WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

WTF?

I have no idea what the hell is going on here, but I think the caption says it all.
Thanks (I think) to Courtney, who sent this to me.

21 February, 2002 Wil 72 Comments

Too Late to Stop the Hangman?

From Salon:

“Missouri is determined to execute Joseph Amrine for murder even though every prosecution witness and the jury foreman now say he’s innocent and new witnesses point to another man. Why? A federal law says the evidence came in too late.”

The whole story is here.
Please read this, and if you feel that this man may be innocent, contact the governor of Missouri, Bob Holden, asking him to grant a pardon, or at the very least a new trial, using the following contact information:
Governor’s Office In Jefferson City
Missouri Capitol Building, Room 218
PO Box 720
Jefferson City, MO 65102-0720
Telephone: (573) 751-3222
FAX: (573) 751-1495

21 February, 2002 Wil 80 Comments

Longview

I woke up this morning to find my entire dining room table covered in cat pee.
Goddamn Felix. He won’t use the cat box, and I guess he didn’t get to go out early enough last night…so he decided to use the grocery bag on the table. Little bastard even got some on my cool G4 hat.
Why do I bring this up? To show, by example, why I haven’t written anything in 2 days.
I got nothin’, man. Nada. Zero. I got UPN ratings for ideas to write about, my friends.
I think it has to do with my cooler-than-me, funnier-than-me, better-looking-than-me wife’s previous entry. I haven’t had anything that could top that, except for the final installment of SpongeBob Vega$Pants, but I haven’t had time to write that up…and it’s killing me, believe me!
Oh, and I’ve been printing out all your comments, and giving them to her. You guys have all made her feel really, really happy, and I want to thank you, sincerely, for being so cool. Maybe we can talk her into coming and playing with us sometime again, in six months or so. 🙂
So I sit here this morning, constantly refreshing the traffic map, waiting for a break, so I can leave for work, sipping this Chai mate tea that I just got, lamenting my lack of inspiration.
Oh! The cat pee reminds me of something funny that happened when I was doing the “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sunday Show” show at ACME last year. My friend Kate had written this really funny sketch, that was a take off on PBS’s “Great Performances”, where a bunch of us wore all black, and performed 80s pop-tunes as dramatic spoken word pieces. It was hellafunny, and it was one of my favorite sketches in the show. For my costume, I wore black jeans, socks and shoes, and a black shirt, that was sort of a “hipster” shirt, that I got at Hot Topic. It was polyester, short-sleeved, and had this pseudo-shiny stuff up the center. Boy, that description really makes it sound gay, doesn’t it? Trust me, it was fairly cool.
So we’re all changing backstage, getting ready for “Great Performances”. I can hear the audience dying, cracking up to “Let’s Swap”, we’re all talking a bunch of shit to each other, because that’s what actors do, as we’re changing.
I pull my shirt over my head, and sit down on the couch to tie my shoes…and I am overwhelmed with this terrible, terrible smell. So I ask Maz if he smells it. He does not. Dara doesn’t smell it, either, nor do Chris or Kevin. But Cynthia is sitting next to me, and she smells it, and we both realize that it’s my shirt, but we can’t quite place the horrible smell…it’s not just cat pee…it’s something more, probably because of the chemical interaction between polyester and cat pee. Dammit, I wish DATA were here. He’d know what it was.
What?
So I realize that I have a pretty serious problem: we are on in less than a minute, and I smell like something you’d find in a back alley in Hell’s Kitchen, right after Republican budget cuts have forced the closure of another homeless shelter.
So what do I do? I suck it up, and I go out there, like a man. A cat-pee-stinkin’ man, and I do my bit in the sketch, and I make the audience laugh, while making Dan Fester, who is standing next to me, nearly gag.
Why?
Because the show must go on, Virginia. The show must go on.

21 February, 2002 Wil 167 Comments

Comments From The Wife

I’m going to start by saying that I am so lame when it comes to computers. I don’t even know how to turn one on. In fact, I’m pretty bad with any electronics. When the daylight savings time happens, the clock in my car is off by an hour for six months. Before meeting Wil, my VCR was always flashing 12:00. Pretty lame huh?
My friends tease me for having a husband who can build his own website, yet I have to ask what a BLOG is. You get the picture. So when Wil told me that he put on his website (he has to read me his entries and prints out responses for me to look at) that he wanted to do something cool for me for putting up with all the time and energy (and MANY profane words) he has put into building and maintaining his site, by doing sort of a “donation box” for a gift for me, I was so touched by this. So touched, in fact, that I had Wil set up this whole little deal here so all I had to do was type what I want to say. And boy, do I have a lot to say. I’m so excited. I feel like I finally have communication with this whole world that I only hear about! I know, you’re probably thinking, “what the hell is wrong with this girl? Does she live in some sort of cave?! Well, as a matter of fact, yes. I live in an Atari 2600 world. Simple, yes. Advanced? No. But that’s ok. I have a husband who can look things up for me if I really need to. But it is pretty cool to finally have a chance to have my thoughts about all this heard. So first things first. (Oh and by the way, I still play my Atari. what the hell is this Playstation thing anyway?)
First of all, I was totally surprised when I came home from work today and Wil told me about his “donation box” story. Surprised mostly because I have friends who read his entries everyday, and didn’t tell me he was doing this. But also that there were enough donations that he was able to get me a gift certificate for a yummy day at a spa. Mmm… massage…. oh sorry, where was I? Anyway, these past few months have been very difficult, but at the same time very rewarding for Wil, as he was able to get his site going. You know, I think it has been for me too. Wil would stay up FOREVER working on this, which meant me going to sleep by myself, and work on it every free moment he had. So it’s nice to see Wil so happy with all his hard work paying off for him. He feels like people get to see what he’s really like, instead of what some “I hate Wesley” fan guy has to say. And just in case you were wondering, I had never seen Star Trek until they started running that marathon on TNN or TNT whichever one it is. Wil watched that thing practically the whole time it was on. He kept saying, ” Oh, this is my FAVORITE episode.” ok seriously, he said that like 20 times. But it was kinda funny that he really likes that stuff. Even when he’s in it. So once in a while he’d say, “look honey! There I am! Man does that suit look stupid. Oh man, look at my lame hair!” But he’s all into science fiction stuff, so that must have been pretty cool to be part of something you like so much.
Anyway, his website means so much to him and I think that it’s so awesome that people have responded so well to it. Of course, he tells me about the occasional lame ass that has to throw in his negative two cents now and then. But I guess that’s the beauty of this on-line world. You don’t have to say your shit directly to the person’s face. But I guess you do what makes you happy. I think that Wil tries to not take that crap seriously. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. I never thought that all his time spent on this entitled me to any sort of gift. I have the gift of a happy husband. (I know… gag) Nevertheless, I am extremely touched by your generosity, and I’ll be thinking of you all while I’m having my spa day. Thanks!
On to the next subject. The most recent entry of Wil’s (at least the one he read to me yesterday, and printed out all the responses for me to read) The 7 things you are thankful for today. My list is for today and everyday since I am a dork with this computer and probably won’t get a chance to do this for another six months
1. My husband- his unconditional love for me and for Ryan and Nolan (my men)
– his little love notes in my lunch I take to work or my suitcase when I go out of town
– the way he rubs my ear at night to help me fall asleep
– when he thanks me every time I do his laundry
2. My aforementioned men (Ryan and Nolan)-the way Ryan laughs so hard he can’t sit up (just like I do)
-when Nolan tells me he loves me and gives me a kiss in front of his class (because he doesn’t care what his friends think yet)
-that they both still make me Mother’s Day cards out of construction paper
– they have Wil’s sense of humor, even though they aren’t biologically his
3. My friends- the handful of close ones I have had for years
– the same ones that have to hear the same stories about the bullshit my ex husband is doing now
– the same ones that we take turns taking each other to the airport
– the same ones that go do stuff with me while my husband works on his website
4. My job- that I’m actually doing something I enjoy-something I chose for a career
-that I can make my own schedule so I can be here for the kids or take a day off to hang out with Wil
5. My health and my family’s health- I know that that seems like a typical one, but we have had a lot of death around us recently, so I am truly thankful that we are all well.
6. Chocolate- need I say more?
7. The Simpson’s- now you’re probably thinking “what? does she mean OJ?” No. Definitely no. As in Homer. You see, that show is probably the one thing that makes Wil laugh harder than anything. It’s funny. He laughs so hard he puts his hand in front of his face, but you can still see that the tip of his tongue curls up. Isn’t that weird? I wonder why that happens. Probably the same explanation as me not being able to sit up straight when I laugh really hard. Just one of those things. Anyway, hours of entertainment, that’s all. And the happiness it brings my husband.
I just loved reading all the responses and lists of everyone’s 7 things. Wil is pretty cool that way. I guess that’s why I married him. He’s a smart guy. An honest, funny, loving, caring, wanting to make the world a better place kind of guy.
I think this whole computer thing isn’t so bad after all! Of course, it’s taken me an hour to type all this. No seriously, it has. I think my 10 year old could type faster than I could. I guess I should finish now. I think I’ll go kick Wil’s ass in some Air-Sea Battle- guided missiles of course. He hates that he can never beat me. Then again, I am 3 years older than him. That gives me 3 more years practice. Whatever the case, he’s still getting his ass kicked by a GIRL!
Thanks again for the awesome gift! And please, tell Wil to wear his glasses (they totally look like the ones Corey Feldman wore in Stand By Me… I think he jacked them) while he’s on the computer. He looks cross-eyed when he’s on this thing for too long (which is everyday)
See ya!
Anne
P.S. Did Wil ever finish telling you about the Vegas trip back in September? I think that was how all this got started and he mentioned a while ago that he hadn’t finished it yet. So let me sum it up for you…. his sketch comedy show was awesome, William fucking Shatner still doesn’t speak to Wil (but I guess he has since then…Weakest Link thing)….we… I should say I, lost my ass at roulette(is that how you spell that?) and our second-hand smoke filled 5 day extravaganza was finished off by my laryngitis, and upper respiratory infection due to all the damn smoke -illness. God I hate Vegas. I can’t wait to go back. Later!

19 February, 2002 Wil 255 Comments

Attention WWDN Shoppers

Last week, I added two new designs to the WWDN store.
One of the designs was drawn by my amazingly talented friend, Ben.
The other design was created by an amazing artist named Brad, who I don’t know, at all…so I conducted this silly little interview with him, so that I, and the Posse, could get to know him a little bit better.
Ben, if you’re reading this, I want to interview you next. It’s nice being on the other side of the table for a change!
WIL: Your website, artpeace.com, has one of the most beautiful mission statements I’ve ever read. Would you talk a little bit about what influenced your beliefs?
BRAD: Well, Mr. Crusher, I think I believe in God, and I think God’s pretty cool.
And I think that people are way too serious in life, and caught up in “self”, so much so that they become very peaceless entities. I’ve found that people react very positively from my art; they start trippin’ and sometimes even think they can paint and draw all of a sudden (those who are not visual artists). That’s cool, cuz if a person thinks she or he can do something they will usually at least try to make something happen, and end up on a higher skill or mental plane than when they started. I get the same kind of inspired energy from artists whose work I admire.
W: You state that “the creative energy of art” can stimulate the positive
flow of peace. Personally, I completely agree with this ideal, but I wonder if you’ve seen it in action?
B: People get excited when they see something on canvas or paper or the movie screen that they think is the coolest thing they’ve ever seen. They talk to each other, they agree about the skillful execution or the tight special effects, they can converse about something heavy without even caring about any differences that may exist between them. A good piece of art can calm the need to tear off somebody’s head. That’s peaceful energy.
W: I feel that your work is inspired by Dali. Am I right, or am I O.J.?
B: You do NOT want to be O.J. right about now…Salvadore was the father of surrealism, a style from which I create most of my work.
W: Did you go to an art school? Care to plug said school? As an artist, how do you feel about formal education vs. experiential education for would-be
artists?
B: I went to the premiere art high school in Houston. I had to audition to get in, did so with flying colors, then flunked 12th grade cuz I fkd around and didn’t do the senior project, which they announced during the final week was not just another project, but 1/2 the semester grade…missed it by 1/2 credit, and the instructor flunked me cuz I had been a smart ass to her a few weeks before. So I took typing in summer school, and now I can type about 80 wpm. That helps out alot on my Macintosh work.
As for the education thing? It’s whatever way you get it. Some artists feel like they have to have some rules under their belt before they can get down; artists like me look for rules that will break if you hit ’em hard enough.
W: The design you did for WWDN, which you’ve called “Perfect Imperfection”, is really amazing. Would you like to talk about what inspired this piece?
B: No.
W: The Dodgers have been on a steady decline since FOX bought them. New GM Dan Evans has said that they want to “win now, not rebuild”. What do you think of this attitude?
B: … What? . . . Ok, ok I’ll talk about “Perfect Imperfection” if it’ll keep
us friends. One of the most amazing and harmlessly eerie sights in nature to me is a tree in the winter time when you can see all the branches. A billion branches that form this spiritual maze leading in seemingly endless possible directions that life can take you in at any given moment. The overall shape of this tree is almost reminiscent of the human brain…endless nerve endings. The eye is vision, insight, creativity, intellect. The green and gold iris depict sunlight causing the green (life) to exist, but there really is no eye there, just the impression that one exists. This image is of something that is the core by which we seek to perfect the imperfection
of the human destiny. Ok?
If the Dodgers have this kind of record, I think they may never win if he doesn’t rebuild now.
W: Art vs. Commerce, Art *AS* Commerce, Commerce as Art. Discuss.
B: Art battling commerce loses almost everytime, if you’re trying to pay bills.
Commercial artists, a group to which I technically but not always joyfully belong, don’t draw and paint what they want, but what somebody with some money they need wants drawn. They incorporate their own style, true, but it still only goes so far. Then art becomes commerce. It’s good work–very skilled execution–but usually it didn’t really come out of that artist’s soul, just out of the need to eat. Dali didn’t give a damn what people thought, just as long as the work was good in his own sight. That’s how I am, I think that’s how any true artist is, whether visual, musical, theatrical… whatever. Got to be real. Or else it’s commerce masquerading
as art, and anybody who is actually alive can see right through it.
W: Your website is really cool, and the idea of walking through a building to check out the art is very similar to the the interactive menus on Vivid DVDs. Ever had a pornstar come to your website? Asia Carrera once emailed me, you know.
B: If she came (get it?) to my website, I never heard about it. I don’t remember… did you ever get around to emailing her back?
W: Yeah, and I think I scared her away with my geekiness. She never responded. Guess I’ll have to start fawning over some other pornstar now.
In addition to your website, you publish a magazine. Is publishing a magazine as hard as I think it is?
B: Before beginning work on Artpeace Uncovered Magazine which you can download subscription cards for at the website and mail in with your check or money order… o crap, that was shameless. I’m sorry…Wil, calm down, man–it
won’t happen again. As I was — I worked a few years at several local pubs in Houston and at an independent newspaper, so I got the experience needed to manage a large multi-department mag. Artpeace Uncovered actually premieres this coming September, and many, many thousands of copies will be distributed nationwide. It mainly focuses on nongalleried artists who me and my enlightened staff think kik ass, but the world hasn’t yet been fully let in on that fact.
W: Thank you so very, very much for this amazing design. I think it’s beautiful, and I am honored that you offered to do it for me. Thank you even more for answering my lame questions.
B: You know, Mr. Crusher, I’m actually one of the few people in the galaxy who don’t hate you. I didn’t think Captain Picard was grateful enough that time you saved the entire ship, so it is me who is honored to present to you a token of my appreciation. Peace and Prosperity to you, your family and all your readers.
W: Peace and Prosperity to you, as well. By the way, call me Mr. Crusher again, and I’ll kick you in the nuts.

19 February, 2002 Wil 64 Comments

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