Thirteen years is a long time to spend with any living thing, and losing a companion that loved unconditionally and as enthusiastically as my little white dog did is tearing holes in my heart.
I’m trying so hard to get on with my life, but whenever I think I’m making some progress, and moving through the grief process, I see Riley out of the corner of my eye, and realize her spot on the couch is empty. Last night, when I walked into my dark bedroom to go to sleep, I automatically walked around the spot where she liked to sleep on the floor, and for less than a second, I forgot that she’ll never sleep there again. Today, I drove up our street and nearly broke down sobbing when I looked at the lawn she used to stop and smell at whenever we walked her.
Her dish is in the corner of the dining room, where she left it. Neither one of us as been able to pick it up. Her pills and her food are still in the pantry. We’re going to donate them to the Humane Society, and even though I know that’s a good thing to do, I still feel like I’m going to cry when I think about the finality of taking them out of the pantry for the last time.
Seamus has been going into my bedroom, lying down in Riley’s bed that is extra smooshy to take the pressure off of her arthritic hips, and almost crying. He fusses in a way I’ve never noticed as long as we’ve had him, and Anne thinks he’s grieving, too. He and Riley weren’t very close the last couple of years, because Marlowe was just more fun to play with, but she was part of his pack.
Anne remembered Riley over at her blog:
Riley became known as the āIāM A DOG!ā face with all the pictures we put of her on the internet over the years. The outpouring of love and support from real friends and internet friends has been so overwhelmingly kind. From planting flowers in her honor, to making donations to local shelters in her memory, to even registering a star in her name just so I can look up and think of her every night, is so unexpectedly wonderful. I love that this sweet, oddball of a dog has so many people who cared about her and will miss her goofy face as much as we do.
Goodbye, little girl. We love you.
I’ve gotten tens of thousands of kind thoughts from people who never knew Riley, but seem to have formed their own bond with her in that strange way that’s only possible because of the world we live in right now. That brings me a lot of comfort, and I want you all to know that I deeply appreciate your kindness and your thoughts.
I am so sorry for your loss. Pets are members of the family, and it’s so hard to lose one. I’m glad you have such great memories of her. Wishing you and yours peace and comfort.
I lost my cat of 13 years on Father’s Day of 2013. I miss him every day. He was such a people lover and he loved being in the middle of everything. My son and his friends grew up with him and they still talk about him all the time. It’s been nearly 2 years and I’m still grieving. We had Kenzi for about a year before he passed and she still grieves him. She won’t eat tuna or drink the drained juice from a can that we sometimes give our cats (we have 3 now but Kaylee and Khaleesi never knew him) as a treat. I think she associates it with him and it was the last thing he ate before he passed. I never understood the people who think it’s weird to grieve for a pet. They are family and should be grieved as such. I’m so sorry about your loss. I love seeing all the pics of your pets and reading all the stories about them. You guys are giving them all such a great life.
Hi Wil,
Our old boy left us last year at 13 as well, once a rescue starved almost to death in a concrete yard, but for a dozen years more our dear friend. I’ve had to say goodbye to too many dogs before, but this one cut me up so badly that I’m still close to tears every time I think of him, even a year on. He was there when we got married, when we bought our house, when our kids were born, and he was there when it was just me and him on a beach or a hillwalk or just sitting on the couch. He was the kids’ first real encounter with death, a loving presence that had been there all their lives. When we told them it was time to say goodbye they acted like they understood, hugged him and told him he was good, but when we came home without him they still wanted to know where he was.
So believe me when I say I feel for you mate, and wish you both all the very best as you come to terms with the heavy weight that balances out all that joy. Dogs: why do we do it to ourselves? Obvious answer is obvious.
I still get sad when I think about my first cat Tiger who died in 2007. I had her for 18 years, and you never really stop being sad. It does get easier, though. Four years ago I got a little cat I named Willow (after Warwick Davis, of course), and her personality couldn’t be more different than Tiger’s. I also appreciate her more, because I know how precious the time is.
X Dear Mr Weaton. Loved the book you gave me. I have an Idea. Q -TheLawlfulBard
Oh jeez I just found your blog through Dogster and I’m in tears for you and that crazy face. Wish I had found it sooner. Sorry for your loss, dude. That sucks.
C’est La Vie my friend.
I am so sorry for the loss of Riley, Wil. It IS hard, especially at first. Nearly 7 years ago I had a Seal Point Himalayan male cat that had to be put to sleep,and then February of last year, a beautiful Diluted Blue Calico female cat. They had both been in my life for a long time, and like you, I was sobbing when I had to take up their prospective things that they had had for a long time. It takes time to get over something like this, so give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel. Bless you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs!
My 3-year-old son is sitting next to me watching videos of my parents’ dog, Muffin, opening Christmas presents. She died before he was born, but she’s part of the family, and my mom still gets teary when we talk about her. Eventually it will make you more happy than sad to revisit your memories–you know this–but until then, be easy on yourself. It takes time to be functional again after any loss, whether it’s a 2- or 4-footed loved one. Many hugs to you.
Having lost two long term pets (a dog of 12 years and a cat of 17 years) my advice is not to rush into getting rid of anything. Pack it away if it is hard to look at. Ten years later I still cherish my dog’s collar. Grieving for a lost pet is hard because a part of your logical brain says “it’s just a pet” as opposed to losing a human family member. But our hearts and emotions can’t tell the difference.
I lost my girl Riley in Feb 24, 2014. I had no idea she was sick; I just thought she was being a picky eater. The next thing I know the vet is telling me she has a tumor on her spleen, which had ruptured causing internal bleeding. She was 11. I was so distraught my husband had to pull me off of her. For three days I vomited and wouldnt leave the bedroom. To this day i sometimes take the box with her ashes and put them next to me in bed amd beg her to come back. I love all my dogs but she was special.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels inside amd how you can’t believe the world is going on as normal. We will grieve the rest of our lives because they are like family.
Great big hugs. Really really big ones, for you all. Losing them sucks bigtime, but not enough to make it worth not having them in our lives. It just feels like that for a little while every time we have to say goodbye to one. Riley you were a lucky dog to have such a long life with such love. Run free!
My dogs are dogs to me, but it is the worst thing to lose a member of the family. I don’t know if you will read this with all of the other comments, but i just wanted you to know that you and Riley have been in my thoughts all week.
When my George died, a friend gave us a decorative box to put her collar and toys in. When my Maddie died, i got another box. I don’t look in them much anymore, but I do tap the boxes as i walk by.
Grieve your way and as long as you need it.
I lost the dog I had before I had a husband or children almost 4 years ago now (She was a month away from turning 16). I still tear up and have to look away every time I drive by the vet where we had to have her put down. Occasionally I am overcome with sadness thinking about her and missing her, but it isn’t constant any more. I know so many people have reached out to you and Anne this past week and I’m glad it gives you some comfort. In the hardest times you just have to remember that she isn’t sick or in pain anymore and there is no more suffering for her. It won’t stop you from missing her terribly but it might lighten the heaviness just a tiny bit. RIP Riley <3
When I returned from serving in the former-Yugoslavia (Canadian Forces) in 1993 I had a hard time adjusting between what we had seen (ethnic cleansing) and what we had to do (fighting in Medak) with “normal” life back in Canada.
A LOT of us had a hard time re-adjusting.
It seemed the only one’s I could find solace with were my two cats–Satan and Sylvester.
They never asked questions.
They never judged.
They didn’t ‘need’ to understand.
They were just there: without question, without expectations…just there.
Within the span of 4 months (thankfully many years and miles later) they passed away and it was the hardest loss I’ve ever felt.
I know I gave them a good life. And I hope I gave as good as I received. I feel privileged for that.
I miss them still…even many years later. But I wouldn’t have missed it for the world either.
Thirteen years of a daily routine will take time to change. You WILL know when it is time to remove Riley’s bowl and donate her food. Don’t do it until then. And yes, that is really when the penny drops about your loss. As you can see, many of us have loved pets and gone thru this horrible journey. And we do it all over again because our pets need us as much as we need them. And pets do mourn the loss too. Do not discount Marlowe and Seamus’s grief – it is real. As my vet has told me – “Take time to be kind to yourself. It honors your pet”
My condolences on the loss of your beloved dog. You and your family are in my prayers. Peace be with you.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, Wil. I had to have my rescue dog put to sleep 2.5 years ago (RIP Carolina). I’m not “over it” yet. And I don’t plan to be.
Take your time. Own your feelings. You’re feeling and doing exactly the right thing. Try to move on with your life, realizing there’s a big hunk of your family that will feel empty for ever.
Arthur
Losing a fur baby is just as difficult emotionally as losing any family member and, it takes time to work through the grieving process. I lost my fur baby Patches (calico kitty) while I was on a mission overseas. I compartmentalized enough to complete the assignment but, it all hit and still had to be gone through when I got home.
I had my baby cremated and she now sits on my desk, where she always sat at my feet or, in my lap. I don’t know if it’s an option for you but, I found http://www.artfulashes.com and their partner company that immortalizes your fur baby in a beautiful, hand crafted glass sculpture.
It helps me knowing I still have a way to hold her when I feel the need. Best wishes and blessed be.
Much love to you and your family in your grief. It is so very painful to lose a fur family member. My thoughts are with you all. <3
I don’t know if you will ever read this…there is just so much that you do in a day, and so many comments that are given on a blog… but I want to tell you that I understand. I had a cat for almost 19 years, which is most of my life.. Her name was Kim, and she was my friend. I loved her and she loved me. She used to meow when she thought I should be in bed, and was always in my lap whenever I was stationary. No one who hasn’t had such a connection with an animal will understand what you are going through. But I do. I know what it is to connect with a being of the animal variety and I am so sorry that you have lost a friend. I am so sorry. It is ok to grieve. I believe that losing a pet is the same as losing a friend, and there is nothing wrong with grieving over this loss. This too shall pass. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in your blog. I really appreciate your perspective.
I am sorry you had to say goodbye to Riley. Your story kicked me in the heart to my own similar grief. My Puck still enters my dreams and after 4 years the loss is still big.
I am so sorry for your loss. Riley looked like a very happy and loved dog. Thank you for sharing her adventures with us.
Her big derpy face lead me to draw this after reading you blog post.
http://imgur.com/vpL9dAA
All the best.