I was talking with Andrew last night about the Monolith Press editorial calendar for 2009. As we planned out our release and drop dead dates, the subject turned to the fiction project I wanted to do in 2008, but never finished.

“The plan is to [REDACTED],” I said, “but I don’t know which one I’ll start on first.” I thought for a second. “Probably [THING I’M REALLY EXCITED TO WRITE.]”

“Good idea,” Andrew said. He asked me what was going on with a story that I once had a great deal of enthusiasm for, but haven’t made any progress on in months.

“I made two huge mistakes with that,” I said. “First, I didn’t realize until I was almost ten thousand words into it that it can’t be a first person narrative, because it’s way too limiting for what the story needs. Second, I didn’t outline it before hand, I just had a basic idea for where I wanted it to go, and tried to write it by the seat of my pants. It was really stupid to do it that way, but I learned a valuable lesson from the experience: I need to work from an outline, because when I do, I’m connecting the dots instead of assembling a jigsaw puzzle.”

“That makes a lot of s—” he began.

“Wait. I like that. I need to write it down.” I opened TextEdit and typed connect the dots instead of assembling a jigsaw puzzle.

“I see what you did there,” Andrew said. “You should be a writer.”

“Thanks! I’m working on that.”

As promised yesterday, you can buy the audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives right here, for just $19.72. “Why $19.72?” You ask? Because that’s the year I was born, and since nobody else is the boss of me, I can do that sort of thing. “How long is it?” You say? “That’s what she said!” I reply. Then I tell you that it’s about three and a-half hours long, and we laugh and laugh before the episode ends with a hilarious freeze frame.

Like the audio version of Just A Geek, this is a super-annotated edition, filled with tons of what I call “audio footnotes” for lack of a less stupid-sounding term. I hope we’ve created something that’s more like sitting down in a room with me while I tell you stories, than it is a typical audiobook. I don’t think a traditional publisher would let me get away with doing it this way, which is a big reason I do these things on my own. If you’ve ever heard me perform my work at a show, or listened to any of my podcasts, you should have some idea of what you’re getting into.

Unlike the audio version of Just A Geek, the audio performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives will only be available as a download. We found that the costs associated with creating and shipping physical media for JAG:tA vastly outweighed the benefits, and most people just rip the CDs to their favorite digital format, anyway.

Now, I’m sure most of you reading this don’t need to hear it, but I’m a dad, and that means I often say things at great length that don’t need to be said, so I’d appreciate it if you pretended to listen. I’ve made it really clear that I despise DRM and think it’s stupid, and I will never willingly infect something you buy from me with DRM. In accordance with my philosophy, there is no DRM or restriction of any kind on this audiobook. I don’t think I’ll lose any sales of The Happiest Days audiobook to piracy, because people who would steal from me aren’t people who wouldn’t buy it, anyway, but I need to say this. If you’re considering trying to steal it in some way, there’s very little I can do to stop you – it’s a game of whack-a-mole that I don’t have the time or resources to play – but I hope you’ll consider that when you steal from me, you’re not sticking it to a giant company with millions of dollars in annual revenue. When you steal from me, you’re directly hurting my family, because this is how I support the four of us (and our dogs, who say that they love you no matter what, because they’re dogs and that’s what they do.)

I hope everyone who wants to hear me perform The Happiest Days of Our Lives will get a chance to enjoy to it, and I think that I’ve chosen a price point that’s fair, reasonable, and affordable. I know the economy isn’t great, so if you’re looking to hear me perform my work for free, you can find stuff in my podcasts, listen to me perform Blue Light Special at the 2008 Phoenix Comicon or wait until early next year when I’m releasing, for free, performances of all the extra material I’m adding into Subterranean Press’ special expanded edition of The Happiest Days of Our Lives.

Okay, end of dad voice. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy my performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives. Let me know if you review it, because I’ll be compiling a page of stuff like that. You know, for kids.

(Epic thanks to Val for the incredibly cool graphic. Wait until you see the flyers and banner images she made!)