On my way home from work about an hour ago, a really weird thing happened to me.
I was sitting in traffic, waiting for a light to change, and I looked at the car to my right. The driver was a girl, probably in her early 20s, talking on a cell phone. She was crying, really hard, and seemed to be really frustrated with the person on the other end of the line.
As I watched her, I noticed something: we were separated by only a few feet, but we were completely isolated from each other in our cars. Different cars, different clothes, different ages, different music on our radios (unless she was listening to Return of Saturn also)…just looking at her, I couldn’t tell if we would have had anything in common, other than our basic humanity.
I watched her, and I began to feel really badly for her. Just by watching her, I could feel her frustration with the person on the other end of the line, and it made me really sad, and I began to cry.
I cried, really hard, for close to 5 minutes, because of a person who I have never seen before, and will probably never see again.
I thought about what a metaphor that was for life, and the way we all deal with one another. We move through our lives, passing closely to hundreds of people each day, and we’re total strangers to each other. We keep our heads down, averting our eyes, rarely looking up to say hello to a stranger in the hallway. Even in our own families we isolate ourselves in our metaphorical cars, and stay in our own metaphorical lanes.
I wonder how different the world would be if we made an effort to roll down our metaphorical windows and say hello more often.
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First i cried. Then Lisa cried. Then Maggie laughed. She’s such a little trooper.
It’s hard to roll that window down when you have no idea if the person you want to say hello to will be receptive or will flip you off — or worse. And it really varies from place to place; when we lived in ND my son could open doors for women and they’d thank him appreciatively. We get to CA and he does it — his thanks is invariably a cold stare, sneer, or a verbal “I can open my own damn door.”
Most people are very nice people… but you simply never know the reaction you’ll get. I’m a different person here in CA than I was in ND or how I’ll be in the midwest. Here I’m guarded; there I’ll be more open. Sad? Sure. It’s just experience tell me there are some places I need to be more wary.
In an ideal world you would have been able to not only open your window and say hello to the girl who was crying, but could have offered comfort without the fear that she’d be terrified you were after something else. I don’t think that world has existed since I was a very, very young child.
[rolling down car window] Hello!
What a touching story. One of the many reasons I keep coming back to your website. Your entries are beautiful. I hope that girl who was crying had someone in her life like you to tell her everything is going to be ok. I don’t like to see others hurt either.
I have to agree with Thumper, but only to a point. We should “roll down our windows” not for the people we reach out to, but for ourselves. To close yourself off from others, even unappreciative others, is to lose something of yourself to the cynical world we live in. I hope you never lose that compassion and desire to reach out, Wil. Better to be rebuffed in the effort than to lose the desire to connect.
Or maybe I’m just too Canadian for my own good!
Try and un-learn whatever it is that makes your start in the up position.
I dare you.
I think it might have something to do with that. Never talk to strangers crap our parents feed you when you are 10 years old. After that talking to anyone you walk by or just meet is not very easy to do.
Ok so maybe parents telling kids not to talk to strangers isn’t crap, but still it doesn’t help for this topic.
Makes your *window* start in the up position, that is.
I still dare you.
Good for you, Wil!!! Lately, it seems that so few people notice anything about the world around them. It’s very refreshing to know that even a “celebrity”(which you are, like it or not”) notices the people sharing his space.
Hi!
What goes around comes around!
I am a firm believer in the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do to you.
Especially when on vacation, odds are that I will never see the people I meet ever again. But I treat the “strangers” I meet with kindness. And last year when I did happen to run into the same family a second time, it made for one of the funnest moments of my trip!
A stranger is usually just a friend you haven’t met yet!
I think this place needs alot more people like you however, most people choose to turn away saying “It’s not my business”. Really too bad. I dunno, maybe you’re just a sucker for a crying woman like my husband… crying always works! Rhonda
hey wil, I’m a bit concerned about your mental state.. I mean, it’s good that you care and you’re empathetic, I’m just concerned because you’re crying really easily lately
Wow, to say I know exactly what you mean would be putting it mildly. I am at a loss for words at the moment which is pretty rare! I just hope I never lose that part of me that reacts the way you did today!
Hey, “t”…
Just curious, but what’s your basis on how easily Wil’s crying lately?
Let’s not forget that ‘blogs are merely a tiny, tiny little slice of someone’s life.
He may bawl like a little bitch day-in and day-out for all I know.
So, you know, don’t be so quick to judge unless you’re prepared to be judged yourself.
I swear to God he was just trying to say “here’s an example of something, let’s all try to do good”, not “I’m a big crying person.”
Eh, wtf do I know.
it’s called compassion. i don’t know how practical it is to roll down the window in that situation, but thinking about the meaning of that incident is what leads to the cultivation of a compassionate outlook. i think we all have these little buddhist moments and don’t spend enough time thinking about what they mean with regard to our common humanity.
This is probably gonna sound stupid but I know what you mean. I know I am probably suppose to say more but thats all I can say.
Hey Wil,
Do you censor posts in this forum?
Just curious.
Thanks.
I have an overwhelming urge to have a heart to heart with my 17 year old daughter.
Hello, Television’s Wil Wheaton.
Dang.
Your castmates from “Stand by Me” were right.
You DO cry a lot.
I used to believe the world revolved around me. I know, I know, pretty selfish, but the way I thought. I continued to get my feelings hurt by people I didn’t know when I tried to be friendly. I thought for certain it was because there was something wrong with me. As I got older, I realized that I was too sensitive. People have problems that are beyond the control of others and therefore, it wasn’t me (well, not always). I think it is important to smile, or say “hello” to people, it may be the only bright spot in their shitty day. If they don’t respond, at least you tried.
I definatley feel what you mean. It is hard for me to deal with how people are sometimes. I come from a military family who moved around alot so I didn’t get a chance to develope social skills and thinking skills when dealing with people. Even though I am in my midtwenties I feel like I am playing caught up in a world that doesn’t accept people who didn’t learn earlier. Luckily I have my hubby who helps me to learn stuff. I have some great friends who I learn abit of stuff. I never can be a manipulator nor do I want to be. I hate that fact that my husbands family thrives on a social status thing. I had to go to a third cousins fiancees wedding shower because I was getting married and if I wanted them to do the same for me…blah blah blah. I totally hate that game. Social clicks. I just want to be honest and nice ole me and not have to be garded with my feelings and thoughts because certain people will use me for a doormat. It is sad that because there are people out there who like being cruel that we have to build these masks which end up starving us of human sunlight. I want to be weird and not have to worry about it handycapping me in the world because people say so. Anyways Wil your cool. You are a beautiful person who is one of the lucky ones to think and say the things you do.
maybe it’s just the cynical cold hearted bitch in me, but all i could think when i read your post, and not to belittle your good intentions, but all i could think was, “i don’t have time for that, nor do i *want* to make time for that.”
maybe i’m what’s wrong? i’ll be the first to admit it.
I guess I’m incredibly lucky. Today, my four year old held a door open for a lady, and said, ‘Hello lady, how are you?’. All done by her own will.
And by the way, “Hi everyone, I’m Annessa. Here’s hoping your day/evening/morning/dead of night only gets better from here on out.”
Now I feel bad, since the first thing that came to my mind during those first paragraphs was: why is this woman _driving a car_ while she’s not only on the phone, but having an emotionally charged conversation. It seems like an accident waiting to happen. (How many have looked in the rear view mirror at a light and wondered if the person screaming on the phone behind you was actually going to stop?) So I thought Wil was going to go off on that and I would go “YEAH WIL!”
Then he gets all philisophical on me and… ah shucks, now I’m crying too. 🙂 “I forgive you for driving while talking on the phone, lady. Wherever you are. (This time)”
spudnuts!
It would be different, but it ain’t gonna happen.
Wil, empathy doesn’t care whether you know the person. She was broadcasting it; you were picking it up. My theory is it’s not unrelated to your acting talent. That openness is a gift, but a dangerous one; time to grow some filters (not shields in this case) so you can feel others’ pain without being overwhelmed by it.
Hmm, you think maybe I’ve been there? Clue? 🙂
The other thing I want to tell you is this: you helped her. Even if she didn’t even notice you at all, you took part of her pain. Risky, possibly bad for you, but I’d almost guarantee her pain was lessened. (And I’m pro-crying: salt water cleanses the spirit, even if it’s coming from your own eyes.)
Uh Dood,
it’s like you’re humanity is showing.
Here’s to you amigo,
I hope that someday everyone will share your sense
of responsibility and compassion.
*klinks Glass*
Mozzletov!
Seriously, I thought this was Mark Hamil’s website.
Where’s that t-shirt I ordered, and can you help get my account removed from WPI*IFRIENDS?
I like snacks.
You just never know what your actions will bring.
My company does IT work for various large entities in the NE Ohio area. For a year and a half I was at the Cleveland Clinic. (where the king of the United Arab Emerites come to get medical care). When the king, his entourage (including about 9-12 wives), and his money come to town I was especially careful to convey a good image of my company.
Long story short… I held the door open for some of the females (read: muslim) that traveled with him. They would not walk through the door! I ended up feeling bad because I put them in an awkward situation where men never treat them like that.
It is tough to be open to people. While I was in high school my parents owned a drive thru (place to drive your car through to get beer/wine/lotto/chips/etc for those whose states don’t have them). We would have a few ladies (who were regulars) who got perms and they looked younger. Most of the gals liked to be told they look younger, but some took offense.
It is getting harder and harder just to pay a simple compliment in this “sue happy” world. Most women (I can’t speak about guys since I never compliment them on their looks) love compliments or when you open the door for them BUT it is the ones who don’t who cause quite a few otherwise “decent” males to stop “using the manners their mother taught them”.
I still use the manners while I am at work EXCEPT for with the high profile female secretaries/execs. It is my experience that women of “power” are usually where you are most likely to strike the wrong chord.
Forgive my babbling… it is just that an everyday part of my job is representing my company in a positive light to the workers of another company. I have spent years working around thousands of different personalities (rich/poor/powerful/famous/average/etc) and I still learn something new about people every day.
Jason
ps: Just be nice!
Insert ironic non sequitur here.
Hello,
Cubicles, cars, rooms. We all seem to be secreting ourselves away from each other. It’s a very curious phenomenon. Perhaps, partially, it is my rejection of this isolation that I am joining an Old Order Amish Community. I spent the weekend with Amish friends. I’m learning some new skills. Sunday morning I drove the horse and surrey to church. I’ve enjoyed this site but I won’t be on much longer. Once I move to the farm I’m buying I won’t be having a computer, anymore. Actually, I won’t be having electricity, anymore. Anyway, it’s my way of slowing down. Reaching out and touching others. Living a lifestyle I have always admired. And most of all, walking a walk with God that I think will help me to grow spiritually. Goodnight!
Hey, Wil,
I know exactly what you mean. As part of my studies for a Master’s in Teaching, I’ve been taking a class about how to deal with the societal/emotional/etc. barriers between instructor and student. Part of what we studied is the fact that people can never really KNOW other people. We don’t have telepathy and everything we see is filtered through our perceptions and understood by our own isolated mind. People can be seen as prisoners within their own minds and it can be frustrating to not be able to make the connection with someone else.
It’s a really sad thing and I understand why you cried. Don’t worry about the macho jerks who might say something about it. They are just trying to compensate for their Howard Stern-sized winkies.
d00d!
You like cars, too? I like NASCAR (TM)! I love LA–I love it!
I was wondering if I could stop over for a soda sometime, or maybe go skateboarding with you and trade NASCAR (TM) trading cards with the Fleer pink stick bubble gum that has the dry white powdery stuff on it?! YUMMI!
Do you still talk to the Coreys? I just loved that “Licensed to Drive” movie…they were so great in there…it’s a shame you weren’t in it. I always wondered if you hung out on the set with them.
Like, totally.
Hey, do you still have those “Party Naked” jeans?
w00t!
*Python rawked, by the way!
That seems to happen to me too much. Sombody once called it empathy. I don’t know man, I don’t think I can read minds. 😉 Well I guess it is good to know that I am not the only person in the world who thinks of other people.
Eli, the mindreading part comes later! Reading feelings is easier; in fact IMHO it’s something we’re born with and have beaten out of us during our lives…other people’s feelings can be scary, especially when you’re a small child and adult feelings don’t make any sense to your mind, or find any way to realize into your preadolescent body…but I’m getting to the point where this should go in the Spirituality thread…
that roughy guy is a meany
There are clinics you can go to if your testosterone is running a little low.
I really don’t understand how some of you can be so judgemental. Have you ever heard.”If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” You are in Wil’s space, if you don’t agree with things he says or does that are not directed at YOU…why not just keep quiet…or stop reading…stop coming here?!?
Plus I just found this: “How often and why do people cry?
Most people shed tears more often than we would think. Thanks to William Frey, who had subjects keep “tear diaries” during a study conducted at the Dry Eye and Tear Research Center, a pattern emerges:
Sadness accounts for 49% of tears;
Happiness, 21%;
Anger, 10%
Sympathy, 7%
Anxiety 5%
Fear 4%
But even these statistics do not tell the whole story. Tears, it seems, reflect our very humanity. One man, a driven and successful executive, finds that he breaks into tears on the subway while reading about the debilitating poverty of a homeless woman with four children. One woman, a high-powered attorney in Chicago, weeps whenever she hears a Mozart concerto.”
“What if you can
which one do you use?
This is just like something that happened to me today. I read someone’s blog, and it was about them seeing someone crying, and then they cried, and I was so touched that I cried. Then my boss came over to see what I was crying about, and I showed him, and he cried. Then I cried some more because he was crying. Then the sandwich shop guy came in with our orders and he stood on my toe, and I cried even harder. Then he started crying. Then we all cried so hard that my computer shorted out from the tears. The tech support guy came down to fix it and started crying, and I felt so bad for him that I cried again. And my boss cried because of the expense. And the sandwich shop guy cried because he wouldn’t get paid.
I’m so sensitive.
I just skimmed the other responses and I didn’t notice anyone mention how many times I have read your journal and laughed and cried (well, just got a bit teary-eyed…i’m a tough guy:) because I could feel the emotion pouring out of you. Ever since my daughter was born, I am much more sensitive to other people’s emotions. I have had the exact same experience. I have seen a complete stranger break down and I just couldn’t help myself. I cried for them.
Wil, don’t take this as any fan or anything, but you continue to amaze me. The emotion you express, the tiniest things that you realize, it seems like you are in tune with something that the rest of us seem to pass up. I hope you realize what an incredible gift you have.
I like the way he’s not afraid to drop trow and moon Frakes any day of the week.
Really, Roughy? I haven’t noticed. 😉
I rarely comment unless its on things that I can relate to. And know exactly where you are coming from Wil. Something like that always gets to me and I feel the pain of the person that is going through the personal hell of whatever it is. I want to reach out to them and say it will be ok, but whos to say it really will and then there’s that barrier thats always holding you back, as if to say you can’t do that. That wouldn’t be right. But whos to say its right or not? You want to comfort that person in their time of pain, take it away from them if at all possible. But society today has made us shy away from that unless its someone you know and even then, you still shut a part of yourself away. We have to face society nose to nose and tell it off. We can’t be scared all the time to show our emotions. Some of the people I know call me sensitive and emotional, but its just the way I am. I finally opened my door and began helping people. I started slow with a couple people online, but its a start. And believe it or not, they are fast becoming some of my closest friends. So you never know what might happen when you reach out and open that window. Sorry if I rambled. =)
PS. Unrelated, but wanted to know how is Silent Hill 2 compared to 1?
First off, I congratulate you on your compassionate instincts and good-hearted assumptions. But what if she was crying because her married boyfriend decided to go back to his wife and kids?
Chances are that you are probably in the right here, and I agree that we’d all be better off if we did what you’d say, but prepare for the odd disappointment. One of the reasons we don’t give more often in the way you indicate is that we get burned. If you can handle that, then you’re probably better than most of us.
Wow another theme that relates exactly to my life. Today was the first day in a long time I have cried in public. It all started cuz I have been very lonely lately and just want someone to talk to. I phoned my boss and asked him when he would help me fix the leak in my sink. He was abrupt and didn’t want to talk. I called my best friend when he got off work and I started chit chatting and he pretty much told me he doesn’t care. I got so mad and frustrated that I blanked out and threw the phone at the wall. Now I have a broken phone, and a dent in my wall. which sucks cuz my landlord is gonna throw a hissy fit and I will have to tell him and my mom (she is coming here to move the rest of her stuff out this weekend) the truth about what happened, cuz I am all about the truth even if it makes me look bad. I walked to the nearest pay phone to phone my boss back and ask to borrow a phone. On my way home I burst into tears and couldn’t even see where I was walking. Yes I am a pathetic human being. Sad thing is writing this all down here sometimes helps although nobody reads it and cares. I could use a few people to roll down the window and say hello.
Synchronicity, Wil was right even if she was crying for a stupid reason, or because some unethical thing she was doing was failing to work out. When ten guys with stab wounds get wheeled into the ER, do the doctors ask “who started it?” They don’t. They treat them all, regardless of the color of their shirts or (we hope) skin.
The task of a healer is to heal. The task of a judge is to judge. One cannot act in both these roles simultaneously.