Category: WWdN in Exile

There’s this one corner of my office that’s been completely taken over by various bits of flotsam. It’s the place where things that really need to be dealt with get shoved aside, partially out of sight, but never entirely out of mind.

I’ve been putting off cleaning it up, but just before we left for the PCA, I had this overwhelming and undeniable desire to clean out all the bullshit that is scattered around my house, which has been allowed to pile up and overwhelm me over the last year or so.

This is a powerful metaphor for what’s going on in my life right now.

I am so fucking sick and tired of all this bullshit that’s piled up everywhere that makes me feel like I’m not even in control of my own life, and I’m so sick of making excuses for allowing it to be there, I just attacked it this afternoon. Literally. I grabbed handfuls of books off shelves and piled them on the floor to be sorted. I pulled out drawers from a desk, dumped them next to the books, got the shredder out, and went through almost eighteen months worth of junk and paperwork that should have been filed away or destroyed long ago. It’s been a long, occasionally frustrating, but mostly rewarding day, as I get this shit under control. The end is starting to come into view, and now that I feel like this shit isn’t controlling me, I can enjoy some of the cool things I’ve come across, like a stack of old Star Trek trading cards, my script from CSI, some press kits from Stand By Me, and a bunch of really cool Aqualad figures I’d forgotten I had. I found things that made me angry, like correspondence I sent to
O’Reilly (unsuccessfully) begging them to stop mispromoting Just A Geek, and things that
made me incredibly happy, like a first-edition of Dancing Barefoot,
complete with typo(e)s, and the original hand-drawn layout for WWdN from a thousand years ago. I also found some things that made me really
sad, like one of Sketch’s chewed up rainbow balls. I also found some things that must have seemed very important at the time I collected them, like an envelope with the word "It’s Curvy!" written in my this is hilarious! script, and a seven of diamonds with the pips connected like dots. I also found a bunch of poker chips I thought I’d lost, and well over one hundred polyhedral dice. There are CDs, DVDs, pictures, business cards, notes, and lots and lots of games.Most of this stuff is going into boxes and out to the garage, but a lot
of it will get thrown into the trash with extreme prejudice. It’s
empowering to decide what’s important enough to keep around, what’s
worth dealing with, and what’s just better off going straight into the
fucking trash where it belongs.

For the longest time, the only semi-calm area in my office was about a four foot neutral zone surrounding my computer, but I’ve nearly reclaimed the entire area in the name of Wil, and it feels awesome. Tomorrow, I will continue to expand my empire out into the rest of my house, and by extension, my life. I’m not sure if I’ll be successful, but I’m going to do my very best.

Which is a powerful metaphor for what’s going on in my life right now.

We got home late last night, after a really bumpy and seemingly never-ending flight. Have you noticed that when you want to get home after a long trip, everything seems to take twice as long? We waited an hour to get our bags at LAX, then an additional 35 minutes for the car to pick us up. It’s a good thing I was rested and travelling with my wife, or I would have been super cranky.

I’ll have a massive trip report up as soon as I unpack and wash my clothes, and get caught up on my e-mail, bloglines, real mail, and whatever else has piled up over the last ten days (don’t worry, all the poker stuff will be at CardSquad.com, so you can read the entire trip, or just the stuff that interests you.)

From my balcony, I can see two cruise ships on the horizon, two weddings on the grounds beneath me, and the stetting sun bathing the entire scene in a golden light. The sound of waterfalls and reggae music drifts up on a light breeze, which was a fierce windstorm as recently as last night.

It turns out that I was right.

Catching up on the last few days . . .

After Anne and I slept for fourteen hours to catch up from our post-holiday and red eye flight exhaustion, we wandered around the grounds here. We ate lunch, and had our first experience with the absolutely abominable service in the restaurants here. (Rude, slow, and disinterested seems to be the standard theme, always rewarded by the mandatory 15% tip which is helpfully included in all of our bills.)

After lunch, we went down to the beach where we played Scrabble and watched people parasail, ride jet skis, and play in the surf and sand. I’ve lived all over the world, and I’ve been to some really beautiful places, but there is nothing like the beauty of the Caribbean water on a sunny day. Even when the weather was lousy, like it was yesterday, the seas still managed to look excited, rather than angry, and when the sun poked through the clouds, it shot brilliant shafts of light down that looked like something from one of those awesome 1980s oil paintings you see over your grandparents’ couch.

When the afternoon got late, and the wind kicked up, we headed back upstairs and got ready for the welcome party that PokerStars had for all the participants and staff. Before the party, I had a meeting with all the Team PokerStars members, and met 2005 WSOP Champion Joe Hachem for the first time. I didn’t think it was possible to meet a poker player who is nicer and more friendly than Greg Raymer, but Joe is just as amazing as Greg is, and just as patient and kind to legion of fans who want a piece of him. After the meeting, I picked up Anne, and we walked with Greg, Joe, Isabelle Mercier (sigh), Lee Jones, and several of the PokerStars staff over to the welcome party.

The party was held poolside on this place they call The Royal Deck, because it sits in the shadows of the luxurious Royal Towers, and there was live music, lots of food, and enough open bars to keep a bunch of rowdy poker players happy. Dan Goldman took the stage after we’d all been there about thirty minutes, and introduced all the people who worked so hard to make this tournament happen. If I recall correctly, he said something like, "To make this happen, it takes six months of planning, three months of work, and two weeks of complete panic." One of the many reasons I’m so proud of my affiliation with PokerStars is because I get to work with people like Dan and Sharon and Lee, and too many other hardworking people to count, who really care about their players. I know I’ve talked about it before, but I don’t know if I’ve written about how much it feels like a big family. I’m exceptionally lucky to be part of this company.

After the staff introductions, Dan introduced the members of Team PokerStars, minus Chris and Evelyn, who had flight issues, and after Joe made a brief speech where he said, "There are only two rules: when I raise, fold. And when I go all-in, fold." Ah, poker humor. While it lacks the subtlety of "pull my finger" jokes, it certainly makes up for it with the obscurity normally reserved for Monty Python jokes.

We all ate and drank (just water and juice for me, thanks) for a few hours, and I managed to, while completely sober, drop an entire 16 ounce cup of cranberry juice on the ground while talking with Terrance Chan and his girlfriend Jacqueline. Awesome. We also finally met Otis’ wife, Mrs. Otis, which confirmed that poker bloggers always marry up. I don’t know how we do it, but I’m glad we do. I also met a few people who were fans of my blog, my books, and my acting work, which is always cool, because I still feel out of my league at these things, and I’m always terrified that someone’s going to figure out that they actually meant to recruit a different WIl Wheaton for Team PokerStars. I resolve to accept that I deserve to be at the next thing, whatever it is, and quit doubting my abilities as a player, and my legitimacy as a member of the team.

After the party, Anne and I were still hungry, so we ate in that Cafe place again, mostly because it was close, open, and we knew there were things on the menu we liked, before we turned in early enough for me to fall asleep before midnight, wake up at 12:30, and toss and turn until 5AM. When the alarm went off at 8:45, I felt like I had gremlins gnawing on my head and spikes shoved into my back, but I drank some coffee, ate a muffin, and shook it off in time for my interviews at 10:00.

The weddings below me are in full-swing, and the sun has dropped beneath the lowest bank of slowly-drifting clouds, flecking their edges gold and painting the horizon orange and red. I’m going to take this down to the PokerStars office so I can use their Internets to post it.

Next time: The Tournament. (For those of you who can’t wait, check out Otis’ updates at The Official PokerStars Blog.)

Happy 2006, everyone!

Anne, the kids, and I spent the day on New Year’s Eve with all of my friends, playing nerdy games (Frank’s Zoo is one of my new favorites) and eating all sorts of awesome food, because several of my friends have developed a passion of cooking in the last few years — if you can convince your friends to fall in love with cooking, go for it. Trust me, I know what I’m taking about. Then we headed home, (to beat traffic, rain and drunks) and rang in the new year by playing the Pop Culture edition of Trivial
Pursuit (it’s really fun, and the easiest of all the Trivial Pursuit
variants, IMHO) while Ferris and Riley tried to figure out just why the
hell we weren’t in bed, yet.

Yesterday, Ryan and I spent much of the day watching the Twilight Zone marathon on Sci-Fi. Gods, I love the Twilight Zone. I love it that I can count on every episode to either terrify me, make me think, or blow me away with some unexpected twist. I saw some episodes yesterday that I’d never seen before, in addition to the usual line up of Twilight Zone classics.

The Rose Parade, which usually happens on New Year’s Day, happened today instead, because Jan 1 was on a Sunday. It was the first time since 1955 that there’s been a massive storm on the parade, which meant that for the first time in several years, the stealth bomber didn’t buzz over my house and scare the shit out of my family. If you can catch the parade on HD, it’s worth it.

Today is a busy day for Anne and me, because we’re leaving on the red eye tonight to go to the Atlantis resort on Paradise Island in the Bahamas for the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure poker tournament.

While we’re down there, I’ll do my best to provide daily tournament updates, similar to my WSOP updates, at CardSquad.com. I’ll also do my best to update interesting personal stuff here.

I wrote a follow-up article to my story about the controversy between the World Poker Tour and some top tournament pros:

The
recent controversy between the World Poker Tour
and several top tournament pros doesn’t seem to be slowing down at all, despite an open letter to the poker community
from WPT Co-founder Steve Lipscomb.

To briefly recap: The World Poker Tour requires all tournament players
to grant rights to the WPT to use their image and likeness in pretty much any way the WPT chooses, without ever
compensating the players for that use. Several top tournament pros aren’t happy with the agreement, including WSOP
Champion Chris Ferguson, who told me that he is unable to play in WPT events, because the release he is required to
sign would cause him to be in breach of at least one of his existing contracts.

[. . .]

Steve Lipscomb says, "The latest hot button issue seems to be the filming release we require players to sign
before they play in World Poker Tour events. The release we utilize is a standard filming release that all production
companies must have signed by everyone they film – or the television broadcaster will refuse to air our material.
Filming releases are always broadly drafted to protect against frivolous law suits. The language is clear. The
production company can use all the footage it shoots and the person’s image in all media.

But, the story
does not end there. The World Poker Tour is a business. We value our relationship with WPT players and have always
acted with great care and deference when using player images. The few players now trying to stir up controversy around
player releases are lost in hypotheticals – not reality."

[. . .]

[I]f the WPT is not interested in using some of the rights they’re demanding, why
are they making the demands in the first place? Anyone with any business savvy will have a very hard time accepting
"Just trust me" in this case. In fact, a top player, speaking to me on condition of anynomity said, "[Steve Lipscomb] says he needs the releases to be as they are to protect WPT, but
players have offered to sign a release like the WSOP and they refused. In response to complaints about their video game
rights, they did modify their agreement to explicity rule out making avatars of the players without their consent.
However, that was the only limitation.  By only excluding that, they could use clips of you in the game, or even
put your face on the box, with no compensation!  In fact, because they reserve these rights, a player can NOT
grant exclusive rights to any video game company, because WPT already reserves certain rights. That’s just one
example."

Yeah! Check me out! I get anonymous sources! Woo! Anyway, if you’re interested in the drama, check out the full post at CardSquad, which includes comments from Annie Duke and Daniel Negreanu.

This week’s Games of our Lives follows that advice I indirectly took from Joel Hodgson and goes for some jokes that are really funny to me, but may be lost on part of the audience:

Gameplay: You play a little handy guy with cute feet and a
jaunty hat. Your enemies are also little handy guys, but they’re green
(the universal color of evil) and have frowny faces to go with their
cute little feet. Your goal is to clear all the dots in a maze, while
the other little handy guys try to stop you. What sets Got-Ya apart from all the other Pac-Man
knockoffs is the addition of RoShamBo. You and your enemies represent
Rock, Paper, or Scissors, and when you hit each other, you’ll live or
die based on the classic rules of RoShamBo. Scattered around the maze
are dollar signs, and when you pick one up, you can change into
whichever form you want. But beware! The other little handy guys will
also change form randomly.

Could be mistaken for: Ms. Pac-Man, The Hand, a trip report from the Tiltboys

Kids today may not like it because: There is no bonus level where they get to "Circle" their opponents.

Kids today may like it because: When they complete a level,
their little handy guy is magically transformed into something that
looks an awful lot like the Kool-Aid Man. Oh yeah!

Finally, the latest installment of GATORWATCH!!!11! is up at blogging.la:

As 2005 draws to a close, I look back on the year, and ask myself a
lot of questions: Is it worth living here, with the traffic, and the
overcrowding, and the high cost of living? Why didn’t I hike up to
Mount Wilson this year? Will the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles
make another exciting run at third place in 2006?

But the biggest question, the one that’s kept me up at night, is: What the hell happened to GATORWATCH!!!!!111!?!!??
I mean, for days, we had reporters camped out on the shores of Machado
Lake! There was scandal, and intrigue, and drama, and the Crocodile
Hunter was coming to town to save us all from Reggie the Killer
Alligator. Then, as quickly as the GATORWATCH!!!!!111! started, it stopped.

Until yesterday, baby, when GATORWATCH!!!!!111! was back in full effect, when two jerkass dirtbags were arrested and charged with dumping Reggie the Killer Alligator

And with that, I think I can take a break from the computer. I’ve written so much in the last 48 hours, it’s hard to figure out where my desk ends, and I begin.

In fact, yesterday, Nolan came into my office and asked me if I could take a break so we could go do something together.

"What did you have in mind?" I said.

"I don’t know," he said, "anything, really. I’m getting kind of bored."

"When I’m finished with this piece, we’ll go out for a bite to eat," I said.

"Okay," he said, "I guess it’s back to my Galactica-a-thon."

"Your what?" I said.

"Oh, I’m just having a Galatica day while you’re working," he said. "You were right, it’s awesome!"

I was so excited, I called Anne, and told her that I’d successfully introduced Nolan to the greatest Sci-Fi series in history.

"Oh man, you’re totally corrupting my children," she said.

"They are totally 42% nerd, now," I said.

I waited for a moment, but the reference was lost on her, as she’s only 8% nerd.

"I gotta get back to work," she said.

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. Nerd."