memphis to mars

Posted on By Wil

Anne and I are painting cabinets and working in the house today, so I only have time for three quick things while I eat:

  • This Savage Chickens comic made me giggle.
  • I read on Lifehacker yesterday that the final release of OpenOffice.org version 3.0 – which finally includes native Aqua support for OS X – is now available. I’ve used OpenOffice.org for all of my books, and I just love it. I haven’t had a chance to do more than start up 3.0 to make sure it compiled correctly, but it looks beautiful. Congratulations to everyone who worked on it.
  • Did anyone else see Bill Maher last night? This economist, Stephen Moore, was the real life version of the character Stephen Colbert plays on the Colbert Report. For the first ten minutes of the panel, I thought he was doing a bit, stealing from Colbert. When I realized that he wasn’t . . . wow.

It’s so beautifully autumn-like in my neighborhood today, I could just fall over with joy. It’s in the mid-60s, completely clear, and a little breezy. This is my favorite time of year.

ETA OMG: Congratulations to Sean and Tara!

and now, your daily dose of zombies

Posted on By Wil

Think Geek has way, way, way too much fun with the Dismember Me Plush Zombies:

When I see stuff like this, I am inspired to make silly short films like this of my own. Then I look at all the other stuff I have to do, and I’m a little sad that I can’t. Then I remember how lucky I am that I get to do all the things I get to do, and I feel like a dick for feeling sad. Then I watch the video again, and want to make a silly short film of my own. Then, I resolve to break the cycle, realize that it’s probably time for a Guinness, and all is right with the world.

(Seriously, though, isn’t it awesome to live at a moment in history when any creative person with a small budget can make something awesome and freely share it with the world? That wasn’t possible as recently as ten years ago.)

in which wil has a weird (and awesome) day

Posted on By Wil

“wilw: I think I may die from too much fun today. I’m working on Naruto this morning, then Family Guy this afternoon.”

This morning, I finished my arc on Naruto. I can’t say anything specific (I actually shouldn’t have said I was working on it at all until it aired. Oops.) but my shows will start airing in about a month, and I can tell some behind the scenes stuff then.

After I finished recording, I had about 2 hours before I was scheduled to work on Family Guy, so on the way I stopped at this pizza place I’ve always wanted to eat at in Burbank called Dino’s. Oh my god. I had this pizza called the caponata: roasted eggplant, green olives, garlic, onions, tomatoes, capers and fresh basil. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

While I was there, I read an actual newspaper, which was a rather exciting and retro experience. I used to read the Los Angeles Times and the Daily News every day, and the New York Times on Sundays, and today was the first time I’ve held a newspaper in my hands that wasn’t The Onion in over a year.

After lunch, I drove down to Hollywood for Family Guy. On my way down Highland, I saw at least a dozen different street corner prophets, hollering at traffic about one thing or another. In the median at Highland and Melrose, I saw legendary Hollywood crazy person Melrose Larry Green. He had a political sign, but he was waving it around so much, I couldn’t read it. Dang.

I record Family Guy (and Cavalcade) in an office building down on Wilshire near LACMA. It’s a really cool place, where the Evil Monkey tells people to recycle, a Family Guy pinball machine is available on free play, and a ping pong table takes up much of the waiting area near the recording booths. There were two people playing when I got there, and after I read my sides (holy shit is it a funny scene) I looked up to see Seth Green playing.

I sort of knew Seth when we were much younger, because he was one of those guys I’d run into at auditions all the time. He was a little nerdy, and always really nice and unassuming, with a great sense of humor. I remember once, back in 1998 or 1999, I said to him, “You know, Seth, you’re a little nerdy, and you’re also nice and unassuming, with a great sense of humor. You should do a TV show where you satirize movies and popular culture with animated action figures.”*

I wasn’t sure if he’d remember me since it had been so long, but it turns out that he did, and after talking to him for a few minutes I was really happy to see that he’s the same exceedingly nice and easygoing guy I sort knew all those years ago. Before I left, we played some ping pong, and discussed the awesomeness of being on Team I Have An Awesome Beard. He recently moved to team I Don’t Have A Beard Because It Was Too Itchy, but the bond between bearded and formerly-bearded brothers was still strong. And awesome.**

When I recorded my lines, Seth MacFarlane directed me. My scene was with Peter Griffin, and I am as proud of myself as I’ve ever been that I didn’t lose my shit when Seth read me into my first line in Peter’s voice. I also told him that I’m still laughing about Surfin’ Bird, and nearly convinced him that members of The Trashmen were all deadbeat dads to the same former groupie, so the increased sales on iTunes was finally feeding her numerous bastard children. (This was way, way funnier than it seems now. Making outrageous shit up like that and committing to it completely is one of my favorite ways to amuse myself.)

On my way home, I hoped to complete my strange trip into Hollywood with an Angelyne sighting, but I got to see a hobo getting all Office Space on his shopping cart instead, while a bunch of other hoboes watched . . . and guarded theirs.

There was no traffic on the freeway, and I got home in 27 minutes.

I think it’s safe to say I had a very weird day.

*This never actually happened.

**Awesome.

Disneyland for Gamers

Posted on By Wil

OMG:

True Realm – A HUGE two-day “gamer theme park” that is packed with TWO DUNGEONS and TD mini-events!

It is a shared gamer-geek dream that someday there would be a “theme park” just for medieval fantasy gamers – and it is finally here! Due to the overwhelming response from volunteers and players regarding the “True Dungeon: Director’s Cut” event, we have greatly expanded the scope of the event to create a medieval fantasy cityscape loaded with cool gaming events. Not only will the “theme park” be DOUBLE the size of the Gen Con Indy True Dungeon event, but there will be TWO unique True Dungeon modules offered as well as many cool TD mini-events. You can spend two full days completely immersed in “True Realm” while living out your “True Gamer” dreams!

True Realm will be housed inside a 40,000 sq. ft. cavernous warehouse, and it will be divided up into the Dungeons and the City. The Dungeons will take up about 28,000 sq. ft. and it will be the area where all the True Dungeon events are held. The City will be a 12,000 sq. ft. detailed medieval fantasy cityscape complete with cool, high-quality facades and lighting.

I did True Dungeon once at GenCon SoCal. I absolutely loved it right up until I died in the spider room. Now, I realize that telling “how I died in True Dungeon” is like telling a bad beat story in poker, so I’ll go ahead and give you all 1d6 GP if you read this story and ever play in one of my campaigns.

We were in the spider room. Most of us avoided getting webbed, including me, the cleric, and the fighter. I was a Bard, so I started singing a song to inspire the fighter. The fighter started wailing on the spider, who decided that the best defense was to only attack me. The cleric was so busy laughing at my song, he never healed me (thanks, Cal) and I died pretty quickly after taking two massive blows on successive turns.

Here’s the thing: afterward, the woman running the room made a very big deal about how she “didn’t take it easy on Wil Wheaton.” Gosh, thanks for that. Her, um, “logic” was that the spider saw that I was powering the fighter, decided that I was a more serious threat than the fighter – who was beating on it with a sword – and acted accordingly.

Okay, let’s just take a moment and consider this. Dungeon Masters, I’m talking to you now: What’s the Monstrous Spider’s average intelligence?

Taking a look at the 3.0 Monster Manual (which is what we were using at the time) a Monstrous Spider has an intelligence of wait for it … zero. Now, I’m just a simple country chicken lawyer, but isn’t it kinda hard to know that the guy wailing on you with a sword would be a slightly smaller threat if you took out the Bard who was inspiring him with song when your fucking intelligence is zero? I’ve only been running games for 20 years, though, so maybe I’m using some arcane interpretation of the rules that wasn’t operative at the time.

It was an incredibly frustrating way to die, because it seemed unfair and arbitrary. I wouldn’t mind dying some kind of heroic death, or falling into the Pit of Infinite Falling You Dumb Ass because I did something stupid, but getting thumped because the DM for that room didn’t want to “take it easy on Wil Wheaton” seemed really lame to me.

For what it’s worth, I’ve talked to other people who played that year, and lots of them have similar complaints about the way that particular room was run. Everything else, though, was spectacular, and I’d highly recommend the experience, which is wonderfully memorable whether you survive or not.

Anyway, enough about me. Where and when is this magnificent True Realm happening?

True Realm will be open on Friday, April 3rd and Saturday, April 4th 2009 from 9:30am until 11:00pm. The two True Dungeon adventures (as well as the two TD mini-events) will have start times from 10:00am until 10:00pm. The event will take place in a very easy-to-find warehouse in southern Illinois just six miles west of Interstate 57 at Exit 58.

There are a ton of events, including mini-events called True Raid and True Grind that are exactly what they sound like. What can you do when you’re not crawling through one of the dungeons? Get your emm effing geek on, that’s what:

Between the times you spend playing all of the ticketed events, you can have fun enjoying many free activities like the aforementioned Bard’s Contest and the Costume Contest. Or, you can visit the Inn or the Tavern for some refreshment while picking up an open game or trading some tokens. Also, you can sit down to strategize with your team for an upcoming event, or you can just sit back and talk about old gaming exploits while enjoying a turkey drumstick – barbarian style.

Okay, I’ll have to bring my own Tofurkey drumstick, but I think I can handle that, because this sounds like the greatest thing for gamers since they put dice in a bag.

(Thanks to reader DM for the link!)

Q: What book are you currently reading? Is it good so far?

Posted on By Wil

I don’t do memes, because once I start, I doubt I’d be able to stop. That wouldn’t end well for anyone, especially my cat who is bacon-averse.

This morning, though, while I was Propelling, I stopped at SF Signal and saw Quick Meme: What are You Reading?

Q: What book are you currently reading? Is it good so far?

Oh! Good question. I’m so glad you asked. I love to read, and I love to talk about books, so I’m going to go ahead and hop onto this one. Don’t worry, I won’t be tagging anyone, because that’s just silly.

Until last year, I’d limit myself and only read one book at a time, but as the pile of things I wanted to read grew ever larger, I decided that it made more sense to go ahead and read a few books in parallel, sort of like watching different channels on different nights. So far, this has worked out pretty well for me, and allowed me to read more books than I normally would without making me feel like I’m sacrificing anything in each individual book.

Does anyone else do this? Is this the normal way people read books, and I’m just figuring it out now? I wonder about these things. Enlighten me.

So, to the meme! Right now, I’m reading The Living Dead anthology, edited by John Joseph Adams. I just love it, but it’s huge. Also, as John at SF Signal observed, because it’s an anthology, it takes longer to read than a book of equal length, because you have to adjust to a new author’s style and find the groove of each new story. I never thought about that very much, but it explains why I don’t read anthologies with the same enthusiasm that I read novels.

I’ve read a few stories in The Living Dead, and I especially liked Kelly Link’s Some Zombie Contingency Plans, Dan Simmons’ This Year’s Class Picture, David Barr Kirtley’s The Skull-Faced Boy, and Dale Bailey’s Death and Suffrage.

I’ve wanted to write a zombie story for years. The last one I wrote was the 7th grade tale of turgid terror “The Land of the Zombies” and I’m anxious to revisit the genre. The Living Dead has inspired me, and I have an idea that I’m outlining right now.

Is it good so far? Oh, you betcha, my friends. It’s fantastic.

I’m also re-reading, for the first time in over fifteen years, Ender’s Game. Nolan has a Sci-Fi class at school, and when he told me that he’d picked Ender’s Game from the reading list, I thought it would be fun to grab my copy out of storage and read it with him.

Nolan isn’t a voracious reader like Ryan is, but when he finds a book that he likes, he pretty much drops everything else in the world until the book is finished. After two days, he had read over 100 pages of Ender, while I was still in the third chapter. He’s agreed to give me a day to catch up, though.

Is it good so far? Yes. Ender’s Game is as fast-paced and accessible as I remember it, and I’m picking up on all sorts of stuff I missed when I was a kid. I loved this book when I was a teenager – I think I first read it when I was 14 or 15 – but I never got into any of the sequels. I find Orson Scott Card’s recent raging homophobia and associated ignorant ranting pretty reprehensible, and I have no interest in giving him any of my money or spending any time reading his current work, but I didn’t know about any of that when I was a kid, and none of that changes how great Ender’s Game is.

Soon I Will Be Invincible. (I’m updating because I forgot to add this one. I’m kind of stupid today.) I still love this. I’m taking my time, though, because I don’t want it to end.

I keep finding myself picking up and skimming through The Pirate’s Guide to Freeport, the 4th Edition Forgotten Realms Campaign Guide, The World of Darkness, and a bunch of old GURPS books: Cyberpunk, Horror, Autoduel and Space. I really want to teach Nolan Car Wars, but I don’t think he has the patience. Goddamn video games.

Are they good so far? Um. Duh.

I’m taking this one step beyond (with the rockingest, rocksteady beat of MADNESS!!) and adding the books I can’t want to start:

Zoe’s Tale. This one is at the top of the pile, because I love the Old Man’s War universe, and Scalzi is my friend. I think it’s another one I can read with Nolan, too.

Pattern Recognition. I was trying to decide if it was going to be this or Spook Country, and everyone I know who has read them both says Pattern Recognition is the way to go.

The Terror. I’ve had this one on the nightstand for months, and I’ve gotten about 2 chapters into it. It’s nearing that point of no return where I know I won’t be able to put it down. I can’t risk losing even more productivity than I already have, though, so it’ll have to keep waiting.

Carter Beats the Devil. My friend Yuri says that I shouldn’t even open this book unless I can clear my life of everything else until I finish it, because it’s that good.

The Graveyard Book. I bought this the day it came out, and it’s going to be my reward when I finish . . . something. I haven’t decided what it is, yet.

House of Leaves. A friend of mine knows the author, and gave me a copy a million years ago. I was intimidated by its size, but I understand that it’s worth it.

Spin. Recommended by a friend, as well. I made it about 100 pages into the book and got distracted by a red balloon. I was intrigued enough to finish it, though. Maybe I’ll get to move it up to the Stuff I’m Reading list.

I’ve been acting more than usual lately. (I know, I know, it’s weird for me, too.) It uses the same creative energy and inspiration sources in my brain as writing, so I just haven’t had anything left at the end of the day to work on the stories I have in various stages of creation. This is frustrating and a little demoralizing to me, but Stephen King says that writers have to read, though, so I’m going to go ahead and give myself permission to . . . uh . . . draw some inspiration . . . from some other writers.

Okay, let’s throw it open in comments: What book are you currently reading? Is it good so far?