As I write this, Anne is behind me, doing some workout video tape, and I can just hear the breathless voice of the girl who is leading the workout saying, “Oh yeah, oh yeah, doesn’t that feel good? Don’t stop, you’re almost there *pant* *pant*”
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was watching “Debbie Does 7 Minute Abs” or something…but anyway…
A few weeks ago, I did an interview for the 4th season DVD release of Star Trek: TNG. While I was at Paramount doing my interview, a friend of mine who writes for Star Trek: The Magazine asked me if she could talk to me about a special issue they were doing, focusing on the second season. I told her that I’d be glad to do the interview, if they’d put me on a mailing list, and send me issues of the magazine.
Hey, daddy needs to get nice things, you know?
So she said that’d be no problem, and we did the interview. It was really cool, and I won’t spoil it for you by talking about it here. It should be on the stands in a month or so.
On Friday, my first issue of the magazine showed up, and the whole thing is devoted to the first season of TNG. It focuses mostly on the behind the scenes aspects, with all these cool production drawings, interviews with the producers (Bob Justman says that “Wil Wheaton was always going to be our Wesley”), and a brief history of that first season.
Reading it really made me feel nostalgic, and I was flooded with wonderful memories from those years.
As I read it, I got to thinking…I have some unfinished business here…so, today, my dear Sunday reader, I am proud to give to you:
SPONGEBOB VEGA$ PANTS: SCREAM SPONGEBOB, SCREAM!
When we last left our intrepid hero, he had finished performing the highly anticipated “Mind Meld presents: Assimilate This!”.
With minimal rehearsal, with less than ideal performing conditions, and needing to pee for the last 30 minutes of the show, we had managed to pull it off. The crowd loved us, and would have made me cry, if I was not, as I have pointed out many times before, such a complete badass.
So, to pick things up…
The house empties out, and I run at mach 4 to the bathroom. When I get back into the ballroom, I get the most important review, of all. My wife comes up to me, puts her arms around me, and says, “Honey, you were great. I’ve never laughed so hard in my whole life.”
We stand in the ballroom for a few minutes, and I feel the familiar rush of left over adrenaline that I get at the end of every show. Even though it’s been a hellishly long day, and I’ve performed twice (once on stage with the sketch group, and once during my talk) I’ve got this massive surge of energy, and I must use it.
So we pack up the show, say goodnight to my parents, and head out into Vega$ for some drinks, some slots, some craps, and some fun. We can’t decide where we are going to go, because it’s a weekend, and most of the casinos have insanely high table minimums, and somehow we all end up at The Rio. Now, I’m not too crazy about The Rio, since they kicked out De La Guarda, which is, I think, one of the coolest and most unique shows I’ve ever seen. But we ended up there, anyway.
Travis and I were really hungry, and just wanted to get something to eat, and the rest of the gang just wanted to get a few drinks in them and throw some money away — er, I mean, gamble. So Travis and I head off to some 24 hour restaurant in the hotel (walking, of course, through the casino, then through more of the casino, and, finally, past some slot machines). The rest of the crew heads up to some club at the top of the hotel, which they later tell us is filled with poseurs, and I try to act surprised.
Travis and I talk about the show, and how it went. It’s funny when you get two actor/writers together. We did a really good show, and we were, and are, very proud of it…but we can only talk about the things that we didn’t like. We talk about the fact that I should have picked up a mic at the end of the show to say my thank yous and introduce the group. I was unhappy that I flubbed some lines, and could have had a funnier ad-lib here or there…but that’s the nature of being a perfectionist, I guess. It’s also the reason most of my shows are so good. I won’t allow myself to do anything less than my absolute best, and I am always pushing myself to be better.
So Travis and I deconstruct the show, talk about the possibility of taking it on the road, talk about how much fun we had, complain about how horrible the farking food is, and we head back to meet the rest of the gang, in the casino.
So, by now, it’s got to be close to 2AM, and that adrenaline buzz is wearing off. Remember when you were a teenager, and you’d just started hanging out all night? That first or second time you stayed up all night with your friends, watching the sun rise, thinking to yourself how cool it was that you were awake this late, never wanting the night to end? That’s how we all felt…but we’re all exhausted, and some of us have to fly home early the next morning. So we gamble a bit, I collect on a bet from Tracy Burns (she had to buy me a scotch. I forget why, now), and we say a teary farewell.
We all go our Separate Ways, seeking out our own Frontiers, filled with Lights, knowing that we’ll never Stop Believin’.
What happened there? Sorry.
Anne and I return to our we-would-never-get-this-if-we-were-paying-for-it suite at Bellagio, and fall asleep before our heads even hit the pillows.
The next morning, we get up, eat breakfast, and pack our bags. We’re going to stay the rest of the weekend, so we can attend the party at The Star Trek Experience on Sunday night, but we’re not staying at Bellagio any more. We’re moving to Monte Carlo.
I’ve decided to spend the day sitting in the Autograph room at the convention, so people who missed me the first two days can get their picture or autograph, and so I can hawk my friend’s CD. (if any of you were RFB listeners, before it went off the air, you may have heard me play them from time to time)
The thing is, it kind of sucks. I realize that I’m spending the entire day there, really to sign what amounts to less than 10 pictures, and I only convince 3 people that Warp 11 is really funny. I also know that 2 of our friends (Stephanie, who introduced me to Anne, and BURNS! who is one of our best friends) are on their way to meet us, so I decide that I’m done. I pack up, and screw up the courage to introduce myself to Alan Ruck, who played Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and was in some Trek movie, I guess. He is really cool, and as excited to meet me as I am to meet him, which always surprises me and makes me feel good.
I meet Anne, Steph, and BURNS! at the Monte Carlo, where I am discover what will be the theme for the remainder of our trip. That theme is “Who can be the most rude to Wil and his friends?”
Now, here is the thing. I am an extremely patient, understanding, forgiving person, when I am in a restaurant, or at the front desk of a hotel, or dealing with any person who works in the “service industry.” I figure that most people treat them badly, talking down to them, and stuff, and I really go out of my way to be extra nice, and patient with them. I also know that they may appreciate this, and hook a brother up with a free desert or something, so it’s not completely altruistic. Hey, at least I’m honest about it, preachy.
When we’re checking in, the girl who is checking us in is really cool. She’s sweet, friendly, helpful, and all the things you’d hope for. She tells us that we’re in some sort of suite, and I tell her that we were just at the Bellagio, and while we were staying in that suite they gave us some sort of VIP pass, for some lounge or something, and a buffet line pass.
Tangent: let me tell you, when you’re in Vega$ during a busy weekend, having that buffet or cafe line pass is GOLD. The last two times I’ve been in Vega$, which I hate, by the way, the lines for restaurants have been insane, and I would have sold my soul for a line pass. (Don’t get too excited. My picture’s been taken so many times, I don’t have any soul left)
End of Tangent.
So the girl tells me that she isn’t sure, but I can go and ask Casino Services if the suites at Monte Carlo come with the same pass as the suites at Bellagio. I cross the large lobby, and enter through some french doors to the Casino Services area. It’s a small room, with a lovingly handcrafted particle board desk, and two armed chairs. A pinched woman is sitting behind the desk, and she makes no effort to mask her obvious contempt for me as I approach her.
“Can I help you?” she sneers.
“Yeah,” I tell her, and proceed to explain the situation at Bellagio, and I ask her if Monte Carlo has a similar policy.
Although I am taller than her, and she is sitting at a desk, she somehow manages to look down her nose at me. She tells me, with complete disdain, “No, sir. Our Casino Premiums [you can hear in her voice that she capitalizes those words in her mind] are reserved for a certain caliber of guest.”
A certain caliber of guest?! Did she just say that?!
I take a second to imagine how hollow her life must be when she’s not sitting behind that desk, and I thank her for her time. Remember, I’m patient, forgiving and understanding.
I cross back to the check-in desk, and the girl asks me if the woman was able to help me. I tell her that she was not able to help me, and, in fact, insulted me. I tell her that when that woman told me that they “are reserved for a certain caliber of guest”, what she clearly communicated to me was that I was not of a certain caliber, and therefore not worthy of her time.
I was upset. Not because I didn’t get that magic card, I mean, that’s their policy, so that’s fine with me. I don’t expect preferential treatment, ever (well, unless I’m at Jumbo’s Clown Room, but that’s more like frequent flier miles, if you get my drift). What upset me was the way she talked to me. The way she treated me as if I was beneath her from the moment I walked in.
A manager has heard me relaying my story to the check-in girl, and she has joined the conversation. She apologizes many times, and asks me to wait a minute. She crosses to the Casino Services room, and I see her have a heated exchange with the woman behind the desk of power. She then returns, and gives me, Anne, Steph and BURNS! these cool VIP passes, which are good for lines, shows, and get us into some sort of lounge on an upper floor of the hotel. She apologizes many times, and implores us to enjoy our stay. I am impressed with her kindness, and for a brief second I bask in the customer service.
We head up to our room, Steph and BURNS! head off to meet one of our other friends, Jen, and Anne and I unpack, and take a nap.
Isn’t the weird? We take lots of naps in Vega$. I think it’s because we really like to stay out all night, or as close to all night, as we can. I think that staying out all night is part of the mystique of Vega$.
I wanna digress for a minute, and talk about the mystique of Vega$. See, I think that we all want to buy into the “romance” of Vega$. That thing that the city has, as portrayed in “Viva Las Vegas!” and “Swingers” and anything concerning the Rat Pack. We want to believe that it is the land of all-you-can-eat $2.00 buffets, where we are always one pull of the slot machine away from the Rainman suite. But the truth is, Vega$ is a sad, hollow, tragic monument to greed and excess, where parents dump their kids at the edge of the casino with some fast food while they get drunk and gamble. It’s a place where you’ll find more unemployed locals than tourists at a five dollar buffet, and it’s more like “Taxicab Confessions” than anything else. I can only take it for 48 hours at a time…and this time, I was there for 5 freakin’ days. However, it does have Nomi Malone, and Nomi’s got heat, so it’s not all bad.
So we take our nap, and we get ready for our big night out. We’ve got reservations at this restaurant that is supposed to be really cool, and I’ve even put on a clean shirt to go out.
NEXT TIME:
Dinner at Chez Midlife Crisis!
The Roulette that ate my wallet!
And
The Star Trek Experience
When WWDN presents, Spongebob Vega$Pants: The Final Chapter!
Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET
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I wish I could understand half of Roughy’s last post.
Don’t feel bad, Pmacca, I’m sure he’s heard that before.
by the way
for what it’s worth
rolling on the floor laughing my gosh darn arse off
be back later
gotta go pee
friends forever
Roughy, you are most definitely on my cool list. I loved story of when you went to court for that -what was it 12 year-old?- traffic violation. I’ll have to go find it again and reread it so I can laugh at it again. Those hits from missouri.edu? those are me. Just thought you’d like to know 🙂
Guess Wil went offline. Thanks, Roughy for that dictionary for the layman.
Mmmmmm….
Aeros in wrappers
And warm baps in mittens,
Krumpets at tea-time
And clean heads for shittin’s,
IKEA packages, shaggings for flings,
These are my English half-remember things!!
half-remembered, that is….
lol…
Even funnier, Jess Lat…
That’s not even my post!
That’s Rusty.
I’m Roughy.
Or Roughly.
But, we’re still BFF, right? Even if you cannot tell me apart from that other guy…
(that’s BEST Friends Forever)
It’s just like high school all over again…some other dude getting all the chicks and me laying all the ground work.
You know, the geeky buddy who was always there when y’all got dumped.
That was me.
Priming you up…and then BAM!
Along comes the new captain of the [sport] team just as I was getting ready to let you wear my class ring, even though you didn’t know I existed.
[sigh]
aw crap. now i feel like a dork. well shit. gonna have to go look again and figure out what the hell i’m talking about 🙂 bbs (I didn’t need the dictionary, thanks though 🙂 )
Less than 10 pictures sold???
Having purchased 2, I guess that makes me a big roller then. Does that mean I get a VIP pass the next time I see Wil on stage? HA!
Speaking of pictures Wil….???
Wil schmil…
Has anyone seen that hot piece o’ blonde goodness that he duped into marrying him for he could get some freebie haircuts?
And then he gets to watch her video workouts?
When’s that webcam coming back online, anyway?
So, Roughy, what you’re saying is that you’re the blonde dude with the afro from My So-Called Life?
It’s more like Corky from “Life Goes On”…
Well, it’s ROUGHLY like that.
Interesting… Corky… Corkscrew… Cork… Wine… Cheese!!
Spongebob Vega$ Pants, yeah baby!
Just wanted to comment on your section about people with jobs that involve much interaction with the public. I really related since I am one of those people…….I work retail, nuff said. It’s really nice to know that there are people who understand that we do get a lot of crap from certain people and don’t want to be that type of person we (workers who much have much public interaction) have to deal with. When I get to work with a customer who is so friendly and just a joy to interact with, it just leaves me with a nice feeling at the end of the day. It’s good to know that you’re that type of person who is responsible for that great feeling, Wil.
Anyway, can’t wait for the final chapter of Spongebob Vega$ Pants. 🙂
I hate Vegas. Okay I might be a little prejudice since I come from the north in a little boring city called Reno. It’s a north and south thing. Anyway I went down to LV to open a store and was there for two weeks. Yeah there is a lot to do. But it is the most ugliest city I have ever been to. The surrounding brown mountains do not help the scenery and the fact that it is a tract housing nightmare doesn’t help. Visiting is fine but to live there is just…wrong. Now as for the people. I am sorry Nevada but we are all just narrow minded people with no manners or consideration for how we treat people. I am included in that since I was born in Reno. Nevadans are very narrow minded about their views and we all think we know everything. We don’t. In fact I know LV is the fastest growing city and Reno is growing as well. But I think we have not really matured all that well. We sure know how to complain about everything though. Anyway Wil if you were treated badly from one of us I will apologize about that. It’s just how we are. Which is actually sad and pathetic. Maybe one day Nevadans will realize that there is a whole other world outside of that state. I have which is why I moved away. As for people in Nevada we all need to grow up. Great I will probably get myself into trouble. Oh well I am just being opinionated. Makes me a true Nevadan, doesn’t it.
Yeah, I finally got out of service jobs (sort of–now I’m a secutity guard, where you deal with a completely different type of asshole). My last job was at a movie theater. Try dealing with the average asshole *and* the asshole who can’t speak English. When you ask if they want butter, they nod their heads because they can’t understand you, then their *girlfriend* brings it back five minutes later bitching at you because he didn’t want butter. Wil, people like you are a godsend to people in service jobs. So on behalf of all of us, a huge, huge Thank YOU. (That goes for all you other non-assholes too 😉 )
wil,
okay, so now yer daddy? i’m still gonna call you Uncle Willy. damn, i need to go to a casino, but i’m broke. but up here i can be on the other side of it, i’m part indian.
just to let y’all know, i got a job. i start at the mcdonalds down the street from the campus tomorrow afternoon. i don’t like the idea myself, but i’m still looking to get into my writing/ singing/ acting career. i wanna make a movie soon, and sing on the soundtrack. this is why i am always on the net, looking for the hook-up. hey, jun likes my stories :shrugs:.
my roommate put sexy red streaks in my hair tonight for anyone who cares, just thought i’d add that. i look so good. yes, i have an ego.
‘kay, that’s it for now.
peace, love, and bubble-gum,
Ronda LOU
dude wil.. i am banned from the star trek experience for stealing a cup at quarks bar 🙁
Can u put in a good word for me??
As a person chooses to work with the public, I am constantly bombarded by crappy people. I am a waitress and a teacher, and would rather deal with my 5th graders then annoyed customers. It is refreshing to have polite customers who recognize that people make mistakes and it is not an attack on their being.
As for unions, we could talk about why I am a teacher AND a waitress!
Roughy = Ducky.
The similarities betwixt our two lives continue, d00d.
Wil, why the $ instead of the S in Vega$ pants. Can you see my posts??
Alexa shows something that is fundamentally wrong with our country: “I am a waitress and a teacher.”
Teachers should make 10X what they make now.
Quoth the bumper: “If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”
I am unloved. 🙁
Thanks wil, if only the rest of the country felt that way…
Hey Alexa, I work at a diamond engagement store that just opened and for which the management refuses to advertise.
Be grateful you even have customers. 🙂
Yeah! Rock on with Journey, Wil! Frontiers is the best album ever!
Hey Wil,
Not that I don’t agree with you that teachers are underappreciated, but just as a comparison, teachers in the UK (last time I checked) are making approximately half the salary that the average teacher does over here, and that in a country that is significantly more expensive in which to live.
Sure, I have customers, but the ones I like leave in June for summer vacation 🙂 And they don’t tip me…(unless you count the construction paper birthday cards).
Oh, and by comparison, teachers make a MUCH better living now than they did 25+ years ago.
Watchin enterprise right now.. it rulz all?
Alexa…
You bring up exactly why I think that, to a degree, cops have the right to be “on the take” from time to time.
And, “on the take” could be free meals, etc.
The people who do the most for us and our future (and the future of our children) have to have more heart than they do a desire to do well for themselves, and it’s shit.
Don’t get me started…
I did research in high school b/c my aunt was big with the politicians in Illinois. I got A LOT of information and I gave a final speech on how teachers’ salaries could get an easy 5% increase by cutting down on the winnings in lotteries–hey, a millionaire’s a friggin’ millionaire, right? Right.
The PRINCIPAL of my school mocked me by asking me if I was going to be a teacher for a career.
“No; I don’t see how I can afford to.”
“Oh, then will you be a truckdriver, like your father?”
“Oh, my father who makes $15k more per year than you do–your salary is public knowledge–and he got a GED because he was in the Army? No, I won’t be a truck driver, either, but I’ll always respect him. Can you say the same for your kids?”
When you get down to it, maybe that’s it.
Respect is worth so much more than money.
I hope you win a thousand lotteries. And a thousand of your friends, and police officers and ambulance drivers and volunteers of all sorts.
Unfortunately, they all come to my area in June, and not all of them are what you would call nice. I was working in our casino store (Atlantic City) and would have men coming in with receipts for the jewelry they had bought their girlfriends, and foolishly had enabled their wives to see, and hence were DEMANDING that they get the exact same jewelry PRONTO to present to their wives. Not the happiest (not to mention brightest or morally superior) customers imaginable.
Hey Roughy, I don’t care what those other people were saying, you’re cool in my book.
Well said, Rougy.
wow, that’s two typos for your name this same thread. wow.
I chose my career because I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I still can’t. Teachers may make more than they did 25+ years ago, but they didn’t have students that had severe behavior problems in their classroom, unbelievable amounts of testing to prove to the government that you are doing an acceptable job, etc. etc. Teachers will never make 10x as much as they do now, but it’s nice to dream.
Mine was better.
i fix computers for a living 🙁
Alexa, I didn’t in any way mean to minimize what you teachers do now; believe me, I have the utmost respect for you. Not only do you have to deal with out-of-control kids, you no longer have the luxury of a parent’s reinforcing your authority over a child. Teaching is indeed one of our most undervalued professions.
I’m an actress, in other words: I’m broker than a hollywood whore on crack.
…..where we are always one pull of the slot machine away from the Rainman suite…..
you ca-rack me up! wil, you’re my favorite.
and sarah is wil’s favorite. i’m so jealous.
sarah is hot?
I was not offended, I just find myself justifying what I do to so many people that I have continued today. Kansas has just WAY overspent their budget and their first cut is…education. Another topic, another day! Thanks for the support.
a friend of mine teaches at a school for kids who r trouble makers.. she has to deal with kids who dont listen to her.. talk all class.. throw things.. she gets paid shit.. the turnover for the teachers is crazy at her school.. the school is in a strip mall.. the principal sexually harasses the teachers there.. but they stay because they need the experience..
what is the world coming to?
Wow! How pathetic am I? No one even notices me when I mention crack.
I can’t imagine any rational person making you feel like you have to justify being an educator. If only through pure self interest, most people will want to procreate, so there needs to be someone to teach their children!! And someone who WANTS to do it and WILL BE GOOD at doing it, ergo. Oy.
i noticed the crack.. but i thought u were talkin about butt crack.. got me all excited..