Last night, we all took a trip down memory lane, to the glory days of Universal Studios, when Conan The Barbarian was so cool, they gave him his own stage show, housed in a cool-looking castle.
Back then, they actually shot movies at the Universal lot, and, if you were lucky, you could take the tram tour and actually see as much film work as you’d find on an average Vancouver street these days. I remember not being able to ride the tram down one of the magical backlot streets, because they were filming this movie with the kid from Family Ties, where they drove this cool car, and some stuff happened. It was a long time ago, so I don’t completely remember.
Anyway, back in those glorious days, before runaway production ruined so many lives and dashed so many dreams, taking the backlot tram tour would actually put you, the lucky tourist, in the movies!
You could ride across this collapsing bridge, and go through an actual avalanche, from the Six Million Dollar Man. You could ride through the actual Red Sea, parted by the commanding voice of our tour guide, with the help of his trusty driver.
Jaws, the real Jaws, would actually jump out of the water at the tram, with only the skills of the aforementioned driver to save tramloads of “Maui 1980”-shirted tourists from certain doom.
Of course, facing the dangers of the movies was exciting and all, but that was nothing, after you’d driven into an actual Cylon Spaceship, and faced down the wrath of the Imperious Leader, with a little help from this guy named “Apollo”, from the real Battlestar Galactica. It was the first real “event” of the tram tour, and it was my absolute favorite part. Even better than the Psycho house, or 1313 Mockingbird Lane.
Once, when I was doing that whole “Teen Idol” thing, I was invited to Universal to host Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards. It was there that I met, and developed the hugest crush ever on, the one and only Debbie Gibson. (Who, in a bizarre twist of six degrees of separation, is good friends with one of the actors who I just worked with in ‘Neverland’. She told him to tell me “Hello”. Rock.)
Anyway, while we were at Universal, shooting segments for the awards show, they took us into the actual Cylon Spaceship, and let us experience it, “behind the scenes”. I got to put on the Apollo helmet, pick up the balsa wood gun, and lip synch, “In the name of the federation, I demand the release of the humans!”
It was beyond cool, even though I was like 15 or 16, and should really have been too cool for the whole thing, especially since I was hoping that Debbie Gibson would get lost in my eyes, and not be able to shake my love.
But, alas, the romance was not to be, and, although I did my best Apollo, they wouldn’t let me put on the whole costume and do it for real tourists.
The closest I ever got to being on Battlestar Galactica was running around the Enterprise, which wasn’t as good a consolation prize as you’d think.
A few years later, I read in the paper that the Battlestar Galactica attraction was gone, replaced by, get this, an escalator, that would transport tourists to the bottom of the hill, where they could wait in line for lame attractions like “ET’s Adventure” and something stupid from An American Tale. Billed, at the time, as the “world’s biggest escalator”, it failed to impress me the same way that balsa wood gun and FX smoke-filled room did.
Although I hadn’t ridden the backstage tour in years, I knew immediately that I would miss it forever.
I never went on studio tours again like the ones I did when I was 16.
Jesus, does anyone?
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Hey Roughy, that solipsism is acting up again. You should get an antiegotic from your doctor 🙂
words
words
words
😉
Oh shoot, I shouldn’t be nibbling on this cheese so close to bed-time. It’ll give me nightmares… Like maybe making countless references to History of the World Pt 1 and having NOBODY get any of them…..
It’s been eons since I’ve seen that movie … I barely remember it … so I’d probably not get any of the references … now, if you made references to Princess Bride, then I’d get them!
Well, since nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition…
you are the Brute Squad.
Betcha didn’t know that.
One is Monty Python .. the other is Princess Bride
Yup.
i just couldn’t figure out how to end that.
Damn my eyes!
Wil,
Thanks for the trips down memory lane these past days. The last time I was at Universal Studios was probably in about 1982…and it was a disappointment then…kind of consescending and patronising.
One pleasant experience related to Battle Star Galactica…the aunt of one of my college friends was old friends with Dennis Muren’s mother. We were able to visit ILM when it was still in Van Nuys (not too long after Star Wars was released) and watch Dennis shooting what was to be some stock footage of Cylon models. It was always amusing to spot that stock footage in the series and to see how often they used it.
This is the first time I’ve posted anything. Thanks for all your efforts…great web site!
I love these comments! I wasted two painful, grim summers as a tram guide at Universal Studios Hollywood, and I hated nearly every moment of it. If y’all think the tour is boring to sit through now, imagine doing it 5 or 6 times a day, 5 days a week, in the heat of summer when the tourists are grumpy and sweaty, and want to know where the hell the movies and celebrities are. Needless to say, it wasn’t pleasant. I’ve since moved on, and have recovered my senses nicely. I still get a happy when I realize I don’ t work there anymore, and it was 3 years ago!
Y’see, that’s where you went wrong. Disney’s Jungle Swamp Ride had the primo script. Oy.
🙂
Studio tours! When I was about five or six, by uncle took me to BBC TV Centre in London where he worked. We got to see – from the studio floor – live editions of (only UK readers will get this) Blue Peter and Z Cars!
It rocked.
Oh yeah, those were the days…
I remember the long line to get your picture taken with KITT in 1984, and I decided to spend the time waiting in line for a ride instead.
KITT was still there two years ago, but it was in a sorry state. Don’t remember if it’s still there. Do you remember the A-team stunt show? That was a big thing back then.
But now they have the DeLorean there in front of the BTTF ride, which is cool too. But you’re right Wil, there’s too much souvenir selling going on these days, at least I don’t remember it being that bad in 1984.
-Oliver
Hey I heard there is going to be a new Battlestar film.
Gotta keep an eye out for that
Damn, post #163?!
My guess is that no one will read this post, seeing as how your eyes would shrivel up from the lack of blinking caused by reading the previous 162 posts, but I’m gonna comment anyway…
Word.
I remember them shitz like it was just last night…
I recently re-visited Universal and was VERY dissapointed with the tour. It SUX compared to when I was a youngin’. Now the ride is populated with old ass movie posters and a LAME model of U571. Who gives a shit?! Bring back good ‘ol Battlestar, and the KITT car!! Remember the A-Team van you could pick up?!
Remember when stickers were money?
The World’s Biggest Escalator? That sounds about as exciting as the World’s Biggest Ball of Twine. Heh.
I went on the Universal tour thingie in ’86-’87. Somewhere in there. I screamed like a girl when the bridge nearly broke. And the water.. I developed a phobia of toilets from that. No joke.
Ahh, the memories…
That boy needs therapy.
I wonder if wil’s mom gets email when she posts here. If I were wil’s mom I would make up some fake email address so that I wouldn’t get email from Wil Wheaton fans. I can just somehow imagine some of these people writing things like, “Dear Wil’s Mom, Do you have any embarrassing photos of Baby Wil? Did you nurse him? Oh, by the way, would you happen to look like Gates McFadden? Send pictures soon!”
I am no one important, but I never leave my real email address here. I hates spam.
Before I moved to Texas about a year ago, I lived just down the street from Universal. I had a season pass so I could get various friends from across the country who’d wander into LA in cheaper (free parking, entry discount). And, yes, the ET ride is the lamest thing ever. They’ve got a really big live action Waterworld (it’s better than the movie) show. Lots of fire and water and jet skis and water. Did I mention the water? The flatbread at Wolfgang Pucks is really good though. Oh yeah, they’ve added a bazillion resturants (real resturants) and a set of very good movie theatres (including an IMAX) on a concourse just outside the park. It’s sort of a mall canyon without the top. Lots of food, music and herds of tourists or teens (depending whether its a weekend). [Lament for the loss of the Sherman Oaks Galleria]
And, lest I forget, a candy shop where they sell individual M&M colors by the pound across from a hot sauces shop.
Hey, I just went to Universal Studios Hollywood two weeks ago and it rocked. And I rode the World’s Biggest Escalator… which is not all that exciting. The coolest thing was the tour in the tram over the studio and it was a nice reminder reading your notes. Made my girlfriend jealous as hell as she didn’t get to go (gna!) :).
I went to UEStudios.com and they didn’t have a single ride.
What a buncha crap.
Wow, Wil… getting a lot of those wavey line sequences (flashbacks) lately, aren’t you?
So am I the only one who did the Star Trek show? I was on the bridge, very cool, got it on video! …Oh and there were all these ‘teen stars’ there that day, like the girl from My Two Dads… And speaking of Back To The Future… I was there for the filming of that too… and in later years went back and got to be in that little scene with the car and Doc Brown… Don’t tell me all that’s gone too… soo sad 🙁
Damn, I could go on forever…Debbie and Wil…I think I have that picture too…
Loved Universal tours! I think I even have a picture of the cylon somewhere.
Boy Wil, THAT posting brought back memories. I remember seeing all that stuff. Jaws, the Battlestar Galactica thing, the ‘red sea’ and much more. (I seem to remember feeling creeped out when I saw the house from Psycho sitting all alone on a hill…was that Universal as well?)
All in all, I have fond memories of that trip. But that was before KITT, so I never got to see that. (But I drive an ’80’s TransAm that has a few…er…modifications…so I’m happy AND geeky…grin)
Am I the only person who PUKED on almost every ride I went on as a child, and was traumatized and ostracized by my peers as a result?
Not all of us have had the cheery experiences with rides as our friend Wil has.
speaking of battlestar gallactica….
richard hatch was at dragon con in atlanta this last august and, after giving the pep rally for the possible-almost-maybe upcoming battlestar movie (which was been in the making for about 5 years now…..and really only has a trailer), hinted that he was still single (this amidst a crowd for klingon-head-gear-wearing groupies) and gave everyone his room number (specifically the lay-dees). i thought it was groovy. 🙂
Christopher Feyrer: Yeah, same story… except I don’t get sick — it’s more like a panic attack.
Ah well. That’s one reason why I’d rather go to Universal Studios than just about any other theme park… I’m certainly not going to go for the rides…
That’s Deborah Gibson, the multi-talented, singer/songwriter, theater, and semi-nude magazine layout girl. Tiffany (if you remember back far enough), is the playboy centerfold.
Chris, I totally got your History of the World reference. As I read it, it was Madeline Kahn’s voice that said it too.
Nobody does comedy anymore like Mel Brooks.
IT’S GOOD TO BE DA KING…..
“You men, go northward, you go southward. I’m gonna walk around here in a circle.”
Whewh… Thank, noworries. That was painful. And not a tube of Preparation H in sight!
TREASURE BATH!!!!!
I’m a standup philospher!
You’re a bullshitter?
Have you bullshitted this week? Have you tried to bullshit this week?
I coelesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and comprehensible form.
Oh, you’re a bullshit artist!
Mmmmm…..
Did you bullshit last week?
No.
Did you try to bullshit last week?
Yes.
Comicus, comicus!
No, no, he’s with me. He’s my agent, Swiftus Maximus.
Thank you. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it.
Your Majesty, you look like the pissboy.
And you look like a bucket of shit!
Hear me! Oh, Hear me! All pay heed! The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen …Oy! ten, ten commandments for all to obey!
How can anyone not LOVE Mel?
Old school Universal Studios was the king of rock/there weren’t none higher/sucker theme parks shoulda called it sire….
anyways….
Not to be a player hater or anything. But I just wanted to remind people out there of 1 thing. As a Vancouverite, I am very happy to have several friends here in the ‘film’ industry. And whilst I KNOW SUCH INFERENCE WAS NOT MADE, it’s not really Vancouver, or Canada’s fault that so many productions have come up here. Canada’s (really!!!) low dollar (now about 60cents to a US dollar) is why US productions come here. That’s all. Our talent admits (not out loud ) that they simply do not have all the same abilities or quality of their US counterparts. It is simply a matter of bottom line.
Now as to WHY Canada has such a lousy dollar…well I wouldn’t care to speculate *cough*softwood lumber*cough*…. j/k.
p.s. One of my friends was going to be doing art direction on the new Brian Singer Battlestar Galactica til they pulled the plug on the whole thing.
Peace.
Oh and the Preparation H reference – all I have to say is this…
I was sitting flickin chickens
And I’m lookin thru the pickins
And suddenly these girls lay down my balls
I didn’t even know dem
And they grabbed me by da scrotum
And dey started playin ping pong wit my balls
Oy da agony
Ooh de shame
To make my private public wit a game!
Auta da fey, what’s an auto da fey?
It’s what you oughtn’t to do, but you do anyway!
Knight jumps queen, rook jumps queen, king jumps queen..
GANG BANG!
It’s good to be da king…
Wil, the tours aren’t like that anymore?
Last one I went on was in ’93 and they were still like that. What a bummer if they’re not anymore. 🙁 That was so much fun!
I haven’t been lucky enough to be take any of the tours. We never came to CA for vacation when I was younger (I grew up in Wisconsin, where vacation means headin up nort’ and stayin in a cottage on da lake). We went to Disney World when I was 12, but that was BEFORE Universal there, when all it was was Disney & Epcot – even before they added the nightclubs and Pleasure Island or whatever it’s called. Bleeve you me, I wanted to come out here and do the tour.
I guess I was deprived as a child…..
Vickie
Plumbing: It’s the newest thing to hit Rome! Pipe the shit out of your house!
LMAO!!!!
The Roman Senate. The best Senate money can buy.
Did he just call me a big fat pig? I think he did, sir. Kill him!
But what about that new sect the Christians? They are so poor……
How poor are they?
Thank you! They are so poor that they have only one god! But we Romans are rich, we’ve got alot of gods. The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation… But I hear that’s coming quickly!
bu-dum BAM!
I’ve been on those tram tours a bunch of times. So many of the same old jokes are still getting trotted out, and a few have been dropped, which all the more gives it a feel of being in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, On Wheels. I almost felt sad when they didn’t crack the joke where they point out the little dirt road that leads up to the house they used for Psycho, referring to it as the “psycho path.” Ba dum ching!
I just went to Universal Studios in January, and while the tram tour now includes a little swing by Whoville (from Carrey’s Grinch), there’s some bits that are missing, that make me sad.
One is definitely the Battlestar Galactica scene/sound stage. Although Wil may be right that that building was where the huge escalator is now, I was thinking that maybe that building is now being used for an earthquake simulation, where the tram pulls in, it looks like a subway station, and then the earthquake starts, collapsing the second level, flooding the turnstiles and getting a few tourists wet.
Does anyone remember the sound stages you actually had to disembark from the trams to participate in? You’d file along these uncomfortable benches in two or three rooms, and you’d get instructional live demos on sound editing and special effects. They’d bring people up from the audience to do some of them – I remember going up there, circa ’96, and smooshing plungers into mud to make the sound of some monster walking around or picking his nose, or something.
I think I started going to Universal right after Back to the Future, and so it was terribly exciting to see the town square, and the clock on the building, the diner on the corner, the gas station next to it …
The Miami Vice attraction has been replaced by a (surprisingly) kick-ass Waterworld attraction – lots of ‘sploshuns and swinging on ropes and things. Conan’s attraction, sadly, has been replaced by a Terminator 2 attraction which absolutely blew me away, it was so good.
Of course, I thought the same thing about the Back to the Future ride when it first opened, and now I’m not so easily impressed but it. But still. The 3D stuff is amazing for Terminator, trust me.
Wow, so many memories.
I still think, even with all the shops and changes and even the lame ET ride (which is made up for by the Jurassic water ride), it’s still a good time. Hey, I even saw Jay Leno there last time!
Boy, when you die at the Palace, you really DIE at the Palace.
Moses, this is the Lord, thy God, commanding you to obey my law. Do you hear me?
Yes! I hear you, I hear you. A deaf man could hear you.
What?
Nothing. Forget it.
If you don’t put out, he don’t get out. It’s hump or death.
Humperdink?
Count de Money, Count de Money!
Its DE MONET…..
Let’s end this meeting on a high note.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Where you from Chris?
John Colicos. Evil incarnate. I bet he had a whole garage full of leaf blowers.
NJ, land of milk, honey, traffic circles, and cancer. You?