Author: Wil

I just got home from ACME rehearsal. It takes me at least an hour to unwind, and my favorite way to do that is to grab a Stone Pale Ale, let Sketch hop up into my lap, and check out my friend’s blogs.
I just discovered that my friend Shane has a positively brilliant entry at his equally brilliant blog. It’s about an audition he just had.
Shane says:

“I had an audition today.
Normally, that statement wouldn’t mean very much because normally, I am an actor.
Today, however, I had my first audition since August.

On the business side, we who act all know that we’re going to miss more than we hit. If we were baseball players, most of us would be batting .095, and we’d be thrilled. I’ve had about six auditions in the last twelve months, and I think four of them have come in the last eight weeks. It’s not a big deal, because I’m currently able to support my family by writing, and I get to act once a week at ACME. Like Shane, I’ve found other priorities in my life . . . but there’s this thing in my brain that demands I get on a stage and perform for people. If you’re a creative person, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever gotten paid for it, you know how good that feels, too.
Shane’s been working as a Supervising Producer on a show for several months, so he hasn’t put on his Actor’s Shoes in a long time. I could really relate to his story, because I’ve been wearing my Writer’s Shoes for at least a year. Even when I did CSI, I had a hard time focusing on the acting . . . there were a ton of great stories going on all around me, and I wanted to tell them all.
One more excerpt from Shane, and then you’ll have to go hit his blog to read the rest:

I showed up at CBS Radford about a half an hour early and read through it a few more times in my car. The audition was at 3:30. At 3:15, I walked over to Bungalow 15. Walking through the lot felt strange. I felt like an interloper, certain that everyone who saw me could tell that I didn’t belong there…at least, not in THAT capacity. I had to remind myself that I’ve been an actor for 15 years and a producer for only 8 months. This should feel natural. I entered the Bungalow and looked for the sign-in sheet.
“I don’t have one,” the assistant behind the desk said with a smile.
“Was I that obvious?” I asked her.
“You had that look in your eye,” she said with another smile. She brought over some water, as if pre-emptively answering the typical actor’s next question and I smiled.
“Are you trying to stay one question in front of us?” I asked her.
She laughed: “Uh-huh. Also, the bathroom is down the hall and to the right.”
It felt good to be back in this world. Actors are often looked down upon here as a necessary evil, but I had forgotten how much I enjoy filling those shoes.

As an actor, I can so relate to Shane’s story. I’ve been in that room at least a thousand times. I bet that it’s got drab grey carpet, particle-board furniture, and the ever-present copy machine whirr Ka-chunk!-ing its way through hundreds of script pages. As a writer, I totally admire his ability to put into words some of the things we actors go through when we do that thing we do.
Please visit Shane’s site and read Old Shoes Fill Easy.

Over the next few weeks, I hope to make some changes and updates to WWdN. (After I finish my Slashdot interview. Put down your pitchforks.)
Most of the changes will be at the code-level, so I can make my site more compliant and hopefully faster, but I’m also going to update some of the static pages that haven’t been touched in years. For example, the about and FAQ pages are so many years out of date, they don’t even mention any of my writing gigs. Oops. I also hope to add some sort of backend that will let me update my READ LISTEN WATCH links and my appearances page more frequently and more easily. Looks like I have to actually learn more php and MySQL. I believe the emoticon for that is =:o
Yesterday, I switched my RSS feed over to Feedburner, and added a few easy subscription buttons over on the left side of the page. I did this because I have noticed that actual site visits have dropped off significantly since I went to full feeds, and Feedburner gives me subscriber stats that are useful to me when I talk to the press, or try to impress my friends. (For some reason, “About 7500 people subscribe to my feed” just sounds cooler than “I think a bunch of people read my feed.”) I’m also using Feedburner to jam some Amazon DVD links into every 3rd entry in the feed. Click ’em if you want, ignore ’em if you don’t.
I used .htaccess to automatically update existing subscribers, but new subscribers can easily add my site’s feed to My Yahoo!, My MSN, and Newsgator. Hooray!
I’ve also switched my audioblog feed to Feedburner, and it should now support Podcasting. Hooray hooray!

A bunch of people have asked me, via e-mail, to comment on the Oscars.
Someday – and that day may never come – I’ll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as gift on my daughter’s wedding day.
Because we ran the race Sunday morning, Anne and I dedided not to go to any parties we weren’t invited to, and just watch at home in HD. (Here’s a fun fact about me: I am a complete sucker for HD. I have found myself watching the most dreadful tripe just because it’s in HD. But when something I actually enjoy is in HD, I’m in Heaven. [And let me add that I hope the real Heaven, if it exists, is nicer than my living room with a more comfortable couch and 100% fewer cat pee stains in the corner. Thank you.])
I have yet to see most of the movies that were nominated,(I just can’t stand the way audiences behave in movie theaters, so I usually wait for films to come out on DVD) so I can’t comment on who got screwed and who deserved it (other than The Incredibles for Best Animated Movie. That was the best movie I saw last year. Hooray for them! 🙂 Instead, I’ll comment on the show itself:
Usually, I can’t stand the Oscars. They feel like marketing to me, and the show is usually boring and predictable. I always turn the TV off after the second or thrid commercial, if I bother to watch it at all.
But this year, I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. I thought Chris Rock was very funny, (with the notable exception of the painfully bad Adam Sandler bit), and I hope he’ll be back next year. I loved his opening monologue, and I loved the way he nailed just about everyone who took themselves too seriously. I especially loved how he called out Sean Penn. I thought the bit down at the Magic Johnson theater was pretty offensive. I felt like they were saying, “Hey! Look White America! We be Black and Stupid! You White People like smart movies like Million Dollar Baby, but we like stupid movies like White Chicks! Ha ha ha! Yeah, we sure are stupid!” I thought they pulled it out a little bit at the end with Albert Brooks, but that’s more because I absolutely adore Albert Brooks, and if he ever loses all his money at my casino, I’ll gladly give it back to him. Maybe it’s because I just hate stereotypes, and maybe I’m too sensitive and need to sit down with Chris Rock’s accountants, but I thought they could have done something funnier, with more Albert Brooks.
I also hated that they had some people accept from the audience, and I didn’t like the way they brought some of the nominees all onstage at the same time. It felt like a line up to me. I hope they lose both of those things next year.
I loved that Sideshow Bob sang for Counting Crows, and I also loved that Yo Yo Ma played. It’s so easy for the cello to be maudlin, but he just makes it beautiful. And I’d forgotten Tony Randall died. Mr. Short-term Memory is going to be devastated many, many times.
I didn’t pay much attention to the acceptance speeches, but I thought some of the pretty pretty ladies were oh so very very pretty. But what the hell happened to Scarlett Johansson’s hair? That made baby jesus cry.
Even though there were some elements I didn’t like, I’ll be definitely tune in next year. I’m glad they took some chances and made some bold choices. I think they played it way too safe the last few years, and the telecast consequently became boring and preddictable.
Even though I haven’t been interested very much in going to the movies lately, I was inspired to see some movies because of the show. I’m actually going to get out of the house this weekend and see Motorcycle Diaries or Hotel Rwanda, and if you havent seen Super Size Me, you must. The power of Chris compels you!

My episode of CSI, titled “Compulsion,” will air on CBS on March 10th. If I did my math correctly, that’s next week.
Oh boy!
. . . I think I just peed a little.
(sorry)

I ran in a 5K at the Rose Bowl with my entire family yesterday. Originally, it was just going to be Nolan and myself, but Anne got interested, and then Ryan decided to round it out to a full-on family event. Anne’s friend Michelle joined, too, and so did our friend Amanda. We were a full-on team!
There were thousands of people swarming around the Rose Bowl. Some of them had funny things to say.
There were about 1500 people ahead of us in the runners’ starting corral, and another 5000 or 6000 in the walker’s area. The sun felt warm on my face, and I wondered if I’d made a mistake wearing my long-sleeved shirt.
“Do I have to stay with you if you’re going too slow?” Nolan asked me.
I told him that he didn’t, and we all agreed to meet under the giant American Airlines balloon that was set up on the South Lawn when we were all finished. We stretched, did some ridiculous looking jumping around to get the blood pumping, and waited for the race to start.
The gun went off, and the kids broke away from us after about six strides.
“Wow! Look at them go!” Amanda said.
“Yeah, I suspect we’ll be catching up with them around the second mile,” I said, as we passed a troupe of Japanese Taiko drummers. For reasons that I’ll never fully understand, Taiko has always inspired me at a cellular level. It’s like those rhythms get into my nanosoul, and I started out a little fast as a result. After about 1/4 mile, my Garmin Forerunner was chirping at me that I needed to slow down, and I’d pulled far away from Amanda, Anne, and Michelle. Still no sign of Nolan and Ryan, though.
I felt pretty good, considering that I hadn’t put my shoes on in over 5 weeks, due to an incredibly annoying injury in my groin that showed up suddenly in December and sidelined me until . . . well, until yesterday. I cruised along for the first mile, smiling at people, announcing “On your left!” and “Looking great!” to the little kids who were running with their parents. I felt good, emotionally and physically. I loved it that I was out here on a Sunday morning with thousands of people, and I loved it that I was in my first race of 2005.
I sent some mental probes along my body, to see how I was doing:

• Feet: Feeling great!
• Legs: A little tight, but warming up nicely.
• Back and shoulders: 5 by 5, captain.
• Cardiovascular system: If you don’t get faster than 9 minutes / mile, we’ll be just fine, sir.
• Right groin and hip area: Houston, we have a problem.

Oh, shit.
Truth be told, I shouldn’t have run yesterday, and I may have put myself right out of the San Diego marathon this year (my quads are so sore today each step aches — but in a good way!) by running through the pain, but I desperately wanted needed to spend some time with my family. Since November (except for a brief break around the holidays), I’ve spent more time down at ACME than I’ve spent at home. When I have been home, I’ve been working so hard to meet my writing commitments, I’ve hardly had any time to just sit and visit with Anne and the kids. I’ve been redlining for weeks, and I’m creatively exhausted. Whenever I get a free moment, I want to spend it with my family, but my free moments have been few and far between.
So.
Just short of mile one, I felt the first twinge of pain in my right hip. (Hey! Maybe I’ve got a little bit of Gunslinger in me!) “Look,” I told my body, “we’re just doing 5K, and our pace is 10 minutes/mile, so relax, okay?”
“Yeah, probably not,” my body said. Pain began to radiate around my hip and up my chest. Right around 1.3 miles, I had to slow down, and at 1.5 miles the pain was so intense I had to walk.
Goddammit! For the first time since it happened two years ago, I really felt like I was in my thirties. I mean, in my bones, in my heart, and especially in my muscles.
A cheerful voice behind me called out, “On your right!” As a woman in her 60s wearing a pink “I’m a survivor” T-shirt jogged past me, putting everything into perspective.
“Doing great!” I said when she was ahead of me. She didn’t look back, but flashed an enthusiastic thumb’s up.
I walked quickly for a few minutes, and when the pain began to subside, I tried jogging lightly. I went slowly but steadily, and caught up to Ryan near mile two.
“Hey! How are you feeling?” I said.
“My knees are killing me,” he said, “and Nolan ran faster than I’ve ever seen him run. He was all the way up in the front, where there were only ten or fifteen people, when I had to walk.”
“Well, you want to run with me?” I said.
“I don’t think so,” he said. “I’ll see you at the finish.”
“No way, kiddo. This is why I came out here today.” I thought.
I slowed and walked with him.
“What are you doing?” He said.
“I’m walking with you!” I said.
“Oh. Cool.” He said. He is so fifteen right now, I can’t tell if “cool” means “cool” or “you’re so lame, Wil,” but I was happy to walk with him.
We moved slowly through a few other walkers, and a man jogged past us, pushing his 3 or 4 year-old daughter in a jogging stroller.
“We’re doing great, daddy!” She said with a huge smile.
“We . . . sure . . . are . . . honey,” he said.
Right around mile 1.9, Amanda caught up to us.
“Hey, I know you!” Ryan said.
“How are you guys doing?” She said. She’s been training for the LA Marathon, so this is nothing to her.
“My stupid hip is giving me a really bad time, but other than that I’m fine.” I said.
Ryan told her about his knees, and we did a little speed-walking for a few minutes, until I saw the water station for mile two at the crest of a little hill.
“I’m going to run the last mile,” I said. “I’ll either see you guys at the finish, or you’ll step over my body in about 3000 feet.”
They wished me well, and I began to jog. I extended my arm — just like a real runner — as I passed through the water station. A smiling middle schooler pushed a dixie cup into my hand and said, “Great job!”
“Thank you!” I said, as I dumped the water over my face and head. I was on the Western side of the Rose Bowl now, heading South. The sun was in my face, and I began to regret wearing my long sleeved shirt.
The Rose Bowl has been involved in several landmark moments in my life, most of them when I was a teenager living in La Crescenta: When I was fourteen, I attended the Depeche Mode Concert for the Masses there, and when I was fifteen, Darin taught me how to drive a stickshift in his VW Bug . . . right in the parking lot that was now on my left. My hip was on fire, and I was beginning to feel dangerously warm, but I smiled. This is a great way to spend a Sunday morning, I thought.
When I rounded the penultimate corner in the race, I was breathing hard. The sun was beating down on me through a magnifying glass, in classic Warner Brothers carton-style, and I pushed my sleeves up as far as they could go. I sprayed the remainder of my water over my face, and immediately felt better. I turned North and checked my Forerunner: I had less than a quarter of a mile to go. Surprisingly, the pain in my hip, groin and ribs wasn’t that bad. I didn’t have the mental cycles to determine if it had just been renice-ed to 19 by /wil/bin/adrenaline so I could finish, but I I’ve learned that there are times when you just don’t ask questions. I was in the final 1000 meters! Music and cheering filled the air.
I set my eyes on the finish line, and the noise of the crowd faded away. Pretty soon, all I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears and the pounding of my feet on the pavement. With about thirty yards to go, I heard a familiar voice calling out: “Go Wil! You’re almost there! Go! Go! Go!”
I blinked my eyes and looked off to my right. There was Nolan, grinning broadly and jumping up and down. It was pure, concentrated mojo. I raised one of my hands up and made it into a fist. I pumped it in the air at him.
“Yeah! Go Wil! Go Wil!” He cheered. My heart swelled, and I finished the race running on air.
I crossed the finish line and got my time: 34 minutes. Not bad, all things considered. I my body ached, my throat was dry and my heart pounded fiercely in my chest. My 3.1 miles felt more like a marathon, which is a sad commentary on my current level of physical fitness, but I did it! I ran slower than my marathon training pace, but I did it! I wanted needed to spend some time building memories with my family, and I did it!
When I got off the course, I collapsed into the grass and caught my breath. After a few minutes, I stretched. The pain in my hip was slowly coming back (I guess The Writer got hit by the van after all), but Nolan’s cheering echoed in my head, and there wasn’t any pain at all strong enough to break through that wall of joy.
Eventually, I made my way over to our meeting place. Ten minutes or so later, Ryan and Amanda came over.
“What was your time?” I asked them.
“Thirty-six,” Ryan said. “What was yours?”
“Thirty-four.”
“Nice job,” he said. I ran this comment through my fifteen year-old to English filter, and got "Nice job [Sincere.]"
“Thank you, Ryan,” I said with a grin.
Behind us, on the other side of the giant American Airlines Balloon, about fifty people were Jazzercising. Outrageously loud europop music assaulted us, but the Jazzercisers seemed to enjoy it.
I always thought Jazzercise was an improv joke, you know? Like Bigus Dickus, but it turns out it’s a real thing, and the people doing it were having a really good time. When the music went out, (presumably because the girl leading them whooped and blew out the mixer) they kept right on going, while she said things like, “Up to the left! Up to the left! And attitude! And attitude! Left! Left! Give me attitude! Attitude!”
Anne, Michelle and Nolan walked up together.
“I learned something today,” I said.
“What’s that?” Anne said.
“Apparently Jazzercising is all about attitude,” I said.
She sat down next to me.
“How’d you do?” I asked her.
“I totally ran the whole way!” She said. She was the happiest I’ve seen her in weeks. She’s been under a lot of stress and pressure lately, and there’s nothing I can do about it, so seeing her smile and relax nearly brought tears to my eyes.
“I’m really proud of you, honey,” I said.
We talked about our times, and I turned to Nolan.
“I loved it that you were cheering for me, Nolan,” I said, “Thank you.”
“Of course,” he said. I haven’t had to use the teenager-to-English translator on him yet, even though he’ll be fourteen in August (!) and I hope I never do. (Yeah, I know, I know . . .)
“What was your time?” I said.
“Twenty-four minutes!” he said.
“Holy crap, Nolan!” I said, “That’s fast!”
“Yeah, it was fun,” he said. “I think I finished pretty close to the top.”
“Gosh, you think?” I said.
The Jazzercise music started up again.
“What the —” Anne said.
“Attitude,” I said, “plus loud europop equals Jazzercise.”
We snacked for a few more minutes, picked up our gear from the gear-check, and headed back to our car. As we crossed the street, thousands of walkers streamed across the bridge and turned into the final stretch. They were a sea of pink shirts, pink hats, pink balloons, pink flags. They were singing and shouting, and having a great time.
“Oh my god,” Anne said, “Look at all those people!”
We did.
“We are totally part of that,” I said. “I’m proud of us. All of us.”
In recent months, I’ve sort of indirectly come face to face with my own mortality, and the mortality of the people I love.
Like it or not, death is the price of admission into this life, and one day all we’ll have left are memories.
We made some wonderful memories yesterday.