As a step-parent, I have this strange set of ever-changing boundries that I have to respect with my step-kids.
On the one hand, it sort of sucks, because I don’t think I’ll ever be as close to them as I want to, even though they live with Anne and me. On the other hand, I totally respect and understand their limits, and I am not about to force myself on them, or force them to have a relationship with me that they aren’t ready for. For example, I don’t ever want to be called “dad”. I’m really happy just being “Wil”, because they’ve alread got a dad. I’ve made a point of that, over the years, and I think that it has made things easier for the kids, because I’m not putting them in an uncomfortable position of having to choose who they love more, or who they want to be around.
The other side of that is that I sometimes feel like my influence on them is minimized, and that they aren’t “getting” the same things that they’d be “getting” if I was the only father-figure in their lives.
But sometimes, things happen, and I really see myself in them, and it’s just awesome.
Anne and I worked long days today, and we realized that there was no food in the house when it was time to fix dinner, so we decided to go out to eat.
Normally, I’m not a big fan of the dining out experience. Somehow, I’ve managed to avoid the being a waiter part of being an actor, and I think restaurants scare me, because I know I’m “The Curse, Part 4” away from asking if anyone would like to know what the “soup du jour” is, and then sighing sadly when my answer, “that’s the soup of the day”, doesn’t elicit the peals of laughter that I was hoping for.
But when there’s no food in the house, and I don’t want to order pizza, our options are limited.
So we put the kids in the car, and we headed out to a local eating establishment for some grub. While we were there, a couple of things happened, and I totally saw myself in both of the kids, and it nearly brought tears to my eyes.
But it didn’t, because I’m a bad ass, and I’m cool, and tough, okay? Okay?!
Okay.
So we’re eating underneath this picture of Jack Nicholson, the one where he’s holding a magnifying glass, and his teeth are huge, and his chin is pulling a Leno.
I point at it, and I say, “Hey, guys, do you know who that is?”
Ryan says, “Drew Carey?”
“No,” I reply, “it’s Jack Nicholson.”
“Oh,” says Nolan. “I thought he was dead.”
Then they look at each other for a second, and explode into laughter. Of course they know Jack Nicholson, they tell me. They were totally messing with me.
Which is something that I would do.
Later in our meal, Anne is telling the kids that the exterminator came to our house today, and he left some traps in the attic…she then tells the kids, “So, later tonight, you may hear: scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch…” And she SLAMS her hand on the table, and shouts, “BAM!” which she immediately follows with this screaching “EEIPPE!” noise.
Ryan looks at the table across from us, and he says, to the couple who is staring at my wife, “I don’t know this woman. I am so sorry.”
Which is something that I would do.
After dinner, when we’re back in the car, Nolan says, “Wil, can we listen to Jimmy Eat World?” I tell him no, because it’s in the CD player at home.
He follows that up with a request for Tool, and a request for Bad Religion.
I inform him that both of those CDs are also at home, and Ryan says, “How about Cake? Can we listen to Cake, Wil?” He begins to hum “Comfort Eagle” to himself.
J.E.W., Tool, Bad Religion, and Cake. Every last one of them bands that I listen to.
Oh, and a few days ago, Nolan was on the phone telling his friend, “You should never wait to tell your mom that you love her.” He waits, while his friend presumably asks him why, and tells him that you never know what’s going to happen to someone, so they should always know that you love them.
Which is totally something that I do.
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They are 10 and 12 🙂
Wil,
I respect the fact that you respect the boundaries set by your step-kids, but I just want to say one thing: being a fater is something that you *do*, not something that you *are*.
If you’re in there day-in and day-out, doing the dirty work, bandaging scraped knees, wiping away tears, clearing the monsers out from under the bed and out of the closet, guess what? You’re a dad.
If you don’t want them to call you that, that’s cool. It’s only a word. Then again, when attached to three other little words, it can be the most powerful sentence ever uttered: “I love you, Dad”.
I’ve got three of my own, so I know wherefrom I speak. Think about it, talk to your wife about it, and think about it some more.
“Dad” isn’t something you get by biology or the hot-sweaties, it’s something you *earn* by what you *DO*. From what I’ve read here, it sounds like you’re walking the walk. Go for the brass ring and accept what you’ve earned.
“Then again, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.” – Dennis Miller
Kahuna
Lasties.
Just checking! Movable or Greymatter – hummm
everyone I try to explain cheese-racing to thinks I’m strange
jbay: You are strange, but that just means you fit right in here with the rest of us at WWDN… Wil’s Weirdo Dominated Network.
fit in? hah. square peg. round hole.
*pound* *pound* *pound*
ouch
*hands jbay a bandaid and some bactine*
So, I’m not cool because this thread brought a tear to my eye? Granted it followed by several other tears of laughter…
“I don’t know this woman. I am so sorry.”
Almost as funny as:
“So, later tonight, you may hear: scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch…” And she SLAMS her hand on the table, and shouts, “BAM!” which she immediately follows with this screaching “EEIPPE!” noise.
Whole family, downright amusing…
Ugh.. Rob.. everyone..
I’m starting to have withdrawl symptoms.
No Wil.
No Spudnuts.
Not even a sexy stripper sleeping in my bed anymore.
Um… no really.. she went back to Youngstown but still she forgot her boots.
^_^ hehehee…
slump. sigh.
I think the shakes are starting following by this hungering for wheat thins.
Oh wait that’s just me being hungry.
At least I got my Mutant Ovender (it’s a Fender Musicmaster neck- Ovation Viper body that sounds like a dream- the tech who cleaned it wanted to buy it) back. Yes… my precious.
I need my fix!! Come back soon!
^_~
to clarify the multi-rob thing, from now on, this rob will be known as r0b (with a zero). this is the r0b that posted about having a step-daughter, and a bunch of other mushy stuff. i am not the r0b with the long last name. my last name is almost pizza. it’s the same as that baseball d00d. no relation though. at least not enough to get tickets. *feh*
there i go, farking up again. let’s try one more time…. this rob will be known as r0b. *re-types his info into the box thingy*
ok.
done.
What’s Crackin! – Just need to go Play Bingo – for my Online Bingo Habit! But I cannot Find a Good Bingo Online website to cover my bingo addiction!
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