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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Category: WWdN in Exile

The Happiest Audiobook of Our Lives

Posted on 20 December, 2008 By Wil

HD_banner1.jpgAs promised yesterday, you can buy the audio version of The Happiest Days of Our Lives right here, for just $19.72. “Why $19.72?” You ask? Because that’s the year I was born, and since nobody else is the boss of me, I can do that sort of thing. “How long is it?” You say? “That’s what she said!” I reply. Then I tell you that it’s about three and a-half hours long, and we laugh and laugh before the episode ends with a hilarious freeze frame.

Like the audio version of Just A Geek, this is a super-annotated edition, filled with tons of what I call “audio footnotes” for lack of a less stupid-sounding term. I hope we’ve created something that’s more like sitting down in a room with me while I tell you stories, than it is a typical audiobook. I don’t think a traditional publisher would let me get away with doing it this way, which is a big reason I do these things on my own. If you’ve ever heard me perform my work at a show, or listened to any of my podcasts, you should have some idea of what you’re getting into.

Unlike the audio version of Just A Geek, the audio performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives will only be available as a download. We found that the costs associated with creating and shipping physical media for JAG:tA vastly outweighed the benefits, and most people just rip the CDs to their favorite digital format, anyway.

Now, I’m sure most of you reading this don’t need to hear it, but I’m a dad, and that means I often say things at great length that don’t need to be said, so I’d appreciate it if you pretended to listen. I’ve made it really clear that I despise DRM and think it’s stupid, and I will never willingly infect something you buy from me with DRM. In accordance with my philosophy, there is no DRM or restriction of any kind on this audiobook. I don’t think I’ll lose any sales of The Happiest Days audiobook to piracy, because people who would steal from me aren’t people who wouldn’t buy it, anyway, but I need to say this. If you’re considering trying to steal it in some way, there’s very little I can do to stop you – it’s a game of whack-a-mole that I don’t have the time or resources to play – but I hope you’ll consider that when you steal from me, you’re not sticking it to a giant company with millions of dollars in annual revenue. When you steal from me, you’re directly hurting my family, because this is how I support the four of us (and our dogs, who say that they love you no matter what, because they’re dogs and that’s what they do.)

I hope everyone who wants to hear me perform The Happiest Days of Our Lives will get a chance to enjoy to it, and I think that I’ve chosen a price point that’s fair, reasonable, and affordable. I know the economy isn’t great, so if you’re looking to hear me perform my work for free, you can find stuff in my podcasts, listen to me perform Blue Light Special at the 2008 Phoenix Comicon or wait until early next year when I’m releasing, for free, performances of all the extra material I’m adding into Subterranean Press’ special expanded edition of The Happiest Days of Our Lives.

Okay, end of dad voice. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy my performance of The Happiest Days of Our Lives. Let me know if you review it, because I’ll be compiling a page of stuff like that. You know, for kids.

(Epic thanks to Val for the incredibly cool graphic. Wait until you see the flyers and banner images she made!)

a moment of silence, please.

Posted on 19 December, 2008 By Wil

Majel Barrett Roddenberry died yesterday. She was a hell of a lady, who loved Star Trek and Star Trek fans like no other.

Some knew her as the original Number One, some knew her as Lwaxana Troi, and everyone knew her as the ship’s computer, but I just knew her as Majel, my friend Rod’s mom, who always treated me like he and I were brothers.

Since we got the news yesterday, a lot of people have asked me if I can tell a story as a way to remember her. I’ve dug around in the attic of my mind for hours, and the best I can do is: We always had fun when we were working on Next Generation, but when Majel was on the set, it was a party.

also, i have a lava lamp

Posted on 16 December, 2008 By Wil

I got a deadline fucked up in my head, and something I thought was due tomorrow at noon was due today at noon. Oops. I had it on my list and everything.

Luckily, I have some flexibility and an editor who trusts me, so I’m working on finishing the column now (it’s coming together, but finding the flow is a challenge, even when I know the various points I want to make. I usually don’t even find my way “in” to the piece until it’s nearly finished, so . . . yeah, that’s fun.)

My car is in the shop, and I didn’t have time to stop and dinner, so I ordered delivery from this Thai place that I love, and it just got here about 20 minutes ago.

I’m eating the spiciest drunken noodles I think I’ve ever had, listening to Portishead, and writing a column that currently sucks, but will not suck when I turn it in.

wilde is on mine

Posted on 15 December, 2008 By Wil

Rogers has some guest bloggers taking up temporary residence at Kung Fu Monkey, including Michael Alan Nelson, writer of the sensational Boom book Fall of Cthluhu, who managed to post the first truly satisfactory (to me) answer to the obligatory question, where do writers get their ideas?

I’ve come to learn over the past few years what most writers probably
already instinctively know; much of writing is about observation. Ideas
usually don’t come to us in a vacuum. However, writing can be a very
solitary existence so it’s very important to get out of the house,
interact with people, see and experience new things. You have a much
better chance of generating ideas when you aren’t staring at the same
four walls day after day.

When I get stuck on anything, I go for a walk. When I get really stuck, I go for a drive, and then take a walk when I get to wherever I end up. I may not come home with lots of ideas, but I always come home with at least one. I also never know when something’s going to strike me, which is why I always carry a little notebook and pen in my pocket when I leave the house.

Man, I want to write a Cthulhu story now. Time to take a walk.

… well, probably a drive. Yeah, a long, long drive.

my roof is leaking; life is good

Posted on 15 December, 2008 By Wil

Stormpocalypse followed me home from Seattle, and I fell asleep – and woke up several times last night – to the sound of rain pouring down on my house.

I’ve been waiting for the weather to get cold and rainy, so I can finally put down my rye grass seed, so I was thrilled at the prospect of a few inches of rain today and tomorrow . . . until I got up this morning and discovered that our roof has a serious leak. This is never good news, but we just spent our entire home improvement budget repairing the damage from past storms, and fundamentally altering the part of our house that we thought was responsible for it.

It turns out that there’s a different leak, somewhere else on the roof, and not only do we have no idea where it is, it’s going to put a lot of stress on our already-stressed monthly budget to find and repair it.

As you can imagine, I was very unhappy when I saw water pouring down my living room wall this morning, but we made a call to the roof guy, and he told Anne that there’s nothing we can do until it dries up.

After talking to him she told me, “He’ll come out tomorrow, but as far as today goes, freaking out about it won’t accomplish anything.”

I was already on my way to a serious category five freakout, but she was right. I needed to figure out a way to pull out of the spiral of anger and frustration, especially since I’m writing a column today on how you can deal with holiday stress and actually enjoy the season. I commented on Twitter that I was enjoying the cognitive dissonance.

I don’t like wallowing in pity or other negative emotions, so I gave myself a task for the day: focus only on the things that make me happy. I picked out the very first thing that came to mind: Sleigh Ride was playing on Soma’s Christmas Lounge. Ever since I was a little kid, that was the song for Christmas. It’s so upbeat and evokes such wonderful images of happiness and joy, it never fails to put a smile on my face.

Project Procrastinate Under Deadline required me to share this moment with Twitter, and in so doing, I remembered something someone said to me many, many years ago. I forget the precise wording, but the suggestion was to take a moment every day to identify three different things that I was happy or grateful for. The exercise is awesome, because the first thing is always very easy to list, but it’s a challenge to just pick two more things.

I can only speak for myself, but in the process of identifying just three things I’m happy about, I always find a lot more, and no matter how upsetting or annoying the bad things are, they are vastly outweighed by the good. It’s easy to lose perspective when your roof is leaking (but at least you’ve got a roof, right?) or when your boss is bitching you out about putting new covers on the TPS reports (at least you’ve got a job, right?) or when a continent or an ocean separates you from the person you love most in the world (I don’t have to put a parenthetical on this one, right?) But it’s just as easy to spend a minute picking out things that make you happy as it is to focus on the things that suck. It’s empowering, too, because when you focus on the good things, you make a successful save vs. everything else in the world and get +5 to all other saves for the rest of the day.

Here are the three things I picked out this morning:

1.) I’m healthy and in good shape. 2.) I have a family that truly loves each other. 3.) I have a series of very good jobs.

About a hundred people have replied to me on Twitter, sharing three things that make them happy. I’m going to assume that many of you reading this are dealing with some degree of holiday stress; why not take a minute – just sixty seconds out of the day – and reflect on three things that make you happy? Whether you’re having a great day or a lousy one, I promise you’ll feel better when you’re done.

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