“It’s 4:00 PM?! Holy shit! How did it get to be FOUR FREAKING IN THE AFTERNOON?!”
It’s 4:00 PM, and I only have thirty minutes before I have to leave. Anne will come home while I’m out, and I’ve been spending the last few hours cleaning the house, so she won’t walk into chaos when she arrives. It’s taken me longer than I intended, leaving me little time to iron my pants and my shirt.
I’m a ball of stress, because when I try to handle an iron, I may as well be using my feet. I’m a ball of stress because Ferris refuses to eat, and really wants to play with me while I’m adding wrinkles to my shirt. I’m a ball of stress because I’ve been invited to the formal dinner at Ruddock House, at Cal Tech, and I can’t pull myself together.
See, I desperately wish that I was a smarter, nerdier, more educated person than I am, and I’m about to go sit in a room full of people who know more about math, physics, engineering, and how to creatively blow things up than I ever will. So I am very nervous. I want to make a good impression, and I want to participate in the discussions intelligently. I also know that most of the room will be people who are at least familiar with Star Trek, if not full-on Trekkies, and it’s going to be really embarrassing when they realize that the smart kid from TV totally doesn’t rate.
So I’ve asked my friend Shane to come with me. He is a Cal Tech alum from 1992, and he lived in Ruddock House. I figure that if I clam up, he’ll help me feel comfortable, and draw attention away from what a lamer I am.
it’s 4:15, and my clothes are actually more wrinkled than they were when I started. For a brief moment, I wish polyester was back in fashion. This wish passes quickly as I remember what it felt like to actually wear polyester when I was a kid. I decide to kick Ferris out of the room, and focus, dammit.
I get the wrinkles out of my shirt, and hang it up, expecting it to fall onto the floor. Thankfully, it does not. Ferris has parked herself outside my bedroom door, and is sniffing at the space between it and the floor.
It’s 4:25, and my pants are looking good, but the area near the pockets is giving me trouble, so I add water to the iron, hoping for steam.
What I get is a puddle on my pants.
The door begins to breathe.
I shake off the pants, and press the iron into the puddle, turning it mostly to steam. I hope it will dry before I get to Tech.
The doorbell rings. It’s 4:30. I let Shane in, and while he entertains Ferris, I choose a tie. I wonder if I should go for my Star Wars tie, or my Where’s Waldo tie. I hold them both up, and decide that I’ll go for a much more conservative tie, which I call my “1950’s Science Teacher Tie.”
Shane changes into a shirt and Looney Tunes tie, and we’re ready to go. I sure hope my pants dry.
We make the short drive to Tech, listening to Boingo Alive, catching up. I don’t get to see Shane at all these days, as a consequence of our schedules and stuff, so it’s nice to get a few minutes to talk about what we’re doing, and how our lives are. I don’t tell him how nervous I am, and if he notices, he doesn’t ask.
We arrive at Tech, and make our way into Ruddock. We find Abe, who has invited us to dinner.
Abe and his roommates are dressed casually, sitting in their room. Shane and I realize that we’re an hour early.
Oh jeeze. At least my pants are dry.
I don’t’ want to make this guy entertain me for a whole hour, so I tell Shane to take me around the campus. I haven’t seen it in over 10 years, so it will be fun. We tell Abe that we’ll catch up with him in the dining room at 6, and head out.
Shane gives me a very nice 25 cent tour, and I wistfully long to be in college, when the primary cares in the world are getting good grades and hooking up with a DG on the weekend. I think about how much there is for me to learn, how much there is for me to understand. I think about how much knowledge I don’t have to pass on to my step-kids. I envy the people on the other side of the walls, as we walk past the various residence halls.
Thirty minutes later, we’ve circumnavigated the entire campus, and we’re back in the dining hall. Fifteen minutes later, and the residents begin filing in.
I talk with many of them, answering questions about Star Trek and my website. I find out that Abe is one of the editors of a humor publication for Ruddock House called The BFD, so we talk about satire and comedy. Shane sees people he graduated with, and he slips through the crowd to go talk to them, leaving me. I look inward, expecting to find panic…they’re going to realize that I’m not cool, I think…but the panic isn’t there. Though I’m not nearly as smart as these people, I’m amongst friends. I am amongst people of a similar mind, and I feel welcome and at home.
We joke about nerdy things, though I quickly become aware of the difference in our ages. I’m much older than these guys, so some of my nerdy references sail over their heads — not because they’re dense, but because I’m talking about something that happened before they were born.
Dinner is served, and we take our seats. I really enjoy the company of the people I’m sitting near, and the meal is excellent. The time flies by too quickly, and dinner is finished.
The president of Ruddock stands up and says that there are several guests tonight, and now is the time for them to be introduced.
A student at the end of our table stands, and introduces his guests, and the student sitting across from him does the same. I begin to get nervous, knowing that I’m going to be standing up in front of all these people in less than a minute. I close my mouth and run my tongue across my teeth, hoping that my Standard Issue British Teeth haven’t snagged any food for later. Finding none, I turn my attention back to the students who are now standing across from us. It’s the Ruddock librarian, a very nice, mirthful young man who was introduced to me earlier in the evening as “The Biggest Star Trek Fan Of All Time.” He stands, and announces to the dining room, “Hi. My name is Wil Wheaton…”
There is much laughter, and I shout out, “I hated you on Star Trek!!”
There is even more laughter. I allow myself to smile…that was pretty funny.
It is Abe’s turn to introduce me, and I stand up.
“This is Wil Wheaton,” he says. There is applause and some whistling. I feel really embarrassed and self conscious. It’s really strange to me to feel this way, but it happens every time I’m the focus of people’s attention and I’m not on stage. I manage to wave at them all, and say “Thank you,” before settling back into my seat.
The rest of the introductions are made, as well as some announcements, and the dinner is done.
I could hang out all night with these people, talking about Lord of the Rings and The Simpsons, but Shane has to teach a class early in the morning, so we must leave.
As we’re on our way out, a guy asks me if I’ll participate in the good-natured teasing of their RA, a very pretty girl who, he tells me, had a big crush on my when she was young. I ask him what he has in mind. He tells me that I should go up to her, and kiss her hand. I decline, because it seems a bit presumptuous, and I suggest he think of something else while I sign the Ruddock guest book.
When I return, he has a devilish idea: I should walk over to her, and tell her that I’m a big fan of hers. I agree.
I walk across the room, and she looks up. I guess the group of guys is following me, because she blushes, and proceeds to describe to them the various ways she’s going to dismember them.
“Can I shake your hand?” I ask her, taking her hand in mine. “When I was a kid, I subscribed to Hot RA Magazine just so I could have your pictures on my wall!”
She laughs, I laugh, and the guys laugh. She describes further acts of torture they’ll be enduring, as I produce my camera from my pocket. I ask her if she’ll pose for a picture with me, and she agrees. We snap the photo, and then it’s my turn to pose with some people for a few others.
We thank Abe for the invite, and he tells us that we can come back for a non-formal dinner any time.
I can’t wait to go back and enjoy their company again. The genuine kinship these people seem to have is warm and wonderful. I hope they realize how lucky they are, and don’t take this time for granted.
I certainly didn’t.
107 thoughts on “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?”
Comments are closed.
For anyone who thinks the seven Hovses at Caltech are fraternities, check out http://www.admissions.caltech.edu/beyond/housing.htm
Basically, the entire inbound undergraduate population does the equivalent of a Rush Week (called Rotation instead of Rush) when they arrive in the fall, and everyone is placed into one of the Hovses. They’re a cross between dormitory/social club/support group/extended family/fraternity/sorority and they’re all co-ed. Even if undergrads move off-campus, membership in their Hovse (or Hovses, since some students apply for multiple memberships later in the academic year) is a primary structure of undergraduate life.
And no, the v in Hovses isn’t a typo on my part… the buildings actually have engraved nameplates done in an alphabet which uses v for u, and the habit caught on. 🙂
Wil, you really need to seek professional help for those self-esteem issues. I understand psychosis makes for more interesting blogs, but you’re okay, dude, relax. People like you.
You need a stiff upper lip to cope with standard issue British teeth.
Fortunately I have both. Its nice to be able to snag food on them for later consumption. You never know when you may be dropped inventory-less in the desert.
Caltech is beautiful. I tried to get in, and didn’t make it. The people who get to go there need to know how lucky they are. That dinner sounded so fun!
I’m glad that you enjoyed Caltech, and at the same time sorry that Buttock House was the first to think of inviting you to dress dinner. Definitely hang out some in Ricketts Hovse next time you get a chance (if the administration hasn’t scoured the place of all personality by then).
I’ve been tromping around campus since my wife is back to school. Mostly I wonder how we’re going to pay her tuition.
After that I wonder how much like a leetle keed I looked when I was undergrad.
I was wondering what some of the before-you-were-born techie references could be:
1. “My TRS-80 has the 64K memory upgrade”
2. “Then the space shuttle blew up”
3. “My college gave out 3.5″ computer disks at the home football game so that the nerdy student body would attend, and the students threw them back on the playing field.”
4. “I must have played Intellivision for 8 hours straight”
5. “SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?”
6. “‘Entertainment Tonight’ has previews of the new Star Trek series!”
Well, I’d probably come up with some better ones, but Wil’s blog is really only my second job. Back to Work.
Later.
Too fun! I bet you made that RA’s year. When I was an RA back in the day, I had your pics up in my room. I was looking through my college photo album and low and behold there was a pic of me standing next to a picture of Unca Willy. 🙂
Reminded me of when my freshman roommate was ill. I knew she was really ill with fever when she said my Wil posters were speaking to her.
I can honestly,and proudly say, that in my 21 years of being I have never picked up an iron. Probably couldn’t turn the damn thing on. At home my mum did it then, as luck would have it, when I arrived at university I was placed with a hygiene freak, who finds illegal to just let things lie under things or hang up to make them go flat.
See you’re not the only one who can’t work an iron 🙂
I would have gone with the Star Wars tie, myself. Glad you had a good time. :o)
You youngsters…
1. My girlfriend hated _2001, A Space Oddesy_, she said she didn’t get the ending.
2. Man! When I took my card deck out of the reader, I dropped it and there were cards all over the place, I’ll NEVER get them back in order.
3. My Mom watches that Watergate shit on TV all day, every day.
4. What’s your draft number? My brother’s birthday is the twenty sixth of December and his is, like, SIX or something – he’s sure to go if he can’t get a college deferment.
5. I’m staying up late to watch the video from Apollo 17
Get used to it, Wil, for some of us college is a l-o-n-g ways back and we still wish we could go back.
“Standard Issue British Teeth” indeed. My half-English boyfriend, who spent eight years of his young life in severe orthodontia, is chuckling even as I type this. But then, what else would one expect from a country that thinks braces are what hold your pants up? 😉
Hey Rob, that’s pretty funny. I’m still laughing about the 2001 thing. I figure that these items run from 1968 to 1974, so how long were you in college? [g]
Card reader. I remember kids empying the “chad” bins to use the little flecks of paper that had been punched out as confetti at sporting events. When I was about 5, I thought ALL confetti had little teeny numbers printed on it.
Oh, great story, Wil 🙂 I’m so glad that you had a good time. I’m sure that you are so much fun to hang out with. 🙂
British…..Teeth?
BRITISH TEETH!!!!!!!?????
I take that personally.
My Nation takes that personally.
Its only the Royal Family who have the camel teeth gene.
That because its a bad idea when cousins marry.
Excellent article. You can never have too many fanboys/girls in one room.
Heh I love that line about Hot Rah Magazine.
Wil:
Sounds like you had a good time. You’ll
just have to try to remember that the next
time you get nervous and have a “great time”
every time you get invited to these things! 🙂
I don’t think many really expect you to be
Mr. “super-genius” Wesley Crusher. After all,
who did they invite “Wesley” or “Wil” ???
I see a lot of comments above asking for the
picture of you and the girl but I would think
that she has probably been embarrassed enough
already and besides, Wil probably broke the
camera since he was in the picture *EVIL GRIN*
-Matt
Wil:
Sounds like you had a good time. You’ll
just have to try to remember that the next
time you get nervous and have a “great time”
every time you get invited to these things! 🙂
I don’t think many really expect you to be
Mr. “super-genius” Wesley Crusher. After all,
who did they invite “Wesley” or “Wil” ???
I see a lot of comments above asking for the
picture of you and the girl but I would think
that she has probably been embarrassed enough
already and besides, Wil probably broke the
camera since he was in the picture *EVIL GRIN*
-Matt
Wil:
Sounds like you had a good time. You’ll
just have to try to remember that the next
time you get nervous and have a “great time”
every time you get invited to these things! 🙂
I don’t think many really expect you to be
Mr. “super-genius” Wesley Crusher. After all,
who did they invite “Wesley” or “Wil” ???
I see a lot of comments above asking for the
picture of you and the girl but I would think
that she has probably been embarrassed enough
already and besides, Wil probably broke the
camera since he was in the picture *EVIL GRIN*
-Matt
Wil –
You never cease to amaze me. You tapped into my geeky college-longing vein. Ahhh, to study and take classes at a comfortable pace while living on campus and having the best time of my life. Ahhh, to find my vocational “calling” and study to prepare myself for the career of a lifetime.
The reality was my college experience sucked: I spent the first year partying like an idiot. Then, for the next 3 years, I worked 3-4 jobs and took a full load of classes. Which allowed me to barely graduate with 2.5 average because I wanted/needed to graduate in 4 years. My degree -it’s in Accounting (practical enough) and yes…I am a CPA.
I want a do-over. (I love that show.)
I start graduate school in March/2003 for Software Engineering…but it won’t be the same. Just don’t get me started on the whole prom experience I skipped out on to go smoke weed.
Took a break from my psych paper to come and check your site…as I pry my eyes open from writing my fourth paper this week, I read your second to last paragraph. Thanks Wil, I needed that, at times like this it’s easy to forget…
You can always go back to school…I ended up finishing my degree in my late 30’s (in film of all things) and though it was a bit difficult, it was worth it…..
I have to say that you are one great writer. These stories of yours just flow….
Bernie
Thanks a lot for coming, Wil – many in the house were excited to hear you were coming, and it was nice to see Abe was serious.
Please do come over for a regular dinner sometime; it was great to have your company 🙂
“…and I wistfully long to be in college…”
You could always become One of Us… you know, the perpetual graduate students who just couldn’t get enough of college life the first two or three times around… (;
I can identify with your feelings of inadequacy in showing up at a school dinner – i’m a returning student myself, and after six years away i’m finally getting back at it – God knows, i was colossally nervous the first week – more so than i could ever remember being, even in the worst days of high school.
Glad to hear it went well. It’s doing just fine for me, too, thankfully.
Heh, Shane… yeah, he says he graduated in ’92, but I saw him around Ruddock a lot and I *started* in ’92…
Did they still have the Wheel of Death in the dining room? It was next to the crest, near where the president sits, while I was there (and, if I remember correctly, still there when I visited in 2000 or so). If so, I’m surprised Shane didn’t strap you into that contraption.
-dac (’96 Rudd)
hm, does it count that i still AM a young girl (17) ^_^ Although i didn’t start watching Star Trek (12) for the hunks, ’twas a nice surprise.
-peace and long life
The Wheel of Death was destroyed by the Moles last year. We got back at them this year by stealing all the lightbulbs from their shower stalls (they have coed bathrooms and separate coed showers). I guess it wasn’t a fair trade. Thanks for coming, Wil.
Wil,
I know people with PHD’S who learn alot of stuff from people with GED’S. It works both ways. When I got my BA I had more questions than answers. If you look and listen close enough you can learn stuff from almost anybody. Alot of times education shows you that you just have alot of learning to do. The level does not really matter and you will still have a great time.
FG
Will! You’re so hot!
Wil Wheaton in a Suite and–Tie :/ :O
Whoda thunk it!!!
Man where’s a Camera when you need one— I bet you looked good—-
Hot RA Magazine– good one !!!!;)
I don’t get the point of the invite there…
Did they want “TV’s Wil Wheaton” at a dinner or was there a personal relationship that got you invited?
In some ways, it reads like –
“TV PERSONALITY INVITED TO DINNER! CROWD PANDERS TO BELOVED STAR!”
Great story, Wil. I can just picture you running around trying to get your clothes ironed. But was this a last minute invite? You should have set something aside the night before (yeah, like I do that myself).
If your clothes were cotton, I would have spritzed the wrinkles with water (I have a sprayer just for this purpose) and then toss them in the dryer for minute or two. Or I use a hair dryer if there aren’t too many wrinkles. The hair dryer is better on wet pants, no shiny spots. I hate having to get out the ironing board. Most of the time I end up ironing on the bed.
And, excuse me, but you wish you were nerdier than you are already? I don’t know about that, you seem plenty nerdy enough for me.
Can someone explain what is a DG? A Delta Gamma member? No, that can’t be it, that’s a frat, not a sorority.
It’s nice to see folks from the dinner commenting. Come back again, it’s a fun place here.
Quite a reunion.Speaking of which I need to get one arranged soon.( I havent seen alot of my ol buds in a long,long time.)=D
Sounds ike you had a great time 🙂
I think a lot of Wil’s jokes are funnier in a “you had to be there” sort of way.
Hot RA magazine is not funny.
LOL! (I mean, Laughing Out Loud!)
OK. So what gives with all the “I hated you on Star Trek” crap.
Wesley was cool!
Just happened on the blog WW. Decided to read one post from every month of WWDN. Your writing has gone from “sorta OK” to “extremely well written!” Not that I’m the expert or anything. But I am a consumer, so I know best!
Hey. If “Farking William Shatner” can do it…
🙂
http://www.michaeldemmons.com
What did you say your name was again? Bill, or something? Are you a student here?
Wil:
Ain’t college grand? Good to hear it didn’t turn out to be the nerve-wracking torture you were THINKING it was going to be (that comeback for the “I’m Wil Wheaton” guy was elegant!).
Granted, I don’t have a tech degree, more of a stand-up philosopher than anything else. Well, OK, a couple of tech certifications “after the fact”. But after reading your story I might actually consider ATTENDING one of those dinner seminar things the alumni association keeps advertising…. that, and now I miss how much freekin’ FUN college was (even if we didn’t have fraternities, we still partied way too much).
As for the “Weasley” role in ST:TNG, don’t sweat it. The child prodigy is SUCH a hard role to do, and not a lot of folks really appreciate it anyway (except other child prodigies possibly.) They even tried it on the (second? third?) season of Battlestar Galactica, and the show bombed anyway. Performance-wise, you’ve always been on top of the game, from Stand By Me onwards… so keep at it.
May you score a major role in a mondo-wacky action flick where Elfman scores the music! (that way you can possibly get some face time in with him… I sense you’d really enjoy that.)
– Deacon Blues –
Hey Wil!
Okay, first off, this is the first time posting to you here (or anyone else, for that matter), so hi. Nice to make your virtual acquaintance.
So here’s the thing: I’ve never heard of you until about a week ago. (Yes, I’m a traitor to my generation – I’m only a few weeks younger than you.) Last spring my grandfather, my best friend, died very suddenly. He is the person that I have always gone to for everything, but I have never needed him more than I do now. My husband is over in Afghanistan with OEF and we haven’t been together in far too long and won’t have Christmas either. Without my grandfather here, I haven’t really had anyone around who truly understands what it is I’m going through with the war and the stress that goes with it. So my roommates, who were trying to help, went off and rented probably ten movies they thought would put me close to him. They brought home, among other WWII movies, “December” because they thought it would be the closest thing to having grandpa there. Let’s just say that now I have most definitely heard of you.
I’m a nerd (nerds are in … they are still in, right?) and have a habit of needing to know everything I can when I find something that interests me. So I zoomed around on the computer for a while until I stumbled across this place. Expecting to find yet another run of the mill site, I didn’t get too excited. Then I started reading …
Wil, you have brought more smiles to my face this week than anything else! I’ve read all of November and just about all of October, with a few other things scattered in there. This will sound very silly, but thank you. Thank you for not having “the best advisors” when you were younger – It got me through a week like you wouldn’t believe.
As for your dinner at Cal Tech – NICE! And I chime in with the people that are telling you to remember the difference between smart and educated. The educated ones just got their gold stars and grades for things that they could have learned without the guy in the front of the class telling them how to do it. That’s the only difference. (It’s just too bad it took me 5 years and $18,000 in student loans to figure that one out.)
Anyhoo, I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for putting a smile on my face and, in a roundabout way, getting me through a week that I didn’t think I was going to make it through.
Keep up the wonderful work here and everywhere. I look forward to good things from you in the future.
(after reading Jo’s post above)
That is just… so cool. I’m glad she found this site, and that it is what it is. I’m glad I did, too.
Hey, two great lines in one evening. Not bad, very funny.
I love reading your journal. I *so* love reading your journal. If your book was nothing more than your journal printed on 20lb paper and spiral bound, I would buy it.
And now you’ve made me more nostalgic for Santa Cruz than I already was. *sigh*
I guess you won’t be entering for this then:
http://eib2.phpwebhosting.com/index.php
(posted on Fark)
The thing is Wil… polyester IS back in fashion. =)
oh my god!!!!!!!!!!
weird how i found this!
i used to love you growing up. don’t know how it began, but i did watch Stand by Me 80,000 times and watched star trek whenever i could.
i still remember how i sent a pic of me in my pep squad uniform to you…yeah, like a guy near the age of 20 is going to go after a 13 year old…unless you’re Bill Wyman, and in that case i would have been considered too old.
and i still have two of your autographed piccies. and i was proud of my Big Bopper collection of posters on my wall of which you were the featured artist. i took a couple of pics of them. i think one i got was of my sister picking Sean Astin’s nose.
now i’m the ripe old age of 27. but looking over this website, i’m glad that there is something fundamental that really hadn’t changed in those years, and that would be the sense of humor. it would be traumatic if you had turned into a dour asshole or something.
anyhow, take care.
I just found your site — how cool! Sounds like your evening ended up well, even if you were nervous at first. Too bad you had to leave so soon.
Trish
Hey Wil – I am an engineer and it doesn’t matter if you don’t know engineering or not…you’re still cool.
Glad it sounds like you had a great time!
Gotta know what “DG” is. Please please inform us.
I downloaded Aquis IE Speaker (Tech TV/call for help). It will read portions of a website that you highlight. I used it on this entry and it was very funny. Try it.
Wil,
You’ll probably think I’m off my rocker, but my friend, Analisa, and I are big fans/groupies. Would you ever make a shirt or hat that we can proudly wear? Because I would so love to wear you on my body. Um, hope your wife doesn’t kick me for that. But yeah, we’d love to wear you. Think about the prospects!