Inferno

I had an audition for “John Doe” this morning.
I watched it over the weekend, and thought it was pretty good. There were some things that I thought were very “pilot heavy,” but other than that, I think the show has great potential…sort of a Bourne Identity meets Millennium, meets Girls Gone Wild.
A brief explaination of “pilot heavy” is in order: When a series creator wants to sell his or her idea to a network, after all the scripts are approved, and the casting is done, the creator shoots what is called a “pilot.” In the pilot, the creator has to show the network more or less what they’re going to do over the years of the series, and introduce them to the main cast, as well as to the viewing audience. Because of these necessities, pilots can be a little heavy on the talking and exposition, and the explosions and stuff.
So I thought it was a little “pilot heavy,” but not bad at all. I don’t think anyone should ever judge a series by it’s pilot.
So I’m a little excited about this audition, because I like the show, and I haven’t had an audition in several weeks.
Funny aside: at an audition I had a few weeks ago, I walked in, and the receptionist comes over to me and says, “You’re Wil Wheaton, right?” I told her that I was, and she replied to me, excitedly, “I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE!”
Okay, I thought that was really cool. =]
Anyway, there’s this massive brushfire burning near my house, and the resulting cloud of smoke is thousands of milles thick, and hovering over my house, so when I walked out to my car, it was covered in ash, and the sun was casting this spooky blood red haze down on everything. My lawn is completely dead, so it was sort of orange…wish I’d taken a picture of it, but I didn’t.
So I head over to the audition, which is to play a character called “Elvis”, who is described thusly:
“a wild-eyed genius with an IQ that’s over 160…a former “Doogie Howser” with a brilliant mind and questionable social skills. The youthful chief of neurosurgery at a Seattle hospital…”
Sound familiar? He’s sort of halfway between Wesley and the guy I played on Invisible Man, so it’s not a lot of work to prepare the audition…I even get some technobabble…albeit medical terminology, which is a little bit easier to remember.
I get to the audition early, and as I’m walking up the stairs, I am passed by this AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL, who is clearly reading for the part of the AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL…I shit you not, she is even wearing a red dress.
As she passes me, I am engulfed in the intoxicating sent of her perfume, and I am hit full in the face with a hypernostalgic memory from when I was about 15…


I’m with my best friend Darin. We’ve just seen a movie in Burbank, and we’re driving back to his house. We could take the freeway, and be there in about 15 minutes, but we choose to take a more circuitous surface street route, knowing that it will allow us to stay out longer.
We’re listening to “The Queen is Dead” as we pull through the curves of this particular street, talking about girls, comics, Nintendo, and debating the me. We stop at a light, and a two girls pull up next to us. I look over, notice that they’re insanely hot, and begin to get nervous. At 15, I’m convinced that any girl I see is a potential trip to at second base…though I’ve never even been to first base, or really had a real at bat, yet.
Darin looks over, and says, “Hey! That’s Misty!”
“What?”
“That’s Misty! I know her from school.”
Darin waves to her, and we all get out of our cars, leaving them idling in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night. Over the next few months, and even now, that simple act of standing in the middle of the steet would bring me incredible satisfaction.
Darin introduces me to her, and she is very, very nice to me. I am immediately drawn to her. She is about my height, with lots of thick blonde hair and bright green eyes that stand out from her face in the La Crescenta night. She is funny, and engaging, and our conversation is easy and effortless. She is also wearing this amazing perfume, that gives me goosebumps…I realize with some embarassment that I have been inhaling deeply through my nose, while she talks, drinking her in.
We talk for a long time, Darin and I carefully avoiding topics like the ones we’ve been discussing in the car. Though we are nerds, we know that Cthulhu is just not discussed in the presence of potential foolin’ around.
A few cars pull up behind us, and we wave them around, as we stand there in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night, enjoying the freedom of being away from our parent’s ever-watchful eyes, talking to a beautiful girl while Morrissey entreats an anonymous driver to “take me out, tonight…take me anywhere I don’t care I don’t care…”
Eventually, that time comes when we have to get home, and she has to leave as well. We begin the awkward process of saying goodbye, and I try to screw up the courage to ask Misty for her phone number. We stand there a little too long, me fumbling with my words, and she asks, “Would you like to go out sometime?”
I unsuccesfully try to act nonchalant and my voice breaks as I reply, “Sure!”
She writes her number down on a 3×5 card…which I provide to her from within my Car Wars Deluxe Edition box set. She writes her name and number on the card, and before she delivers it into my sweaty hand, she takes a bottle of perfume from within her purse, and sprays the card.
“So you won’t forget me,” she said.
Yeah, like there is any chance of that happening.
I put the card back into my Car Wars Box, and we all get back into our cars, still idling in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night.
Darin and I drive back to his house in an electrified, excited, stunned silence.
I have gotten a phone number from a beautiful blonde, without even asking.

Though I kept that card in that box for years… I never got the courage to call her. I don’t know why, really…I know I was super geeky and afraid that she’d want to make out, or something, and I wouldn’t know what to do (I should be so lucky)…maybe I was content to sit in the safety of my garage, listening to Oingo Boingo, happily considering what could be…maybe I was just a lameass who didn’t know what to do when the golden prize landed in his lap.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s the last one.
After my audition today, as I was driving home into this great ominous cloud of thick grey smoke, I thought about that night, and the months that surrounded it. I thought about the way her perfume still permeates my Car Wars Deluxe Edition Box Set, and the times I’d play Car Wars in my dressing room with my friend Caius, when I was working on TNG.
I remembered how cool I thought it was to be on Trek back then, and how much fun it was to be part of something that I knew was great. It was wonderful to be part of something that made me feel proud. I feel that same way about WWDN. I feel proud of this stupid website, and the chance it’s given me to find my Voice…I feel proud that even though the source is clunky and I really need to redo everything now that I know what I’m doing, this lame website is mine, for better or for worse.
As I drove home, I looked to my right, at the bright blue September sky over Downtown, and off to my left at the growing cloud of smoke swrling around the mountains, and wondered whatever happened to Misty, who signed her name with a heart over the i. I wondered if she remembers standing in the middle of that road, in the middle of the night, fifteen years ago. I wondered what that amazingly beautiful girl in the red dress would say if she knew that the smell of her perfume had put me in a time machine.
The fire burned hotter, out of control.

Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

165 thoughts on “Inferno”

  2. Wil,
    Dude. When you publish your book (and you will), I will buy it. I will buy one for myself. I will buy one for each of my parents. I will buy one for my sister. I will buy one for each my friends. And then I’ll buy one to have on hand for those times when you need a gift for someone on short notice. And when I give that one away, I’ll buy another for the next time.

  3. in a way…the love that never was…led to the love that is…so it was good…and can never be spoiled by the harsh colors of reality.

  4. Call the number!!! 😀
    I know its years later, and *obviously* its not to ask her out on a date.
    But wouldn’t it be cool to see if you can find her, and find out what she thought when you didn’t call her?

  5. “Though we are nerds, we know that Cthulu is just not discussed in the presence of potential foolin’ around.”
    That is some really funny shit.

  6. Cyclopean seaweed covered blocks of incredible age rumble like thunder beneath the Pacific. Ocean currents churn restlessly like partially digested beef in the gullet of a vegetarian. Somewhere a herring gull screams out the sorrows of a million tortured souls sailing the endless currents of air while fires engulf the land. The great ‘Squid Dragon’, forever dreaming in his watery prison reads WWDN from his underwater terminal. My name is CTHULHU, not Cthulu, and I also like Oingo Boingo.
    Don’t shoot me. I am only the messenger.
    Nyarlathotep

  7. Well that was TOO sweet..
    Wheaton have you not figured it out YET that the
    geeky guy always REALLY win’s “the beautiful girl’s” heart..IN REAL LIFE..
    HONEST!!!!(I bet THAT GIRL is a monkeyboxer NOW!)

  8. Wow. SO many memories flooding back, so many missed opportunities that I realise now I should have followed up on that will never come my way again. I remember one time I actually followed up and called the girl, but it didn’t happen.
    She was on a train and she was a brown haired Heavy Metal goddess. Black leather jacket, black spandex pants, and tough as nails. She was ripping into this guy for drooling over her (he was actually drooling) and after he sped away my friends and I were getting up to get off the train and she handed a card with her name and number on it to my friend who was closest to her, pointed to me and said “Give this to him.” Well, my friend gave it to me and it took several days before I worked up the guts to call. I called and a woman (probably her mother) answered. I asked for the girl and her reply in a very grim, sad voice was “I’m sorry, but she doesn’t live here anymore.”
    I was totally bummed, and feeling like a jerk for upsetting this poor woman. Her daughter had run away and here was some guy calling looking for her. Part of me was kicking myself for waiting so long to call, yet another part of me was relieved that I didn’t bring any more dysfunction into my life because she was obviously troubled. I never really got an opportunity like that again, and while I don’t regret that one so much for obvious reasons I regret the others where looking back on the memories I see the signs I missed or was too afraid to acknowledge.
    Good luck with John Doe.

  9. 1987, another hot summer night, cruising through Burbank with my friend, winking at the balding losers who were trying to impress younger women with their fast cars and beer bellies. We pull up to a stoplight, and in the car next to us is this geek from school, Darin, and his friend, who just happens to be Wil Wheaton. OH MY GOD! I’ve seen Stand by Me at least 10 times in the past year – my friends think I’m obsessed, but that movie was so good! My favorite scene is where Chris is keeping watch and Gordie is having a nightmare and they sit up and talk… GOD, I cry every time. I think that River Phoenix and Wil Wheaton are two of the best actors I’ve ever seen!
    So anyway, there in the next car is Gordie La-frickin-Chance! Of course we stop, to get out and talk.
    My friend knows I’m obsessed with Gordie, I mean wil, so she concentrates on distracting Darin so I can have him all to myself. OMIGOD, I can’t believe we’re standing here in the middle of the street talking to Wil Wheaton. He’s so shy too, I can tell because he keeps breathing through his nose in a way that makes me slightly nervous. He’s so cute, I can tell he wants my phone number but maybe he’s never asked a girl for a date before? I gave him my number and hoped he’d call. For the next few weeks, all I could think was that he’d call me. I’d get home from school and ask if there were any messages. Every time the phone rang I ran for it. But he never called. I started watching Star Trek, TNG. Wil was still cute, but Wesley sure was a snotty little brat. Yeah, that’s probably the real him.

  10. OK, that was really me. But seriously, Wil, how often did you take out that perfumed card and put it over your face, then lay back and relax with your reflections? And do you use your left hand or your right hand for that?

  12. I was in 8th grade, he was a freashman….I found out what cologne he wore and the next time I was in a department store I poured a little on a piece of paper, & tucked that into my diary….that diary still smells like him….it was Christmas time when I did that and that cologne still makes me think of Christmas…..that was 17 years ago……wow…..thanks, Wheaton……I needed that….

  13. Shoulda Woulda Coulda Didn’t…*sigh*…
    in the words of the preist on “Princess Bride”
    “…Wuuuvvv…Thweet Wuuuvvv…”
    I remember a time where love was pure. I remember a time where time was pure. I remember a time where life was simple. A time where time was love and love was simple…confusing? Thats the long and short of remembering a crush…isn’t it good!?
    Eternally,
    Ember

  14. Hey dude… you are a writer Wil, through and through. If you don’t publish things in this life, they will mearly take your archives and will become the source of legend with stuffy english professors discussing your work while smoking there pipes and drinking brandy… in short Wil, “you’re the man!” Keep up this site. It is like hanging out with a good friend and hearing about his day over a couple beers.

  15. wonderful story.
    I always say everything happens for a purpose, and I am sure it is true with this as well.
    Had you called that number your life may have taken a totally different turn and you would not be where you are today.
    For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction…who is to say what chain of events that would have set into motion.
    Memories are a wonderful thing though.
    Who knows maybe that was Misty that passed you in the hallway.
    🙂

  16. Wil-
    This is the first time I read anything by you, the story about Misty, and it was great! You really can write. Now let’s get practical. You’re famous. You’re probably rich. You are probably considered good looking by women. I’m leading up to…go after Misty! It’s not too late. Celebrities can find anyone they want and date just about anyone they want. So get going; surely you have the courage now. Good luck, and write about it.

  17. Great story. Reminds me of a gal that had a crush on me in college. I was oblivious to it until we were doing a scene for acting class where we had to kiss. She tried to give me a tonsilectomy! Unfortunately, by that time she had moved on and was dating a friend of mine. *sigh*
    Unfortunately, I missed the John Doe pilot. I was at a rehearsal. I heard it was good.
    From one actor to another, Break A Leg!
    If you get the part, I’ll definitely watch it.
    Peace,
    Billman

  18. Wil you are a shining star in these days of darkness. If only there were more of your ilk, the world would be a sunnier place.
    Please come by and cheer up the sods at http://www.superevil.tv Lord knows they need it.
    They have a nice new message board, where world politics and womans rights are discussed.
    Thank you.
    Tom

  20. Hey Wil,
    I’ve found that usually its better to let the woman bring up Cthulhu. If she does, then you know things have serious potential. 😉

  21. You never called her…you ass…how dare you post that story…all it did was dredge up memories of may past when I failed to take chances. Only now at 35 have I learned its far better to get turned down and humiliated and suffer for days on end, than to never attempt and have the “what if” burn inside your gut for all eternity. Damn you for making me remember when I was a coward.

  22. Good luck, good luck, good luck on the “John Doe” audition. It won’t diminish your value as a person or make any of us adore you less if you DON’T get the part, but if they give it to anyone else I’m gonna have to… erm… not watch the show! Yeah, that’s right! (I wonder if it’s even going to air here? *ponder*) Anyway, my fingers are crossed!

  23. Am I the only one who read through all the comments, secretly hoping that Misty would be one of the responders? That she’s been reading Wil’s site and found a chance to respond? Not that anything would happen, but just the synchronisity of it all would be so cool…and completely unrealistic. Still, if only the rest of us had such a chance as that.

  24. For those of you that missed the 1st episode..
    “John Doe” rocked!! As it was the follower of
    “Firefly”..how could it loose?
    Cmon Wil…audition Mojo..(perhaps you could turn it into a regular role?)

  25. Uncle Willy was on the Invisible Man and I missed it!!! Oh why, why did I cancel my cable subscription?
    By the way, I love your writing, Wil. I, like many others who have posted, think you should explore that more as a vocation/avocation.

  26. Wow. What a nice story. Wil, you really do have a lovely writing style, its easy to read, personal and comforting. This one feels more like a memory of mine than somthing I am reading about someone else’s life. Very very well done. 🙂

  27. Car Wars.
    ::sigh::
    I haven’t played a good game of Car Wars since I moved to Los Angeles.
    I wonder what Wil Wheaton would say if he knew that the mention of Car Wars had put me in a time machine?

  28. I suppose the reasons why John Doe was one of the worst shows I saw this season might be due to this being the pilot episode, however, some of them aren’t.
    yeah, there was way too much talking by the main character, whether on screen or in narration. In fact, at one point he’s talking to a dead man in the morgue and I comment that he’s just talked someone to death. The whole over-talking thing isn’t helped by the fact that the main character is extremely boring and uninteresting.
    His powers are extremely inconsistent and are basically labelled as a plot-device. They only word when they won’t help him. As long as the information is useless, he knows it, if it’s usefull, he needs to research it (this doesn’t apply to driving/piloting though). Wow. Some powers. And then he tells the EXACT time (minutes and seconds) by looking at the sun without knowing the year, the day, or even an exact location. Yeah, that’s impossible.
    The intro shows us this guy who doesn’t know all these things, and all he wants to do is buy a big di… I mean car, some fancy clothes and win money. Can this guy be any more ridiculous?
    Finally we come to the incompetent supporting characters. This includes the cop who instead of walking to the suspect who hasn’t seen him, calls out so that the suspect can run away instead.
    Ugh. The worst show of the season, I am not surprised they wouldn’t allow reviewers a preview of the show.

  29. You are so bloody geeky, Wil, you’re cool.
    Reading this entry, it took me back to every chance meeting I had as a gawky too tall teenager with a geek streak a mile long.
    Thanks for the portal back in time.
    Some days I read your log entry’s and think “if he get’s any deeper he’s gonna drown!”
    You do all of us 30 something geek boys proud!

  32. Don’t tell anyone, but I was pretty damn psyched when my wife picked out a perfume recently that took me back — to a girlfriend, or maybe a couple girlfriends had the same stuff, or maybe the same scent was in the laundry detergent their mothers used, I can’t remember precisely.
    Either way, it gets me pretty, well, “hotter,” so I’m glad she has it.
    I have run into some “old flames” along the way of my 35 years, and, you know, Dracolvo above just might agree with me that the “What Ifs” kinda turn into “Whatevers” as you go on.
    Later,

  33. Cool about John Doe! I think they film a lot of it up here in Vancouver. If you make it up a few of us programming geeks would love to take you out for a beer or ten!

  34. even when the cute girl signs your yearbook with the words “you’re so damn sweet” and then her phone number…it is still possible to be so geeky as to wait an entire summer to call her. And when you do it turns out she’s dating someone else already, and you spend a year hitting yourself over the head with that yearbook.

  35. excellent entry.
    I’m feeling nostalgic for the days when you had time to do these kinds of entries every day. 🙂
    Off to listen to The Smiths now…

  36. Lame? Stupid? Careful Wheaton or I could become very insulted at those remarks 🙂
    Don’t feel too down hearted Wil that you passed up the chance to get with a girl called Misty, I mean really, come on. It made for a cool story though.
    Congrats on the audition too man!
    Luv me

  37. Hey Wil,
    Good memory recall story, those bitter-sweet ones are nice to recall. Usually they leave me with a ‘hmmm, wonder what happened to ???’
    Hope the audition went well, hope ya get picked up for the series. As an added bonus, you’ll get to visit Vancouver again(they’re filming John Doe EVERYWHERE around here right now).
    Ciao!

  38. Wow, Wil, what a great story! Thanks for sharing it. They say that smell is the best sense for memory recollection, and clearly that’s true in your case. Do you also find that once you start thinking about one long-forgotten memory, others start cropping up? Happens to me all the time.
    Hope the audition went well and brings you work.

  40. Gabba-gabba,
    we accept you,
    we accept you,
    one of us.
    Car Wars, Cthulhu, GURPS, Dead Milkmen, Linux, nethack, Star Trek, girl-shyness, Simpsons, slashdot, the EFF, converse all-stars… The list goes on and on.
    We are fans of yours because we realize you are one of us.

  44. Wow! You didn’t call that girl because you were afraid. Amazing! Do you know what courage a girl has to have to give her number out on a card? haha I’m sure that poor girl thought you just didn’t like her and that was why you failed to call her. It would have never entered her mind that you were afraid. 😉

  46. Wil~
    Your story reminded me of a boy I had a crush on 10 yrs ago. Yes, this happens to girls too. Last I heard he’s married but I still would love to tell him how he made me feel in high school. Thanks for the memories & Andy, whatever happened to you!!??

  47. The appropriate nice things have already been said. This is just a grammar queen kvetch.
    You wrote it’s instead of its.
    Possibly that’s all part of the act, the illusion of spontaneous ramblings when it’s all carefully scripted by the publicists, but i’m.. well anyway.
    it’s the sort of thing a spell checker misses.
    i don’t know if you ever revise these or leave them just as is, the way the dead links in the older entries are kept the way they are
    because this is a blog, a recording of what is,
    rather than a dissertation.

  49. OK, Wil, great post as usual, but that last line, I’m sorry — WAY over the top. You’re a good writer, but I don’t think you gave us enough history and emotion beforehand to really DESERVE such a cheesy, line.
    Come on, admit it, it feels forced. 🙂
    Or maybe I was just not into your earlier paragraphs at all, still shaking my head over how much of a lame ass you — and indeed all of us — were when we were 15.

  50. Hey, this is your first personal post, Wil, since August 31st when you wrote the entry entitled Schizm. THAT’S more like it! This is the Wil we became interested in and why we started hanging out here in the first place. Keep it up! 🙂
    Good luck with your audition too. Oh wait, I mean, break a leg! 🙂

Comments are closed.

Related Posts

Recent Posts