Category: Travel

I'm getting better at writing titles that have something to do with the content of the post, I think, and for that I am going to celebrate with a quick spin in my chair.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's something that happened when I was on a boat. Well, not when I was actually on the boat, but I could see the boat when this happened so…

Okay, fine. I haven't gotten as good at titles as I thought. THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!

Day One: Half Moon Cay

Holland America goes to this private island in the Bahamas that is everything you'd expect from a private beach in the Caribbean, if you were expecting a beautiful white crescent beach with a giant pirate ship on it, and inside the pirate ship is a bar.

We spent the day playing Frisbee and Ball on the beach, with occasional breaks to visit the pirate ship.

"This is the best in the world," I said to Ryan while we were swimming in the ocean. In February.

"Yeah, it totally doesn't suck," he said.

I reached up to catch the Frisbee that Nolan had thrown to us. It skipped off my fingertips and floated on the surface a few feet away. While I swam over to pick it up I said, "In fact, I believe that this has been scientifically proved to not suck." 

"Are you sure?" 

I threw the Frisbee back to Nolan, who caught it behind his back.

"Yes. My control for this test was sitting inside at home last week because it was too cold to go outside and do anything."

"Have you published this report?" He asked.

I hollered to a Seamonkey* who was nearby, "This totally doesn't suck!"

"You got that right!" He hollered back.

"See? Published and peer-reviewed."

"Seems legit," Ryan said.

More later…

*Passengers on JoCoCruseCrazy are called Seamonkeys. For science. You monster.

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to get into a giant aluminium tube and fly across the continent to America's Wang. Then, on Sunday, I'll get on a boat and spend a week doing nerdy stuff with nerds in the middle of the ocean. It should be pretty awesome.

Earlier today, I folded my laundry, and put it on the bed. I laid out the various items of clothing I need to take with me on the cruise next week, carefully considering what nerd T-shirts would make the cut, and which ones would have to stay home.

I took my suit, and a clean white dress shirt out of the closet. I walked around the room, trying to find a place to hang them up. When I realized there wasn't a place to hang them up, I carefully laid them on the bed.

"The cats aren't in the house, so this will be fine here for a few minutes," I thought to myself.

I went into my office, and prepared my backpack: I took out some things I didn't need, including an old call sheet, and realized that the last time I took this backpack anywhere, I was working on Eureka. I had a little bit of a sad. I put some books in a pocket next to my Kindle. I put my bag of dice inside, and grabbed a couple of small, social games: Werewolf, Resistance, Fluxx, and a couple of Button Men, just in case. I printed out my performance setlist and put it into the pocket where I'd usually put my laptop. (My laptop is staying home, because the Internet on the ship costs eleventy billion dollars a second, and I'd rather read books, play games, and relax in the sun with my friends and family than hang out online, where I spend pretty much all of my free time when we're home.

I made sure my various chargers, extra batteries, headphones, and other nerd essentials were in their proper place. Then, having confirmed that I had everything I would need to entertain myself and survive a zombie apocalypse, I headed back into my bedroom to load up my suitcase.

My black cat was sleeping in the middle of my white dress shirt. My black and white cat was sleeping on my black kilt.

"Are you fucking serious, you guys?" I said. 

The cats did not reply. One of them rolled over and purred enthusiastically, while the other put her ears back and flicked her tail.

I sighed. "Okay, get up," I said. "These are going back into the closet until I pack them."

The cats let me know that they were very displeased with me, in the usual manner. I let them know that I would get over it, in the usual manner.

I hung up my fancy clothes, and put my normal clothes into my suitcase. The cats glared at me from the floor.

"You'll get over it," I said.

That's when I realized that I was alone in the house, and talking to my cats.

…turns out that this is the perfect time to take a working vacation.

Based on the responses I got to my very important question, it looks like I'll be performing something from Memories of the Future, maybe something from Memories of the Future Volume 2, something from Happiest Days, something from Dancing Barefoot. 

I am also canceling the Wil Wheaton Anti-Formal Not Formal Unformal For Formally Being Not Formal due to lack of interest. Also I have to get some fancy clothes for me and my family now. #firstworldproblems

Saturday, I'm heading down to America's Wang to get on a boat, because JoCoCruseCrazy 2: Cruise Crazier is setting sail on Sunday.

I hope that it lives up to this video that one of the cruisers (who named themselves Sea Monkeys) created:

I know, right? Check out the video he made last year, based on the Superfriends.

I know, right!? RIGHT?!

We had a great time last year, and I'm lucky and grateful to be invited back for more shenanigans and mirth-making.

If you're going on the cruise, I have a very important question for you: I get to perform one night on the cruise, and I'm building my set list. I already have some stories picked out that I think you'll enjoy, but I'd really like to know from actual audience members what you'd like to hear from me. You can pick anything from any of my books or blog posts, so feel free to dig into the archives, if you have time and interest.

Also: There are two formal nights on this cruise, which means you have to take a tuxedo or a suit with you, taking up valuable luggage and cabin space, just so you can wear it two times. When you're on vacation. Seriously.

I am totally going to get all formal'd up for the Paul F. Tomkins Memorial Moustache Formal and Fextacular, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let a cruise line tell me that I have to dress up for their stupid fancy dinners. Indeed, I have taken a stand against fanciness, and on the formal nights, I will be hosting the Wil Wheaton Anti-Formal Not Formal Unformal For Formally Being Not Formal in the extremely fancy Lido Buffet. Come as you are, (but, seriously, at least wear a clean shirt) and we will dine like triumphant Viking warriors. In fact, I think it would be hilarious if we dressed very nicely, right up to the edge of formality, but just short of it, to make a precious little point that nobody will really care about except us.

Seriously, people: we're going to be on a boat in less than a week.