I hope everyone had a nice weekend…mine was spent with the boys, because Anne headed up to Portland to visit one of her friends for her birthday.
I was really looking forward to a cool “just us guys” weekend, but the boys were really in a lousy mood most of the weekend. They just wouldn’t stop bickering with each other, and Ryan had on his “I’m 12 and you’re an idiot” pants most of the time. I bet he found them in my box of stuff from my parent’s house…I think I’ll go burn the “I’m 14 and you’re an asshole” pants before he can find them. Nostalgia be damned!
We did do some cool things this weekend, though.
Nolan had a soccer game on Saturday, and I thought I was going to miss it because I have a class on Saturdays, but the teacher gave me the OK to come late, so I could watch the game. Nolan’s playing indoor soccer in a different league than the evil AYSO league he played in last year here. It is really non-competitive, with the focus put 100% on the kids having fun and goofing off. The parents and the coaches were really cool, except for one parent who was sitting next to the kids and me while we were waiting for Nolan’s game to start. This guy’s kid must have been, oh, five, maybe six years old, and his dad thought it was extremely important that he scream at the kid to “ATTACK THE GODDAM BALL, JUSTIN!”
Yeah. He’s lucky I wasn’t wearing my “I’m 29 and you’re a shitty parent” pants, because I’d have let him have it.
The coolest thing happened at this game, though. Nolan had invited my parents to come and watch, as well as two of my friends. My friends never showed up, but my folks did, and I wish I could recreate for everyone the look of pride and joy that filled Nolan’s face when he saw that they’d come to watch him.
They walked past the goal where he was standing, and he just lit up, and came running over to us, and threw his arms around my mom and then my dad, and said, “You made it! Thank you for coming to my game!”
He’s seemed a little unhappy recently (I think there’s some stuff going on with his dad), and it was really awesome to see him so joyful for a change.
He played a great game, in pretty much every position. He did not allow a goal when he was in the net, and nearly scored three different times. The game was a total blowout, but I could tell that all the kids, on both teams, were having a great time. I guess it makes a difference when parents aren’t wearing their “I’m middle-aged and unhappy with my own life so I’ll try to get some vicarious glory through my kids who just want to play and have fun” pants.
Saturday night, Ryan spent the night at his friend’s house…he told me that they spent the evening singing karaoke with his parents.
I’m not too sure I’m so comfortable that. 😉
So Sunday came, and I took Ryan and Nolan geocaching.
We started out looking for this one, but it just didn’t want to be found, so we headed off to another one, which Ryan found really easily.
Filled with the flush of success, we headed up to this one, which was my favorite of the day…what a beautiful hike, where we saw some deer, and a spectacular view of where I grew up in La Crescenta!
We were all feeling tired, and thinking of heading home, but the kids insisted that we go try one final cache, which Nolan found, much to his delight.
I realized that the best part of it for me was not the actual finding (although we were pretty frustrated to not find the one at the bridges), but the spending time with the boys (oh, how I wish I could call them “my boys,” but that’s another story) and discovering new places that we had never seen before.
We’ve gone looking for 5 different caches here in the last week, and each cache has been in a place that I’ve driven past about three hundred times a year, but never bothered to look at closely.
For example, I drive over the Colorado street bridge at least 4 times a week, and I’ve never been down into the Arroyo before. If any of you live in Pasadena, I strongly suggest heading down and walking the path that leads beneath the two bridges. It’s really beautiful, and great for dogs. Just watch out for the poison oak!
I thought back to the metaphor about ignoring things which are right in front of us, and I was really greatful to the people who placed the caches for giving my an excuse to explore these areas, and spend the time discovering them with the kids.
Anne came home late last night, after numerous flight delays, and all was right with the world. It was a good weekend, indeed.
Thought for today:
“People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood.”
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I have an 11 year old son wearing those same pants!! He is relentless against his younger brother and sister. Sometimes, though, the younger two beat him over the head with the bat of reality. I love your geocaching stories. I’m going to get my husband involved in that now. This is definately his kind of thing. I love the relationship that you have with your boys. And they are your boys, you just happen to share them with someone else.
I have the same pants! Well, not the 29 year old ones.
Hey Wil, can I borrow your “I’m 22 and hate you all” pants? Mine seem to be ripped. Thanks!
🙂
Wil said:
“I was really greatful to the people who placed the caches for giving my an excuse to explore these areas”
Isn’t that a wonderful experience?
Philadelphia has 2000+ murals and although I’d seen many of them, I didn’t start to really SEE them until one of my friends moved away. Before she left I did some research and then took her on a tour of as many murals as we could pack into a day.
By midday we were seeing the city in a whole new way – not busy, or dirty, or noisy, but full of color and neighborhoods and stories.
Now every time I’m in town, I see a new mural I hadn’t noticed before, and think of my friend.
:>D
Who’s the quote from? That’s a great quote!
Geocaching really sounds like a lot of fun. It needs to get more known and popular around here first though. It’d only take me a couple of days to find all the caches closeby 🙁
Geocaching is one of the coolest things on earth!! You’ ve not found the bridges? Well, try to find them next time. ‘Cause it’s realy awesome there!
DocShakes
Soccer!
I love that quote.
Have you and the boys hidden a cache, yet?
I tried finding the Tale of Two Bridge geocache this weekend as well. No luck. Either it’s gone or extremely well hidden.
I plan to assault it again soon.
Doc-
Is the cache in the rocks, or on the hill?
I looked and looked…but there was a skunk in the rocks, and poison oak all over that hill.. 🙂
Turtles- It’s from the Dalai Lama.
Wil- I can totally relate… My kids bicker constantly. And I think my 7 year old is already wearing those pants… she just can’t be bothered by parents anymore…
Lon
Wil said:
“oh, how I wish I could call them “my boys,” but that’s another story”
I think everyone would agree that they are your boys, in every aspects but the name; at least for the time they spend with you. Didn’t you mention they are more and more like you? 😉
For a great inspirational kid story, check out jeffroDOH!’s Proud of my daughter thread in the soapbox. It made my day…
mj
Wil, that’s a wonderful story. It’s really cool that you can be optimistic and keep your sense of humor even when things aren’t going perfectly. 🙂
Um, why can’t you call them “my boys”, if it’s not too nosy of me to ask? I have three stepkids myself (ages 25, 21, 19)… they call me theirs and I call them mine. The fact (sad) that their father is 99% uninvolved in their lives (Christmas cards only) probably helps, but since you’re one of the two most consitent adult figures in their lives, that makes you all “mine”.
oh, how I wish I could call them “my boys,” but that’s another story
Sure you can. 🙂
I have been in the middle of a lousy work day at my shitty job, and I was just happy to see an update from you today. That quote made me well up a little bit, which totally surprised me.
Glad you had a great weekend!
Wil, I love the fact that you just come out and say it man, but sometimes I just worry that yer comments are gonna’ come back to bite you in the butt:
He’s seemed a little unhappy recently (I think there’s some stuff going on with his dad), and it was really awesome to see him so joyful for a change.
>> You need pants
Bitch, I geocached some pants for you in So Cal like… months ago.
They’re near Grauman’s in a Yuban coffee tin, just four paces down from Jerry Reed’s star on the Walk of Fame.
In a sewer grate.
With a pistol.
But don’t tell Bobby Blake you got that fucker from me.
And some socks.
But those are over at Del Amo… at Foot Locker. The dude at the Foot Locker will try to tell you that those socks have not been paid for, but you tell him they are “Wil Wheaton’s socks and Spudnuts geocached them for me when he was in the mall in March buying some tipperary bon bons for his Teenoteen because they be so damn good and she likes them alot… are THOSE the new Kobe shoes?!”
If they give you shit (and they WON’T), shove the heel of your hand right under the septum of their nose right above that lip divvit (I don’t know what you call it) and PUSH.
Hard.
That’ll stop them.
Fuck.
You’d lose your own head if Jesus Christ hadn’t geocached it onto your shoulders back in the day…
Wil, thank you giving me something in an otherwise unremarkable day to smile about.
I believe the bit below the septum is called the filtrum.
Is soccer popular on that side of the Atlantic, then? I always thought good ole American football had driven it out.
Hey wil,
I think it’s great that you got to spend the weekend with the boys… Thank you for sharing the experience.
But.. Uh.. and I know I’m going to lose my crown of geekiness with this question.. But.. can someone email me and fill me in on what exactly “geocaching” is?
Portland, OR?
Asshole screaming parent aside, sounds like you had a rockin’ weekend.
sandra
I wouldnt get too sad about the boys, just ask them who their dad is. You might not be their biological father, but it sounds like you are more of a daddy to them than anyone else…
Wil, they are your boy’s, in your heart where it matters. Names can change, but love is real.
MrSpook Rocks for bringing up jeffroDOH!’s great thread. jeffroDOH! must be wearing his “I taught my daughter about being a careing human being pants.” 🙂
I would have not been able to help myself from saying something sarcastic to that jerk who helled at his kid. Some people don’t deserve kids at all.
I guess I would be wearing my “I’m going to beat you if you don’t shut the hell up pants.” :-0
Just remember that titles only get you so far, you’re probably a better father figure than the Sperm Dad.
Having been a part of a step-family, I know what wil means about wishing you could say “my boys”. Unfortunately, someone else has prior claim. And even if it’s fine and great for wil to think, “My boys” in his head, he can’t say it here because he probably doesn’t want to get a lot of stuff from the kids bio-father. It takes work to make a family, and wil’s putting in the hours. It’s also very clear that there’s love present between these guys, and when you get right down to it, that’s what it’s all about.
It sounds like you had a great weekend!
Can’t wait until you write “the boys” story…
Hey Wil, I am so glad to hear that you had a great weekend with the boys! That’s awesome! I read your website everyday, and everyday you always put a smile on my face. And for that I thank you!
Yeah..some parents are a LITTLE too invovled in their kids games. And some coaches are wacko. I was at a 13 year old girls Lacrosse game over the weekend and this one coach (not her’s thank god) was like screaming “double double double..ball ball” and like pointing all over the place. it was like he had teretts. Although..it did make the game more interesting for myself and the 13 year old’s 8yold brother..we counted 97 doubles during the game!
portland, oregon???
thanks for making MY day, Wil!
*grin*
I have two sons (9 & 11) in our local youth soccer league. Last year one of the opposing team parent/ coaches was giving mega loads of crap to the ref…a high school kid. Now, these kids do get paid to ref, but the dad/caoch wouldn’t let it go. He kept making snide remarks just within the ref’s earshot. What a GREAT role model! After the game I thanked my son’s coach for letting the kids have fun and not being That Way.
By the way, be glad you have boys Wil, there are no worse child pants than an eighth grade girl… My daughter has since apologized for being sooo completely and horribly, wretched back then. (She’s the ripe old age of 20 now.)
A little off topic, but I printed out “The Trade” and keep making people read it…great stuff. Love the site. (This is my virgin post, sorry for rambling.)
I’ve been curious, exactly how many sides are there to the story here? Perhaps Wil really shouldn’t call them “his boys” because they’re not?? We need not forget their real dad & their life with him- I grew up with a wonderful stepfather, but it would never have replaced the immense love I have for my dad. I would never respect my stepfather if he even tried to take that place. Maybe it’s not just the name they have in common with their father, but the love & bond as well. A lot of stepparents seem to see the child’s relationship with the biological parent the way they wish it would be– when in reality the child is in complete & utter love with that bio-parent and will never allow that to be taken away.
It’s wonderful that you have this relationship with your stepkids Wil, and I respect that you know where the line is.
I always love the family stories the best… keep it up. 🙂
And I loved the thought for today. 🙂
when i was growing up, my closest friend was from a ‘broken’ home…
his mom had left her original husband, and hooked up with a new guy named Roy…
after a few years Roy adopted my friend….
time went by, and eventually his mom even left Roy…
but not my friend….
for whatever reason, Roy and my friend bonded like a father and son should….
and now as adults, (recently 30……ya…we feel for ya wil!) when my friend talks of his dad…he means roy, and no one else….
Ryan and Nolan will look at you in the same way..
biology doesn’t mean crap…
the man that raises you, cares about you, takes you to the soccer and little league…the one that knows where you hid the nudey magazines, and that gives you the key’s to the car when you turn 16..
that’s there on graduation…
THAT’S a dad…
and you, wil, are that……
Little wonders are our children. My 6 year old seems to be going on 10. I say this because being seperated from my x-wife, has caused her to have to live in two worlds.. Be thankful you have 2 that want to wear the pants that fit. Mine has to wear the “I’m older than have to be pants.” and the “I have no other siblings pants.”
Besides, don’t worry as soon as you hit 30 you’ll just get more cynical about being middle aged. It’s time to wear the “I’m moving on with life and I’m happy pants.”
Besides, you could be turning 31.. Cringe….
Cheers,
B-
Thanks for the quote, it came just in time. I wish that I could get some people to read it and understand it.
Wil, like you,
“Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.”
-Oscar Wilde
enjoy this time with the kids.. I remember my
step-son, when about 10, he called me “Dad”
then the look of terror when he relized his
mistake… being a step father can be the hardest thing..
later “dad”
Wil, had another thought for you;
“Any man can be a father,
but it takes someone special
to be a Dad.”
Anonymous
and, knowing very little about your parents
and how you were raised.. seems like they did
a great job.. you are, what you learned from
them.. and maybe the crew of the enterprise
helped some in that department…????
good day to you, lad
wil –
they ARE your boys.
you live with them, you raise them, you take them geocaching and watch nolan’s football and hear ryan’s stories.
they are your boys.
You and all your pants-related analogies nearly caused me to spit coffee all over my monitor! Which, now that I think about it, might be an improvment over this off-white casing.
Wil:
I grew up with a stepmother who was both my best friend and a parent. My brother and I were always “hers” as much as (and later, even more than) we were our mother’s. When our mother basically dropped out of our lives, she was there to be our guide. My stepmom was the mother of the bride at my wedding. Sometimes kids belong even more to their stepparents than to their own. You shouldn’t feel bad or worry about calling them “yours”…they are. If they love you, and you love them, then they’re yours.
FdN
Wil,
You said two things that really tie together:
“He’s seemed a little unhappy recently (I think there’s some stuff going on with his dad), and it was really awesome to see him so joyful for a change.”
and later “(oh, how I wish I could call them “my boys,” but that’s another story)”
The first really proves that the second is false!
The fact that you *NOTICED* that he’s been really down, and that it’s probably becuase of stuff with his bio-dad (please note the prefix) proves that you’re there, day-in and day-out. Doing the hard work. Doing the un-glamorous stuff.
I’ve said it here before, and I’ll say it again: You’ve *EARNED* the title “DAD”, and you should (and I’m sure you are) proud to accept and live up to it day-in and day-out.
Steve
You rock, Wil. I couldn’t help but wonder–Should I be dating people who want to call my kids their own? That made me a little sad.
Miel
Well done, TV’s Wil! The geocaching thing sounds great but I was more interested in the soccer stuff: my two middles (boy and girl) are in AYSO leagues here. I have noticed some yelling by the coaches, but it’s not been quite as cutthroat as some other programs the kids have been in, in other states. Maybe the Calif league where you are is an anomaly (dare I hope?) Anyway, lovely post and I hope Ira Glass looks favorably on your recent submission!
I’ll go back to my corner, now! Karen
Oh, and about your boys (for they are in all the ways that count!), I will say again, “Nolan and Ryan have a great stepdad”! Ummm, I have wanted to ask this for a while, did Anne have a baseball fixation when they got named? Or am I just seeing things that aren’t there? Chin up!
I’ll go back to my corner, now. Karen
I think it’s great that the boys have someone to be a Dad to them, even if not by name. I grew up with a Father like his biological one and I never had someone else to do stuff with. As a result I was bitter, miserable, cynical and jaded. It took a long time to get over the emotional numbness. Don’t avoid letting them be honorary sons, they need ties with someone, it’ll help them get through a lot of stuff later if they have a solid role model now.
P.S. Sorry about the life story there 🙂
Wil, you are such a good person. Not that this is news to anyone around here, or to your family, but it was my first thought after reading your post, so I wanted to put it out there. Best wishes.
I remember once my little brother and I got in a bickering match over the last Nutty Buddy. I said that Gordon would let me have the last one because he loves me best . I was totally kidding, you how kids do and my little brother said ” No he doesn’t he’s not your “real” father”. Gordon is my step-father and my little brothers real father. Although I knew he wasn’t really my father and I have a great father that I love very much, to this day it hurts so bad. My brother suddenly realized what he said and kept saying over and over that he didn’t mean it. I love both of my fathers very very much. I would be hurt beyond repair if Gordon didn’t claim me as “his daughter”. The words “step” and “half” aren’t even spoken. I have two fathers. Be careful. Trying not to step on the ex’s toes may result in trampling all over Nolan and Ryan’s heart. Go ahead and say it “my boys”, “my kids”. You may say you will not ever take the fathers place and you will mean it at the time but little by little you will be the one they turn to, you will be the one they look up to and suddenly when Nolan or Ryan come over with the grandkids and you are standing out by the grill listening about all the sleepless nights and trying to pay the mortgage bill you will realize they are indeed “my boys”.