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1. ok.. so I have no comment.. but I saw that I could be first.. so I had to say Hi!
   Hi
   oh wait.. about the cat.. maybe the litter isn’t to his liking? or maybe it smells a little? Would recommend the self cleaning littermaid.. works pretty good if you have a small cat.

2. ok wil, so are you so hard up for something to type that you must post the same thing twice??? 🙂

3. cats smell. that’s just what they do. pee on things and shred things. i didn’t know they served any other function.
   going on stage for a short time smelling like cat pee is bad, but standing on an altar for three hours in a very close proximity to priests…is much much worse :p

4. OMG, I think I’m gonna choke on my apple…cat pee and polyester…euuck…

5. That’s the thing with cats… they have the talent to never pee where they are supposed to; and believe me, they are highly creative when it comes to picking a new spot for their business !
   A friend of mine has two dogs and two cats in his house, and you wouldn’t believe me from which strange places we have had to remove the “leftovers” of the damned cats : Under the bed, on the mousepad, in front of the TV, next to the VCR, in the laundry bag, NEXT to the cat box (that was the closest these devils ever got…)and so on ! ! !
   We are still hoping that the dogs will one day just have these cats for dinner, but I heavily doubt that, since they secretly seem to laugh at us behind our backs when we once again stroll around the house on our “Where does that smell come from this time ? ? ?” patrols…

6. LOL. At least you didn’t try to outdo your wife. The cat pee story was just amusing enough to break the teary eyed, lovie dovey theme going. 🙂

7. Well, the show must go on…
   My experieinces include the set crashing around me as someone bumped into it. One of my cast mates being actually stabbed when the knife was SUPPOSED to be fake… THANK GOD it was his arm. Ive seen back stage collisions that left actors stagger onto stage. And by far the coolest was a scene of a play we did my senior year. There was this climax scene where the whole play changes and my friend is climbing this incredible structure, we are all knelt at the bottom yelling at her, the lights are flashing. Stairway to heaven blasting in the back ground… The song hits its last notes as she reaches the top, and boom… the light above her EXPLODES ! It was an amazing affect ! And all though she was scared shitless she let the show go on !

8. What is worse than the smell of cat pee? Well, the smell of cat pee mingled w/ that wonderful odor of a dairy farm -cows- in the summer. My best friends have 2 cats & live on a dairy farm. Hmm, well, my commute to/from work takes me thru by pig farms. I think that’s worse. Yeah, pigs smell the worst. No, wait, the building where I work in Philadelphia -there is a seafood restaurant there. On every other day but Tuesday its not a problem -but Tuesday is trash-day. During the summer I dread going to work on Tuesdays. Ok. Don’t know why I had to share that. Yes I do. I’m bored. I hope there are more posts soon to entertain me.

9. Cats are evil agents of the alien invasion that is coming to your town. They lick the butter, too.

10. My cat used to do that all the time. Boy do I not miss those days. You can’t ever get the smell out of your clothes either. Ugh.

11. Actually on the other end of the spectrum, the BEST cat I ever ever had was my grey lad Tiger, who lived with us for over a decade.
    He was found as an orphan in a field and about a week later we found a lab puppy named Cinnamon. Cinnamon never figured out she was a dog, Tiger was so cool, she wanted to be a cat. (Imagine full sized lab lounging on top of couch…like a cat)
    Anyway… BOTH of them learned to leave their messes in the bathtub (yes the tub!)… made for easy clean-up and our house and stuff never smelled like a cat or a dog. We never intended for it, it started with us leaving the litterbox there and they both just decided to use the larger space…wild, no?
    Bummer about Felix being a weiner… but maybe try for some retraining… or he’s made you didn’t give him a day at the spa? 🙂
    Take care…
    ***The Beej***

12. The cat pee story is oh-so-appropriate for me this morning. I got woken up to the horrible sound of a cat puking beside my bed. I have the day off, so it’s a day I can sleep in, so of course I have to get up at 8am to clean up cat puke. Nevermind it was on the hubby’s side of the bed. He claimed a dental appointment as an excuse for not being his turn to clean it up. Bah.
    Now I can’t sleep, so I head online and read weird stuff at Fark, and then find a cat pee story on WWDN. At least your story was funny Wil. Mine was just pukey. Sigh.

13. For having nothing to write, you sure pulled out… something. Though I don’t know if cat pee was what I really wanted to read about. Though I suppose if people have to skim through my nothing ramblings in the comments section, then you can write about cat pee.
    This is why dogs rule! 😀
    I’m glad that Anne’s enjoying reading all the comments. But has she gotten to “Lermontov” yet? That will be the true test of her mettle!
    Meanwhile, I continue to be amazed that when I started writing this, there were 4 comments and now when I’m ready to post, there’s like 8 more. I need to type faster…

14. Since everyone’s going for one-upsmanship on the cat pee story:
    My folks used to have a Siamese named Phoebe who liked to pee on the burners for the electric stove.
    Cooked cat pee. MMMMMMMM! Not.
    As for ‘The Show Must Go On’, you’re totally right. Sometimes you have to suck it up for the good of the art. I can’t one-up the cat pee shirt story though… 🙂

15. Damn, when am I going to LEARN not to read your blog when I’m eating or drinking something? I nearly snarfed my lunch.
    At work, no less.

16. I don’t want this to turn into a cat-hating thread. I love cats. They are awesome.
    At least their bad smells can be cleaned up. Dogs just smell bad as a rule.
    Well, unless you feed them people food. Then dogs don’t smell doggy. Makes you wonder that if people ate dog food, they’d smell doggy too.
    Ewww. Dog food.
    Mmmm. Dog food.

17. 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
    12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
    13. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat’s mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet mignon. Hold head vertically and pour

18. Bwhahaaa…
    Julie.. i had such a moment of Thundercats Zen when you said Snarfed.
    okay.. thanks.
    Whew.. Gods my first “the show must go on” momment happened the 2nd night of my show, “It’s Raining In Jersey” when one of my actors on cue fell where he was supposed to.. but one of our set pieces didn’t get moved with the last cue to it’s rightful spot.. and nearly scalped my actor.
    But he gets up and keeps going.. meanwhile the audience is getting edgy.. there’s a neat pool of blood on the floor (sidenote- brand new stage- 3rd largest stage in a non arena place in Columbus- and i christened the sucker!).
    I spent about 5 mins of that night with my heart in my throat.
    We had two nurses in the audience and everthing was fine. Damn actors bleed alot.
    Could of been worse.. heart attack at 18. Oy.
    teheee.. cat pee.. glad i have doggies who only have a liking for stealing thong undies.
    Swear they’re reincarnated lesbians. ^_^;;;
    -K
    http://www.soulcracker.com
    only the cool lose on VH1

19. All I can say to Alans story is … OUCH… i hurt myself laughing.

20. As someone who owns 4 incredibly territorial cats, I feel your pain.
    I highly recommend the following:
    Costco-sized crates of Nature’s Miracle
    A small steam cleaner
    A large steam cleaner
    one of those automatic-clean catbox thingys
    Oh, and don’t ever leave a basket of clean laundry within cat reach. 🙂

21. My inlaws had a cat (Niko) that decided he would teach them a lesson about bringing a baby into the house and taking attention away from the Niko. Niko started urinating anywhere but the litter box and turned completely anti-socail (wasn’t the most friendly cat to begin with). That only lasted for a week or so before Niko took a one-way car ride to the vet’s. Ever since then, the in-laws other cat (Sammy) has become the friendliest feline you’ve ever laid eyes on.
    Roughy’s cats aren’t all that bad either. He beats the living daylights out of them, although he calls it “playing”, and they come back for more.
    Thanks Wil!

22. My cat peed in my bookbag once when I was in Junior High. Man, that was awful. I didn’t even know it until I got to school and went to take some books out in first period. I pulled open the top of that sucker and WHOOOWEEEEE!!! Everyone around me could smell it! It was horrible. The worst part was my homework was right on top and I had to turn it in. The teacher wasn’t real happy with that one. Needless to say, if I ever told her “the cat peed on my homework” after that, she believed me.

23. To quote my favourite author
    “…cats only tolerate humans until someone invents a can opener that can be operated by a paw…”

24. cat pee.
    Bad memories.
    Coming downstairs to the living room, sitting on the couch, pulling the blanket over myself, only to discover it was wet with, cat pee.
    Damn cat had some sort of emotional problem. Always peeing on my TV comforter. (You know the one you watch movies under.) Or the couch. Not my cat, not my couch, but MY COMFORTER. And not just the once either. Every day until I wised up and stuffed in in the closet every time I left the room. Then the best part is the little package she left on my brand new swank black leather briefcase. Apparently, during the time while I was de-scenting the carpet and the couch (about a two hour process), she decided she had to go, and her favorite spot (under the desk) smelled too good, but dead cow, that’s a good place to go.
    If you have a weak stomache, don’t read the rest of the paragraph, just skip on. Yeah, the cat, who crapped on my briefcase? Not having a happy bowel day that day. Quite liquidly.
    Oh, and did the employed guy that owned the cat (me being a student at the time) offer to have it cleaned? Or even offer to clean it off for me? Nope, yours truely (allergic to cats, and living with two) did.
    I like cats, I really do. I just refuse to ever live with one again.
    O

25. Why this attack on cats? Dogs are so much worse. At least most cats practice non-interference as a rule. And don’t shred Christmas gifts whenever you leave the house. But that’s not what I want to post about.
    A friend of mine has a very large golden lab named Indiana Jones. This dog is big. It goes where it wants to go. And I happened to spend a weekend at her place a few years ago during a time when her dog was on flea medication. You know, stick a pill in your dog’s mouth once a day for a week, and he’ll be flealess for a year.
    What they don’t tell you is that the flea medication causes some sort of chemical reaction wherein your dog emits a *putrid* odor from his body for an entire week. This was much worse than cat pee, ladies and gentlemen. And, unlike a cat, Indiana Jones was impossible to push away – he weighed more than I do.
    *gag*

26. I’m allergic to cats.
    Even though this has nothing to really do with your topic of cat urine, I felt it needed to be shared.
    Also, Petsmart some good stuff for getting out stains and urine smell from carpets and clothes.
    Just worth a mention.

27. That is a fairly decent sized post for someone with “UPN ratings for ideas.” ^_^
    Some dog owners will no doubt scoff and point to this as why dogs are so much better. They lie. Now let me preface this by saying that I love my Adi, a German Shepherd/Collie mix. She is fun. Most of the time. But, she is VERY submissive. She knows that she is the omega and I am the alpha. On the upside, this means she is fairly obedient most of the time. On the downside, when she gets nervous, she will squat down and pee, a sign of submission amongst Canine-Americans.
    The worst happened two days ago. Adi HATES to take pills. Up until recently, my wife and I have been able to disguise the pills with peanut butter and a treat. But she must have figured us out because when I went to give her pill, instead of trotting into the kitchen like she normally does when she knows she is getting a treat, she skulked towards the kitchen, head down, ears plastered back. I knew what was coming. She squatted down in the hall just outside the kitchen, and let forth a flood unlike any St. Louis has seen since the summer of ’93. That was fun the clean up.
    I love my dog. I really do.

28. From what I read, you are taking that cat pee pretty light. I don’t think that I would have been as nice about the cat #1. peeing onthe dinner table, and #2. peeing on my shirt that I had to wear for a production.

29. Has anyone here read “A Staggering Work of Heartbreaking Genius”?
    “Your hat smells like urine…”
    My roommate’s cat has litterbox anxiety. He will only defecate in the middle of our downstairs bathroom floor. Why do we have pets again?

30. Hmm. I don’t even have a cat pee story. My 2 cats have never peed anywhere other than the litter box. Maybe it’s because they are female and don’t do the territory marking thing.
    Know what I like about cats? Kittens learn housebreaking from their moms. You don’t have to do a thing. After trying (unsuccessfully I might add) to completely housebreak a dog, having cats was such a relief.
    Cat puke stories I got (see above). Mmmm… hairballs.
    Yuk. What a gross thing to write about. Why do I keep coming back? Why do I keep adding to the gross-ness? Oh yeah… I don’t have a show-must-go-on story. Time to join a theatre group. 🙂

31. Ooh Interplanet Janet… I got that book for xmas. Maybe I should start reading it. Finally! I’ve got something else to do this morning. Hah! No more cat puke stories from me.
    *everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief*

32. Kath-
    Yeah, but you have to admit, Indiana Jones probably really wanted to be your friend! 🙂
    Seriously though, dogs aren’t exempt. When we first got our dog from a friend, he had gone through quite a bit in his short life, from hip surgery to living in a frat house to living with someone’s mom. Long story short, he had been around quite a bit-same owner, just new surroundings every few months.
    Finally when we got him, we made the mistake of letting him have the run of the house while we went to work or went out somewhere. After all, he had already been housebroken, right?
    Well one day he must have just totally flipped out from being alone in a new place and just let it all out. Everything. All over the place.
    On the stairs.
    On the fireplace.
    In the living room.
    By the doorwall.
    In the kitchen.
    Near the heater vent (but thank God not IN the heater vent!)
    And to quote Oliana, he was not having a happy bowel day.
    Four years later, my dog is one of the most awesome pets a 21 month old girl could have. But I just cannot look at chocolate pudding anymore because of the flashbacks it gives me.
    Let the dog vs. catfight, er…cat fight, begin!

33. A real fun game for the feline owner is “Where Did The Furball Pee?” Our old cat (now deceased, we miss her very much) would find some odd place to cut loose if she felt her litter box wasn’t clean enough. We’d either come home to the putrid odor wfting through the air, or wake up in the morning and instantly have watering eyes, and then would have to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to pinpoint *where* she had gone… face it, left long enough the odor permeates the entire house. At some point in life she decided any towel was good enough, and if there as towel where she could get to it, The Boy’s clothes on his bedroom floor were a nice substitute. 🙂
    With the new PsychoKitty, we paid the big bucks and bought one of those self cleaning boxes, and it’s been worth every penney–excepe when we had him declawed and he wasn’t allowed to use it. Poor thing held it til he dang near popped…
    Now the dog is easy, just toss him outside. But he eats his own poop, so it’s a little more gross than cat pee…

34. Nevermind. I’ve got “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” instead. Must be a different book. 😉

35. What?? You know another Dara? Does she have a website or anything?
    I ask only because my younger sister has the same name, and has been cursing our parents for 25 years about their selection of names. Any time i run across another Dara, she gets all happy happy joy joy. 🙂

36. Go to the pet store and get some one of the enzyme-based cleaners. They work wonders, and don’t require washing of the item enzymed.
    ‘Nature’s miracle’ is the brand I’ve used. Amazing stuff.

37. http://www.unrealisticexpectations.com/logimages/roughy1.jpg
    This is the face of Roughy. The real Roughy.
    The cat from which I steal my monicker.
    This is the face of Cat Urine.

38. Cat pee, ah the memories.
    Please Spudnuts save us!

39. I didn’t know that some cats don’t go in the litter box. Of course I haven’t had a reason to think about it. Odd. Your pretty brave to have gone on with the show. It would’ve made me gag.
    Don’t worry about having nothing to write. If you
    don’t think about it will happen.
    Saxamaphone, saxamaphone.

40. http://www.unrealisticexpectations.com/logimages/thelion.jpg
    This is the face of a Cat Pissed because he got too many knots and required a shave.
    Beat that!

41. CATS RULE!!! What did you do to the cat Wil?
    Poor Felix…Is he neutered? Horrible smell tho.
    Try different litter..Take care..

42. Wow. I have two cats, and they never pee in random spots. About a year ago we got the second one, and the first one that we’ve had for about 8 years decided to show her dominance by peeing in _his_ box, but nowhere else. We’ve never had a problem with them. I guess I should consider myself lucky. Although there was this one time this summer… we went out of town for a three-day weekend. We didn’t have anyone come check on the cats… I mean, they’re not like dogs, they’re perfectly happy to be left to themselves. We left a few big tubs of food and water and two clean litterboxes downstairs. Well apparently they got in a fight (not the best of friends, these two) and somehow the door between the basement and upstairs got shut. The older one got stuck upstairs without a box for the weekend. She had food and water, but no box, so the carpet by the garage had to substitute. We were not happy when we opened the door and smelled her mess. I’m thinking the laundry room still has the faint smell of cat urine… not cool. But that’s all… so I guess I’m lucky that that’s the only problem I’ve had.
    Have a nice day 🙂

43. Wil’s story makes me think of my dogs.
    They’re not very good at that whole house-training thing.
    Neurotic little fucks.
    Oh well.
    They can be SO cute, though. Oh! They’re just darling.
    Ok, I really need to write my paper now.
    Toodles.
    Oh, and I would suggest getting a new shirt. Whenever you wear this cat-pee one, that’s all you’ll think about and you won’t have fun.
    Oh, and dog or cat pee bleaches wool carpets.
    Right then. Have a nice day.

44. Bluevangogh: There is always DJ Dara. She plays drum and bass and has a CD out on Moonshine (the Brittney Spears of electronic music labels). Buy it at Amazon or something, I dunno.

45. OH yeah,
    Wil, at your recommendation, I downloaded some J.E.W. last nite… how have I been missing this? These guys are awesome! Oh, yeah, Columbia, Missouri has shit for radio stations. that’s how I’ve been missing out. Dammit… you’d think the biggest college town in the state would have at least one, non-country, non-pop radio station… ugh.

46. Just a thought, if you don’t have multiple litter boxes.. get another one. Some kitties don’t like to go where others have gone. Also, when you clean the table, use enzyme-based products. They are made for cleaning things like that(pee)! If you already know/have tried this… disregard this paragraph…
    Thanks for reminding me that I need to change Skittles’ litter.

47. My curious cat and his muddy paws,my new neighbor the police officer, his wifes white car, and an open garage door that later becomes closed. A cautionary tale in neighborly relations.
    When the bullets start flying and the bombs are exploding, I want Wheaton in my platoon. Anyone who would go on stage smelling of cat pee would surely dive on a live hand grenade or charge a machine gun nest armed only with a can of SPAM.
    Shammie asked me to give you her regards. “Hi, Mr. Wheaton”, sez Shammie.

48. You want a bad start to your morning? Try waking up with dog crap ON your bed. Yep, my dog decided he wasn’t going to even try to wake me up, instead he unloaded himself on my bed. Thank God I didn’t roll over into it!

49. “I woke up this morning to find my entire dining room table covered in cat pee.”
    This, my friends, is why I have fish. They don’t eat much, they don’t pee, they don’t bite. They even get excited when I come home. (OK, I know that’s just because they know that person=food, but it’s still nice to be appreciated!)

50. OK, back to the subject at hand… cat pee…
    Rabbit pee smells just as bad, and they are even less likely to use a litter box than the cat. Plus, they leave you little presents EVERYWHERE.
    Bleh.
    I love my sisters’ rabbits, but I can’t stand their hygiene.

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