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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Author: Wil

Author, actor, producer. On a good day, I am charming as fuck.

one by one

Posted on 16 April, 2005 By Wil

Danica McKellerMy friend Danica McKellar, (probably best known for playing Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years) is a fantastic actor and writer. A few years ago, we worked together in a short film called Speechless . . . which she wrote and directed.
Yesterday, Danica e-mailed me that she’d done a photoshoot for Stuff Magazine.

I did a photo session for “Stuff” magazine last Wednesday– the first time in my life, ever, taking pictures in lingerie!!

The editors of Stuff want to know which hottie from the 90s Stuff readers would like to see in their magazine. Now, I’ve known Danica since forever, so she’s like a little sister to me. The Protective Big Brother in me wants to say, “No way am I going to encourage people to check you out in sexy pictures!” But there’s no denying that she’s grown up to become quite a beautiful woman. Her competition is Jennie Garth, Elizabeth Berkley, and Kari Wuhrer. Though I had a mad crush on Kari Wuhrer when I was younger (read: last year), and I knew Elizabeth when I was a kid the world has already seen a whole lot of them in (and out of) lingerie. Danica is my good friend, and I’ll gladly endure the trauma of seeing her in lingerie so she can make the cover of Stuff. I know how Hollywood works, and if she wins, it will help her career tremendously. It would be sort of impossible to see her just as little Winnie Cooper, wouldn’t it?
So if you want to help her out, head over to Stuff Magazine, and click on Which hottie from the 90

kid, you’ve paid your dues

Posted on 15 April, 2005 By Wil

So there are these Star Wars fans Übernerds who are lining up in front of Grauman’s for the premiere of “Revenge of the Sith” in a couple of months.
The only problem is, “Return of the Sith” isn’t going to screen at Graumans. For reasons that are best left to the shadowy corners of The Film Distribution World, it will be playing at the Arclight, which is about a half-mile away. (The Arclight, by the way, is the best theater in Los Angeles. Nobody else even comes close.)
When they found out about this unfortunate turn of events, the Star Wars Nerds naturally packed up their stuff, and walked down the block to Arclight.
Except they didn’t.
They’re keeping the line right where it is . . . as a self-described act of protest.
Before I go any further, I’d like to make something crystal clear: Camping out for a couple of months before the opening of a movie is a little weird . . . but essentially cool. That kind of passion is what makes it so much fun to be a Nerd. But camping out at the wrong theater and refusing to move in protest is hilarious, and it’s what makes it embarrassing to be a Nerd.
We’ve been covering this story pretty heavily over at blogging.la. In fact, my friend Sean was the very first person to break this dramatic story, long before the rest of the media got on board:

Since I know everyone is dying to find out what’s going on with the Star Wars line I’ve taken it upon myself to read through the entire thread at liningup.net as well as call them several times now and here’s the facts of the moment:

  1. The Star Wars line is still outside of Graumans.
  2. Graumans has confirmed that Star Wars will not be playing at Graumans.
  3. Arclight has confirmed that Star Wars will be playing at Arclight.
  4. The Star Wars line is pissed because they think Star Wars should be at Graumans, not at Arclight, so they are not moving the line in protest.

I thought that was so hilarious (see my points, above) that I left a comment on that entry, using the dreaded phrase, “Get A Life.”
Oops. Turns out some of The Star Wars Nerds have no sense of humor about themselves. I got some upset e-mail, and while I composed a reply, the saga continued to unfold:

OK, who would have guessed that in the very small group of people who are willing to line up months in advance of a movie to get tickets, in front of a theater where the movie isn’t going to be playing, there would be room for cliques and infighting between the popular super nerds and the unpopular super nerds? I wouldn’t. And I would have been wrong. A post in this thread by “certified instigator” has just confirmed the existence of said infighting. Read on…

“No one is talking about leaving the line. The popular clique has flat out refused to be open minded about where we see the movie as a group. They insist that no matter what we – as a group – decide they will not see it it at the Arclight.

They make it very clear here on the boards and in line. That splitting up the group is better than seeing the movie at a theater the popular clique doesn’t like.
Many people I’ve spoken to are willing to see it at a theater they don’t prefer in order to keep the group together. But they are less popular and way less vocal.”

OMFG.
OK, so some waiters in line want to keep the line together no matter what theater it’s shown at, and other linesters don’t give a crap about the line and only care what theater they see it at – and this is shaking the foundation of the line to it’s core. TO IT’S CORE!

There were cliques in the line? There’s a popular clique, which implies that there are unpopular Nerds who are lining up at the wrong theater?! This new information took an already hilarious story and exploded it into the surreal realm of Terry Gilliam-esque humor. I couldn’t help myself, and I posted that they should have taken my advice (about getting a life, I mean.).
My little quip ended up pouring even more gasoline on what was now a full-blown Nerd War between the Nerds at Blogging.la, and the Star Wars Nerds. The upset e-mail I’d received was followed-up with some honest-to-goodness hate mail, so I tried to smooth things over with an open letter of my own:

Dear Star Wars Line,
I’m really sorry that you’re so offended. I was just playing around. I learned a long time ago that I have to be able to laugh at myself. (I’m the guy who had not one, but *two* newsgroups dedicated to hating him, remember?) I think it’s awesome that you guys are raising money for charity, but I hope you can see the humor in a bunch of people waiting in line at the wrong theatre, refusing to move to the theatre a couple of blocks away that *is* showing the movie. And framing it as an act of protest . . . well, that’s really funny. Movies are not the sort of thing that one generally associates with protests. Civil rights? Sure. Anti-war? Sure. Clean up this toxic waste dump? Sure.
But we’re not moving until you put the movie here? We’re not moving in protest? And look at the drama surrounding the whole thing: There are “cliques” of people, and “cool kids” and “factions” waiting in line at the wrong theatre, refusing to move in protest? And the self-righteous indignation? If you can’t see the humor in this, you’re really missing out.
[. . .]
Again, I am truly sorry that you and other lining-up-ers are so offended . . . but I wish you could see the humor, also. I didn’t intend to put you all down. I’m sure you’re all great people who believe they’re doing the right thing for the children. I was just enjoying the absurdity and humor.
I sincerely hope that you all enjoy your time in line, and I hope that the final movie doesn’t suck as much as Episode One.
May The Force be with you,
Wil

As an olive branch, Sean and I designed some T-Shirts for the Star Wars Nerds, so they’d have something to pass down to their own children, years from now: lovelyshirts.jpg
Sadly, our peace offering was viewed as further ridicule, and I got yet another angry e-mail.
Heartbroken that the Star Wars Nerds were more interested in feeling persecuted and righteously indignant, and saddened that they just couldn’t see the humor in the whole thing, I vowed to just let it go.
And I did, until yesterday, when my favorite secret Ninja, Jessica Mae Stover asked me if I wanted to go with her to take pizza to the Star Wars Nerds, who still inexplicably refuse to move to a theatre where they’ll actually be able to see the movie:

Hey WW,
I

return of trackbacks

Posted on 15 April, 2005 By Wil

I’m trying out a new MT plugin called SpamLookup, which should help out an awful lot with the trackback spam. It’ still beta, so if anyone notices anything weird, let me know and I’ll pass it along to the developer.
Unless it completely doesn’t work, Trackbacks should be working again.

i drink good coffee every morning

Posted on 15 April, 2005 By Wil

Found out yesterday afternoon that I won’t get a chance to be The Actor. “They liked you very much, but it’s not going any further,” is what my manager told me. The feedback wasn’t any more specific than that, so I have to go with my instinct, which tells me that I did an okay job, but I probably should have been off book (not really possible with just two days to prepare, but if other actors could do it, it puts me at a disadvantage). The play takes place in New York, and it wouldn’t be the first time in my life that I didn’t get an acting job because I don’t have that ephemeral thing that makes New Yorkers New Yorkers.
It’s hard not to second-guess myself when I don’t get an cast in a role, especially since the ratio runs about 600:1 in favor of rejection . . . and though The Actor is profoundly disappointed that I won’t get a chance to be part of this production, The Writer is pretty proud of what we got out of the experience. In fact, I told Anne yesterday that I feel like I’m standing at the gates of something cool. I don’t know what it is, but I think I’m about to scrape something wonderful off my brains.

it’s demanding to defeat those evil machines

Posted on 14 April, 2005 By Wil

In June, I’m going down to New Orleans to give a keynote about igrep at the 2005 Red Hat Summit.
So last week, I did a quick e-mail chat with Red Hat magazine, which hit the web today. In it, I talk a little bit about my experiences with Linux:

“. . . after about a week of running Linux, I couldn’t believe that I’d ever willingly chosen to run Windows. I did my first complete switch with Mandrake and I’ve never looked back. I’m composing this response in Kate, on my primary machine, which is running kernel 2.6.8.”

I also talk about being the spokesman for igrep, what igrep is, and why I think it’s cool:

“igrep is a focused, targeted search engine aimed at developers. Because it only searches resources that are specifically relevant to developers, it saves them time and effort when they’re working on their various projects. Time developers don’t have to spend digging through piles of irrelevant search results is time they can spend goofing off. And isn’t that the whole reason we started using computers in the first place?
I’m using igrep on WWdN right now as a proof of concept, to showcase how powerful the igrep technology is. I think that igrep could eventually branch out into a whole new type of searching: rather than going to google (which is still a great tool, by the way) and trying to include and exclude terms and results to find what you’re looking for, you could use an igrep search to do that work for you. I don’t think we’re going to completely replace search engines like Google or Yahoo, but this could be the beginning of vertical niche searching for all sorts of things, like blogs, online comics, sites related to Star Wars . . .”

Incidentally, because I’m a spokesman for igrep, I get paid to represent it. My credibility is very important to me, so I wouldn’t have accepted the position if I didn’t believe in it, but I want to be completely up-front and honest about that. I will occasionally blog about igrep-related things (like appearances and stuff), but this isn’t going to turn into the igrep blog. (Remember when Bill Cosby co-starred with all sorts of Coca-Cola products in Ghost Dad? I’m not going to do that.)
In the same issue of Red Hat Magazine, there’s a nice introduction to encrypting e-mail, called “It’s 2 a.m. Do you know who’s reading your e-mail?” It’s targeted to Red Hat users, so it won’t be a good HOWTO for you if you don’t use Linux, but it’s a good overview of public-key cryptography.
If you’ve visited my contact page, you know that I’m a privacy and encryption advocate. However, as Bunny Macintosh once observed, my enthusiasm for encryption results in lots of e-mail from guys with ponytails, and hardly any e-mail from hot girls. She has a point: encryption is currently beyond the comprehension of most normal people (and the vast amount of documentation out there is written for propellerheads) but that doesn’t diminish its importance.
If you’re not a Linux user, but you use Thunderbird for e-mail (and you should) there’s a plugin called Enigmail that’s remarkably easy to use. You can learn how to use it with How to secure your e-mail with GnuPG and Enigmail.

You shouldn’t encrypt because you have something to hide; you should encrypt because you have the right to keep your communications and your files private. I encourage everyone, whether you’re a ponytail, a hot girl, an überGeek or someone who is online for the first time with a free AOL CD to read these articles and start encrypting your e-mail. Then you can send it to me, and we’ll all geek out together.
Privately, of course.

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