Cities in Dust

I am so damn handy. Today, I replaced a messed up sensor light which hangs on my garage. Turned the power off and everything. Then I replaced a fixture in the kitchen, and turned my sights on this area under the kitchen window where nothing will grow.
I “planted” 30 pounds of black river stones over the dirt, until I can think of something better to put there.
I was so damn handy around the house, I told my wife to turn on the porno music, because I was comin’ inside, “to get a drink”.
Well, it’s all true except that last part. I wasn’t coming in for a drink! Oh yeah! Yeah baby! Woo!!
Wait. Wait.
That’s not true, either. I came in for a sandwich, and then we went back to Home Despot for more hardware and stuff.
See, the thing is, we’ve lived in our house for 2 years, and we haven’t taken care of any of the things we said we’d take care of when we moved in: the lawn still looks like shit, the ugly wood paneling is still on the walls in the living room and family room, and the ugly brass lamp hangs over the dining room table.
But all of that is about to change. Thanks to the sense of empowerment we got today when I hung that damn light fixture, all by my self, in my big-boy pants, Anne and I have made…A List(tm).
That’s right, folks, A List(tm). On this list is everything we want to do to our house, how much it will cost, and when we’re going to work it out.
Next on the list? Rent a roto-tiller, tear up the ugly-ass lawn, rake out the lumps, dig trenches, install sprinklers, and lay down sod.
Sounds expensive, doesn’t it? It’s not. We can do the whole thing for about 50 cents a square foot, total. Because we’re doing it ourselves, we’ll be saving literally thousands of dollars (which we don’t have, anyway…but I’m hiring Arthur Andersen as my new accountant…I’m an overnight millionaire!)
Once that is done, we will focus our attention on the ugly 1970s-homemade-porn-backdrop-style wood paneling which is currently offending all standards of good taste by hanging in not 1, but 3 rooms in our house.
There’s a rumor that I’m going to have Gallery up and running very, very soon, as well…so that means lots of before and after pictures of our rooms…and pictures of my handyman butt crack.

113 thoughts on “Cities in Dust”

Sprinklers? Sod? Nooooo.
A lawn is so not cool.
A heavily watered lawn in a state that is partly desert is just… wrong wrong wrong.
Natural ground cover.
That’s what you want.
As in “things that grow, without you having to create an artificial environment for them”.

Umm, I kinda like my wood paneling. Well, the one wall in the living room anyway. The stuff in the bedroom is too dark. We’re currently argu-, umm, discussing which colors we want.

Yeah, JenX…LOL WWBC…it’s an orangy, pinkish tan shirt with a black line up the back side
ROFLMAO

My wife’s great at making lists of things that “we” can do. Mostly “we” means “me” chasing a three year old who’s trying to “help” me spackle.

Cities In Dust is THE best Sousxie (sp?) and the Banshees song EVER! One of my 50 favorite songs ever. Just gives me chills everytime I hear it.

Music is always nice…Do you go for that “kid Rock-bad ass” approach or “sade-this is no ordinary love” for that special moment.

Mmmmmm, buttcrack.

Completely by coincidence, I was paging through a People magazine from last month and found the interview with Wil, and there, in the background of one of the photos, is what has to be THE HEINOUS PANELING!!!!! I was shocked and terrified. I didn’t think they could show that sort of stuff in a G rated magazine. Took a good stiff drink to compose myself. Jeez

Hahahahaha! You are a boner, Wil Weaton! THAT RULES!

That kind wood paneling you describe looks really retro, and to me connotes an old feeling of familiarity in a middle american house that is hard it not impossible to find anywhere else. But that’s my opinion.
And what’s this I read on the other messages about ceiling fans, aren’t your ceilings a little low for that?

I’ve never posted to one of these things before, however I was inspired to write to say that I’d love to see the before-and-after pictures of the house, (I’m doing the exact same thing in my house right now…), however, let’s avoid those handyman butt crack snapshots, shall we? I’ll post occasionally, I suppose, but I’m more of a ‘voyeur’ when it comes to these things. ‘Heh…heh..hehe, I like to watch.’ Oh! I just ordered the WFS t-shirt today, it’s hilarious! Take care.

Not to be a wet blanket, but my spousal equivalent has rototilled our back yard TWICE since we moved in three years ago and we still don’t have a lawn. We are so damn lazy. We’re afraid to pull up the nasty-ass shag carpet in the back room for fear we’ll never get around to laying tile, and will live with the cracked lino and cement floor underneath indefinitely. Good luck with *your* projects.