Tonight, I will be on the Computer America show.
I’ll be mostly talking about Just A Geek, but I’m sure I’ll geek out about Linux, my frustrations with my iBook, how cool it is to be a TotalFarker, and this cool wind-up Bender I have on my desk.
I’m on from 7PM to 8 PM Pacific. This handy link has all the listening details.
First Break Update: Well, I pulled a full-on rookie move, and talked right up against the break . . . but it wasn’t my fault! I didn’t hear the music starting. Grr. So far, the interview is fun. I feel a little long-winded, so I’m going to shorten up my answers in the second block.
Second Break Update: DAMMIT! I talked into the break again! I’ll have to get the exact times they go to commercial, so I can not suck. Still too long-winded. I’m sort of rambling in my mind, (too many thoughts jumping up after each question, each thought leads to a new thought, which leads to still another thought. It’s hard to tie them back together. Anyone who’s seen me speak live knows what I mean.) If I were a politician, I would be “off message.”
Okay. Next break I will be succinct and direct. I am so not going to suck!
Third Break Update: Much better! I didn’t talk into the break! Yeah!
Of course, I did sort of rush myself a little bit, and it feels weird to talk about how Just A Geek is doing. I think it’s doing well, but I don’t have anything to compare it to, you know? I can’t see actual numbers other than the Amazon sales ranking, so I sort of panicked and answered that I’ve heard from lots of people who have told me they liked it.
Hrm. So I didn’t *totally* suck, but I didn’t rule, either. Hopefully, I’ll hit the good balance in this next break.
Fourth Break Update: Best break yet! I stayed focused, kept my answers short, and even kept my head about me when I got a question from a caller that made me squirm a bit. These hosts are really great, and I’m really enjoyng myself.
Final Thought: So I didn’t totally suck, but it took me two full segments to get warmed up. Maybe in the future I should do some sort of fake interview with myself for ten minutes, so I feel comfortable when I get on the air . . . hrm. That actually raises an interesting thing: I’ve been so severely burned over the last few years by The Media, I feel a little nervous and stand-offish when I get started, because I don’t know if I’m going to get slammed or not. The hosts on this show were fantastic, though, and they totally didn’t make it all about Star Trek, or all about Computers or anything like that . . . and they’d actually read the book (!) which was a huge bonus.
To use baseball as an analogy: I didn’t hit it out, but I got a double, and stole third before scoring on a fielder’s choice.
Still with me?
I’m just now realizing that I haven’t done very much publicity for Just A Geek, in comparison to Dancing Barefoot, which is weird (and a little alarming) considering we (O’Reilly and I) thought Just A Geek was a much “bigger” book. Hrm. Maybe it’s also very early in the “cycle,” too. Maybe I need to send The Voice Of Self Doubt off to the Cornfield.
Maybe I need to get offline and go watch WSOP on ESPN.

It usually takes about 2 hours to get to San Diego, so Anne and I left at 10, leaving ample time to arrive for my 1:30 signing at Mysterious Galaxy.
We hit our first traffic jam in Norwalk, on the 5, where it took thirty minutes to go ten miles. No wreck, no construction, just congestion. Not a good sign.
We hit our second traffic jam — in the carpool lane, no less — in Santa Ana. I growled and snarled, and felt my shoulders tighten as we sat motionless while the cars on the regular freeway streamed past us at 80 miles per hour.
Ten minutes later, when we’d moved the quarter-mile past the merge that created the carpool jam, we stayed at normal freeway speeds right until about Irvine, where we stopped, and didn’t move more than a few miles in close to twenty minutes. If the traffic was this bad, this far north of our destination, I knew that there was no way we’d get there on time, and we were already too far down the 5 to try an alternate route.

“Argh! This is like the fucking 101 freeway at 5 PM on a Friday afternoon!” I said.
“We’re going to be fine,” Anne said. “We’ve still got a lot of time to make it there, and the traffic can’t stay this bad the entire way.”
Well, it turns out that the traffic could stay that bad the entire way. For the next three hours, we crept along at 30, or occasionally 45 miles per hour. It was the most infuriating drive of my life, made worse by the knowledge that I was not just going to be a little late, but I would be extremely late.
“Goddammit! This is such bullshit!” I said, as I hit the steering wheel for what seemed like the hundredth time. “I am so fucking unprofessional, and inconsiderate, and just –” I hit the dashboard this time “STUPID!”
Longtime readers of this blog are probably aware of how patient and understanding my wife is. When I freak out like this, she knows that it’s not about the traffic.
“We can’t make the freeway move any faster,” she said, calmly, “and all you’re doing is stressing yourself out worse and worse.”

As usual, she was right. As usual, I was too furious to listen.
“There are lots of people waiting at Mysterious Galaxy, right now, for me to show up, and I’m currently letting every single one of them down!” I shouted. “Hey! My blinker means that I want to get out of this lane, you stupid fuck!”
I looked at Anne. “Apparently, turn indicators now mean, ‘Please speed up so I can’t change lanes.'”
“Look,” she said, “I don’t want to listen to you freak out any more. So you need to stop now. We’ll get there when we get there.”
I fumed for a few minutes. It was one thing to be angry with myself for the poor planning that put me in this position, and it was one thing to be worried that I was screwing up a very important appearance . . . but it was another thing entirely to be upsetting my wife, who was just along for the ride.
We rode in silence for the next several minutes, as we crawled through San Juan Capistrano, and I calmed myself down.
“I’m really sorry,” I said. “The traffic isn’t your fault.”
“I know,” she said.
“I’m just upset that I was so wrong on the planning,” I said.
“I know.”
“We should have just taken the train,” I said.
“I know.”
“I’m never making this drive again,” I said.
“I know.”
The traffic remained heavily congested all the way down to San Clemente, where it suddenly and miraculously opened up until somewhere around Encinitas, where we slowed back to a crawl again. I called the bookstore a few times to give them updates, and tried to remain positive, even though I was pissed. Maryelizabeth, from Mysterious Galaxy, was very supportive and encouraging on the phone, and assured me that the crowd wasn’t as upset as I was, and told me to just get there as soon as I could . . . which ended up being an hour late.
When I got to the store, I felt embarrassed, and had a hard time holding my head up when I walked in, even though the crowd applauded. It was even worse that I had to go straight to the bathroom, at the back of the store, before I could do anything.
After seeing a man about a mule, I took the podium, and started my reading. I was genuinely surprised that so many people had waited so long to see me.
“I’m really happy that you all waited so long to see me,” I said, “I wouldn’t wait an hour for me, that’s for sure!” Then I promised that I wouldn’t suck, and I began to read.
There is a fantastic account of the event in a weblog called “brianstorms,” that actually captures the essence of the whole thing, and has some nifty pictures of me and The Shirt, and since I’m on a deadline for Dungeon right now, I encourage everyone to go read it (and you’ll probably end up bookmarking the blog just like I did. It’s incredibly well written and very interesting.)
When all was said and done, the event was a lot of fun, and I think I did a good job with my material. This was only the third stop on the Geek Tour, but I’m already enjoying performing the material even more than I enjoyed writing it. Each reading (which I actually approach as a performance) is different, as I discover nuances in the material that I didn’t even know were there, and I’m keeping notes in my reading copy, so if O’Reilly ever does a second printing, or a paperback version, I can make some changes to improve it.
Before I left, I signed a ton of stock, so if you’re hoping for a signed first edition of Just A Geek, or a signed first O’Reilly edition of Dancing Barefoot, you can get them from Mysterious Galaxy.
And if you’re able to actually get into the store, you can see the best thing of all: I’m on the shelf right next to Ray Bradbury, and that, my friends, is truly the Cat’s Pajamas.

Stop number three on Geek Tour 2K4 is coming up tomorrow, at Mysterious Galaxy in San Diego. I’ll be reading from and signing copies of Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot starting at 1:30 PM.
Maryelizabeth from MG brought me to ComicCon when I was doing Dancing Barefoot with Monolith Press last year, and helped me understand a lot of the realities of the publishing world. Her support and encouragement is a huge part of this chapter in my life, and I’m really looking forward to the reading. I sort of feel like I’ve made it into AA ball, and I’m going back to the field where I finally learned to make my curve break. It’s going to be awesome!

When I got back from vacation, I had one day to catch my breath before I headed down to Borders in Hollywood for stop #2 on Geek Tour 2K4. I was nervous and hell, since I didn’t know if anyone would show up . . . but they filled every seat! I saw several familiar faces there, including some soapboxers, people I’d worked with on Star Trek and Teen Titans, and this guy who I grew up with in Sunland. We were the best of friends, and lost contact (like so many kids do) when he moved away right before my family moved away. Even though I hadn’t seen him in over 20 years, I thought about him all the time, and wondered what happened to him. See, we used to spend hours sitting on his porch, making up video games together. We’d both write them, he’d draw them, and we had grand dreams of developing for ColecoVision . . . I truly believed that he was going to do something great with himself someday.
I nearly fainted when he came up to me, and asked me if I remembered him. Of course, we’ve both aged over the years, and I was drawing a blank when this tall dude said, “Wil, don’t you remember me?” (Yeah, because nobody ever says that to me. 😉 But as soon as he said his name, I could see the 11 year old kid I remembered — his eyes haven’t changed a bit. So the coolest thing? He’s a writer now, and has just had his first book published by Tokyopop! The book is called “@Large,” and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Manga and Hip-Hop culture fused together. I think it’s really cool. See, I got to read it, because we traded books. How cool is that? Talk about closing a circle that started in 1984!
The reading went well, despite my nerves. I’m still figuring out what material I should perform at these events, and I tried out something new this time. I ended up reading part of Chapter 1, and part of Chapter 9, and I felt like I never lost the audience. Julie and Peggy from Borders told me that it was a hugely successful event, and Borders is going to have me appear at some other stores as part of The Geek Tour. I feel like Borders is supporting me (they even have my book in the New Releases section, right in the front of the store!) and I can’t wait to do more events with them.
Finally, TrekWeb’s review of Just A Geek is up today, and it’s just . . . awesome. I’m truly at a loss for words to describe how happy I am about it.

“The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow.”
— Mark Twain

Earlier today, I took Ryan with me to the party store to buy some wrapping paper for my brother’s birthday present. At the checkout, there was one of those kiosks that plays selections from fifteen or so CDs of “party music.”
After about two minutes of hearing little kids sing “Party All The Time,” the theme to SpongeBob Squarepants, and the chorus of “Electric Slide” over and over again, I gave serious consideration to committing harakiri with the roll of wrapping paper I was holding.
When we stepped up to the cashier, I said, “Do they pay you extra for having to suffer through that music all day?”
She sighed and said, “No. They should, though.”
“I think it’s actually cruel and unusual,” I said, “and a violation of UN treaties.”
She looked back at me, blankly, and said, “Can I have your ZIP code, please?”
“No,” I said. (You see, it starts with the phone number at Radio Shack, then it’s the ZIP code everywhere else, and before you know it, we’re giving them DNA slides and submitting to retina scans. We’ve got to draw the line somewhere, people.)
“Whatever,” she said, and typed in the local ZIP code. We completed our transaction, and I walked out of the store.
Before the doors had even closed, Ryan said, “Wil, that was really lame.”
“What was?” I said.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings . . . but I don’t think that girl knew what UN treaties were, and you sounded sort of stupid.”
“So should I have said ‘Geneva Conventions’?”
“Uhm. No.” He said.
“What about —”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “You just . . . shouldn’t have said anything.”
For the first time in my life, I felt completely lame and out of touch. I haven’t felt that uncomforatble in my own skin since . . . well, since I was Ryan’s age, and my dad embarrassed me in front of some girl.
We got to the car. As I unlocked the doors, I said, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you, Ryan. It was funny in my head.”
“It’s okay,” he said, gently. “It’s just that your sense of humor is like coffee . . . it’s an acquired taste.”
“So this is what it feels like on this side of the generation gap,” I thought.
As we drove home, I thought about all those times I was so mortified by my dad, when he was just being who he is, and I understood that Mark Twain quote about growing older and understanding who our fathers really are. I think I need to call my dad . . . I owe him an apology about ten years ago.