mostly – out there. (Like most Angelenos, our garage isn’t a car hold, it’s a storage facility. When I meet people in my neighborhood who park their cars in their garage, I am instantly suspicious of them.)

We’ve done this about once a year since we moved here ten years ago this week, and every year I get rid of more and more stuff that just isn’t as important to me as it once was. It’s a freeing and affirming feeling to look at some old T-shirt or random thing that defined me when I was 22, and know that . . . well, I just don’t need it around anymore. I’ve moved on, embraced the present, grown and changed.

This time around, I culled lots of CDs and DVDs, and I took two big boxes of video tapes to Goodwill because we don’t even own a VCR anymore. While I piled them into the car, I told Anne, “We’re probably the last generation to do this. Our kids don’t have the physical media for music and movies the same way we did. That’s weird.”

She didn’t need to point out that normal people don’t accumulate books, movies, and music like I do; evidence of that teetered around us in various stacks.

While I sorted some old techno CDs (Serious Beats Volume 3, anyone? Sasha and John Digweed at Renaissance?) she zeroed in on a box that my mom had given me a few years ago.

“What’s in here?” She said.

“Oh, that’s . . . um . . . nothing.” I said.

Husbands: the very best way to convince your wives that they need to stop what they’re doing and immediately open the box and explore its contents is to answer, “Oh, that’s . . . um . . . nothing.” When they ask you what is inside.

A moment later, she was surrounded by a bunch of old I’m a Teenage Heartthrob posters and clippings from teen magazines, where my awkward teenage dorkiness is on full display for anyone who had a subscription to Big Bopper. Including this:

complete_dork_loves_batman.jpg

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I was really awkward in the 80s. 80s fashion is nothing to be proud of, but at least most of you who also survived it can keep that between you and your family. My awkward teenage . . . everything . . . was shared with everyone. Loudly. Incessantly. Most of you have plausible deniability with your kids, but I am forced to acknowledge that, yes, I wore as many Swatches as I could fit onto both of my wrists. And my ankle. And, yes, I owned and proudly wore several Bill Cosby sweaters. And yes, I frequently wore white leather shoes with no socks, because some salesgirl told me that looked “hot” with my baggy acid-washed Z Cavaricci jeans. And no, I can’t deny that I thought Gotcha and Genera Hypercolor T-shirts and Oakley Blades were totally awesome, especially when worn together with bright green neoprene Body Glove shorts.

I really wanted to throw that box of stuff away, for a lot of reasons that I can’t seem to articulate in a way that doesn’t make me feel like a complete douche, but Anne talked me out of it.

Maybe I’ll scan some of it and share it, as a public service intervention for the damn kids today who romanticize 80s fashion.

It was chows back then, guys. Pure and simple: it was chows.

great moments in instant messaging

Posted on By Wil

Any geek can tell you what superpower they’d want to have. We rarely have to think about it, because most of us gave the question a lot of time and careful consideration when we weren’t talking to girls during our youth.

Earlier tonight, the subject came up in an IM conversation with my friend Ryan.

Wil: So what superpower would you want?

Ryan: I think I’d like the ability to shapeshift

Ryan: Or intagibility

Ryan: Or spelling

Wil: OMG that’s going on my blog right now.

Happy weekend, everyone.