The call came while I was out, so I didn’t get the message until days later.
“Hi,” the young-sounding secretary said on my machine, “I have Rick Berman calling for Wil. Please return when you get the message.”
I knew.
I knew before she was even done with the message, but I tried to fool myself for a few minutes anyway.
I looked at the clock: 8 PM. They’d most likely be out, so I’d have to call tomorrow.
I told Anne that I had a message to call Rick’s office, and she knew right away also.
We’d thought about it for months, ever since I’d heard the rumors online. Of course, I tend to not put a whole lot of stock in what I read online…if I did I’d be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of hot teen bitches who want to get naked for me right now, and I’d be rolling in Nigerian money.
But it made sense, and I couldn’t fight what I knew in my heart to be true.
I returned the call late the next day from my car on my way home from work. I was driving along a narrow tree-lined street in Pasadena that I sometimes take when the traffic is heavy on the freeway.
Children played on bikes and jumped rope in the growing shadows of the July afternoon. The street was stained a beautiful orange by the setting sun.
“This is Wil Wheaton returning,” I told her.
She tells me to hold on, and then he’s on the phone.
“Hi kiddo. How are you?”
“I’m doing fine. You know I turn 30 on Monday?”
There is a pause.
“I can’t believe we’re all getting so old,” he says.
“I know. I emailed Tommy [his son] awhile ago, and he’s in college now. If that made me feel old, I can’t imagine what my turning 30 is doing to the rest of you guys.”
We chuckle. This is probably just small-talk, so it’s not as severe when he tells me, but it feels good regardless. Familiar, familial.
“Listen, Wil. I have bad news.”
Although I’ve suspected it for months, and I have really known it since I heard the message the night before, my stomach tightens, my arms grow cold.
“We’ve had to cut your scene from the movie.”
He pauses for breath, and that moment is frozen, while I assess my feelings.
I almost laugh out loud at what I discover: I feel puzzled.
I feel puzzled, because the emotions I expected: the sadness, the anger, the indignation…aren’t there.
I realize that he’s waiting for me.
“Why’d you have to cut it?”
This doesn’t make sense. I should be furious. I should be depressed. I shuould be hurt.
But I don’t feel badly, at all.
“Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with you,” he begins.
I laugh silently. It never does. When I don’t get a part, or a callback, or get cut from a movie, it never has anything to do with me. Like a sophmore romance. “It’s not you. It’s me. I’ve met Jimmy Kimmel’s cousin, and things just happened.”
There is an unexpected sincerity to what he tells me: the movie is long. The first cut was almost 3 hours. The scene didn’t contribute to the main story in any way, so it was the first one to go.
He tells me that they’ve cut 48 minutes from the movie.
I tell him that they’ve cut an entire episode out. We laugh.
There is another silence. He’s waiting for me to respond.
I drive past some kids playing in an inflatable pool in their front yard. On the other side of the street, neighbors talk across a chain link fence. An older man sits on his porch reading a paper.
“Well Rick,” I begin, “I completely understand. I’ve thought about this on and off for months, and I knew that if the movie was long, this scene, and maybe even this entire sequence, would have to go. It’s just not germaine to the spine of the story.”
He tells me that they had to consider cutting the entire beginning of the movie. He tells me that he has to call one of the other actors because they’ve suffered rather large cuts as well.
I stop at a 4-way stop sign and let a woman and her little daughter cross the street on their way into a park filled with families, playing baseball and soccer in the waning light.
I look them. The mother’s hand carefully holding her daughter’s.
I realize why I’m not upset, and I tell him.
“Well, Rick, it’s like this: I love Star Trek, and, ultimately, I want what’s best for Star Trek and the Trekkies. If the movie is too long, you’ve got to cut it, and this scene is the first place I’d start if I were you.
“The great thing is, I got to spend two wonderful days being on Star Trek again, working with the people I love, wearing the uniform that I missed, and I got to re-connect with you, the cast, and the fans. Nobody can take that away from me.”
“And, it really means a lot to me that you called me yourself. I can’t tell you how great that makes me feel,”
It’s true. He didn’t need to call me himself. Most producers wouldn’t.
“I’m so glad that you took the time to call me, and that I didn’t have to learn about this at the screening, or by reading it on the internet.”
He tells me again how sorry he is. He asks about my family, and if I’m working on anything. I tell him they’re great, that Ryan’s turning 13, and that I’ve been enjoying steady work as a writer since January.
We’re back to small talk again, bookending the news.
I ask him how the movie looks.
He tells me that they’re very happy with it. He thinks it’s going to be very successful.
I’m feel happy and proud.
I’ve heard stories from people that everyone had lots of trouble with the director. I ask him if that’s true.
He tells me that it was tough, because the director had his own vision. There were struggles, but ultimately they collaborated to make a great film.
I come to a stoplight, a bit out of place in this quiet residential neighborhood. A young married couple walks their golden retriever across the crosswalk.
We say our goodbyes, and he admonishes me to call him if I’m ever on the lot. He tells me that he’ll never forgive me if I don’t stop into his office when I’m there.
I tell him that will, and that I’ll see him at the screening.
He wishes me well, and we hang up the phone.
The light turns green and I sit there for a moment, reflecting on the conversation.
I think back to something I wrote in April while in a pit of despair: “I wonder if The Lesson is that, in order to succeed, I need to rely upon myself, trust myself, love myself, and not put my happiness and sadness into the hands of others.”
I meant everything that I said to him. It really doesn’t matter to me if I’m actually in the movie or not, and not in a bitter way at all.
I could focus on the disappointment, I suppose. I could feel sad.
Getting cut out of the movie certainly fits a pattern that’s emerged in the past two years or so.
But I choose not to. I choose instead to focus on the positives, the things I can control. I did have two wonderful days with people I love, and it was like I’d never left. I did get to reconnect with the fans and the franchise. Rick Berman, a person with whom I’ve not always had the best relationship, called me himself to tell me the news, and I felt like it weighed heavily on him to deliver it.
Nobody can take that away from me, and I’m not going to feel badly, at all.
Because I have a secret.
I have realized what’s important in my life since April, and they are at the end of my drive.
The dog-walking couple smile and wave to me.
The light changes.
Somewhere in Brooklyn, Wesley Crusher falls silent forever.
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that would have been cool to see you in the movie. damn.
That sucks, Wil, but it’s great that you can see the positives from the whole episode.
Onwards with life!
Maybe we’ll see you in the Super Remastered Extended Director’s Cut in ten years. Have to say, I don’t think I’ll be able to not be a little disappointed when the movie comes out, though.
Glad you have a great attitude about it, too.
But one thing, man, quit talking on the phone while you’re driving!
I got three words for ya Wil:
D-V-D (deleted scenes section)
Still sucks to hear though, It was the only reason I was going to see the movie. Saved me $8 they did!
NO WAIT!!!! No cutter talk! THAT’S EXACTLY WHY THERE ARE DVD’S – “DELETED SCENES”!!!!
Wil, you handled that with a great deal of tact and finese. You should be proud: It’s not that you were a man about it – it’s that you were adult about it. You worked, got paid and got to see friends: Who could ask for anything more? And hey, if you negotiated properly, when it comes out on DVD – if there’s extra footage with you in it, then you’ll get residuals! Smile!
You’re still damn cool!
Your fan,
Jerry
Wil,
I was really looking forward to seeing you in Nemesis. It was one of the reasons I was going to see it. I am a big Wesley fan in the show and a big Wil Wheaton fan in life. Since I have been comming here,reading your blogs some or most of the things you write inspire me and keep me going each day. I am so sorry they cut you from the movie,one part of me says “hey deleted scenes will be on the DVD” but will they cut you there as well? Anyway I am glad you can look at it with a good perspective and not get upset. I wish you they best in all you do. Until your next post.
Matt……
Well, now I’ll have to focus on the Stewart/Spiner stuff to keep wanting to see it… grr. But thanks for telling us. It’s nice to know ahead of time.
Your attitude is refreshing… no bitter ranting and raving and some nice uplift at the end…:)
Keep on truckin’ and we’ll wait for cut scenes on the DVD.
Wil,
Sorry I won’t be seeing you in the film, dude. Since I’ve come to know you through your blogs, it all makes sense, and I think there’s a great sense of closure and maturity that comes through in your entry. That’s a great thing to have, to be happy and satisfied with the little things that make each day worth finishing.
You the man.
I’m bitter, petty, and peon enough to think Berman sucks.
Whatever excess mojo I have from tonight, you can have.
And yeah, deleted DVD scenes.
But I’m glad you’ve got your head up and perspective on the situation. Your good karma definitely is past due.
wow, wil. it’s not just turning 30 that marks a passage into adulthood, i guess. your calm and perspective are inspiring.
Absolutely, bring on the DVD deleted scenes! That is disappointing because I was really looking forward to seeing you in the film. Aah well. You’re a rockstar, Wil.
Wil – you have a GREAT attitude about everything and are an inspiration to us all.
And I would buy the DVD when it comes out just to see that scene.
snip:
“I have realised what’s important in my life since April, and they are at the end of my drive.” … “Somewhere in Brooklyn, Wesley Crusher falls silent forever.”
Sooner or later it happens to us all. We have to let go of something from the past. Whilst not as profound as your moment Wil, for me it happened last week while I was going through my vinyl collection. My favourite tune of all time had warped in the heat, and I can’t buy another copy because it’s been deleted for about 10 years.
There
Hey man. Not a Star Trek fan, but I loved Stand By Me — made me want to cry when I was a kid — so I just found your site, though I had heard you talking about it on Bob and Tom or some station a while ago. You’re on to something here, and I am impressed.
Sorry about the cut scene, reading what you said about it made me all the more impressed. -Michael
Hey Wil, this is Wil (yes, another Wil with one L, and people give me as much grief as Anne Robinson gave you.)
Class act. Pretty mature for a thirty year old. I look forward to seeing your “cut” scenes on the DVD someday. Keep yer chin up.
Wil G-M
Hey Wil.. too bad about that. I’ve actually had the same thign happen, albeit I was merely an extra (but it was a close-up dammit!).
I’m working on a script (I’ve been working on it for years) and if you ever want to read for a no-budget comedy/drama, let me know..
All the best,
Ian (fellow Farker)
So, after I’m thirty I’ll be able to act mature too? Woohoo!
I’m sure I speak for all your long-term readers when I say that we find Wil’s Free Online Therapy(tm) fascinating and moving. Glad you feel you’ve really moved on since earlier this year. Time is the great healer, and all that.
We’re still waiting for the book, by the way. 🙂
Man, I feel bad for you. I so wanted you to be in it.
I hate Rick Berman and I do not like his style with Star Trek at all. I prefer Roddenberry’s style instead.
I hope they put you back on the DVD version.
I certainly won’t be seeing the movie in the theaters. They just saved me 8 bux.
We love you Wil!
Wil, I love the way you tell a story. The ending brought tears to my eyes.
Not being a trekkie, the only reason I’d have to see the film would be to see an actor who has proven his ability act… you’re no longer in it? Won’t be seeing it! Don’t worry Wil… You’re a great actor, funny and talented! The best is yet to come for you!
A die-hard trekkie wouldn’t care that the movie was 3 hours long…I’d still have watched it. [‘LOTR’ Anyone?] I will probably still go see it, I just won’t be as excited. I have to admit, like everyone else here, I was hoping [wishing?] to see you in it. Won’t be the same, man.
Everyone have a good rest of the week, and fabulous weekend. Esp Wil, Anne & the boys.
Way to handle, Wil. You certainly have your priorities straight, and that’s a great thing.
We all now wait with bated breath for the DVD. 🙂
Wil,
Have been a fan since you did “Stand by Me”. Would have been great to see you on the big screen as Wesley again, but at least you won’t be pigeon-holed and end up making a living doing appearances at conventions and radio-spots for “NameYourPriceForAirfare.com”.
And don’t take this as sarcasm, but I can TOTALLY see you playing Sirius Black in the third Harry Potter film. You should seriously have your agent work on that.
Keep at it.
Wil:
Have to say that I’m sorry about the cut. But you show your classiness and mature insight by focusing on the positive. You got to re-connect with some cool folks that you love and love to work with. You actually had civil conversation with a guy that years ago you probably would have hung up on (or he on you). Look at this whole thing as a “milepost marker” on your journey. Shit, even as I say that, I know it sounds lame. . .but it’s true. You have left Wesley Crusher behind now, finally.
You ARE the man and the reason I keep coming to hang out at this place. Soapbox is fun too, but I like to resonate with your emotions and thoughts as you pour them out in your log. You have a posse that would probably do anything for you (like buy you a computer) and don’t care about Wesley. . .we care about YOU. I just wish I lived closer to CA and could come see your group perform live.
Still, there must be some disappointment. So healing mojo is being sent your way, man. Hell, I think I’ll probably wait for the DVD’s to come out anyway with the “director’s cut”.
Peace,
Ahud
Well, damn it!! Here I was hoping to get to see Wesley Crusher one last time. Oh well, suppose it is better that they clip a scene here and there than risk turning a good film into a long drawn out affair. I mean,what if DUNE (Lynch’s version) had actually keep all of the film in it. 4 hours was long enough of a film, though not long enough for the story.
Wil,
I think putting you in the new movie would have been great. The problem is, if you were to come back, you would have to come back as that time traveling smart guy you turned into. That would have been awesome to see you in the flick.
I have been a Star Trek fan since I was a kid and every time I see it it brings back memories, although I’m sure for you they are much stronger.
All I can say is to make sure you do what makes you happy. You have been in some good movies and shows and no one can take that away. You may even be able to be on the new Star Trek series: Enterprise as the character you turned into. Hey, you never know with Star Trek…
Well, have a good one and keep on keeping on (whatever that means)…
“…better get the DVD of it. That’s where all the Wil Wheaton stuff is.”
I’ll say it.
I am a complete loser with a tiny, tiny penis.
Sounds like you’ve got things in perspective, Wil. Congratulations on discovering the true meaning of life (IMHO).
This is the most bizarre site I have ever come across in the entirety of the internet. Wil Wheaton is an internet legend, and to see his words with my own eyes gives me a kind of bizarre otherworldly feeling. It’s very unreal to see human-like reactions from otherworldly figures of media hype and anti-hype. It’s a good lesson in perspective.
Oh producers like Berman full of it.
I thought Wesley was the next evolutionary step of man? I thought Wesley can leave and re-enter reality at his bidding? Wesley, therefore, could have appeared in ANY part of the film. Instead Wesley was written into an obviously throwaway scene.
It may be of small consolation but at least you were asked to take part in filming…apparently Majel Barrett wasn’t even asked to be in Star Trek: Generations.
Berman will get his come-uppins…you’ll see. And don’t make this Berman guy suddenly seem like an angel cause his office had you call him.
bleh!
I am a complete loser with a tiny, tiny penis.
“Because I have a secret…and they are at the end of my drive.” Tear in my eye. You are the best, Wil.
Hi,
…It’s really sad! When I heard that you’ll be in the neXt Trek movie I was happy..and more than happy, I was smiling on the whole day, and I thought that I’ll be going to watch it, to by it on video….but now..nothing to do. I love Star Trek for long. I loved Wes when I firstly saw him(you was the only whom I knowd from the TNG from the Houdini film, and I just thought that Patrick Stewart a great actor, because he looks like that, but in that period I don’t know nothing from the others!)….After this movie I really wanted to break with the Star Trek! I saw everything what I want..well not exatly. Just 2 more eps. : First duty and Journeys end in hungarian!! But that is really good that you see the good side of the things!!:)) And maybe there is a place for Wesley in the XI. Trek movie!:D
I wish you everything good!!
you suck.
I say this because I am a complete loser with a tiny, tiny penis.
No! Dammit Jim! I’m sad to hear that, but I’m impressed (not surprised) by your composure in the face of adversity.
Well, THAT took guts to say, tn.
Will,
It’s a shame but I’m impressed that you have your priorities straight. A lesson I could learn. Keep at it.
To Kieran: Gees, you are the one who needs to get a life.
Oh well. By the way, I read on TVBarn.com yesterday that “Win Ben Stein’s Money” is being cancelled. (You may recall that Wil nearly got the job last year as the new sidekick on that show). Karma chameleon, you come and go….
Next up for Ben is a little something called “Read Ben Stein’s Resume”. 🙂
…and I think that Mr Berman could be that someone who is really great!
I was, I am and I’ll be your fan..FOREVER!
Sad to hear. But you’ll always have fan support when you’re 40, 50, and 100. Unfortunately you’ll also have tremendous asses thinking they’re digging your soul underneath their boots. But hey, at least you’re not fat or anything. Where am I going with this? Oh, well. Thanks again for the Farkman memories.
Wil,
This may sound lame, but you have gotten to do something most people will only dream of and being a celebrity with all of its trappings…
I think you should hang in there, focus on the family and keep your chin up.
Anyway, VERY few people who have ever been associated with Hollywood ever walk away with a good attitude. You did. Count that as a victory.
Drew
Just the other day me and my wife were wondering whatever happened to the Wesley character on ST:NG, and that it would be neat to see him in one of the new movies to explain what he’s been up to. Guess that’s not going to happen now. Good to see you taking it with such grace. We’ll look for the scenes on the DVD, that’s for sure.
I’m sorry to hear that your part got cut, but very happy to hear that you’ve found your center & know what’s really important in life. Joy to you!
If I could’ve let flesh-eating ants loose in Wesley Crusher’s shorts, I’d have done it. But you’re you, and ten times as cool as the fictional ensign was lame. Now I’m pissed; not that I won’t be seeing Wesley, but that I won’t be seeing Wil.
what drew said
That sucks. Forget about it, focus on new adventures and never look back.
*sigh*
Bigger and better things, Wil…
There’s always the director’s cut on the DVD…
Wil, apologies for the moronic Farkers who are posting all the shit about you on your comments board. I came here from there as well and I guess you of all people know how it goes. I wouldn’t feel too bad anyway when it comes to some anonymous dick, who, mustering all the wit and biting sarcasm at his command, can only come up with “you suck”. Pretty obvious who the loser is in that contest – (Wil=actor/writer/internet w/actual future and family vs. Dick who writes “you suck” and probably lives in his mom’s basement and spends his days whapping off to net porn and wishing he hadn’t gotten fired from Domino’s.) Anyways, I think it sucked, you’re taking it better than I am, sounds like. I think they’re really underestimating the amount of folks on the net who like you and would like to see a grown-up Wesley kick a little ass and bring the role some long overdue dignity. Screw ’em, I say. Anyways, it’s just the Star Trek movie of the week, it’s not like you got cut from The Godfather or something. Their loss.