Author: Wil

I really wish I had that talking moose from Vacation to put here, or at least the ghost of John Candy. But since they’re currently unavailable . . .
Anne and Nolan’s birthdays are coming up, Ryan is out of Summer School, and I think I need to take some time away from the ‘net and just be with them. You know . . . days at the beach, some geocaching, matinees at Arclight, maybe even an overnight camping trip. Something about Ryan turning 15 on Saturday, and Nolan’s 13th coming up . . . they’re getting older, and I don’t want to miss out on anything before I become totally uncool.
I’m still going up to Powells Technical Annex on August 6th at 7:30 PM, and I’m sure I’ll audblog and probably moblog the event, and maybe even some of the trip around it . . . but my laptop is going into the shop, (I’m blogging this on a tiny old 13 inch monitor that I dug out of the garage and attached to my Linux machine . . . man, I’d forgotten how much I love Linux!) and I’m going to do everything in my power to maintain a self-imposed Internet blackout and just be a husband and parent.
Hopefully, I’ll return around August 14th with my mental kernel rebuilt, updated, and optimized, and some great family stories to tell.
(This entry dated August 10th to keep it on the front page of the site until I come back online.)

I just got back from Vegas, and I want to do a quick recap.
I only have a few minutes (I’m using Ryan’s computer, since my Linux box has a blown-out monitor, and the logic board on my iBook exploded — for the fourth time in two years — Thursday morning before we left) so I’m going to make a very quick recap of some highlights now, before I forget:
I now present the best of . . .
Thursday
We made it to Vegas in about 4 hours, which was nice, but along the way we got a phone call that put our family medical terror to rest. I can’t go into it right now, but everything is going to be okay, and I want to thank everyone who kept us in their thoughts, and sent us their positive mojo, or prayers, or voodoo dances, or snake charming magic.
Thursday night, Anne took me to Blue Man Group at Luxor (one of my favorite shows, ever — I’m kind of a Blue Man Group Geek), and I got to go backstage, meet the Blue Man (Blue Men? Blue Mans?) and take home a painting that they made in the show!
Friday
Friday was my big performance day at the convention, so it’s really hard to pick out the top moment . . . but here are a few:

• I met some people who are longtime readers of WWdN, and they shared with me how this lame website has had a really positive impact on their lives. I was overwhelmed (if you’re playing the Joy Of Tech Drinking Game, drink now) and very moved that the things I write here could mean so much to someone I’ve never met.
• My performance from Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot was awesome! The room was almost full, and I felt like the audience was “with me” the entire time. Near the end of my time, Brent Spiner walked into the room, and told me, in front of everyone, that he’d read Dancing Barefoot “cover to cover,” and that he liked it! Then he told me to wrap it up, so “these people can come over and listen to me talk.” It was really funny, and really cool.
• Our Earnest Borg 9 show absolutely killed! I was scared to death that we weren’t going to be as good as we were in Pasadena, but everyone in the cast, as well as my wife and parents who were in the audience for both shows, thought it was better! After the show, I went out to dinner with the cast, my folks, and my friend Kat, ate massive dinner, and gambled until the sun came up (well, until the sun came up on the East Coast, but still . . .) When I left the tables, I was actually ahead. Okay, so it was only 15 dollars ahead, but it’s the first time I’ve left ahead in about five years.

Saturday
It was a great day. I met tons of fans who saw the EB9 show, and / or my reading, and the comments were totally positive. I also sold out of all the copies of Just A Geek that I’d brought with me!
Overall, it was an awesome and fantastic weekend. Adam and Gary put on the best Creation show I’ve been at since . . . well, I think it was the best Creation show I’ve been at in my life. All the fans I talked to seemed happy, the show felt very well organized, and everyone seemed to be having a really good time. You know what? It felt like a fan-run con!
It was also the best time I’ve had in Vegas in years. It was pretty crowded, but Lady Luck stayed on my arm the entire time I was there, and I am actually 35 dollars in the black, baby. Oh yeah. I am such a high roller, I think I hear the Travel Channel calling me right now.
There are some other details that need to be filled in, but Ryan has been patiently waiting for me to get off his computer, and I’m so exhausted from the weekend and the drive home that I don’t know if I’ll even make it down the hall to my own bedroom.
OH! Holy shit! I can’t believe I almost forgot to mention this: There *will* be an audio version of Just A Geek, unabridged and performed by me, available in September! If you’re coming up to Powell’s Technical Annex on August 6th, I’ll have some preview CDs to give out.
Okay, that’s all for tonight. Thank you to everyone who sent kind birthday wishes, too. That rules 🙂

Did you know that tomorrow’s my 32nd birthday?
I’m not asking because I’m trolling for gifts or silly songs or anything. I’m asking because — and this is the 100% honest truth — I didn’t realize it was tomorrow.
I’ve got a lot happening right now: the EB9 show in Vegas on Friday ( as well as the entire convention weekend) plus writing for the ACME show, plus dealing with a very big and scary family medical issue have all conspired to totally eat my brain, and make my birthday seem totally minor and irrelevant . . . it’s so weird that something I’ve always looked forward to has been so completely pushed off my radar.
Well, I guess it’s part of growing older, or something.
This morning, I had to renew my driver’s license, (something I didn’t realize until yesterday) so I went to the DMV . . . without an appointment *dramatic music*
It actually wasn’t bad at all. I was in and out in 1 hour and ten minutes, and every single person I dealt with was helpful, patient, and friendly. After I had my picture taken, the guy who took it told me happy birthday, and then a pretty girl who was in line behind me said, “Hey! My birthday is July 29th too!” So we both said “Happy birthday!” in unison. That was way cool.
I’m going to moblog and audioblog from Vega$, so check them out if you need your WWdN fix while I’m gone.
If you’re coming to Vega$ for the show, I’ll be performing from Geek and Barefoot at 1PM on Friday, and the EB9 show is at 6:40 (?) the same night. I’ll also be signing books and pictures all day Saturday.
. . . and I wasn’t going to say much about this . . . but, uhm . . . I would really appreciate it if you guys could keep me and Anne and our family in your thoughts for the next few days.
Thanks.

I’m cleaning the house today, but now it’s lunchtime, and I want to brain dump. But first, check out a couple of Geek things that I think are exciting and cool:

• Just A Geek is available from my favorite retailer of all things geeky, Think Geek dot Com. They’re offering geek. stickers as a free bonus with the book, so you can really get your geek on.
• I’ve heard from a dozen or so WWdN readers and about half as many non-WWdN readers who have finished Just A Geek, and I want to thank everyone who has sent me their thoughts on the book. I’d like to share a little bit from one of them, because it made me do a geeky dance: “I loved it and realized that many of us Gen-Xers are finding out that our lives are hitting crossroads and too many of us are too busy looking at the door closing behind us to see the brighter view ahead. I’m glad you showed us that we can turn around and run forward into that future many of us have. Thanks for the work.”
  Also, at Amazon, a reviewer wrote: “Wheaton’s a natural, unforced writer. He’s got guts and writers’ chops. I don’t care if you’re a Star Trek fan or not, you should read this book. You should read this book if you’ve ever had really tough times. You should read this book if you’ve ever struggled with your own place in the world, your own self-esteem. You should read this book if you’ve ever tried to separate who you are from what you do.”
  I’m still a little terrified that the misconception that it’s either a fluffy celebrity bio or (even worse) just a Star Trek book will turn readers off, but these readers got exactly what I hope people will get from my book: I may be the central character, but Just a Geek is really a story about the struggle to find your place in the Universe, and I’m really happy that they grokked that. For today at least, I can lower my internal terror level from Ernie to Bert.

Okay, before I go back to cleaning the house (it’s the best way to spend Sunday!), here’s the real braindump:
Last night, Anne was going out with her girlfriends, and the kids were both spending the night with friends, so I had big plans to go play poker at Commerce, but Burns left me standing at the altar . . . so I ended up playing iPoker 3, which is a great way to practice low-limit Hold’Em skills, and just all-around fun to play, too. (Todd has programmed in all these crazy “Dealer’s Choice” games that are just nuts. I had way too much fun playing this 2-card hi-low game called ‘Hurricaine,” and I actually made Broadway in Jacks-or-better!)
I was doing REALLY well, playing just the way I would have played in a live game. I bought in for 1000 and played 10-20 limit, and was doing about +300 / hour or something like that, until I got pocket Aces on the button . . . and got rivered by a flush draw, because UTG had 9-6 of spades. I had capped it pre-flop, too! The pot was 1050 or so, too. Stupid computers.
Hey, here’s a not-so-subtle note to the guys at all the online poker rooms: SUPPORT MAC AND LINUX USERS! I really want to play Poker Stars, and Party Poker (sign up with code IGGY!)
Anyway, because I was stuck at home, I watched the Dodgers, and I got to see Adrian Beltre hit a grand slam as the Dodgers made it 2-0 vs. the Padres in this series.
Speaking of the Dodgers, my dad took me and my boys to Chavez Ravine on Thursday for the first day game I’ve been to in YEARS . . . and we got to see Eric Gagne for the first time this season. (I’ve been to 5 games, and the Dodgers have been killed in 4 of them, so no Gagne for me until Thursday.)
I’m talking to the men now: if you get a chance to take your boys to a ballgame with your dad, DO IT. It’s awesome.
Okay, time to finish lunch and get back to cleaning. Exhale on XM 80 is the perfect soundtrack for today.

And now, a brief scene from my so-called domestic life:
We were having dinner straight out of 1958: barbecued burgers, baked beans, and a cut-up pineapple. The only way to make it better would have been TV trays . . . or dining in a fallout shelter, I suppose.
On my way to the patio, I passed Nolan, who was watching the Dodger game.
“Your Dodgers are losing,” he said.
“Yeah. They try their best to do that,” I said, “but they’re something like 11-1 in their last 12 games.”
“What? Are we talking about The Los Angeles Dodgers?” he said.
“I’m just as surprised as you are, I said. “Who are they playing?”
“Houston,” he said.
Nolan decided early this year that his two favorite teams are The Angels, and whomever is playing The Dodgers, so it didn’t surprise me when he shouted, “GO ASTROS!”
I gave him the test that I always give him when he’s cheering against the Dodgers: “You love those Astros, huh?”
“Oh yeah!” He said.
“Well, who’s your favorite player on the Astros?”
“Oh . . . you know . . . it’s . . . uhm . . . ” he looked at the TV, “Biggio!”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re in his fanclub.” I laughed.
I don’t think Nolan really cares one way or another about The Dodgers, (or any other particular team in baseball, for that matter) but I know that we both enjoy our friendly rivalry even more than we enjoy watching the games . . . and I love that.
We looked at each other, and I remembered when the Dodgers went to the World Series in 1988. As part of my teenage rebellion, I totally rejected baseball. You know . . . because it was important to my dad.
Yeah, that made a lot of sense.
As a result, I missed out on several opportunities to share some wonderful moments with him, and all I have to show for it is regret.
“Hey, are you going to come watch this with me?” Nolan said.
As a parent, I never miss an opportunity to be on the other side of something I missed out on as a child, so of course I agreed.
“Yeah. After dinner.”
Shortly after I lit the barbecue, one of Anne’s friends called long distance, so I became responsible for finishing the meal, and getting it on the table. Due to my lack of planning, (I am infamous for my lack of planning — I have a lot of 3-inch lengths of string around the house) the burgers were going to be ready before I could even start the baked beans. So I asked Nolan for help.
“Nolan? Would you help me out?”
“Sure!” He said, cheerfully, “what do you need?”
“Would you take a can of baked beans, and put it in a saucepan on the stove? And maybe crush up some pineapple with it?”
“Okay,” he said. “Oh! The inning’s over.”
“What happened?”
“Sean Shawn Green is up with two out.”
I tried to come up with a snappy comeback . . . but there are some truths that I can’t argue with, so I just said, “D’oh!”
There was a surge of cheering from the TV, and I heard Rick Monday say that Green had, indeed, grounded out to end the inning.
About two minutes later, Nolan called to me from the kitchen. “Wil? I’m having some trouble with the beans. Can you come help me?”
I flipped the burgers, and tossed some seasoning on them.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there.”
I walked into the kitchen, and found Nolan scratching his head in front of the stove.
“I put the can of beans in the saucepan, just like you asked,” he said, with a furrowed brow, “but I can’t get them to cook.”
I looked at the stove. A saucepan sat on a front burner, and in it was the unopened can of beans. There was some crushed pineapple stuffed around the edges of the can.
Nolan looked at me, and did his best to keep a straight face.
“I just can’t figure out why it’s not cooking,” He said.
I put my hand on my chin.
“Yeah . . . yeah . . . that is weird.” I said.
He folded his arms across his chest, and studied the stove.
“You think we should get out a cookbook, or something?” He said.
I snapped my fingers. “Oh! I think you forgot to take the beans out of the can.”
“Hmm . . . you think that would do it?” He said.
“Yes. Yes I do.”
“Okay. I’ll try that,” he said. “Thanks!”
He may not have my genes . . . but he’s certainly got my sense of humor, and that’s just fine with me.